White Dreams, page 21
“Renny needs her father.” The words were soft.
That gave him pause. This girl had lost hers. “And what about you?” He’d never given thought to her loss or the pain with which she must still be trying to deal. He felt selfish and self-centered for not considering that.
She smiled in a way that reminded him of her mother and raised the gooseflesh along his arms. “Renny is my sister.” With that odd statement, she climbed beneath the covers.
But the implication wasn’t lost on him. Because of her closeness to Renny, she regarded him as a father. He felt honored. Grady lit the lamp on the bedside table, then carried it with him to the door. Morning Moon’s sleepy voice stopped him. “She really likes the horse painting.”
He laughed. Would that make everything up to his daughter? A painting? “You are as wise as your mother, young lady.” With that, he climbed the stairs slowly to the third floor, his mind whirling, trying to sort out everything that had hit him in one short day. And how his life would change. If he managed to convince Star to marry him, he’d have two daughters—and a son. He paused on the landing, liking the image that brought to mind.
Stepping into Margaret Mary’s studio, Grady held the lamp high. Renny lay huddled along the wall beneath a quilt. An untouched supper tray lay next to her. Several canvases drew his attention. He’d forgotten all about them. Squatting, he studied them, smiled sadly at the one of Emma, then shook his head at the painting Morning Moon had mentioned.
Setting his lamp down, he scooped his daughter into his arms. She stirred, yawning sleepily, then opened her eyes. “I didn’t disobey—exactly,” she said. “You hadn’t left yet, and you said I had to stay inside while you were gone. Are you going to yell at me for not staying in my bedroom?”
Grady blinked. “No, sweetheart. Never again.”
Renny sighed and giggled. She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled close. “Yeah, you will.”
He chuckled, too, then. “Yeah, probably so. But only because I love you. Never, never forget that, child.”
She opened her eyes, then glanced around her. “You’re not mad ’cause I came up here, are you?”
“Of course not. You can come up here any time you want.”
Renny yawned again. “Truly?”
An idea formed in Grady’s mind. “Truly. After I hire someone to clean it. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Come on. Let’s get you tucked into bed. You feel like a block of ice.”
“Okay.”
Lamp in hand, he carried her back to her bed and tucked her in. Then he headed for his own room. As he sat on one side of his bed, a soft sigh from the other startled him. He spun and stared.
There in his bed, snuggled beneath the thick pile of quilts, Star Dreamer lay asleep. Leaning over, he shook her gently. “Star?” He smoothed the silky strands of black hair from her face and ran his fingers down along her jaw.
She stretched, then smiled up at him. “You’re home. Did you find Renny? I didn’t want to leave her up there, but she didn’t want to come down.”
He smiled. “Yes, she’s in bed. But what about you? What are you doing in my room…in my bed?”
She sobered, her gaze intense. “I belong here.”
Grady’s heart raced. Her words soothed the ache in his heart. She belongs here, with me. Today and tomorrow. Forever.
But no matter how much his body longed to take what she offered, he couldn’t. Not yet. “I’m not sure having you here is such a good idea. I want you, make no mistake, but you have to be sure, Star. Very sure,” he finished, then waited.
Stay, his mind begged. Stay. Love me. Be mine forever. The plea from his heart and soul reverberated loudly within him, but he didn’t dare scare her away by saying the words aloud. How he wanted her to stay the night, and the next and every one thereafter—yet he had to be sure she knew to what she was committing herself.
“I need you. And you need me,” she answered, shifting onto her side and moving toward the center of the bed—closer to him.
“Star—”
She lifted her hand and pressed her fingers to his lips. “I’m sure, Grady. I don’t want to be, but I am.”
Taking her hand in his, he kissed her fingertips, curled her fingers over his and rubbed his jaw with the backs of her fingers. “I love you, sweetheart. We belong together.” And with that he closed the gap between them.
Her eyes were wide, dark with turbulent emotion. “What I feel scares me, Grady.”
