Cadence (Ruby Riot Book 1), page 13
On the fifteenth floor, I creep along the hallway to my room, half-expecting Bryn to jump out when I pass his. The hallway is silent, even in the direction of the Ruby Riot boys’ rooms. Either their party finished early, or they’re still out and haven’t started yet. Something twinges in my chest. If they do come back and party, will Jax join in? And if he does, will Jax forget about everything that happened between us tonight after he’s had a few more drinks? Although I shake that thought from my head, the image of his hands on another girl still niggles. I don’t have any claim on him, and he knows the score. I’ll wait and see
“Tegan!” a voice half-whispers behind me, rapid footsteps catching up. Jax grabs my hand and spins me round. “Don’t go yet.”
The tingling that’s lingered since I walked away from him spreads through my body as he pulls me close again, mouth immediately on mine. I put a hand between us. “Not here, Jax!”
“Come back to my room,” he whispers against my ear. “I don’t want to let you go yet.”
My body aches, the presence of this man clouding my already poor judgement. “Don’t get any ideas if I do.”
He strokes my hair from my face. “Jesus, Tegan, my mind is full of ideas, but I’ll behave.”
“Will you? I doubt that.” I brush my mouth against his and he pushes me against the wall again.
“Up to you.”
I catch Jax’s hand as it sneaks around to my ass. “Jax! I said not here.”
“Come with me or I’m going to keep kissing you here, and I don’t give a crap who sees.” Jax’s hands slide up my sides, and he grips my waist.
“Okay.”
This could be a big mistake.
Clothes cover Jax’s room, the bed unmade. I didn’t count on him only having a room, imagining he had a suite like me. A bed. A chair. A desk. Not much else. I hover in the doorway. Climbing onto the large bed with Jax would definitely not be good for my self-control.
Jax sits on the edge of the bed and leans back, arms behind him as he looks at me from beneath his fringe. “Come here and kiss me.”
“No,” I reply and cross my arms. “You come here. I’m not climbing onto that bed with you.”
The heavy tension hovers in the room between us, drawing us together. Even if I wanted to, I doubt I’d walk away now.
“I respect what you said about sex, Tegan, but I have more imagination than that. Let me show you what I mean.” My stomach tightens at his suggestion and ideas flood into my mind. “Come here and kiss me or I’m going to come over there and get you.”
I purse my lips. “Yeah?”
He doesn’t take his eyes off mine. “Yeah.”
“Who put you in charge?”
Jax sucks in a breath and leisurely sweeps a gaze along the length of my body. “You want to be in charge? Go ahead.”
This is the only way. If I yield to him, even for one second, all my good intentions will leave. Without replying, I cross to the bed, place a hand on Jax’s chest, and push him backwards onto the mattress. A smile creeps across his face as I straddle his lap. Placing one hand either side of Jax’s head, I look down, meeting his eyes in challenge.
Jax seizes my head and presses his mouth hard against mine; I fall down onto him until our chests meet. He shifts beneath me, arousal evident as he grips my hips and pushes against me. When he slides a hand along my legs to my ass, I’m relieved I wore skinny jeans tonight. A barrier between us isn’t stopping my dampening arousal, but this keeps away the fingers I don’t want touching me. Wrong. I ache for him to touch me, but I can’t. Not yet.
The lust-fuelled kiss earlier is chaste in comparison to this; Jax sweeps his tongue against mine, and I surrender my control. When Jax switches his attention to my neck, his short, hot breaths spike my own arousal. He dips his tongue into the hollow of my neck and I shift until closer, allowing his mouth to reach the skin at the neck of my t-shirt.
The action brings my breasts closer to his face and he buries his nose into my skin, digging his fingers further into my ass.
“Fuck!” Jax flips me over on the bed, roughly pushing up my top and placing his lips on my belly. My body fires with sudden heat, the intensity surprising me, as he trails soft kisses toward my breasts.
