Game Over Boys, page 22
Maybe I don’t give a crap because he’s alive?
A strange sound escapes me as I struggle to stay standing. My knees are threatening to buckle with the weight of my relief. If he isn’t dead, who is? Is it wrong to think that perhaps his death would’ve hurt the worst? His or Parrish’s or … Maxx’s.
I can’t seem to convince my terrified and shrinking heart that he’s truly here, that he is the one looking at me like my life is a miracle. How can he possibly think that? He’s a better person than me in every possible way. I don’t deserve him. I don’t. I fucking don’t.
But I want him.
A small sniffle escapes me before I can stop it.
“Fuck, Dakota,” Chasm whispers, looking me up and down. When he sees that I’m still relatively in one piece, he closes the distance between us in an instant, wrapping me up in his strong arms and pulling me to his chest. It hurts a little, and I let out a small breath of pain, but I don’t let Chas move back or let go. I curl my fingers into his black t-shirt. Chasm’s hand strokes my hair, smoothing down to the back of my neck. He rests his hand there, warm and solid and comforting.
Alive.
Yet still, the grief and dread remain.
“As far as the Lumen thing …” Justin clucks his tongue as he rises to his feet, sending another sharp spike of fear through me. I cling even harder to Chasm, take comfort in him in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever found comfort in another person. “Don’t worry about it.”
And then Justin takes off through the entryway in the direction of his office, leaving me there to grip Chasm like a lifeline. I can’t even believe he’s here. I’d imagined my hellscape going up in various forms of flame. Black ones with blue innards. Red fingers licking a night sky. Smoke and ash and heat to burn away the last of me.
But this? How is Chasm here? Why is he here?
I draw back just enough to look up at him, but his face is white, lips pursed, and there’s a haunted expression in his eyes that I don’t want to understand. I don’t want to know. But I have to. There’s no way around it.
“Who’s dead, Chas?” I ask, fighting sniffles. It still hurts to get stuffed up, to cry. Justin truly wrecked my poor face. Chasm hesitates slightly, reaching up and laying his hand on my cheek. Does he see it? Can he tell? I hope not. He doesn’t need to worry about that right now. He just needs to breathe. His heart just needs to beat. He simply needs to exist in order for me to survive the pain.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he whispers, voice rough, expression raw. He looks like a man that’s been backed into a corner. It’s not an expression I’m used to seeing on Chas’ handsome face. “What did he do to you?”
“Please tell me,” I beg, taking in his colored bangs as they cling to his sweaty forehead. He’s beyond beautiful, like a dark angel descended from the sky. All I want right now is to run away with him and never look back. Even if Maxx and I are done forever, I … at least I have Chasm and Parrish.
I hope I do, anyway.
Just tell me, Chas. Put me out of my misery. Tell me which innocent person I condemned with my foolish actions.
“Dakota, are you okay?” Chasm gives me a gentle shake to bring me back to myself.
“It’s Mia now,” Caroline corrects, rising to her feet. “Don’t forget again or there’ll be consequences. I do have the power to ban you from the house, young man.” She heads into the garden, heels clacking, and Delphine scrambles to follow her.
Chasm and I are alone. Or, as relatively alone as we can possibly be in a house filled with cameras and criminals.
His eyes search mine frantically as he lifts his other hand, bracketing my face between them.
“What happened?” he whispers, but I don’t care about what happened to me. I need to know who I’m supposed to be mourning next.
“Who died, Chasm?” I repeat, and I don’t even bother to hide the tears this time. I just let myself cry. That’s when I notice Raúl watching us from the foyer. He flicks his lighter for my benefit as Chas’ gaze drops to the double smiley face burns on my arms. That’s what it looks like, you know, when somebody burns you with a hot lighter.
“Nobody died.” Chasm’s voice is firm, that full mouth of his tight with tension. “If Raúl hadn’t checked me for weapons on my way in, maybe somebody would have.” He scowls at my father’s plucky assistant before looking back at me with a frown. “Now, tell me what happened to you before I lose my shit.”
