The Sister Effect, page 17
She smiled. “It’s not a bad world.”
“Agreed.”
Antonio leaned toward Finley. “We hate her, right? I’m not allowed to call her the B word because I don’t want to make him defensive, but we hate her.”
“Absolutely,” Finley told him. “We can’t hate the brother, but she’s totally hate-worthy.”
Antonio beamed. “This one’s a keeper.” He smiled at her. “We’re going to be friends.”
Finley laughed. “I’d like that a lot.”
Thirteen
Sloane wove expertly through the tables, carrying full plates. She set them down, offered more coffee, flashed a smile, then went to check on the rest of her customers. As far as the world was concerned, she was happy, centered and enjoying her day with nothing at all to worry about.
Lies, lies, lies, she thought, swinging by the kitchen to pick up more orders, casually glancing at the big clock on the wall. Thirty more minutes, she thought. Then she could escape, retreat back to her room where she would lie on her bed and try to make sense of how much she’d screwed up her life.
Normally this close to the end of her shift she would be excited about seeing Aubrey. She would have made plans and maybe bought a little gift for her. She would be thinking about their first sleepover and how great that was going to be. Instead, she’d bailed on her kid because she couldn’t face her. Not knowing what she’d done.
One of her tables emptied, then quickly filled. She beamed as she poured coffee and told them about the specials and what was extra good that day. She pocketed tips, wiped up spills and, right on time, clocked out.
She untied her apron before opening her locker and reaching for her handbag. After slinging it over her shoulder, she called out her goodbyes and made her escape.
Once outside, she paused to breathe deeply. She hadn’t messed up at work, she reminded herself. That was something. Thursday morning she’d shown up right on time, a little pale, a little shaky, but sober and determined. She’d hydrated with Gatorade and water, she’d eaten clean and, every second she hadn’t been at work, she’d been in her room. If she got through today, she would be three days sober. Three. The smallest of accomplishments. The reality of what she’d done, that she had to start over, was humiliating.
She walked toward her car only to slow her steps as she saw Ellis leaning against the driver’s door. He watched her approach, his expression unreadable. Part of her was thrilled to see him—she’d missed him, missed them. Yet the rest of her only felt shame when her eyes met his. She’d gone silent for three days. In their world, that never meant anything good.
“You disappeared,” he said as she approached. “I called and I texted. You never answered.”
“Yet here I am, in the flesh.” She smiled brightly. “You look good.”
He didn’t smile back—instead, he studied her face as if looking for answers. She hoped to hell there weren’t any for him to find.
But Ellis knew her better than she knew herself. More significant, he knew what it was to be an alcoholic.
“When?”
He asked the question quietly, without judgment. She flinched all the same.
“Wednesday.”
“On your one-year anniversary. You thought you could fly.”
Frustration bubbled up inside her. “I never thought I could fly. I thought I could be normal. I thought after all that time, whatever was broken inside of me would have healed. I thought I’d be fine.”
His dark gaze was steady and still unreadable. “You weren’t.”
She turned away. “No, I wasn’t. I was a mess. One drink turned into a bottle and then I threw up the whole thing. One year down the drain. One year wasted.” She looked at him. “I was so stupid.”
“Everybody learns at their own pace. You been to a meeting?”
A question she didn’t want to answer. Couldn’t he hug her instead of talking? Couldn’t he hold her tight, then take her back to his place so they could make love and forget about everything else?
But he made no move toward her and his expression turned expectant.
“No,” she said reluctantly. “I can’t go back. It’s too humiliating. Minnie will gloat.”
For the first time since she’d spotted him by her car, she knew exactly what he was thinking. She could feel his disappointment from five feet away.
“Go to a meeting,” he told her, straightening. “Minnie won’t judge. She’s there to help, not make things harder. We can make things harder on our own. No one has to do it for us. Go to a meeting.”
With that, he got in his truck and drove off, leaving her standing alone in the parking lot. She unlocked her car and slid behind the wheel, then paused to wonder if she’d lost him along with her year of sobriety. As she started the engine, she supposed the bigger question was whether or not she’d lost herself, but at that moment, losing Ellis seemed so much more important. And, oddly, easier to deal with.
* * *
The spring back deck planting ritual began with Jericho’s mother deciding which pots and planters she wanted to keep and which had to be replaced. The rejected ones had to be emptied, washed and either tossed or donated, depending on their condition. Once she’d chosen new ones, they were put into place, filled with a layer of rocks, then soil. The plants came last, and Janine preferred to put those in herself. But for everything else, she expected her sons to help.
This particular Saturday afternoon, only Jericho was with her. When she’d asked him over, he’d been concerned she might try to put him and Gil together to work out their issues—the emotional equivalent of teaching your kid to swim by throwing him in the deep end of the pool. Fortunately, he’d shown up to find she was alone.
