A Secret to Kill For, page 3
part #1 of Secret & Lies Series
“You know I do. How is it living with your mother?” Fi-Fi asks knows precisely why I’m calling.
“I think the seventh circle of hell would be more fun.”
“It can’t be that bad?”
“Have you met my mother? She is overly critical of everything I do. I haven’t worked in the bakery since high school, but rather than understanding and being supportive, she gets pissed that I slowed Ruarc down and wasted money because I burnt some of the bread and cookies. But what did I expect from my mother who requires perfection one hundred percent of the time.”
“I’m sorry, Erin. If it gets worse and you can’t take it anymore, you can always stay with me.”
“Thanks, Fi-Fi.”
“Anytime. Now get some sleep. You sound exhausted.”
“Talk to you later,” I tell her ending the call, then fall face down on the bed. “Things always look their worst before they get better, right?” I ask into my comforter. “Things will start looking up, it will take time,” I tell myself.
Chapter Five
September
Washington D.C.
After another long grueling day at the bakery, I check my email before binge watching Supernatural on Netflix. Most of it is junk, but there is one from a Ginny Moore, with the subject of Little Moore coming soon. I know a Ginny Mackenzie. Well, I don’t know her. I knew her brothers and knew her parents before they died in a tragic accident ten years ago. Their father was stationed at Bolling Air Force Base here in D.C. Our mothers were friends; they used to toss Gavin, Garth, Cian and I together to play so they could talk, drink, or shop. Even though Gavin and Garth are a few years younger than I am, we got along and kept in touch after they moved to Germany. When their parents passed in the accident, Mom was riddled with grief, Lauren was her best friend. I risk opening the email. At this point what’s the worst that can happen? When the image loads, it’s a picture of little Ginny Mackenzie with a mammoth of a man sitting behind her, his arms wrapped around her small baby bump and a banner that reads, “It’s a girl!”
Wow, little Ginny Mackenzie is now married with a baby on the way. When the hell did that happen? She’s only what, nineteen? That is way too young to be married with a baby on the way. I find my phone sitting next to me on the bed and press Gavin’s number. Before he can say hello, I ask, “When the hell did Ginny get married?”
Gavin laughs, “I see you got her announcement.”
“I did. My mom will freak when I tell her. Ginny is only nineteen, is married with a baby on the way. That’s crazy.”
Gavin chuckles, “Ginny is as stubborn as they come. Once she made up her mind Owen was the one, there was no stopping her. Though I can’t complain, Owen treats her like a queen, waiting on her hand and foot. “
“I’m happy for her,” I tell Gavin even though I’m dying of jealousy.
“Me too. So, how’s crime fighting in the big city?”
“I guess you haven’t heard yet; I’m not a crime fighter anymore. I got kicked out of the FBI.”
“What the hell happen?” Gavin yells into the phone.
“The short version is my asshole of an ex-boyfriend wrote an article sighting me as the source of information that wasn’t supposed to go public,” I explain holding back tears.
“Hell, I’m sorry Erin. What an asshole.”
“Thanks, Gavin. So, what else is new in your world?”
“Well damn, so much has happened it’s hard to know where to start. The shop is going great. A buddy of mine is re-doing the shop logo for me. And our biggest break yet, actor Clay Harris is bringing his car from California for me to work on.”
“That’s awesome, Gavin. I’m so happy for you.”
“It’s great. Ginny will help me as much as she can, with being pregnant. She is also covering the office work letting me spend more time working on cars. Which is awesome, I’ve missed it more than I thought. But Ginny’s mood swings are giving me whiplash.”
“I’ll send you a helmet.”
Gavin bursts into laughter. “Thanks, I think I will need it. She’s only four months along, and she’s killing me; laughing one minute then crying the next. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that Garth also got married.”
“What!? When did he get married? I’m pissed he didn’t invite me.”
“Don’t be; he didn’t invite Ginny or me either. He eloped while teaching at SMU in Dallas.”
“Wow. Well, I’m happy for both Ginny and Garth.”
I hear someone talking to Gavin in the background, “Sorry to cut this short Erin, but I have to go. Call me when you can.”
“Bye.”
I turn my attention back to the photo of Ginny and Owen on my laptop. How is it that Ginny gets to find her happily ever after so easily? Why is she so lucky? I’m eleven years older than her, and I’m living with my mother because I lost everything. This is bullshit! I slam my laptop shut before setting it on the bedside table. Some people get all the luck while others get shit on. I know that’s not fair to Ginny; she had a rough time after her parents died. She and Gavin were in the car when the accident happened; they were lucky they escaped with their lives. Then what her first boyfriend did to her; it’s a wonder she trusts any men at all. I guess if anyone in this world deserves to be happy it is Ginny. The timing just sucks for me.
***
“What is going on with you?” Mom asks me the next morning at the bakery.
“Nothing is going on,” I reply. God, she gets on my nerves sometimes.
“You are more mopey than normal.”
“I’m not mopey. My life has crumbled around me, and I’ve been trying to pick up the pieces.”
“You’re not trying to pick up the pieces. You are leaching off me and moping around the apartment, hoping something will just fall into your lap. Well, I’m sorry to say, my dear nothing in life works like that.”
