DUNGEON DIVE: Aim for the Deepest Level Volume 7, page 3
“Who could it be? Hitaki’s my sister, so obviously not. Come to think of it, did I not have a single crush back on Earth? There must’ve been somebody. What, for real? I...can’t think of anyone. All right, then, who in this world am I the most attracted to?”
There was only one possible answer, really.
“Lastiara?”
The one I was into the most was Lastiara Whoseyards. The time we’d spent together on the eve of the Day of the Blessed Birth had made that clear. I clearly liked her that way. That was the reason I’d raided the cathedral and whisked her away. But thanks to ??? repeatedly disintegrating and reconstituting that crush of mine, it wasn’t able to retain its original form. The anger I’d felt had certainly remained, but the kind of crush that set my heart racing had been stripped from me, leaving my native feelings as a husk. On an intellectual level, I knew that I liked Lastiara romantically, but my emotions couldn’t catch up. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that I was truly infatuated with a girl who was such a nutso.
“Urgh...I’ve got it worse than I thought. This is bad...”
No matter how hard I thought about it, the feelings that emerged were more anger than love. Anger at the ??? skill that tampered with my emotions outstripped my crush. Other issues remained as well. My main goal was to put my romance problem in order, and the ideal solution was for me to become romantically involved with someone, but I doubted Lastiara harbored any romantic feelings for me. She was a three-year-old homunculus. Anybody would assume that she must be at a stage where her emotions were still underdeveloped.
“Hmm...”
What to do, what to do? My own feelings of love and Lastiara’s were too ambiguous, too fuzzy for me to really understand.
“Guess I’ve got no choice but to ask her.”
I’d learned my lesson—acting early was best. I’d also vowed that I would never lie to myself again, as well as rely on my friends more. I changed course to Lastiara’s room. It was time to talk to her and find out. That way, I wouldn’t regret my inaction later on.
I walked briskly and arrived in front of her door. Then, after taking five or so deep breaths, I knocked.
“Lastiara, it’s me. I’ve got something to talk to you about.”
“Hrnh? You can come in.”
She sounded sleepy. After hearing her go-ahead, I wasted no time entering. The thought that I was walking into a girl’s room made my heart beat a little faster, but it was only her first day there.
I looked around the room to find it had the bare minimum of furniture like mine did, without any girly features. Sitting in the chair at the wooden desk, Lastiara was writing something with a quill, illuminated by the light of the candle. Even in a dim room, her inhumanly good looks stood out. In particular, her shining golden eyes and long sparkling hair emitted more light than the candle did. Just by sitting there, she exhibited the power to transform the world around her into something magical.
I turned red in the face and my heart beat faster. Don’t get me wrong; I’d already gotten used to Lastiara’s insane gorgeousness. What had gotten to me was the sight of her with her outerwear off. She was in her undergarments. She didn’t seem to care, however, so I tried not to pay it any attention.
“What’re you writing?”
“Heh heh. I was hoping you’d ask. It’s my memoir. Once I’ve written a sizable enough chunk, I’m planning on making it into a hero tale or some such one of these days.”
“Wow, sounds like you’re having fun.”
“So in order to record the adventures of Lastiara the Great for posterity, I figured why sleep when I could be writing?”
“You mind if I look at what you’re writing from over your shoulder? I can also tell you what I need to tell you later.”
“Yeah, sure, absolutely.”
She furrowed her brow as she kept on writing. I watched her words from behind. Her personal account was better written than I would have expected. One could call it a hero’s autobiography for sure.
Time passed at a leisurely pace while I watched her write, and the silence wasn’t awkward when I was with her. Just being with her was enjoyable in a way. It was weird; the time I was spending alongside her felt neither long nor short.
Eventually, she stopped writing. “Phew! Finally made it to the next stopping point!”
“Good work.”
She got up and rolled her shoulders to loosen up. She looked a bit tired; looking closely, she had faint circles under her eyes. They were marring her supreme beauty. She also looked a tad unsteady on her feet. And this was Lastiara we were talking about; she was made of tough stuff.
