The Last Defender, page 6
“August!” Demetria admonished.
“What? I was just making sure,” August complained.
“You’re the worst,” Tessa said, leaning against August’s arm gently.
“What was she doing with your phone?” August asked.
“She put in her number.”
“Really? You exchanged numbers after you had sex.”
“August!” This time Tessa and Demetria said it simultaneously.
“What? I’m just pointing out you’re going against the grain.”
“Just…leave me alone.”
“Can I see?”
“My phone?”
“Sure.” Tessa handed it over. August stopped to check out the phone.
“Oh my god,” she said, clamping a hand over her mouth. Immediately Tessa’s stomach dropped.
“What?” She demanded. Had Belinda fake numbered her?!
“This is...oh my god, can I snapchat this?? I want to show Tina.”
“August, what is it!?” August held up Tessa’s phone. Belinda put herself in Tessa’s phone as Belinda Callahan, Forward, US Soccer.
CHAPTER THREE
The next four days passed quickly, and Tessa blamed the training sessions, combined with team bonding exercises and a press day for the fact that she still hadn’t called Cheryl. After Belinda had spoken to her, she had gone home with August and laid on the sofa, staring at her phone, until she texted Cheryl innocent questions about Cheryl’s day, ignoring the worry, settling like a stone on her chest.
It was a strange feeling. She’d never felt ashamed, but the idea of calling Cheryl and admitting that she’d been an idiot makes her chest tighten in anxiety. She wanted Cheryl to think she was cool and that she could totally handle this time apart, that she was a person who made smart decisions.
And more importantly, she didn’t know how she felt about it? Did she regret sleeping with Callahan? The sex had been really fucking good, and Callahan was sweet and nice, and they had talked, right? There was nothing wrong with that. They had had a frank discussion.
So it was almost a relief to get on the plane and fly to Chicago. Playing soccer? That was easy, uncomplicated, and very easy. Dealing with feelings? Another matter entirely.
When Tessa wasn’t playing soccer, she was thinking about soccer. She rewatched every single match from the Olympics, because she wanted to think about soccer. She downloaded four podcasts about soccer, and listened to those on the plane to Chicago. Demetria pursed her lips, but let Tessa play the podcasts in the van at the airport, and everyone drove into Chicago silently, listening to some Brit talk about the latest Arsenal match. Tessa didn’t like the podcasts, but they helped.
The night before the game, she was rooming with Valerie. Valerie watched her, frowning, as Tessa started watching the first match of this season.
“What are you doing?” Valerie asked, frowning.
“Watching soccer,” Tessa replied, leaning against the headboard of her hotel bed. Valerie frowned.
“Why?” She asked.
“Because last time I played soccer in a hotel, Rose threatened to bench me.” Valerie smirked, and Tessa returned the smile, if weakly.
“Are you okay?” Valerie asked after nearly ten minutes of silence. Tessa looked up from the game with a grunt of confusion, before she realized what Valerie was talking about.
“Oh yeah,” she said, waving it off, “totally.” Valerie’s frown deepened.
“You can talk to me,” she offered, gently, warmly, in a quiet voice, that Tessa didn’t know at all. Tessa smiled.
“I know,” she replied, and she continued watching soccer, though she felt better. Validated, somehow. It was good.
“I hate Chicago,” August mumbled as they jogged out of the training room and into the bright Illinois sunlight to begin their warm up session. They were the last people out; everyone else was already lining up for sprints for the warm up before the game against Chicago.
“You’re just being grumpy,” Demetria chided, striding next to August with a small smirk. Tessa sighed. August had been grumpy for days now, appearing at Tessa’s shoulder and demanding that Tessa watch the Bachelor with her, or that Tessa paint her nails, or that Tessa rewatch the Chicago match while August commentated all of their flaws. It had been exhausting, but Tessa knew that August’s insecurities came in waves, and this one would pass as well.
Anyway, it had been a welcome distraction.
“Technically, we’re not in Chicago,” Valerie pointed out with a grin as they got into line next to her. August rolled her eyes.