“I know,” I snap back. “I’m trying. What do you want me to do?”
“Try harder. That is the only way you will get anywhere.”
She has an answer for everything. I’m not like her. I can’t just brush my pain and anger down, then go on with life like nothing ever happened. I need time to process, to plan what to do next. “I’ll try harder,” I tell her before she returns to the front counter to help a customer.
Later that night I’m sitting on the couch watching TV when Mom joins me, “I was thinking about what you were saying at the bakery. I think I might be able to help,” She tells me.
“Okay? I’m open to suggestions,” I retort knowing I will not like what she has to say.
“I think you need a man in your life,” she says with a straight face.
“Mom, a man got me into this mess. And you want me to find another man to get me out of trouble? Sorry, I’ll pass.”
“Are you sure, I know some nice Irish boys I can set you up with. Ruarc’s son is handsome, and he’s a lawyer. He would be perfect for you.”
“No Mom, I’ll pass.”
“Look at Ginny. After losing her parents at such a young age, she was a mess; friends with the wrong people, drugs, alcohol. Then her brothers got her the help she needed. Ginny dated a very nice Air Force guy and now look at her. She is happily married with a baby on the way. Don’t you want that one day, Erin?"
Why is she doing this now? Does she really think now is the best time to find a man and start a family? “Yes Mom, I do want that one day, but now is not the best time. I have no career, and I live with my mother. I need to get my life back on track first.”
“Fine, but if you change your mind tell me.”
“You’ll be my first call, Mom,” I mumble.
***
“Erin, come here. Look who came to say hi,” Ruarc calls out.
I come out of the walk-in refrigerator to see Ruarc standing next to his son, Brendan. Who looks just like he did in college, with jet black locks cut short, sapphire blue eyes, and an athletic build that drives women crazy. We hooked up once on my birthday, but it went no further. To be honest, he’s more like a brother to me than a lover or boyfriend. “Hey, how are you?” I ask hugging him. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Things are good. I’m a junior partner at my law firm now,” Brendan says, pulling away and looking me up and down. “Wow, you look amazing,” Brendan complements me with a huge smile.
I gently shove at his shoulder, “You’re lying. I look like hell. My hair is a sweaty mess, and I have flour everywhere.”
“No, really, you look great.”
“Well thank you. But I still think you're lying.”
“I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have a meeting to attend. Can we catch up later?”
“Sure, you know where to find me.”
“I was thinking over dinner. What are you doing tonight?” Brendan asks.
I’m not sure what to say, “Um…. I have to get up early for work. Could you meet me for lunch one day?”
Brendan’s smile falls slightly, “Sure if that works better for you. I’ll call. It was good seeing you again,” He kisses me on the cheek before leaving.
“Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask marching into her office closing the door behind me.
“Erin, I’m busy, can it wait?”
“No Mom, it can’t wait. I need to talk to you now,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Fine, hurry up,” she says looking up from her computer. “What do you need, Erin?”
“What was Brendan doing here?” I ask waiting for some bullshit answer.
“He came by to say hi to his father. Isn’t he the nicest boy? I think you should give him a chance.”
“Not a chance, Mom. Brendan is like a brother to me, not husband material. And I asked you last week to not get involved.”
“I know, but you need to move on. I think you and Brendan would make a cute couple. Please just give him a chance,” she begs.
“I don’t want another man in my life.”
“Fine, whatever,” she answers returning to her computer.
I hoped that for once in my life, my mother would listen to me. But that was too much to ask.
***
Two days after Brendan “stopped by the bakery,” Mom is in the kitchen making dinner. When I go into the kitchen to investigate, I find her making my favorite stew for dinner. “I have a special guest coming for dinner tonight. Please dress in something nice.”
“Okay, any preferences?” I ask because my mother can be very particular.
She thinks for a minute, taking a mental inventory of what dresses I have in my closet, “Wear your green dress but leave your hair down. I’ve always loved your hair down and curly.”
“Sure Mom,” I say with confusion. What is she up to? Maybe she has an inside lead to help me get a job.
“Hurry, Erin. He’ll be here in thirty minutes,” she calls after me.
I take a rushed shower, dry my hair quickly, leaving it curly as requested. After applying a light layer of make-up, I find the dress Mom wants me to wear. As I’m zipping the dress up the buzzer rings thought the apartment.
“Hurry Erin, he’s here,” Mom yells, as I step into my black pumps. I race into the living room to greet our guest when I see Mom welcoming Brendan.
“Erin, you look amazing,” Brendan says kissing me on the cheek. “I’m so happy you changed your mind and decided to have dinner with me tonight.”
“Me too,” I say, looking past Brendan, giving Mom a tight smile. “Brendan would you please excuse me, my mother and I need to speak for a moment.”
“Sure,” He says studying the apartment.
“Mom, can I please speak to you in the kitchen?”
She looks to Brendan, “Please make yourself at home. We’ll be right back.”
As soon as we are in the kitchen, I whirl on her. “What the hell is going on?” I whisper-yell at her.