Before I can catch up to what’s happening, my bra’s unclasped and pushed upwards, Jax’s hands and mouth on my breasts. He swirls a tongue around the swell before taking my nipple into his mouth. His other hand dips under my ass as he presses himself into me.
My mind protests, but my body yields, the way I promised I wouldn’t. The confidence in his actions, the surety I’ll let him do this, arouses me further. I’m used to guys being cautious, nervous even, but this I like. Too much.
I lift my arms and allow him to pull my t-shirt off. How many other girls wearing their Ruby Riot shirt tonight would like to be in my position? He sits back and drags his shirt over his head too and I finally have a close-up look at the taut muscle I saw glistening after his performance the other night.
When he moves forward for a kiss, I giggle and grab his arms. Catching him off-guard, I twist around until Jax falls beneath me again. I’m under no illusion; I know he let me because the strength in the firm biceps I’m holding is obvious.
Nudging apart his legs with my knee, I rest on him and meet his eyes in challenge again. Jax looks back, eyes darkened with desire. My nipples brush against his naked chest and he runs tickling fingers along my spine.
“You’re trouble,” he says hoarsely.
“Absolutely.” I smooth a hand along his jeans and lightly run my fingers over where his erection strains against the material.
Jax takes a sharp breath holds my hair from my face. “Don’t do that.”
I still my hand. “Why?”
“Because you fucking turn me on, Tegan, and I’m trying to control myself.”
Beneath me, tricking me I’m in control is a man I’ve craved since the moment we stood alone in the confined space of the elevator last week. We weren’t touching, but I came close to giving in to the arcing energy between us even then. Now that energy has control of me.
I’m tempted to help him out of the rest of his clothes, but I’m not being one of his random girls. Jax needs to do more than take me on one date to get what he wants.
I sit back against the solid muscle of his thighs, and smile down at him, loving his loss of the rock star cool he usually blasts at girls. I drag fingernails across his abs instead, and, teasingly, I dip my fingers lower, running my hand along his erection again.
“Shit!” Jax grabs my hand and I giggle. “Stop teasing me!”
“Sure. If you say so.”
His look is fixed on my breasts as he runs a finger around my hardening nipples. “Your tits are amazing.” He seizes my arms and pulls me down, pushing me over until I’m the one lying on the bed. I wriggle against him but he holds my shoulder hard against the soft bedding.
I surrender to his attention, to the teasing tongue and his hand sliding toward my belly. Jax’s mouth on my skin, the unleashing of the sexual charge that exists between us dizzies me and I fall toward allowing his bad intentions.
Jax unbuttons my jeans, yanking the zip down. “Take these off. Let me touch you.”
Blood carries lust through my body, but I squeeze his hand, fighting the inevitable. “No.”
“Tegan!” he groans.
“I’m not getting naked for you, Jax. You haven’t earned that yet.”
His eyes widen in surprise. “Earned? What do I have to do to earn it?”
“I haven’t decided yet, but you don’t get into my pants that easily.”
He cocks a brow and gives me the annoyingly sexy smile. “You wanna get into mine?”
I beckon him closer with one finger and when he does, I slam my hands against his chest and push him over on the bed. “Yes. But I’m not going to.”
“You’re fucking killing me!” he growls up at me and we grapple until he manages to pin me down again.
Our breath comes faster with the struggle – with each other and control - and I laugh. “Good. About time you had to work for something.” I push against Jax’s chest again, but this time he catches my arms and pins them above my head.
“Are you always like this?” he asks.
“Maybe.” I tense waiting for his next move. When Jax releases my hands, we struggle again until I roll onto him. The sheets tangle around us, and Jax steadies himself as we reach the edge of the bed.
We stare at each other, locked in stalemate, and he laughs. “Should’ve expected you to be a tease.”
“Then you won’t be disappointed.” I lean over him to take my t-shirt from the side of the bed and he grabs my arms.
“Fine, but don’t go yet. If this is all I’m getting tonight, I’m making the most.”
I dig my nails beneath Jax’s fingers and loosen his grip on my arm. “Bad luck, Jax. This is all you’re getting from me tonight.”