“Nobody died?” I repeat, relief flooding me so suddenly that my knees finally buckle. Chas catches me, lowering me gently onto my seat. He takes Justin’s chair, pulling it close enough to mine that our legs are tangled together. His knee is almost touching me at the apex of my thighs, but the closeness doesn’t affect me the way it usually does.
Something is very wrong here even if nobody is dead.
“What is it?” I lock onto his gaze and he shifts his eyes to the right, an inexplicable sadness filling his features. I pick up a glass of water, force myself to drink, offer it out to him. It’s the only thing I can think to do while I wait for Chasm to get it together.
He reaches up, his oversized black puffer jacket shifting and creaking in the silence. Even in a state of extreme distress, he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. His ink black hair threaded through with a yellow lightning bolt over his bangs, the metal rings on either side of his lower lip, the plugs in his earlobes, his thick lashes. I can appreciate the Medusa on the front of his shirt, the way his blue jeans stretch over his strong thighs.
“We were able to work through the deal you made with Justin.” Chas swings his jewel-like eyes back to mine, knocking the breath from me. Best-case scenario is that Justin told them. Best-case scenario would be if … if … “I love you so much, you know that?” He offers that up in such a purposeful way that I almost just stand up and run from the room.
“They might be on your side, but you might not like the things they’ll do if they think it’s for your benefit.” Lumen told me that on the yacht during my father’s wedding. I’ve often wondered exactly how far they would go.
They killed somebody for me. I’m so sure of that I forget I’ve stopped breathing. My head swims and I snatch up the water glass, downing the rest of it before I dare allow myself the chance to respond. It stirs as I trick my heart with lies.
“No matter what happens, that never changes.” He reaches out for my hands, running his thumb over my engagement ring. I know it’s from Justin, that it probably has the bad juju of his relationship to Tess still clinging to it like a ghost, but … It’s a symbol of me and Chasm now, a promise of a future shining up at me. If we can get out of this, I have a pretty good thing going for me.
I am so damn lucky.
The grief inside my heart snickers at my optimism.
“It never changes,” I repeat, making myself smile. They killed somebody. I don’t know which boys exactly—between Parrish, Chasm, and X—but they did it. Who was it, I wonder? Gavin? Antonio? Or did they get Veronica straight-off for me? “Who is it?” I ask, and Chasm flinches. His grip on my hand tightens as he squeezes his eyes shut.
“Lumen,” he whispers, shaking his head. He mutters something in Korean and then follows it up in mumbled English. “I thought you knew it was her.”
My eyes swell with tears; I can’t keep the feeling back.
“Lumen’s dead?” I whisper, wondering why he lied to me in the beginning. Why tell me that nobody was dead when somebody very much was? I guess I thought he meant nobody close to you is dead, but we got one of the people on your list. Now I’m really confused here.
Because I still refuse to believe what’s staring me straight in the face.
Blind hope is a wonderful trait to have, but when it fails, it hurts so damn bad.
Chasm slams the full force of his stare into me, opening his eyes wide.
“Uh, unless you know something I don’t know?” He blinks back at me rapidly. “Little Sister, you better start talking now.”
“If she isn’t dead then what do you mean?” I’m sounding panicked now, but I don’t understand what he’s trying to say. Nah. Maybe I do? Maybe I just don’t want to understand. Maybe it was easier to think the guys killed somebody than to think … that.
“I …” Chasm trails off again, mouth half open, no words. He closes it. He ruffles up his hair with his hand, and I wish he’d take his jacket off so I could see his tattoos. “Fuck it.”
See, it’s our couple motto. Told ya.
He leans in and takes my head in his hands, pressing his arcane lips to mine. A spell is cast. I’m stolen under it, and even though it burns, I don’t fight it. I’m happy here in the heat of Chasm’s innate magic. It’s his personality as much as his looks. Moreso. Mostly.
But, shit, he tastes like sadness, like goodbyes, like longing.
He tastes like somebody who willingly drinks the poison to spare his friends, like somebody determined to be the bad guy even when he’s so, so good on the inside. Like somebody who believes he will never again kiss the girl he’s holding like a treasure in his hands.