Bursts of sunshine reached into the dark corners of his soul, warming him from the inside out. “Loving you is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Facing the enemy in battle is nothing compared to admitting that I love you.”
“What if—”
Reaching out, he silenced her doubt with a gentle kiss. “No what-ifs. We have each other. That’s all we need. There are no guarantees. We both know that. Let’s just take each day as it comes. I love you, Star. With all my heart and soul, I love you. Nothing else matters. We stand together, united.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. She pushed the covers off and rose to her knees. She removed her nightdress in one smooth motion.
Grady sucked in his breath. Soft light bathed her body in a golden glow. His blood heated, pooling in his groin as his gaze dipped to linger on her breasts: small, gently rounded, with twin dark nipples. He watched as the tips tightened and peaked.
Swallowing hard, his eyes lowered, following the smooth slope of her body downward to her narrow waist and onward over the gentle swell of her womanly hips. There, his gaze lingered on the dark patch of curls nestled between her legs. His hands twitched with the need to cup her, to feel her warm, moist heat. Her knees parted slightly, and he could see the faint outline of her nether lips. His fingers longed to slide through the springy curls and find the sensitive heart of her. His body swelled with desperate need.
Willing himself to go slow and not rush, Grady stood, facing her as he removed his shirt, shoes and socks. He hesitated, watching Star closely. She wet her lips—his own had gone dry too—and as her gaze roamed over his body, his skin tingled as if she’d kissed every inch of him. When her eyes lowered to his fingers, poised on the buttons at his waist, he undid each one, drawing out the moment of divesting himself of his trousers. He could hear her intake of breath.
Suddenly, his desire demanded he continue the sweet torment. He had to touch her as he’d dreamed of doing, now. Seconds later, he stood before her, naked. And when she held out her arms, he didn’t hesitate. He joined her on the bed, kneeling in front of her, gathering her close until they were pressed together from thighs to chest and breast. But Grady made no movement to lie them down. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her, and reveled in the meeting of their naked flesh.
Star sighed with pleasure as Grady’s arms closed around her, enveloping her in his strength and scent as his heated skin made contact with hers. Her breasts ached and swelled against the hard wall of his chest, and the feel of his pulsing manhood against her belly increased the ache between her legs. Moisture gathered where the ache throbbed deepest. She moaned with such need, felt embarrassed and lowered her head to his chest.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He tipped her head up.
“I’ve never felt this way. I want you so much, it hurts here.” She pressed her hand to her lower abdomen. Her hand grazed his swollen length. He shuddered and took her hand, placing her palm along it.
“I hurt with my need for you as well, my sweet, lovely, bright Star.”
She gently cupped him, her finger caressing his velvety tip, smoothing the moisture beading there. “Bright Star. You’ve called me that before.” She liked the name, it held a certain shared wonder for her.
“You brought light back into my life. Through your eyes, I’ve found love and laughter once again. You saved me, gave me hope for the future.” His hands crept up to cup her face. He kissed her.
Star moaned. There was no gentle teasing in this demanding assault. Passion took over. Her hands wrapped around Grady’s neck, pulling him close. As she opened her mouth, his tongue thrust inside. She suckled. He groaned and retreated. Following, she took from him, stroking his tongue, sliding along the inner flesh of his mouth, sinking under waves of building passion.
As one, their hips moved. The mattress moved beneath their knees, and Grady’s hands slid down her back and cupped her buttocks. He pulled her tight against him. She rocked there, seeking to be even closer. Moving one of her legs outside his, he thrust his thigh hard against her. She cried out and shuddered, fighting the urge to let herself go. But her body, stroked to a feverish pitch, needed release. She cried his name, breaking off their kiss. His lips trailed down her throat and one hand slid down over her belly, making her catch her breath.
Then his hand cupped her, pressed down hard, and she could only grab his shoulders and hold on. Her own harsh, ragged breathing filled the room.