I laugh at his pout as I pull my t-shirt back on and as I attempt to move, he grips my legs. “Stay. I don’t want to stop.”
Neither do I. I push my tangled hair from my face, pulling back my self-control as I button up my jeans. Jax looks up at me from the bed, flushed face and dark-eyed lust. Waiting. Tempting. Jesus, this man does things to my common sense. Swallowing, I close my eyes and steady my breathing.
Jax could use me. My brother would knock him unconscious if he did, but that doesn’t mean Jax won’t tempt me into his bed and throw me aside in the morning like he does with other girls.
“I think I’d better go, Jax.”
Five minutes later, I flop onto my own bed and listen to the thrum of my heart in my ears. The arousal won’t leave my system as long my lips sting from his kiss and body remembers his touch. The restraint he showed impressed me, but I’ll discover tomorrow if my refusal to get naked means he’ll move onto his next conquest.
Jax doesn’t realise how lucky he almost was.
Chapter Eighteen
PARIS, FRANCE
JAX
“Jaxon Lewis! You’re a very naughty boy!”
Nate’s voice echoes down the hallway from behind, distracting me from the vision of Tegan’s cute ass gloved by her tight jeans as she heads away. Ten minutes ago, buzzing from our performance, I’d headed offstage and found Tegan in the hallway. She didn’t protest when I dragged her out of sight and kissed her; I was fairly sure everybody else would be occupied and nowhere near the quiet corner between the stage and the Green Room.
Wrong.
Now both Nate and Will know. Keeping this quiet isn’t happening much longer.
I spin around and Nate strides over and pokes me in the chest.
“What?” I ask.
He raises a pierced brow and inclines his head to the direction Tegan walked in. “What have you been doing to the delicious Tegan?”
“Why?”
“The correct answer there is ‘nothing’! Whoa, Jax, are you screwing her?”
“No! There’s nothing going on!”
“Mm-hmm.” He fights a smile. “Might be wise not to stick your tongue down her throat in public then.”
“I was not!”
“Whatever, saw you kissing her.” Nate shakes his head. “Good luck, man!”
“We don’t want this public knowledge,” I say in a low voice.
Nate makes a loud ‘pfft’ sound. “Again, good luck, man. Told you, she’s trouble.”
“I guess that’s for me to find out,” I retort.
Nate sucks his lip piercing into his mouth. “This mean you’re not coming out again tonight?”
“Not sure yet.”
“Because you’re up to no good with Tegan?”
“Well, wouldn’t you? If there was a chance?”
“I like my balls where they are, thanks. She’s hot, yeah, but not worth the grief that comes from screwing her. What’s so special about this chick?”
I shrug. If I tell Nate that for the first time in months I crave to be around a girl and spend time with her, rather than challenging myself to get laid at every chance, he’d laugh at me. As far as I know, neither Will nor Nate has had long-term relationships in the whole time I’ve known them; they won’t understand if I admit I want more than to fuck her.
“She’s a challenge,” I say eventually and I’m not bloody wrong there. The girl’s a fucking tease and she’s driving me mad. I could do so many things to make her scream.
“Mmm. Well, hope she’s worth it.” He pulls out his phone. “I’m heading back to the hotel. You coming?”
“Nah. Going to the Green Room until Phoenix are done.”
“Smart guy. Make sure you’re not seen with her.” He taps his nose. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Whatever, man.”
“Call me if you change your mind about tonight.”
“Yeah, we might come out too. Thinking about persuading Riley to come along as a decoy.”
“Oh, fuck, no! Seriously? I didn’t think you liked her?” protests Nate.
“I don’t, but we can pretend her and Tegan are out together.”
Nate claps me on the back. “You know what? I’ll bet you twenty quid that everybody knows about you and Tegan by the end of the week. And then…” He makes a slicing movement across his throat.
“Hilarious.”
“Man up,” says Nate and saunters off. “Screw her and ditch her, or tell the world. One way or another, you’ll end up fucked.”