“God, I love you. Saranghae,” he breathes, and then he draws back ever so slightly. Our noses are touching when he tells me what should’ve probably been obvious from the get-go. “I slept with Lumen.”
There’s a long pause there where the words don’t process. I’m used to this by now. Do you know how many times I’ve read Justin’s missives and suddenly had no fucking clue what the English language looks or sounds like? The words become strange symbols, strange sounds, become curses cutting themselves into my brain. Wrecking my heart.
“You … did what now?” I’m still struggling, staring at Chasm staring at me. He’s still holding my face, and he’s breathing so hard that I can see his pulse in his neck. Thrumming. Thundering. A violent struggle in the strong column of his throat.
His lips purse in answer.
“You had sex with her?” I’m clarifying in the most basic of terms, so that I don’t freak all the way out for nothing. So I don’t flip this table, snatch a shard of glass, and charge into Justin’s office with a primal scream. “I don’t believe it.”
Chasm’s eyes flash.
“You don’t believe it? Naekkeo, you have to believe it or we’re all fucking dead.” He releases me and sits back up suddenly, yanking out a new pack of cigarettes and lighting one up right then and there. I’ve never seen him smoke inside before. Also, didn’t he quit?
“I thought you quit,” I repeat aloud, clutching at my skirts with tense fingers. I’m frantic sounding, like a crazy person. I’ve finally lost it. Justin Prior is actually breaking me. Wow. Bravo. Slaughtering my childhood friend didn’t do it for me, but hey, my man cheated.
Two of my men cheated. Two outta three, not half-bad. Should we shoot for Parrish next?
I laugh at the absurdity of the situation. Chasm didn’t cheat: he did what he was told to do in order to save a life. Just like I did when I originally slept with him. It’s noble. It’s self-sacrificial.
It’s bullshit.
I turn suddenly and slide my arms across the table, knocking everything to the floor where it shatters into shards. The cigarette falls from Chasm’s mouth, and he clamps a hand over his lips. I bend down and snatch up a ragged piece of porcelain with my left hand.
“You forget that I know he’s controlling you!” I scream as I stand up, pointing at him with my right hand. I know I’m reusing the phrase that Parrish already used twice. Sort of lame. Need new material. I go to storm into Justin’s office, but Chasm’s hand snatches my elbow as I pass.
Did he touch Lumen with those hands? Did X really touch my sister like that? Am I really going to try to kill Justin after my failure last night?
Yes, I am.
I’m going to kill him.
“No, he wasn’t.” Chasm releases me when he sees that I’ve stopped trying to move, reaching a hand into his jacket pocket and sliding out his phone. He gets a video pulled up and then he hands it to me. “This happened before; I screwed up.”
There’s a video there that I do not want to see.
Likely, as badly as Parrish didn’t want to see me make love to Chasm in the first place.
A sound escapes, like a kicked puppy. I put my hand over my mouth.
With X, there was a part of me that rationalized he truly must be lying because while he might have hard morals and be willing to do questionable things, my sister is cut-and-dried. Nope. She wouldn’t sleep with Maxx. I firmly believe that. Believed it, actually, until a few seconds ago.
If Chasm could betray me, I don’t know if I believe in anything anymore.
“You know that Maxx is clearly faking all this to save your ass, right? I hope you’d think that. In fact, I don’t expect you to think it at all; I expect you to know it.” Parrish told me that more than once. I have to cling to it, no matter how idiotic or naïve it seems.
I will not push play on that video just as I did not watch any of the seven videos of the double Maxes.
“Hey,” Chasm offers with a small, panicked laugh. “Look, the choice is easy now, right?” Tears prick his eyes, and he reaches up with the back of his hand to swipe them away. “You can be with Parrish now. Maxx and I made the choice for you.”
“I don’t think so.” Justin is back, frowning at the pair of us. I’m trying really hard not to look too closely at this video. It’s a bit of an odd angle, making me wonder how Chasm got Justin to accept it as evidence. That’s a good sign, isn’t it?