“Are you tired, Lastiara?”
“Well, yeah, a wee bit.”
She sounded tired too. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe I shouldn’t make her even more tired by discussing such a taxing topic. I did want to get the bare minimum off my chest, though. The reason she was so drained was because she’d been fighting continuously since the end of the Day of the Blessed Birth, and I wished to apologize for putting her through that.
“It’s just...about the Day of the Blessed Birth...”
“What, that? This isn’t about the Brawl but the Rite of Resurrection?”
“I’m sorry, Lastiara. I made so many promises to you at the cathedral, but in the end, I was unable to fulfill any of the stuff that was on me. I’m truly sorry.”
“Ha ha, no need to apologize. People can’t do everything they set out to do. So what? You’re not the mythical hero who always saves the day, right?”
Her smile made me a little nostalgic. Her cheer had always saved me from despair.
“That’s true...I’m not the hero.”
“You’re not, no, but you did do your best to serve me as the protagonist of my story. You taught me to be me. I’m really, really grateful for that!”
“But after all that, I wasn’t able to protect you from your Whoseyards pursuers. I promised I’d repel your enemies, but I didn’t even come close to—”
“According to our little contract, your job was to give me a fun time. I never asked you to play the hero for me. If anything, being a hero is my job, so don’t take that from me, thank you.”
I realized she didn’t want an apology from me, so I calmed my mind and nodded. “Gotcha. All right, I won’t say sorry anymore. I’ll just express my gratitude. Thank you so much for everything.”
I understood now. To her, it was natural for us to help each other, given we were friends and allies, so an apology wasn’t what she needed. Lastiara seemed satisfied with my thank you, though. We smiled placidly at each other, and time passed as we smiled in silence. It felt nice. I knew it; I was the most relaxed when I was around her.
That was the thought running through my mind when Lastiara’s expression suddenly turned impish.
“Ah! Come to think of it, when you were missing your memories, you promised that you’d do anything I wanted, right?! Remember when you and that Lorwen guy went to register for the Brawl?”
“Wait, huh? I promised I’d do whatever you said?”
I dug through my brain, and to my chagrin, she was right. I had indeed made that promise. Back when Lorwen and I had registered for the tournament, Lastiara and I had made a bet over what action I would take after the Brawl ended.
“We made a bet on whether you’d rescue me from Valhuura, remember? Oh dip, I totally won that bet, didn’t I? Because I’m, like, here?”
“Sure, okay, you won the bet, but...isn’t this kind of underhanded?”
“No takesies backsies! A promise is a promise! All right, let’s see, what’ll I have you do?”
The peace of mind I felt around her was evaporating. Recalling her track record made my head hurt.
“Hmm, can’t seem to think of anything...”
“If that’s the case, how about we pretend it never happened?”
“No. Wait. I’ll come up with something!”
Lastiara looked flustered as she racked her brain. I was in a cold sweat. There was no way anything that was coming out of her mouth wasn’t something unholy.
“Er...I know. How about you come give me a hug?”
“I’m sorry, what? A hug?” I was a little taken aback. Her demand was so wholesome.
“Yeah, let’s just, like, embrace. Hold each other tight, like this,” she said earnestly, miming a hug. “See what happens. You know, like how the protagonist of the story hugs the heroine?”
“But why?! Why a hug?!” This was hardly like her.
“How should I put it... It’s a scene that happens in every hero tale. I’m gonna write hero tales of my own one day, so I’d like to try it at least once.”
“Oh, it’s reference material for a story, huh?”
My eyes fell on Lastiara’s work on the table. It sounded like writing was one of her dreams. If this was to help her realize that dream, I wasn’t quite as shy about it as I would’ve been otherwise. It was still embarrassing, though. I hesitated, not knowing how to reply, and she looked a little disappointed.
“If... If you don’t wanna, I won’t force you to...”
“I never said that. If it’s just a hug, I don’t mind. If it’s just a hug, it’s fine! It’s fine if it’s just a hug!”