“I hate the entire Midwest,” August corrected herself as the whistle blew, and they started running up the field.
“You’re being dramatic,” Tessa pointed out.
“Dramatic and grumpy,” August agreed, making a face. Demetria snorted.
“If you don’t watch out, we won’t pass you any balls,” she teased. August rolled her eyes.
“You wish.” They passed the entire warm up session in small harmless banter. The three of them fed each other balls and August teased Tessa’s light taps, and Demetria made fun of August’s tension. They didn’t notice when Sam called for a stop until she shouted at them.
“Stop arguing you three and get into position,” she scolded. “I want beautiful photos.”
“I’m always beautiful, Sam,” August replied, flicking her ponytail dramatically as she jogged over. Sam sighed.
“I’m going to make Rose bench you if you keep on being a little shit.” August gasped.
“Tessa!” She spun towards Tessa. “Did you hear that? Sam just called me a swear word!”
“I know, I was standing right next to you,” Tessa pointed out, crouching down in front of August.
“Unbelievable,” August whispered.
“Smile, August,” Sam hissed.
“Yes, ma’am.”
The game whistle blew, and Tessa tried to immerse herself in the game. She wanted her anxiety to roll off, the uncomfortable proximity to Belinda Callahan to disappear, and for the world just to become about her and the soccer ball.
It didn’t work.
It was like the field was rejecting her. The foreign turf sounded different to her ears. The crowd was chanting at the wrong pitch, and the movement around her was too slow. Tessa breathed out carefully and tried to focus on the ball, the constant, but she just couldn’t catch it. Passes weren’t connecting for her, and she kept on messing up where the next play went.
She knew these tactics; she had heard August recite them a million times, listened to the coach when he explained them, and yet…
Belinda grabbed the ball from right under Tessa’s nose, flashed a smile, and then started a run.
Tessa couldn’t respond fast enough; there was a split second in which her breath stopped as anxiety rippled through her, and then her game instinct caught up with her, and she gave chase.
But by then Belinda had already passed away the ball, and Tessa was left playing catch up.
But it wasn’t just Belinda; every time Tessa tried to breathe into the game, let out all her worries and just sink into the rhythm, she felt a jarring sense of unease.
She knew this feeling. August termed it “bad head days,” and they were the days when none of the lines of the pitch seemed to be where they were meant to be. August often claimed it was when old injuries hurt the worst too, but for Tessa it was different.
The game felt boring. It obviously didn’t help that the goal came from a bad call on the ref’s part; Valerie had been fouled, yes, but it was a professional foul - not really worth the penalty kick. Demetria sunk it anyway, and Tessa grinned at her.
It was like her feet were repelling the ball; every time she touched it she touched it too hard, to soft, and she missed passes and slipped up. The only time she felt comfortable with the ball at her feet was when she was converting corners, but nothing happened with their set pieces, and the game remained frightfully drawn.
Half time was called; the talk in the locker excited. Farley had a beautiful kick on goal, August had a run, and they were all excited despite the heat. Tessa just sat silently on the bench, and Sam patted her back reassuringly before the walk out again. Tessa just gave her a half-hearted smile.
“Play defensively,” Sam offered. “It might get your head out of the clouds.”
It doesn’t. The second half wasn’t better than the first. The ball still didn’t like Tessa, and her head was forcing her to over think every move. The Lightnings landed on their feet though; Hemmer and Hoy have some good combinations in their back pocket, and then Callahan makes a run and sunk it. But it was called offside, and Tessa rolled her eyes.
Callahan had deserved that goal.
The Portlanders still underestimated her; Tessa berated Morris quietly when they gave Belinda too much space in the 81st minute, letting her turn with the ball and strike on goal. Angie was there, as she always was, but Morris should have known better.
The Lightnings equalized off a penalty kick, in the end though. A Portland defender knocked the ball with her hand by accident in the 85th minute, and Tessa ground her teeth in frustration as the goal hit the back of the net.