My brain takes me on an unwilling journey of all Lumen and Chasm’s past interactions. I genuinely thought he despised her, but now that I’m nitpicking memories, didn’t their interactions remind me of mine and Parrish’s in the beginning? Do Lumen and Chasm have a love/hate relationship that I somehow missed?
No. Freaking. Way.
My conversation with Chasm at the lake beside his cabin rushes back to me.
“I’ve got a crush that you don’t need to know about. She’s pretty much the exact opposite of you. Good grades, athletic build, outdoor interests. Not some Ashnikko simp with a crappy Twitch channel. She dresses up for parties. I like blondes so, she checks that box for sure.”
“Infidelity shouldn’t end a marriage. I was willing to give your slut of a mother another chance, but she took off on me and look how that turned out.” Justin gestures at me, as if I’m a sickening disappointment. First, a disappointment to Tess. Now, to Justin. I’m sorry to say that both of those things hurt. I wish I were stronger, that Justin couldn’t dig at me at all, but that’s the price of having a heart sometimes.
You get the pretty, but you also get the pain.
“Kiss and make up,” Justin orders, gesturing irritably at us. “You have a mission to carry out tomorrow night.”
I don’t look at Chas when he stands up and presses a kiss to my cheek. I don’t turn away from him either, which is a win in my book.
“Is there another party at Camp Kellogg?” I ask, voice skeletal. Chasm nods, but I feel more than see the gesture. I’m staring at the floor, at the drops of blood swelling from my hand as I clutch that shard of glass. I look up at Justin to find him smirking at me. He’s just waiting for me to go for him again so that he can attack me in retaliation or send Raúl after me. Mr. Volli, maybe. Perhaps some other psycho or pervert that he has on payroll.
“There is. Like I said, almost every night …” Chasm’s voice trails off as I move away, tossing the bloody glass at Justin’s feet. I don’t look back as I climb the stairs, but I can sense that Chas is following after me. I want to slam my door in his face, but I don’t.
Because I want to believe in him, even if that makes me an idiot.
Still ignoring him, I move into the bathroom to retrieve my trusty first-aid kit.
“Let me.” He rushes in behind me, gently taking my hand in his. I stand there, numb and silent and empty inside as he cleans the wound and then uses a length of bandage to wrap it up. Makes me miss Maxx, the sports medicine specialist.
If I really think about it, Parrish and I were fated from the very beginning. It was me and him from the get-go. I’m only with Chasm and Maxx because of Justin. As simply as they were given to me, they’ve been taken away, and I can’t even complain because what sort of person demands love and fidelity from three other people? It’s not fair to them, never was.
At least now I’ve gotten a taste of my own medicine.
“Dakota,” Chasm begins, and I turn suddenly, hating how close together we are. He has his hands resting on the bathroom counter on either side of me, leaning down, blocking me in as his eyes beg in silent pleading.
“Don’t call me Dakota anymore; my name is now legally Mia Prior.” I smile sadly as Chasm’s eyes widen in disbelief. I consider picking up my Korean workbook and practicing my Hangul—the Korean alphabet—but I don’t know if I want to learn it anymore.
Chasm’s betrayal—whether it’s real or if it’s just smoke and mirrors—hurts too damn badly.
Wasn’t he angry at Maxx for this exact same thing? I don’t understand. I’m at a complete loss.
“He changed your name?” Chas breathes, and then shakes his head, cursing under his breath. When he lifts a hand to lay it on my cheek, I duck past him and move into the room. When I check the bedroom door, I find that it’s locked. We’re locked in together now. What fresh hell is this? “He’s been keeping you prisoner in here? We figured as much.”
“Was he texting you as me?” I ask, trying to keep things business-casual here. There is no room for my broken heart. I just need to get out of here. As soon as I do, I’ll go to Tess, beg her to contact Agent Takahashi on my behalf, make a stand legally. Clearly, this method isn’t doing me any good.
“He was, but we clocked him right away. Tess, too. She’s been a wild storm since that day at the courthouse. Pretty sure she’s up to something, but we can’t figure out what that is.” Chasm’s voice is halted, hesitant, unsure, a complete one-eighty from his usual cocky confidence. “Are we … we’re not going to talk about the Lumen thing?”