“Find release, Star,” he begged. He slid one finger into her moist folds and grazed the swollen heart begging for his touch. He stroked it with one hand while his other supported her lower back, his fingers digging into the flesh of her buttocks.
Star could do nothing but what he asked, for her body could stand no more. His breath tickled her ear as his mouth found the sensitive area behind it and along her neck.
Her hips circled frantically, his fingers matching her movements, driving her faster, pressing her harder, leaving her no choice but to follow him up the path to pleasure and pain—and release.
Gasping, she thrust her hips forward one last time and felt herself explode into fragments of shuddering ecstasy. Incredible color burst around her. Still Grady stroked, coaxing wave after wave of ecstasy from her throbbing flesh until, spent, she sagged against him.
Grady lowered them both to the mattress. “God, you’re so beautiful.” He stroked tenderly from her hip to the gentle swell of her breast, then cupped it. She noticed that she filled his palm, her size perfect. Bending his head, she felt him taste her, his tongue circling the peak of her breast before his lips took the dusky nipple into his mouth.
Her gasp of pleasure shocked her. His hand cradled and caressed her other breast. Then he took his time licking and sucking the straining tip until both of her breasts were wet with his kisses, her puckered nipples erect and hard.
Star’s fingers gripped his head, her fingers massaging his scalp, tangling in his hair. He lifted his head. Strands of his hair hung down and brushed against her breasts. He kissed her slowly, but his passion could not be contained for long. Nor could hers. Frantically Star urged him over her, her drawn-up knees falling wide. He needed no further invitation. Supporting himself on his hands, he leaned down to brush his lips over each breast as he maneuvered his body.
“I can’t wait much longer, bright Star,” he said. “I need you, now.”
But Star didn’t want him to wait. She wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him inside by tipping her hips. He slid into her.
With him buried deep within her, Star convulsed around him. She was near to finding release again. He moved slowly and she moaned, but then the storm of need broke. Their mouths locked, tongues thrusting and retreating in time to the sudden frantic movements of their hips.
Star dug her fingers into Grady’s shoulders, feeling her body tensing, tightening with each hard thrust. Every time he withdrew, she cried out, then moaned in pleasure when he surged back inside. Her legs tightened, keeping him from withdrawing completely. His mouth left hers. She arched her back and again, felt his teeth scrape against her sensitive, swollen nipple.
“Grady,” she cried.
“Yes, love.” He was moving hard and fast now, demanding she follow him. In. Out. Faster and faster until Star could barely breathe.
“Now!” he gasped, his voice hoarse, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he threw his head back. With one last thrust, his body stiffened and pulsed deep inside her.
“Yes.” She sobbed, arching up, her body convulsing around him, drawing his length deeper, holding him as tremors wracked her body, sending her higher until she too stiffened. The ecstasy of joining with him, becoming one, sharing a climb to the peak of joy held more wonder than she’d ever known. Again, her body spasmed as if there was no end to her pleasure. And she didn’t want one; she wanted to savor this incredible moment, the bright stars bursting behind her closed eyes.
Finally, her body calmed. Grady collapsed on top of her. They kissed; lazily, tiredly, letting each other know without words what the joining meant to them.
Still united, Grady smiled down at her. “I love you, Star Dreamer.”
Running the pads of her fingers over the contours of his face, Star felt tears slip from the corners of her eyes. She loved this man, wanted to say the words but was afraid. “I—”
He stopped her with a kiss. “We have time. When the time is right, when you have to say those words to me or burst with it, then say them.” He sighed even as he flexed his hips, causing another tremor to roll through her. “I suppose you should return to your own bed.”
She tipped her head, both relieved and on edge. “Why?”
“So our daughters don’t find us sleeping together.”
Star tightened her hold on him. Whites held different views of love than her people. This was not the same as it would have been at home. By her own people’s beliefs, she and Grady would be considered married now. Many times, couples defied parents by running away together, and when they returned, they were considered husband and wife.