I was so frantic, I surprised myself. I just hated to see that sad look on her face. My emotions were calm while we were apart, but when we spoke right next to each other, I could feel my emotions swelling.
“You don’t have to psych yourself up like that! We’re just testing the waters. That’s all.”
“Yeah, it’s just a test. Let’s do it as a test.”
The two of us calmed down. This was just a test, we agreed. I extended my hands as I told myself that. Lastiara looked nervous. Gently, I hugged her to my chest.
“Ah...”
She gasped, almost inaudibly. Though that un-Lastiara sound surprised me, I put my left hand behind her head and pulled her in closer. It was too embarrassing to stare at each other, so I avoided that by bringing her head side by side with mine. Now that we were ear to ear, we could hear each other’s heartbeats. I hardly knew how to give a good hug, but I mentally rifled through creative works I’d seen in my world and did my best to accurately recreate the sort of scene from heroic tales Lastiara desired.
I could feel the heat of her body through her palms and torso. The smell of her hair tickled my nostrils, and the beating of our hearts reverberated through each other’s bodies. Because we were both so lightly dressed, our skin was in constant contact, and hers felt smoother than silk and softer than marshmallows.
Since we were hugging, her chest was pressed against mine. Every time I heard her breath in my ear, I found myself picturing her beautiful lips in my mind. My blood flowed faster, my heartbeat kept on growing louder and louder. Gradually, little by little, my heartbeat...
Damn. Any more than this and ???’s gonna activate.
I’d gotten caught up in the moment and experimented with this hug, but I was at my limit now. I was about to detach from her when she said, “Now I don’t feel so lonely, maybe.”
Her voice was calm as a still lake. She sounded so very relieved, as if she had weathered a terrible storm. I’d never heard that tone in her voice before. I ended up not pushing her away. It was then I realized that she had been pushing herself harder than I thought. While she’d laughed off my apology, it didn’t change the fact that things had been pretty rough for her.
I hugged Lastiara tightly again. If this was enough to give her some much-needed peace of mind, then I ought to hug her real real close.
Lastiara slowly exhaled, murmuring, “Finally... I guess this is the happy ending for the first chapter of my story.”
She leaned all of her weight into me. That was the moment her long battle finally came to an end. Realizing how harsh her battles had been, I decided to keep her in my arms, fraying all my nerves to will ??? away. I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of this.
Time continued to tick by as we embraced. It was a time of quiet, peaceful beauty that couldn’t possibly be measured, subtle yet profound.
“Thank you, Kanami.”
“No worries. This is no skin off my back.”
Having sufficiently decompressed, she moved away from me a little. I was reluctant to let the sound of her heartbeat go as she pulled away from my embrace. Our faces were now inches apart, and when we perceived each other not through our heartbeats but visually, we snapped back to our senses.
I had only intended to briefly “test the waters” with a hug to fulfill a silly promise I’d made, but once it was over, we both realized that we’d been hugging each other like lovers. Lastiara’s eyes widened and her ears turned bright red. I was probably reacting much the same.
“Er, uh...I wonder what it is? Seeing people hug is fine, but doing it yourself is intense!” She averted her gaze; she’d begun to distancing herself from what had just happened.
Of course, I was all too happy to cooperate by piling my own excuses on top of hers. “Right?! They do it all the time in stories, but after you finish the hug, you end up feeling weird! Guess that’s what our little test revealed, huh? Well, we tried it out!”
“Yeah, you’re right, it was just an experiment! Boy, now I know, this isn’t the kind of thing you do even as a test!”
“You said it!”
After that, we couldn’t find anything else to say. By the way, we were grabbing each other’s shoulders, our faces bright red. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to calm down unless I broke away, but I felt like if I moved now, I’d explode. I didn’t know what to say to initiate our separation. I had no idea what to do next. I didn’t understand a single solitary thing. And Lastiara was most likely in the same boat. This time, the immeasurable stretch of time was just awkward. A long time passed, and the candles placed on the table in the room began to flicker. Just when it looked like the candle was about to expend itself, Lastiara could no longer hold back.