She fucking hated penalty kicks.
The post game chat was boring; Morris and Brenda began throwing small spit balls at Benton and Mackie, and then Rose made them listen to a long lecture about sportsmanship; according to him Demetria was accruing too many fouls. Tessa leaned against Demetria’s shoulder and stared at the wall vacantly as Rose droned on.
“Why do we have to endure this?” she muttered. Demetria, who was subtly texting below Rose’s sight line, snorted.
“We just need to thrash another team, then he’ll leave us alone.”
“Are you sure?” August asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course.”
“Brenda stop that!” Benton hissed the second Rose finished his speech. Brenda stared up at the ceiling, pointing at something. “I saw you,” Benton threatened. “I’m gonna beat you -” Angie put a hand on Benton’ arm, and Benton narrowed her eyes at her teammate. Brenda smirked.
“Children,” Valerie complained, rolling her eyes. She gestured at her phone. “Want to hang with some Lightnings after we’re done?”
“As long as it doesn’t include drinking,” Sam said with a laugh. “Last time you were all terrible.”
“Hemmer’s hosting a game night,” Valerie explained. August’s ears perked up.
“Board games?” Tessa asked, dismayed. She glanced at August, who was already rubbing her hand together and grinning at Demetria.
“She shares an apartment with Jen, so it might be something more interesting?” Max offered to temper Tessa’s dismay. She sighed loudly.
“Fine, I suppose. I’m in.”
“You’re so dramatic,” August grinned, quoting Tessa’s earlier words back to her.
“Tess’s always dramatic,” Estelle smirked, turning around in her chair. She’d been busy arguing with Morris about who was at fault for the handball, and missed the conversation with Valerie. “Where are we going tonight?”
“Tonight,” August repeated, mimicking Estelle’s accent. Estelle narrowed her eyes at August, but focused back on Demetria as she responded.
“Hemmer and Hoy are hosting a game night.”
“Fuck yeah! Willow said they might do something. I’m gonna beat all of you at Uno,” Estelle said gleefully.
“Uno? Seriously? I didn’t even know you had that in Australia,” August teased.
“Do you think Australia’s a third world country? I think you’ve mixed us up with a third world country.”
“You have a million kinds of spiders
“I can’t believe you’re so hurtful to me.”
“It’s a sign of affection.”
“I hate you.” August slung her arm around Estelle’s shoulder and laughed.
“I know,” she teased. “Valerie, who’s picking us up?” Valerie gave August an odd look.
“No one!” she said, when August stared at her blankly. “Hemmer’s place is right off the Loop.”
“We have to take public transport?!” August looked horrified.
“God, stop being so American, August,” Valerie said with a smirk. “We can take public transport.”
“She has a lot of faith in us,” Tessa commented to Demetria dryly as Valerie jogged over to Sam, presumably to see if she wanted to join them.
“Can you guys be ready in 20 minutes?” Valerie asked, checking her phone.
“Sure,” Demetria said.
“We can catch the 1907 train then,” Valerie said absently. August snorted.
“Don’t use military time on us,” she warned.
“Seven PEH-EM then! Go on, get moving. Also, Tessa,” Valerie winked at Tessa, “look sharp, Bells is going to be there.” Tessa blushed and rolled her eyes. None of her team knew anything, but they claimed that Belinda and Tessa spent the entire time at the bar hitting on each other. It was enough for them.
“Don’t you start too, Valerie!”
“Oh, Bells is going to be there?”
“August I swear to God -” Demetria threatened, jumping to Tessa’s defense and turning around and glaring. August raised her hands in mock defeat.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” she said, stepping back.
The thing about parties with soccer players, was there was no soccer. People wanted a break from talking about soccer, no one listened to soccer podcasts, and when they did talk about soccer, it was questions like “how’s the League doing?” and “do you think this league will fold?” and “what’s your attendance like?” Tessa drifted from conversation to conversation, watching Valerie, Estelle and Amber complain loudly that soccer in their countries was getting even less money while playing Uno.