But that was not so in Grady’s world. And despite her love—and having admitted it to him—she wasn’t sure she could take that next step. “I don’t want to leave. Not yet.”
Grady’s smile grew in the candlelight. “There are many hours before I have to tuck you back into your own bed. In the meantime, I’m not the least bit tired.”
Near her, Star felt his hardness grow. Her own center throbbed anew. “Neither am I,” she answered. She sighed when he bent his head to her breasts once more.
Chapter Fourteen
Hester Mae paused in the entryway to check her appearance in the gilt-framed mirror before leaving the house. Using both hands, she adjusted her hat, setting it at a slight angle. Satisfied, she drew her gloves, then hesitated once more to study image in the glass.
She leaned forward, smoothed a faint crease in her forehead, then turned a critical gaze to the tiny lines fanning out from each corner of her eyes. When had time stamped its passage on her face? The forties, she mused, were not kind years to a woman. But at least she had her figure. Though no children. Desperation combined with unfulfillment slid through her, deepening the creases on the sides of her mouth and thinning her lips.
“Hester Mae, let’s go. I’m late.” Baxter strode back in through the front door.
Turning from her unhappy image, she followed her husband out to their waiting carriage. When the buggy stopped in front of his warehouse, Baxter handed her the reins and climbed down. “I won’t be home tonight.”
An opportunity to see Leo. Yet the prospect of her lover didn’t thrill her as it once had. She was tired of the man, and his demands. All he cared about were his own needs. He would come tonight, no matter how she felt. With a sigh, she wished her husband would stay home. It seemed as if he’d only just returned from a trip. “Leaving again so soon, Bax? You had better watch out, or the neighbors will think you’ve got a mistress tucked away somewhere.”
Baxter lifted a brow. “Would you really care, Hester Mae? You’ve made it clear you abhor my presence.”
To her surprise, the thought that he might have a mistress bothered her—a lot. She stared down at him from her perch in the carriage, noting how he suddenly looked his age. Sighing, she looked away, wishing that things had worked out better between them.
“No doubt. Because you’d worry over what the neighbors would think,” he finally answered himself, sounding tired and sad.
She sighed. “Maybe we should never have married. Why did you marry me, Baxter? Neither of us has made the other happy.”
“Do you really want to know?”
Suddenly afraid, Hester Mae chewed on the inside of her cheek. She’d always assumed her father had put pressure on Baxter, the son of one of his acquaintances, to take pity on her. “Why?”
“I thought you’d make a good wife and mother. You were mature, not some simpering, empty-headed girl who cared only for balls and being invited to the right homes. And after my first wife died, I was lonely.”
She laughed hollowly. “That hasn’t changed, has it, Baxter?”
He stared off toward the harbor. “I promised your father that I’d take care of you.”
Her throat clogged. “You have taken care of me, Baxter.” He had. He’d provided for her, and though she might consider him to be tight-fisted, she had never lacked for the things a woman of her social position needed.
“But I haven’t made you happy, Hester Mae.”
Drawing a deep breath, she turned to look at him. “I suppose it’s not your fault you couldn’t give me children.”
“If you’d already had a dozen, perhaps you’d have been happy and content with a man nearly old enough to be your father.” He ran one hand over his thinning hair and gripped an envelope in the other. He stared at it, then dropped both arms to his sides. “Do you want me to set you free, Hester Mae? I will. I can buy you a house and see you provided for life. I’ll have Manning do up the paperwork.”
Startled, she turned in her seat. Once she’d have jumped at that. Even yesterday. But today? She wasn’t sure.
Squeezing the reins tightly in her gloved fists, she shook her head. “I don’t know.” Her life was so empty; she just didn’t know what she wanted anymore.
“We’ll talk when I get back.”
Hester Mae nodded, then left. She drove aimlessly, thinking. If she hadn’t married Baxter, what would her life have been like? Not much different than now, perhaps. She’d already been a spinster, and her chance of having made an acceptable marriage had passed her by. Baxter had given her the opportunity to be a wife.