I stare after Nate’s retreating figure and consider his words.
Yeah, I’m fucked.
****
I follow my plan of action: have some beers in the Green Room post-gig, and invite Blue Phoenix to come out with the boys and me. They’ll say no; I can almost guarantee that. Jem and Dylan appear first as I’m finishing my second beer. Ruby walks in behind Jem and settles onto the leather sofa in one corner of the room. I drain my bottle and head over to the counter laid out with drinks and food. One more and I’ll tell them I’m heading out with the twins. I munch on some crisps and watch Jem chatting to Dylan, bristling at his ignoring me again.
“Beer?” I ask Ruby.
“I’m good, thanks,” she replies.
“You swearing off alcohol again?”
“Yeah.”
Makes sense, her Prince Charming is a recovering alcoholic and ex-addict. Even so, we’re third date on tour with the legendary Blue Phoenix, and the guys are that tame I swear they go back to their rooms for hot cocoa and bed after gigs. Liam has Cerys visiting for a few days so he’s out, and Dylan’s waiting for Sky to arrive. Bryn’s the only one who’s drinking seriously which is awkward because he’s not a good candidate for a drinking buddy. Naive of me to expect Blue Phoenix to behave like rock stars with women taking over their lives.
“So much for the famous Blue Phoenix party animals,” I complain and take a beer from the counter.
“I think they’re too old for that shit now,” Ruby replies.
“Twenty-six? Fuck, I hope I’m not old and boring then.”
Jem breaks the conversation he’s having with Dylan, and sits next to Ruby, draping an arm across her shoulder. “Who’s too old?”
“You guys. Behaving like old men,” I reply. “Yeah, I know you don’t drink, but we could at least party a bit more!”
“Kinda burnt out, Jax,” says Jem. “You’re welcome to have your own parties, but make sure you don’t get into a life where a doctor tells you to stop or you’ll be dead before you’re thirty.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I reply with a laugh.
Jem turns to Ruby. “Did you tell -”
The look Ruby gives Jem is one I’ve seen before: ‘shut up and don’t say anything’. “He means you’re behaving like a dad,” she hisses.
“What did you say?” I ask Jem. Tell me what?
“Nothing.”
I barely notice Bryn’s entrance into the room, Jem’s words and Ruby’s responses have poked at a suspicion I’ve denied could be possible.
“How’re you feeling now, Ruby?” Bryn asks. “Still sick?”
“Getting better,” she mumbles.
“Better in the evenings, huh?” He sits in the armchair next to Jem and leans forward to poke him, grinning. “Something you want to tell us?”
“No,” Jem retorts.
Bryn is teasing, but I swallow down the realisation growing as I watch for Ruby’s reaction. Paling, she stands, hands trembling. “I’m tired, Jem. Let’s go.”
Bryn sinks back and watches as Jem stands too. “I always know when you’re hiding a secret, Jeremy.”
“Shut up,” he warns.
No.
A thousand fucking times no.
I’ve seen enough shitty TV soaps to guess Ruby’s symptoms could be more than gastro, but she wouldn’t be that fucking stupid. “Ruby. Please don’t tell me you’re -”
“I’m not feeling well, okay! Just fucking leave it!” she snaps, not looking at me as she drops back onto the sofa. The ever-protective Jem immediately joins her.
“You are! You’re fucking pregnant!” The world lurches when her denial doesn’t come, as my mind drags in all the reasons why this is a disaster. “For fuck’s sake!”
Unsure I’ll be able to keep my self- control, and not wanting Ruby to say the words, I grab another beer and leave. Outside the room I pause, my world shattering around me.
The band is screwed now.
We reach the edge of success and Ruby’s fucking ruined this. Jem’s ruined her. Ruby’s as trapped as she was when Dickhead Dan had her in his grasp.
Stupid, fucking… I shake my head against the anger and walk blindly away.
****
TEGAN
The post-concert sales were crazy tonight; we sold out of all t-shirt sizes apart from XXL, which left some very pissed off customers. I smiled sweetly and repeated the same excuse, handing people the flyer listing the online merchandise store. I swear one girl considered ripping off my Blue Phoenix t-shirt rather than go home without one.