“First, do not use that type of language with me; I’m still your mother. Second, Brendan said he was looking forward to having dinner with you. He told me you turned him down because you had to get up early for work. Well, I made an early dinner for you two to enjoy.”
“Mom, I’ve asked you not to interfere with my love life. You need to get it through your head I like Brendan as a friend, nothing more. I do not have, and will never have, romantic feelings for Brendan. How many times do I have to tell you?”
“Please just give Brendan a chance; he will be good for you. He has a great job, comes from a good family, and he likes you. If you still feel that way after your date tonight, I promise I will stop meddling.”
“Fine, one date, then this it’s over,” I hiss. I pull a bottle of wine from the fridge, uncorking it as Mom pulls the glasses from the cupboard. She puts them on a tray with cheese and crackers.
“Take this with you. I will run a few errands for a couple of hours to give you two some alone time,” Mom tells me, taking her purse off the back of a kitchen chair.
“Great,” I say under my breath before taking the wine and cheese tray into the living room to join Brendan.
Brendan stands as I enter the room, taking the tray from me and placing it on the coffee table. He fills the two glasses with wine, handing one to me as I take a seat next to him on the couch. “I am glad you reconsidered my offer for dinner. You look astonishing. You haven’t changed since high school.”
“You too,” I reply, taking a sip of my wine. “So, how’s work going?” I ask trying to keep our conversation in the friend zone.
“Work is good. It keeps me busy,” Brendan answers, turning so our knees touch.
I take a sip of my wine, then scoot back on the couch to avoid his touch. “What type of law do you practice?”
“Legislative law,” he says with a chuckle. “It’s not the most glamorous legal job, I know. But I like it, and I’m good at it.”
“Wow. That sounds important. What exactly do you do?”
“Honestly, it’s mostly research and writing. The firm’s partners meet with Senators or Congressional representatives; they give me their notes to research and draft bills. As I said, it’s not a sexy legal job.”
“No, but it sounds crucial,” I replied in awe of his talents. “You must be really good at your job to already be a junior partner.”
“True. But it also has to do with working insanely long hours. This is the first night I’ve taken off in months.” He takes another drink of his wine. He slides closer to me, “Enough about me. How are you doing? I heard what happened.”
“Yeah, that,” I say gulping the rest of my wine before refilling my glass. “I’m still dealing with the fallout from the damn article. I’m hopeful the Bureau will review my evidence and let me return.”
“What evidence? Are you saying you didn’t release the information?”
“That is exactly what I’m saying. Bane, my ex-boyfriend, was the reporter who wrote the story. He lied when he sighted me as the source of information. In fact, he left me two notes saying the whole story was a lie. I gave them to my former partner for review. Now I’m asking for a formal review to get my job back.”
“Wow. It would be great if you could get your job back. What else did Bane’s notes say?”
“Bane wrote that he had no choice, he had to write the article to protect himself and his family. He told me how much he loved me and respected me. To prove it, he left me an engagement ring.”
Brendan chokes on his wine, sputtering into his glass. I reach for a napkin handing it to him as I pat his back. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, thank you. Sorry, Bane left you an engagement ring after everything he put you through?”
“I know, he had some nerve. After what he did, I can’t even look at him, let alone marry him.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more,” Brendan says placing his hand on my knee.
I stiffen, uncomfortable with his touch. I have to tell him. I can’t continue to lead him on to please my mother. Brendan is a great guy, and he deserves to be happy with someone who can love him. Placing my hand over his, I start, “Brendan I have to be honest with you. I didn’t agree to have dinner with you tonight, my mother did.” Brendan moves his hand away quickly, his cheeks pinking in embarrassment. “Please, don’t misunderstand me. I think you are a great guy. I don’t see you in a romantic way. You are a brother to me, not a boyfriend.” I tell him, trying to be gentle but blunt. I need him to understand there is never going to be an “us”.
“I understand,” he says standing from the couch. “Thank you for the wine, but I should leave now. Bye Erin.”
“Wait, Brendan, please stay for dinner. Mom made stew for us,” I plead, hating the pain I caused him.
“No, that is not a good idea,” Brendan says before leaving.
Chapter Six
The next morning mom stomps into the kitchen. “What did you do?” She demands.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, putting a bagel in the toaster.
“What did you tell Brendan last night?”
“I told him the truth; there will never be anything between us. Brendan is a nice guy and deserves to find a nice girl,” I tell her.
“Well, I hope you are happy, Brendan is devastated by your rejection,” Mom scolds me.
“I highly doubt that. Brendan is a good-looking man with a great job. He can have any woman in this city. I’m sure he’ll have a girl on his arm by the end of the week.”
Mom pours herself a cup of coffee dropping the subject. “Hurry up, we need to leave.”
***
Later that afternoon Brendan stops by the bakery to speak to his father. I try to avoid him, but when they move into Mom’s office I glimpse Brendan, he looks heartbroken. Seeing him that way hurts me, but I couldn’t lead him on or let him think there was a chance when there wasn’t. “Are you sure you don’t want to date Brendan?” Mom asks behind me.
I jump out of my skin at the sound of her voice, “Jesus Mom, make some noise next time,” I say clutching my chest. “And no, Mom I’m sure I don’t want to date Brendan.”
