Savvy Sheldon Feels Good as Hell, page 25
Joanie blessed the food and their new venture. Mags gushed, and they made plates to take out onto the deck to enjoy the sunshine. Beth forwarded her the two pictures plus shots of the food and of them bowing their heads for prayer. “Really, you were taking pictures while we prayed?”
“I thought it might help give you guys some direction. Plus, how cool if some of my pictures end up in your book!”
Savvy shook her head at her, smiling. “Everyone’s looking for a come-up.”
She burst out laughing, wrapping an arm around her. “Okay, Savvy. I see you.”
Savvy beamed, looking around at her friends and their feast. Spencer wrapped his arms around her waist. “I think I’m starting to see me too.”
* * *
On day three of the second week of her administrative leave/staycation, Savvy visited a traveling yoga retreat near the beach. Choosing to remain on the periphery, she joined some of the classes before heading to the meditation room to savor extended periods of solitude. During these moments, she took in her surroundings, listening to the sounds coming from outside the center. She heard birds and frogs, the breeze, the water. She felt the breeze as it came in through the slatted windows, gently nudging the white gauzy curtains, which muted the clear blue skies.
She quieted her mind and looked internally, listening to the systems of her body. With closed eyes and a straight back, she rolled her shoulder blades farther back, placing her hands on her knees, as she sat cross-legged on a zafu in the middle of the floor. Inhaling deeply through her nose, she followed her breath inside, aware of her chest and her belly expanding like waves. Savvy parted her lips softly, exhaling out slowly, feeling her diaphragm contract. After focusing on her breath for several minutes, she let her mind cycle through thoughts that played at the edges of her peace. Savvy let each thought come to her slowly, as if for permission, and then followed each thought down their respective rabbit holes.
She thought about the last Savasana of the day’s class, during which the instructor encouraged them to tap into their heart’s desires. “Think about the one thing that your heart desires most. What is your heart yearning for?”
Deep down, her heart whispered, “Peace.”
But what would peace entail for her? Thinking about returning to work, Savvy could already feel stress tightening her shoulders. She could feel herself being pulled in different directions, but most roads included Spencer. She felt the pressure from her friends to make a decision, pressure from her mom to succeed, and pressure from Warren to pick up the pace with their new client and get on the ball.
If I decided to take a chance on Spencer, would I find peace? Would I create chaos? If I choose to begin a relationship, am I at peace? Am I making things more difficult for myself? Am I making myself the priority?
In her heart of hearts, nothing was more important than finding peace. Her heart wanted her to be at peace with herself. At peace with accepting herself, for better or worse. At peace with owning exactly who she was in the present moment, irrespective of what she perceived to be her flaws.
The more that Savvy thought about it, the more comfortable she felt in the present moment, balanced. Savvy felt clarity within herself, as if her heart nodded at the idea of being a little selfish. She ruminated on her heart’s message, slowly coming out of her meditation, first by wiggling her fingers and toes, followed by movement in her wrists and ankles. She brought her hands together in front of her chest in a sign of gratitude, sending it out to the instructors who taught her, the time she had to think about her circumstances, her body for cooperating, and inwardly to her heart for guiding her. Bringing her thumbs to rest between her eyebrows, her hands still together, Savvy whispered, “Namaste.” She sat with the vibrations of that one word for a long moment, and then brought her hands back down to her knees. Rubbing her hands on her thighs, Savvy let her eyes slowly flutter open. Her heart told her what it wanted, and in that moment, she had it.
Peace.
Later that night, Savvy sat out on her patio with a glass of wine, looking up at the stars. She reached an arm up toward the sky, playing connect the dots with the stars. Opening her journal, Savvy turned to the last blank page to jot down some resolutions.
Savvy’s Self-Care Plan:
1. Meditate daily.
2. Tennis and yoga as often as possible.
3. Be kind to yourself.
4. Give yourself a day of pampering each month.
5. Journal more.
6. Let yourself be a priority.
7. Live in the present moment.
8. Work smarter.
Looking up at the stars once more, her heart swelled with contentment. “Thank you,” Savvy whispered out into the universe.
* * *
“Okay, so we talked about the strawberry tiramisu, and the rack of lamb, and the clam chowder, but what else?” Sarah asked. They’d finished another cooking class, and after helping to clear away the mess, they sat down to brainstorm for the cookbook. Savvy still couldn’t believe it was really happening.
“Well, are you entirely sure that you want to include the clam chowder recipe? I mean, it is the signature recipe for your restaurant. If you put it in the cookbook, others will be able to replicate it and potentially take business away from you.” Savvy tapped the cap of her ballpoint pen against her lips. “I think we have to reserve the very best recipes. Gives us something to wow folks with in the next one.”
“Nice—I like where your head’s at.” Sarah grinned. “Should we reserve the strawberry tiramisu? I mean, it’s a thing of beauty, Savvy.”
Lifting her hands, she shrugged. “But mine is just something I share with people on special occasions. I don’t cook for a living.”
Sarah mulled it over. “Okay, fair.”
“Besides, my best dessert recipe is my granny’s apricot lemon cake. And no one gets that recipe.”