By the end of that disaster, I have a huge headache and I’m running late. Finally finding a minute to myself, I check my phone for a message from Jax.
“Tegan!” a voice half-whispers behind me, rapid footsteps catching up. Jax grabs my hand and spins me round. “Don’t go yet.”
The tingling that’s lingered since I walked away from him spreads through my body as he pulls me close again, mouth immediately on mine. I put a hand between us. “Not here, Jax!”
“Come back to my room,” he whispers against my ear. “I don’t want to let you go yet.”
My body aches, the presence of this man clouding my already poor judgement. “Don’t get any ideas if I do.”
He strokes my hair from my face. “Jesus, Tegan, my mind is full of ideas, but I’ll behave.”
“Will you? I doubt that.” I brush my mouth against his and he pushes me against the wall again.
“Up to you.”
I catch Jax’s hand as it sneaks around to my ass. “Jax! I said not here.”
“Come with me or I’m going to keep kissing you here, and I don’t give a crap who sees.” Jax’s hands slide up my sides, and he grips my waist.
“Okay.”
This could be a big mistake.
Clothes cover Jax’s room, the bed unmade. I didn’t count on him only having a room, imagining he had a suite like me. A bed. A chair. A desk. Not much else. I hover in the doorway. Climbing onto the large bed with Jax would definitely not be good for my self-control.
Jax sits on the edge of the bed and leans back, arms behind him as he looks at me from beneath his fringe. “Come here and kiss me.”
“No,” I reply and cross my arms. “You come here. I’m not climbing onto that bed with you.”
The heavy tension hovers in the room between us, drawing us together. Even if I wanted to, I doubt I’d walk away now.
“I respect what you said about sex, Tegan, but I have more imagination than that. Let me show you what I mean.” My stomach tightens at his suggestion and ideas flood into my mind. “Come here and kiss me or I’m going to come over there and get you.”
I purse my lips. “Yeah?”
He doesn’t take his eyes off mine. “Yeah.”
“Who put you in charge?”
Jax sucks in a breath and leisurely sweeps a gaze along the length of my body. “You want to be in charge? Go ahead.”
This is the only way. If I yield to him, even for one second, all my good intentions will leave. Without replying, I cross to the bed, place a hand on Jax’s chest, and push him backwards onto the mattress. A smile creeps across his face as I straddle his lap. Placing one hand either side of Jax’s head, I look down, meeting his eyes in challenge.
Jax seizes my head and presses his mouth hard against mine; I fall down onto him until our chests meet. He shifts beneath me, arousal evident as he grips my hips and pushes against me. When he slides a hand along my legs to my ass, I’m relieved I wore skinny jeans tonight. A barrier between us isn’t stopping my dampening arousal, but this keeps away the fingers I don’t want touching me. Wrong. I ache for him to touch me, but I can’t. Not yet.
The lust-fuelled kiss earlier is chaste in comparison to this; Jax sweeps his tongue against mine, and I surrender my control. When Jax switches his attention to my neck, his short, hot breaths spike my own arousal. He dips his tongue into the hollow of my neck and I shift until closer, allowing his mouth to reach the skin at the neck of my t-shirt.
The action brings my breasts closer to his face and he buries his nose into my skin, digging his fingers further into my ass.
“Fuck!” Jax flips me over on the bed, roughly pushing up my top and placing his lips on my belly. My body fires with sudden heat, the intensity surprising me, as he trails soft kisses toward my breasts.
Before I can catch up to what’s happening, my bra’s unclasped and pushed upwards, Jax’s hands and mouth on my breasts. He swirls a tongue around the swell before taking my nipple into his mouth. His other hand dips under my ass as he presses himself into me.
My mind protests, but my body yields, the way I promised I wouldn’t. The confidence in his actions, the surety I’ll let him do this, arouses me further. I’m used to guys being cautious, nervous even, but this I like. Too much.