“I decided it was time to change out all the pots,” she said. “I went on a big buying spree. Gil was by last weekend to help me empty the old ones and take them to the donation site, so you only have to place these and fill them with a little gravel and dirt.”
“Lucky me,” he said lightly, telling himself it wasn’t his fault that his mother had to divide duties between the two brothers to keep them from seeing each other. That was on Gil. But the brave words didn’t assuage the guilt.
He opened the far bay of the three-car garage and saw that his mother had been busy. A couple of dozen pots filled the space. Next to them were bags of gravel and an even bigger stack of planting soil.
“Do you know where you want these?” he asked, thinking he was going to need the hand truck for the bigger pots. Some of them were over four feet high and looked to be glazed ceramic.
“I have an idea,” his mother told him with a grin. “But I might need to move them around a bit to get everything right.”
“As long as we do that before they’re full, I’m fine with it.”
He carefully eased the largest pot onto the hand truck and pushed it through the open people door at the back of the garage. He went up the two stairs backward, half pulling, half lifting the hand truck, then waited while his mother studied the open deck and made her decision. While she figured out placement, he watched her.
She was in her midfifties, with dark hair and pretty eyes. If she was going gray, she covered it because her hair was the same color it had always been. She had on a brightly patterned sweater and dark jeans. Her favorite gardening clogs in a hideous shade of green protected her feet.
“There,” she said, pointing to the far corner, then stopped him halfway across the deck. “No, let’s try the other side.”
As he did as she requested, he thought about how he shouldn’t be the one doing this for her. His dad should be here, grumbling that she needed to make up her mind, all the while secretly pleased about how much she cared about their home.
They’d been a happy couple, devoted to each other. Sure there had been the occasional arguments, but nothing serious. They’d enjoyed each other’s company, had loved their sons and been starting to talk about making plans for retirement. But that future had been stolen by a driver who’d been texting instead of paying attention to the road.
He knew his mom had been devastated by the loss. Her grief had been quiet but so alive as to be frightening. With time, her friends and some help from a counselor, she’d started to live her life again, but she was forever scarred by the loss.
“You doing all right?” he asked. “In the house?”
She looked at him. “I always let you know if I need repairs, Jericho.”
“I meant more than if the washer’s working, Mom. It’s a big place. Do you ever think about moving?”
She pointed to the left side of the deck again. “That’s where I want it. I’m sure.” She waited until he put it in place, then added, “I’ve thought about downsizing. Last year I went to a few open houses. You’re right—this is a big house for one person. But now that Gil and Lauren are pregnant, I’m rethinking that. It would be a wonderful house for grandchildren.” Her tone was wistful.
“You should think about yourself,” he told her. “We could look for a nice rambler. There would still be room for the whole family, but there would be less for you to worry about.” He thought about Finley’s house. It would be perfect for his mom.
“I don’t know,” she said, leading the way back to the garage. “This place has so many memories. And it’s not just Gil and Lauren. Antonio and Dennis are talking about adopting, and one day you might want children.”
“Leave me out of the baby talk,” he said flatly. No way he wanted his mom all up in his business.
He collected another large pot and took it back to the deck. “Just think about it,” he told her. “This isn’t the only house with a big backyard.”
“I’ll consider it.”
He shook his head. “I recognize that tone. You’re saying yes, but thinking no.”
She laughed. “Possibly. And while we’re telling each other what to do, Jericho, you have to deal with your brother.” She pointed to where the next pot should go. “If your father was here, he would want you to forgive him.”
“Pulling out the big guns,” he said to cover the flash of pain her words generated. “If Dad was here, he would kick Gil’s ass.”
She nodded slowly. “That’s true. Then he would say it was time to be a family again.”
“Gil was wrong, Mom. He should have waited until Lauren and I split up. We’re brothers.”
“I know.”
“He’s never apologized.” He held up a hand. “Don’t tell him I said that. His apologizing now won’t mean anything. But while he feels bad about being caught and everyone judging him, he doesn’t feel bad about what he did.”
“I’m sure he does.”
“Guilt isn’t remorse.”
“There’s going to be a baby.”
There was that tone again, he thought grimly. The one that cut through his defenses and left him feeling like the scum of the earth.
“We have to be the bigger people,” she added.
Rather than answer, he retreated to the garage and collected more pots. Once they were all on the deck, his mom had him move several before finally saying she was happy with the configuration.
He used the hand truck to carry out the bags of rock, then stacked the bags of soil next to them.
“Are you seeing anyone?” his mother asked as he ripped open the first bag of rocks and scooped a shovelful.
“You mean like dating?”
“Yes, Jericho. Is there a woman in your life?”
He immediately thought of Finley. She was a woman and they’d become friends, but that wasn’t the kind of relationship his mother was interested in.
“Seeing someone isn’t going to make a difference in my relationship with Gil,” he said flatly.
“No, but it might make you a little happier.” She touched his arm. “I love you, Jericho, just like I love your brothers.”