“Mmmm, tell her more.” She rested her chin in her hands.
“So it started as a lemon drizzle cake recipe, but it changed over time, and now it’s an apricot lemon drizzle cake with an apricot syrup over lemon and butter pound cake.” Savvy pictured her grandmother patting her Bundt pan as the cake dropped onto a cooling rack.
“That sounds divine! I’d love to try that sometime.” She looked at her curiously. “I know Beth’s shots are with her phone, but I love the photo of you holding up the rack of lamb for the cover. The others could be candid shots throughout the book.”
“Oooh, including the prayer. That was a great picture.”
“This might be weird to say about a picture including prayer, but your boobs look great in that picture.”
Savvy laughed. “Girl, it’s so annoying! I love the cut of a V-neck, but I swear it always looks like I’ve put everything out for display.”
Sarah empathized with a nod. “If I’m not wearing a turtleneck, I have some cleavage showing.”
“Okaay!” They slapped five, turning back to their list of recipes when Savvy looked back at Sarah, feeling a connection. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course!”
“I had the worst thing happen at the department store the other day, and I didn’t tell the girls because they’d flip out and want to burn the place down, but it really pissed me off.”
“What happened?!” Sarah leaned forward, resting her head in her hands.
“So I walk into this place, and I ask where the plus-sized section is—”
“Ugh, was it up on the second floor where no one ever goes?” Sarah rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
“Of course it was! And the store clerk had the nerve to get an attitude about it.” Savvy frowned, as her feelings from that day washed over her.
“What did she say?”
“She told me to take the elevator ’cause she didn’t want me to overexert myself.” Savvy threw her hands up in the air while Sarah’s jaw hit the counter.
“Are you fucking kidding me? She’s lucky you didn’t throw hands.” Sarah’s brow furrowed as she laughed in disbelief. “Wow.”
“That’s exactly how I felt. Then when I was checking out, chick pipes up again to take credit for helping me with my purchase. And when I said she didn’t, she said, ‘she asked me where the fat clothes were, and I told her.’” Savvy pursed her lips and turned her head at an angle, like she hadn’t heard what was said to her.
“So what you’re telling me is,” Sarah started slowly, steepling her hands. “This chick woke up and chose violence.”
Savvy rubbed her face with her hands. “I just don’t understand why people think it’s okay to come for us.”
“Right, cause she said that with her whole chest. I’ve had similar encounters. These folks need to choose life, because I am not the one.” Sarah’s eyebrows rose as she shook her head.
Savvy grinned. “They need not try either of us. Just thinking about that makes my heart beat faster. The way people think they’re entitled to share their unsolicited opinions.”
“That part! But you know what, I have a thought.” Sarah tilted her head. “What if we add some personalized elements to the book to connect to people looking for healthier options?”
“How do you mean?”
“We can include little hacks to make some of our favorite recipes lighter in calories. The full-fat version would be pictured for the most part, but we can leave a note on how to change up the recipe.”
“Oh, I like that idea! There are definitely times where I’ll cut back on full-fat cheese for a lasagna, or substitute a leaner protein. Or use squash or eggplant instead of noodles. I have a coworker who is gluten-free, and so I suggest those options for her.”
Sarah’s eyes narrowed, and she looked up toward the ceiling. “Yes, actually, that’s even better. Recipe hacks to meet with dietary restrictions where possible—whether they’re gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan. I love the thought of an eggplant lasagna! We should make that.”
“Love that! Now I’m hungry, though.” Her stomach gurgled.
“We can fix that, girl.” Sarah snagged some ingredients from a double-door glass reach-in refrigerator. Grabbing apples from the counter, she set about making grilled cheese sandwiches with fresh-sliced bread, a triple-cream brie, sliced apple, and thinly sliced prosciutto.
“Sarah, that looks divine.” She marveled at the chef at work. Her mandolin sliced perfect, thin slices of apple as butter toasted to a nutty brown in a pan. On one slice of bread, she layered the ingredients. After spreading fig jam on the other slice, she pressed that on top and placed the sandwich into the pan, the butter sizzling. When she flipped the sandwich with a spatula, the bread was a perfect toasted brown, and Savvy’s mouth watered.
To distract herself, Savvy pulled out her journal, flipping its pages to find her list of recipes she wanted to offer for the cookbook. “Okay, so I want to add my savory bread pudding, Granny’s Massaman curry, a lasagna from scratch, an apple tart, my family’s favorite baked mac ’n’ cheese, a braised lamb ragù, and the rack of lamb. What about you?”
“The fresh pasta dough, the lobster ravioli, osso buco, a corn and crab chowder, blueberry scones, a perfect holiday turkey, and my grandmother’s oyster stuffing.” Sarah ticked off the recipes on her fingers. She turned off the heat, using the spatula to lift the sandwich out of the pan and onto the butcher block counter.
“Ooooh, I can’t wait to test out your recipes!” The thought of oyster stuffing made her stomach growl again.
“We should test them out in the cooking classes. You can teach with me!” She sliced the sandwich in half with her chef’s knife, and used it to scoop up one half and deposit it in front of Savvy. She picked up the other slice.