“Wh-What is this?! What’s going on right now?! What is this?!”
Her face turned red like an apple and she shook my shoulders vigorously. I wanted to scream too, but I couldn’t. Not when ??? was creeping up right next to me. If I let my guard down in the slightest, it would activate. It was so close that I could be sure of that. I concentrated on keeping my raging emotions in check in order to protect the spark of the feelings that I was finally starting to regain, but it was taking everything I had to do so, leaving me unable to move a single step or speak a single word.
Meanwhile, Lastiara was shaking my body the whole time, before casting her eyes down. “No... No, this, I—no, no, no! This is wrong! This is, no!” she said, shouting from her diaphragm.
Unable to stand by and watch as Lastiara ran wild, I tried touching her. But I moved as stiff as a rusty robot. Lastiara brushed away my hand.
“S-Stop looking at me! Look away, Kanami!”
She thrust me away and opened some distance between us. It was enough distance to be able to see our faces in full. Her expression was complex, neither a smile nor crying.
“Auuughh! Enough already!”
Hiding her blushing face with both hands, she turned her back and ran, jumping out the window of her room and deftly climbing up the side of the ship. I tracked her part of the way through Dimension, but when I realized she was running away from me, I immediately dispelled the detection magic.
At the same time, the candle in the room suddenly went out. It became quiet, as if she had taken all the heat in the room along with her. I was left alone, flummoxed and up a tree. I reflected on the results of my little visit and reckoned this confirmed the question at the heart of why I’d come here to begin with—we did indeed have feelings for each other. Could there have been a better outcome? However, it was also true that I’d grappled with more than I could handle. The feelings of infatuation that ??? had taken from me had been rekindled after just a few minutes of conversing.
“Wh-What’s going on?! What is this?!”
I repeated Lastiara’s words. My heart was thumping noisily, and I was so fidgety I couldn’t keep still. Until a second ago, I’d thought she was just some kooky oddball, but now I thought she was the cutest girl ever. Slowly but steadily, my suspicion turned into conviction. I remembered how red in the face she’d been when she’d run away. Was it safe to assume that was because of her feelings for me? I mean, what other interpretation could there be? It was the only possibility. I wanted to interpret it as that.
Meanwhile, I was blushing the same way she was. I could only have felt this flustered because I truly felt that way about her. I knew myself, so that much was obvious. I could conclude that I liked her and she liked me, couldn’t I? This was what they called a requited crush. It had to be.
The moment I became cognizant of that truth, my body shivered. I hadn’t been kicking for very long. Just sixteen years and change. This was the first time I’d ever experienced a mutual crush.
“Wait, no, hold on. Hold on now. Don’t jump the gun!”
I chided myself for getting so ecstatic. Back in my world, I’d gotten ahead of myself and experienced more sadness for it. It happened all the time—receiving a love letter and getting stood up when nobody appeared at the rendezvous. Once, I’d heard rumors that a girl I was interested in liked me, but when I’d tried talking to her the next day, she’d expressed absolute disgust. And I’d never received Valentine’s chocolates from anyone besides my sister. Needless to say, I’d also never spent a romantic holiday like Christmas with anyone besides her either. I couldn’t expect the world to be so accommodating. Maybe I was misunderstanding. Maybe it wasn’t a mutual crush after all. Maybe I’d misinterpreted Lastiara’s reaction earlier. Until I made sure of it, I would be remiss to merely assume she liked me.
There were other problems as well. For one, Lastiara was three years old. This wasn’t an older-but-in-the-same-generation situation. According to the laws of my world, laying a hand on a three-year-old kid was right out. Forget about an “illicit love affair”—it would be a crime heinous enough to land somebody in the papers. Even if Lastiara and I did become a couple, I wouldn’t be able to return to my world so brazenly. There was a chance people would view me as having preyed upon a sweet, defenseless girl. There were so many issues.