I lift my arms and allow him to pull my t-shirt off. How many other girls wearing their Ruby Riot shirt tonight would like to be in my position? He sits back and drags his shirt over his head too and I finally have a close-up look at the taut muscle I saw glistening after his performance the other night.
When he moves forward for a kiss, I giggle and grab his arms. Catching him off-guard, I twist around until Jax falls beneath me again. I’m under no illusion; I know he let me because the strength in the firm biceps I’m holding is obvious.
Nudging apart his legs with my knee, I rest on him and meet his eyes in challenge again. Jax looks back, eyes darkened with desire. My nipples brush against his naked chest and he runs tickling fingers along my spine.
“You’re trouble,” he says hoarsely.
“Absolutely.” I smooth a hand along his jeans and lightly run my fingers over where his erection strains against the material.
Jax takes a sharp breath holds my hair from my face. “Don’t do that.”
I still my hand. “Why?”
“Because you fucking turn me on, Tegan, and I’m trying to control myself.”
Beneath me, tricking me I’m in control is a man I’ve craved since the moment we stood alone in the confined space of the elevator last week. We weren’t touching, but I came close to giving in to the arcing energy between us even then. Now that energy has control of me.
I’m tempted to help him out of the rest of his clothes, but I’m not being one of his random girls. Jax needs to do more than take me on one date to get what he wants.
I sit back against the solid muscle of his thighs, and smile down at him, loving his loss of the rock star cool he usually blasts at girls. I drag fingernails across his abs instead, and, teasingly, I dip my fingers lower, running my hand along his erection again.
“Shit!” Jax grabs my hand and I giggle. “Stop teasing me!”
“Sure. If you say so.”
His look is fixed on my breasts as he runs a finger around my hardening nipples. “Your tits are amazing.” He seizes my arms and pulls me down, pushing me over until I’m the one lying on the bed. I wriggle against him but he holds my shoulder hard against the soft bedding.
I surrender to his attention, to the teasing tongue and his hand sliding toward my belly. Jax’s mouth on my skin, the unleashing of the sexual charge that exists between us dizzies me and I fall toward allowing his bad intentions.
Jax unbuttons my jeans, yanking the zip down. “Take these off. Let me touch you.”
Blood carries lust through my body, but I squeeze his hand, fighting the inevitable. “No.”
“Tegan!” he groans.
“I’m not getting naked for you, Jax. You haven’t earned that yet.”
His eyes widen in surprise. “Earned? What do I have to do to earn it?”
“I haven’t decided yet, but you don’t get into my pants that easily.”
He cocks a brow and gives me the annoyingly sexy smile. “You wanna get into mine?”
I beckon him closer with one finger and when he does, I slam my hands against his chest and push him over on the bed. “Yes. But I’m not going to.”
“You’re fucking killing me!” he growls up at me and we grapple until he manages to pin me down again.
Our breath comes faster with the struggle – with each other and control - and I laugh. “Good. About time you had to work for something.” I push against Jax’s chest again, but this time he catches my arms and pins them above my head.
“Are you always like this?” he asks.
“Maybe.” I tense waiting for his next move. When Jax releases my hands, we struggle again until I roll onto him. The sheets tangle around us, and Jax steadies himself as we reach the edge of the bed.
We stare at each other, locked in stalemate, and he laughs. “Should’ve expected you to be a tease.”
“Then you won’t be disappointed.” I lean over him to take my t-shirt from the side of the bed and he grabs my arms.
“Fine, but don’t go yet. If this is all I’m getting tonight, I’m making the most.”
I dig my nails beneath Jax’s fingers and loosen his grip on my arm. “Bad luck, Jax. This is all you’re getting from me tonight.”
I laugh at his pout as I pull my t-shirt back on and as I attempt to move, he grips my legs. “Stay. I don’t want to stop.”
Neither do I. I push my tangled hair from my face, pulling back my self-control as I button up my jeans. Jax looks up at me from the bed, flushed face and dark-eyed lust. Waiting. Tempting. Jesus, this man does things to my common sense. Swallowing, I close my eyes and steady my breathing.