She shook her head. “I couldn’t possibly.” Lifting the slice to her face and biting into it, Savvy savored the crunch of the buttered bread, the saltiness of the prosciutto, the richness of the brie, and the sweetness of the apple. “This is heaven.”
Sarah took a bite, nodding as she chewed. “You absolutely can teach with me. There are no limitations here, Savvy. Only the ones you put on yourself.”
“You should be a motivational speaker, you know. That was deep, Sis.” She took another bite. “I’m in, and these sandwiches are a requirement for all planning meetings moving forward.”
26
As a finale to her staycation, Savvy planned a whole day committed to pampering. She visited the salon to update her hairstyle, which had grown out a bit, coming out with some textured waves. Nearby, she found a new boutique by a local designer specializing in maxi dresses with bold colors and fresh prints. She perused rack after rack of vibrant, shimmery fabrics and creative prints, and decided to get a dress for each of her girls. She scoured the store to find something fitting each of their personalities. Joanie got a backless navy blue dress sure to stop Beth’s heart. Maggie’s featured watercolor flowers and an off-the-shoulder ruffle to show off her sculpted arms.
As she prepared to pay, she spotted a dress in blush-and-gold tones that would hug her waist and fan out with a full skirt and knew she had to have it. She picked out one more; a black one with little cutouts in all the right places. Wait till Spencer sees this.
As she walked down the street, Savvy noticed that she was receiving a lot of attention. As she entered different shops, men took the time to open doors. Women smiled, but a couple watched her curiously. Odd. A car drove by, and a man leaned out the window to whistle at her. She panicked. Was the back of her dress caught in her underwear? Puzzled, she swiped her hand across her backside to make sure she hadn’t exposed herself to the public.
Approaching a gift store, Savvy caught her reflection. Her skin had deepened into a bronzed brown from her tennis sessions. Her hair’s fresh, beachy waves barely kissed muscular shoulders. Her big, Audrey Hepburn–style sunglasses covered half of her face, floating above defined cheekbones and a jawline. She looked good.
She stood straighter, pulling her shoulder blades farther down her back, thinking of her yoga postures. Her collarbone, covered only by the thin straps of her dress, protruded proudly above her full breasts. She could see the start of some muscle definition in her arms. Her curvy figure looked back at her, but something was different. Savvy marveled at herself, reaching up to touch a lock of hair, wanting to see her reflection follow her just a little bit more. “Wow,” she breathed. I look strong.
She’d forgotten about her revenge body plan weeks ago, but now she stared into the reflection of a beautiful woman with curves to be celebrated. Savvy silently made a mental note to write about this revelation in her journal. I’m exactly where I want to be.
* * *
Savvy stared at the phone, not wanting to pick it up, but knowing she needed to get it over with. Sighing, she dialed and lifted it to her ear. “Mama.”
“Savvy, are you okay?” Her voice had an edge to it.
“Yeah, why would you ask that?” she laughed nervously.
“Because I always call you.”
“Well, you always beat me to it,” Savvy offered.
“I’m not buying it. Something’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong, per se. It’s just...”
“Just what—spit it out, Savannah.”
“Mama, I don’t think I want this promotion.” Savvy squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the fallout.
“Of course you do,” Mama said matter-of-factly. “What do you mean? We always aim high.”
“Well, I have been aiming high, and I got what I wanted, but I’m not ready for it. I’m distracted. There’s just too many other things that I want to do.” Savvy’s feelings of being overwhelmed sounded in her voice.
“Like what? What could be more important than solidifying your place with the company?” Her voice held frustration.
“Mama... I’ve been kind of rejuvenated by everything that I’m doing with fitness, cooking, with the renovation—I can’t wait for you to see it—it’s beautiful. I’m even doing a cookbook with this chef that I met recently,” she gushed.
“But what does any of this have to do with you having a job, Savvy?” Her stern tone wiped the smile off Savvy’s face.
“I want to be able to do all of these things. Warren knows how hard I work, but I don’t want to spend my whole life in that office when there’s more to life than that.”
“But—”
“No, Mama, I can’t. Believe me when I say that I want to make you proud, but I want to do it my way.”
The phone went silent, and Savvy bit her lip. As with every kid she knew, she believed that her mom could snatch her through the phone if she wanted to. She always had the ability to know that Savvy was doing something wrong, even when Savvy was behind her. Sometimes, Savvy swore she could read her mind.
“Savvy,” she said softly. “I know that I push you to have security, but I just want to make sure you’re taken care of.”
“Mama, I know. It’s not about being taken care of now. I’ve done everything that you taught me—I have a great job, they pay me well, I have savings, I own a home, right? You did that—we did that together. I just want you to be proud of me.”
“Well, what made you think that I wasn’t proud of you?”
“We were always talking about these promotions and getting more security, and I just felt like I hadn’t reached what you were hoping for yet.”
Her mom sighed. “Savannah. All I want is for you to be happy, healthy, and secure. If you are all of those things, I want for nothing, you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am.” They sat in a comfortable silence. “Well, I should get going, I have to go tell my boss what I just told you.”
“You told me first?”
“Mama, come on,” Savvy laughed. “I’m not scared of him, but I’m scared of you!”