In the end, it was inevitable. Tessa felt herself drawn to Belinda, who was standing all on her own in the kitchen, pouring over a puzzle. While August got Jen and Lily to set up a game of settlers of Catan, so she could show them all “just how great she would be at ruling the world,” and Kay, Sam and Wanda were playing the gentlest game of go fish in the world, Belinda was doing a 500 piece puzzle.
“How are you doing?” Belinda asked, looking up from the puzzle and smiling at Tessa. She bit her lip, suddenly nervous.
“Good!” She said, with false enthusiasm. “Good! Good match today.”
“You thought so?” Belinda asked, brow furrowed in surprise. Tessa let out a breathy laugh; it felt good to be caught out on her own lie.
“Not at all,” she admitted, leaning on the counter and picking up a piece of the puzzle. “I felt like I was totally not in the right head space.” She traced her fingers around the edge; it was uneven and bumpy, and for some reason, tracing her index finger along the edge grounded her.
“Same!” Tessa looked up, surprised that Belinda was smiling at her.
“You definitely did better than me though,” she pointed out, brow furrowed.
“Really?” Belinda asked, genuinely confused.
“Yeah, you’re like ...a demon on the pitch.” Belinda’s hair swung forward as she tried to use it to hide her blush.
“Thanks, I suppose.” They stood there for a moment, which seemed too awkward, so Tessa flicked one of the puzzle pieces on the counter, skipping it over two others and caught it before it fell off the edge. Belinda watched for thirty seconds, before Tessa heaved a sigh.
“You okay?” Callahan asked, raising an eyebrow. Tessa grimaced.
“I’m bored,” she admitted.
“This not your scene?” Belinda asked, gesturing around. Tessa looked around, and frowned. This was her scene. She liked spending time with her friends.
“No, it’s just like - i don’t know? I’m not feeling it?”
“Same.” Callahan sighed and frowned down at the puzzle. “And I feel bad, because I know that Kat brought this for me.” This made Tessa smile.
“Nerd,” she teased.
“Thanks.”
“I have an idea. Do you want to go out?” Belinda raised an eyebrow.
“Does it require me to put on clothes?” Tessa glanced at Belinda, who was wearing sweatpants and a tank top, and tilted her head.
“You’re wearing clothes,” she pointed out. Belinda rolled her eyes.
“Real clothes,” Belinda explained. “Are we going anywhere we’ll be seen?”
“It’s 10pm!” Tessa pointed out, exasperated.
“On a Saturday,” Belinda added.
“Oh.” Tessa cocked her head. “Good point. But no.” Belinda still didn’t look convinced.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“The elementary school.” Tessa said it, like it was the best idea she ever had, and Belinda just gaped at her.
“What?” She asked.
“It’s night. There won’t be anyone there,” Tessa said, as if this explained her desire to want to go to a school.
“That wasn’t my concern,” Belinda replied wryly. She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “Why are we going to a school?”
“We can just - kick around the ball or something,” Tessa explained. Belinda laughed; of course, Tessa wanted to play soccer. Tessa continued. “I’ve been feeling weird since the game, and I need to get it out of my head.”
“And the best way to get your mind off soccer-” Belinda began.
“Is to give me a different game of soccer to concentrate on,” Tessa finished, grinning. “Anyway, I want you in best form when you meet Seattle.” Belinda raised an eyebrow. She opened her mouth, to ask something, thought better of it, and instead said.
“Really?” Tessa’s grin widened.
“Yeah. I couldn’t have you losing to my rivals.” Belinda paused in the kitchen for one second, glancing between the argument August was currently having about playing card games, and Tessa, and then she smiled.
“Fine.” Tessa grinned and grabbed her bag, sliding into her trainers at the door.
“Where are you going?” Valerie called, looking up from her Uno game and watching Belinda slide on her shoes.
“To kick around a ball,” Belinda explained. Valerie frowned at Belinda, and glanced between her and Tessa. Belinda gave her a reassuring smile, and Valerie smiled back.