Jax could use me. My brother would knock him unconscious if he did, but that doesn’t mean Jax won’t tempt me into his bed and throw me aside in the morning like he does with other girls.
“I think I’d better go, Jax.”
Five minutes later, I flop onto my own bed and listen to the thrum of my heart in my ears. The arousal won’t leave my system as long my lips sting from his kiss and body remembers his touch. The restraint he showed impressed me, but I’ll discover tomorrow if my refusal to get naked means he’ll move onto his next conquest.
Jax doesn’t realise how lucky he almost was.
Chapter Eighteen
PARIS, FRANCE
JAX
“Jaxon Lewis! You’re a very naughty boy!”
Nate’s voice echoes down the hallway from behind, distracting me from the vision of Tegan’s cute ass gloved by her tight jeans as she heads away. Ten minutes ago, buzzing from our performance, I’d headed offstage and found Tegan in the hallway. She didn’t protest when I dragged her out of sight and kissed her; I was fairly sure everybody else would be occupied and nowhere near the quiet corner between the stage and the Green Room.
Wrong.
Now both Nate and Will know. Keeping this quiet isn’t happening much longer.
I spin around and Nate strides over and pokes me in the chest.
“What?” I ask.
He raises a pierced brow and inclines his head to the direction Tegan walked in. “What have you been doing to the delicious Tegan?”
“Why?”
“The correct answer there is ‘nothing’! Whoa, Jax, are you screwing her?”
“No! There’s nothing going on!”
“Mm-hmm.” He fights a smile. “Might be wise not to stick your tongue down her throat in public then.”
“I was not!”
“Whatever, saw you kissing her.” Nate shakes his head. “Good luck, man!”
“We don’t want this public knowledge,” I say in a low voice.
Nate makes a loud ‘pfft’ sound. “Again, good luck, man. Told you, she’s trouble.”
“I guess that’s for me to find out,” I retort.
Nate sucks his lip piercing into his mouth. “This mean you’re not coming out again tonight?”
“Not sure yet.”
“Because you’re up to no good with Tegan?”
“Well, wouldn’t you? If there was a chance?”
“I like my balls where they are, thanks. She’s hot, yeah, but not worth the grief that comes from screwing her. What’s so special about this chick?”
I shrug. If I tell Nate that for the first time in months I crave to be around a girl and spend time with her, rather than challenging myself to get laid at every chance, he’d laugh at me. As far as I know, neither Will nor Nate has had long-term relationships in the whole time I’ve known them; they won’t understand if I admit I want more than to fuck her.
“She’s a challenge,” I say eventually and I’m not bloody wrong there. The girl’s a fucking tease and she’s driving me mad. I could do so many things to make her scream.
“Mmm. Well, hope she’s worth it.” He pulls out his phone. “I’m heading back to the hotel. You coming?”
“Nah. Going to the Green Room until Phoenix are done.”
“Smart guy. Make sure you’re not seen with her.” He taps his nose. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“Whatever, man.”
“Call me if you change your mind about tonight.”
“Yeah, we might come out too. Thinking about persuading Riley to come along as a decoy.”
“Oh, fuck, no! Seriously? I didn’t think you liked her?” protests Nate.
“I don’t, but we can pretend her and Tegan are out together.”
Nate claps me on the back. “You know what? I’ll bet you twenty quid that everybody knows about you and Tegan by the end of the week. And then…” He makes a slicing movement across his throat.
“Hilarious.”
“Man up,” says Nate and saunters off. “Screw her and ditch her, or tell the world. One way or another, you’ll end up fucked.”
I stare after Nate’s retreating figure and consider his words.
Yeah, I’m fucked.