He stared into her eyes and knew he couldn’t deny her what she wanted most: her family back together.
“I’m trying,” he said.
“He wants you to be his best man.”
“He’s mentioned that.”
“Are you going to say yes?”
“Do I have a choice?”
Her smile was gentle. “Not if I have anything to say about it.” The smile widened. “At least the bachelor party is taken care of.”
“Antonio told you his idea?”
She nodded. “It’s a good one. I don’t see the appeal of cigars, but I won’t be there, so it’s fine.” Her expression turned pleading. “Jericho, I need this. Be his best man. Please. For me.”
“You win.” He kissed her cheek. “My life would be a lot easier if I didn’t love you so much.”
“I know and isn’t that good for me?”
He chuckled and finished placing the gravel at the bottom of each planter. He’d just started on filling them with topsoil when Antonio strolled onto the deck.
“Darling!” he said, embracing Janine. “How’s my timing?”
“I’m still doing the hard labor,” Jericho told him. “So you’re a little early.”
Antonio looked around. “I could do that.” He paused. “I won’t, of course, but I could.” He took Janine’s hands in his. “I’ve brought you the most beautiful plants and flowers. My car is overflowing and Dennis will be here in a second with the rest of them. We are going to create the most amazing outdoor space.”
He glanced around. “And this summer I’m going to convince you to get new deck furniture. What you have is getting a little tired.”
His mother linked arms with Antonio. “Did you bring your tablet to show me what you have in mind?”
“I did. Shall we go inside until Jericho finishes the hard work? Then you and I can get started on the planting.”
“I made cookies.”
“You are my favorite mother ever.”
“Suck-up,” Jericho said good-naturedly. “Don’t eat all the cookies.”
“I’ll leave you the burnt ones.”
Jericho was still laughing when they went inside.
* * *
“Relax,” Kelly said with a grin. “You always act like you’re being tortured.”
“Everything about this is strange,” Finley said. “I can cut my own toenails. It takes five minutes. Why does a pedicure take an hour?”
“Because it’s an experience.” She wiggled her newly painted toes. She’d gone with a deep blue, while Finley had skipped the polish. Getting it on now would only mean having to take it off in a few weeks. She wasn’t a regular-pedicure kind of woman.
But Kelly loved them and they were hanging out together, taking a rare free Saturday afternoon to have lunch and the spa treatment. Aubrey was with Sloane, after missing last weekend with her mom, while Kelly’s kids were with their dad at a baseball game.
“When we get done here, I’m going to go home and take a nap,” Kelly said from her seat in the spacious gathering room in the luxury spa.
“I’m going to spend a couple of hours in my house chipping tile out of the bathroom.”
“Wild woman,” Kelly teased.
“I’ll enjoy myself.”
“I know you will.” She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. “This is nice. Except when everyone is sleeping, my house is never quiet.”
“Is that a problem?”
Kelly smiled without opening her eyes. “No. I love my life, even with the chaos. I mean, sometimes I think I should have had a career, but then who would take care of the kids?” She opened her eyes. “I should have had a fourth.”
Finley nearly fell out of her chair. “Baby? Isn’t three enough?”
“I don’t know. I guess. I still think about it. Ryan was fine with us having more. I didn’t think I could handle it, but now I wonder if I made a mistake to stop at three.”
Finley could barely handle Aubrey, who was eight and getting more mature by the day. Four kids? “You’re a braver woman than me,” she said. “And if you want a fourth child, you should have it. There wouldn’t be that much of an age difference.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t had to deal with diapers for a while. I don’t miss that. What about you?”
“I never had to deal with diapers.”
Kelly smiled. “You know what I mean. Come on, don’t you want a child of your own?”
“I don’t ever think about it.”
“You’re not still missing Noel, are you?”
“He never crosses my mind.” His leaving had hurt her at the time but now she was grateful they hadn’t married.
“So it’s been a while and Aubrey doesn’t need you as much. Plus you have family to help. You should start dating.”
Finley laughed. “In my free time?”
“Wouldn’t you like a man in your life doing all the yummy things men do?”
Finley had to admit there was some appeal in having sex. She missed it, but as there wasn’t a practical way to find someone to have it with, she’d learned to do without. As for a relationship, she didn’t think that was a great idea.
“I don’t have a good track record with men.”
“Because you haven’t met the right guy, which is weird if you ask me. You’re around men all day long.”
“I’m not going to date someone I work with.”
“What about the men you don’t work with?”
There was Jericho, she thought. He was certainly hunky enough and she liked him. But they were friends. Honestly, right now she needed friends more than she needed orgasms. A true but depressing thought.
“Let’s change the subject,” she said lightly.
“Fine. How are things with Lester? Still good?”
“Yes. Surprisingly. He’s great with Aubrey and he helps around the house.” She paused. “Sort of. The limping and the cane make it tough. But he seems to be getting a little better. Less gray and he has more endurance. I think the move was good for him.”