****
I follow my plan of action: have some beers in the Green Room post-gig, and invite Blue Phoenix to come out with the boys and me. They’ll say no; I can almost guarantee that. Jem and Dylan appear first as I’m finishing my second beer. Ruby walks in behind Jem and settles onto the leather sofa in one corner of the room. I drain my bottle and head over to the counter laid out with drinks and food. One more and I’ll tell them I’m heading out with the twins. I munch on some crisps and watch Jem chatting to Dylan, bristling at his ignoring me again.
“Beer?” I ask Ruby.
“I’m good, thanks,” she replies.
“You swearing off alcohol again?”
“Yeah.”
Makes sense, her Prince Charming is a recovering alcoholic and ex-addict. Even so, we’re third date on tour with the legendary Blue Phoenix, and the guys are that tame I swear they go back to their rooms for hot cocoa and bed after gigs. Liam has Cerys visiting for a few days so he’s out, and Dylan’s waiting for Sky to arrive. Bryn’s the only one who’s drinking seriously which is awkward because he’s not a good candidate for a drinking buddy. Naive of me to expect Blue Phoenix to behave like rock stars with women taking over their lives.
“So much for the famous Blue Phoenix party animals,” I complain and take a beer from the counter.
“I think they’re too old for that shit now,” Ruby replies.
“Twenty-six? Fuck, I hope I’m not old and boring then.”
Jem breaks the conversation he’s having with Dylan, and sits next to Ruby, draping an arm across her shoulder. “Who’s too old?”
“You guys. Behaving like old men,” I reply. “Yeah, I know you don’t drink, but we could at least party a bit more!”
“Kinda burnt out, Jax,” says Jem. “You’re welcome to have your own parties, but make sure you don’t get into a life where a doctor tells you to stop or you’ll be dead before you’re thirty.”
“Thanks, Dad,” I reply with a laugh.
Jem turns to Ruby. “Did you tell -”
The look Ruby gives Jem is one I’ve seen before: ‘shut up and don’t say anything’. “He means you’re behaving like a dad,” she hisses.
“What did you say?” I ask Jem. Tell me what?
“Nothing.”
I barely notice Bryn’s entrance into the room, Jem’s words and Ruby’s responses have poked at a suspicion I’ve denied could be possible.
“How’re you feeling now, Ruby?” Bryn asks. “Still sick?”
“Getting better,” she mumbles.
“Better in the evenings, huh?” He sits in the armchair next to Jem and leans forward to poke him, grinning. “Something you want to tell us?”
“No,” Jem retorts.
Bryn is teasing, but I swallow down the realisation growing as I watch for Ruby’s reaction. Paling, she stands, hands trembling. “I’m tired, Jem. Let’s go.”
Bryn sinks back and watches as Jem stands too. “I always know when you’re hiding a secret, Jeremy.”
“Shut up,” he warns.
No.
A thousand fucking times no.
I’ve seen enough shitty TV soaps to guess Ruby’s symptoms could be more than gastro, but she wouldn’t be that fucking stupid. “Ruby. Please don’t tell me you’re -”
“I’m not feeling well, okay! Just fucking leave it!” she snaps, not looking at me as she drops back onto the sofa. The ever-protective Jem immediately joins her.
“You are! You’re fucking pregnant!” The world lurches when her denial doesn’t come, as my mind drags in all the reasons why this is a disaster. “For fuck’s sake!”
Unsure I’ll be able to keep my self- control, and not wanting Ruby to say the words, I grab another beer and leave. Outside the room I pause, my world shattering around me.
The band is screwed now.
We reach the edge of success and Ruby’s fucking ruined this. Jem’s ruined her. Ruby’s as trapped as she was when Dickhead Dan had her in his grasp.
Stupid, fucking… I shake my head against the anger and walk blindly away.
****
TEGAN
The post-concert sales were crazy tonight; we sold out of all t-shirt sizes apart from XXL, which left some very pissed off customers. I smiled sweetly and repeated the same excuse, handing people the flyer listing the online merchandise store. I swear one girl considered ripping off my Blue Phoenix t-shirt rather than go home without one.
By the end of that disaster, I have a huge headache and I’m running late. Finally finding a minute to myself, I check my phone for a message from Jax.
