Date Me, Baby, One More Time, page 16
“Oh, my darling! I knew you would come around!” Satan rushed around the corner, and Iris hit him square in the face with a powerful rush of water.
Unfortunately, he was wearing a Gore-Tex rain outfit, complete with goggles and a face mask. He threw his hands on his hips and stood under the assault of water. “You lie! You get my manly regions eager with anticipation of a sexual marathon, and you ambush me! I do not understand. I am emotionally shattered by your actions.”
She released the trigger. Bastard. Since when did he get that smart? Water dripped off his hood, hitting the plastic sheet on the floor with rhythmic drops. “How stupid do you think I am? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
He sighed heavily. “Find out what, my love? If you’re referring to my harvesting of two hundred and thirty souls yesterday, I ask you, what do you expect? I am Satan. It is my calling. My best Rivka found a cult that was looking for sponsorship, so I offered my services.”
“Not that.” God, she wanted to turn him into a pile of jelly. “Take off the rain gear. I promise I won’t shoot you.”
Satan chuckled and waggled a gloved finger at her. “Oh, my large-breasted fantasy woman, you are turning into my perfect mate. You lie without even one facial twitch. So impressive.”
Iris frowned. He was right. She had every intention of shooting him. “Did you turn on your brain today or something?”
“My best Rivka challenges me daily. I realized I cannot always rely on my manly brawn and my special Satanic talents to overpower everyone. I am courting the souls of some Harvard Law School professors. Soon I pass the Afterlife bar exam and will write unbreakable contracts and issue incontrovertible orders.” He sighed suddenly and sat down heavily on a kitchen chair with a loud squish. “It is very disheartening to realize how much I do wrong. I have much to fix.”
Iris hesitated, trying to read his body language. His shoulders seemed too droopy for this to be another scam.
Not that it mattered. He was in trouble. She whipped the hose back into firing position. “Justine told me about the surfer.”
Satan looked at her, but the goggles kept her from seeing his expression. Good. No need to be tempted by his come-hither eyes. “Which surfer?” he asked. “I have taken the souls of many surfers. They are willing to trade much for the perfect wave.”
“The one who showed up at my daughter’s condo with a gun. He tried to kill her and steal the Goblet.”
Satan sat up straighter. “I protect her. Why do you refuse to believe me? I will go to great lengths to win your favor.” Satan shoved the goggles up on his forehead, his face a picture of innocent confusion. If he hadn’t nabbed so many Hollywood souls, she might even be inclined to buy it. “Why do you blame me for this?”
“Because he had a gold aura.”
Something twitched in his face, then it was gone, but she was certain he knew what she was talking about.
Disappointment rushed through her, and she realized she’d been hoping he didn’t. “And you cursed Derek LaValle. You’re the reason he’s after Justine.” Her fingers twitched on the nozzle, but she held off. Answers first, torture later. “Your signature was on the Curse.” She moved closer. “You betrayed me.”
“No.” His voice was soft. Angry. His fists clenched. “It is I who have been betrayed.”
“As if! How do you figure?” If he tried to blame all of this on her just because she refused to let him steal Mona, she was turning him into a puddle.
He held out his hand. “Hose, please. I will give it back after I explain.”
She tightened her grip on her weapon, knowing she was unlikely to get it back. But she needed answers quickly, and she did have a few water balloons stashed under the sink. Justine had said Derek’s time was running out, but Iris had sensed another threat that Justine had denied. Nice. Her daughter met an attractive man and instantly starts hiding secrets from her own mother. It hurt so deeply, after all she did for her.
Satan leapt to his feet and laid his hand on her cheek. “My love pancake? What is wrong?”
“Nothing.” She shook him off and shut down her desire to lean on him. As if Satan could understand the emotions of being a mother. “Take the hose, Satan. You better make this good.”
“Oh, very good. I have a dark secret I have told no one. Until now.”
A secret that the lord of all things evil considered dark?
This was going to be good.
Fifteen
Satan turned off the faucet, emptied the hose into the sink, detached it, and threw it out the kitchen window. Then he took off the rain suit, revealing a very nice-fitting tuxedo.
“Going somewhere?” The man certainly knew how to dress. He looked ravishing. She wanted to run her fingers over that fine fabric and well-muscled body.
Instead, she walked around to the other side of the table and sat down.
He settled himself across her from and pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. “I was going to invite you to an opera at the Met tonight. I have reservations at a very nice restaurant in New York. Five star.” He pulled out two tickets and slid them across the table to her.
Disbelief and yearning rushed through her as she picked up the tickets. They were crisp and real, and promised a night she hadn’t had since she’d died. “How can we go to New York? The only place I can go in the mortal world is to visit Justine, wherever she is.” She was lucky to have gotten that much. Being a disenfranchised Guardian didn’t give you much leverage for negotiating Afterlife benefits. If she’d retired in good standing with full Guardian perks, she’d have access to anywhere in the mortal world she wanted, at any time. She’d have a lovely house in heaven and … Stop torturing yourself, Iris. She’d made a choice and that was it. No point in still getting upset about it. She set the tickets back on the table and pushed them away. “I’m sure you’re not allowed to take me there.”
“I am Satan. I break rules.” But his claim didn’t have the same energy it usually did. “I realized I need to woo you. Lawyer soul told me that. Very wise man. Made me realize the many ways I screw up.”
She moved her hand so her pinkie finger was touching the tickets, stroking them. “Tell me who went after my daughter, Satan. You say it wasn’t you. So who was it?” Exonerate yourself so I can accept your offer for a night in New York. Not that she was going to sleep with him or consent to be his Underworld concubine, but she’d tolerate his company for a chance to go out in the city.
He sighed heavily. “After you broke my soul—”
“You mean, after I ruined your quest to seduce me and steal Mona?”
“Yes, that. After you cruelly rejected me despite all I had to offer … well … I was very upset.”
Iris pulled her hand back from the tickets and clenched them in her lap. “How upset?” This was the first time he’d admitted her actions had had any impact on him. She was most pleased to know he’d been upset.
He gave her puppy-dog eyes, but she didn’t buy it. “You were the first woman to reject Satan, the best lover in the Afterlife. My ego was very damaged. And I had big plans for the Goblet.”
“Yes, I know.” That had been quite the night to remember. It wasn’t every day a girl got to foil Satan’s plans.
“So, I needed to restore my manliness. Prove to everyone that I was still a red-hot lover who could seduce women at will.” He puffed out his chest and thudded his fist on the table. “I decided to share my virile lovemaking with as many women as possible.”
Something dark settled in Iris’s belly. “You went on a sex rampage while I was trying to save my eternal soul from the Chamber?”
“Exactly!” He clapped his hands with delight as she shoved her chair back from the table and headed for her stash of water balloons. “Unfortunately, I had the misfortune of impregnating one of my conquests.”
Iris whirled around to face him. “What?”
He sighed heavily. “Or so she claims. She named him Satan Jr. and has been trying to use him to get access to my kingdom.”
She clutched the edge of the counter, fought off dizziness. “You have a son?”
He started to rise to assist her, then sat back down when she glared at him. “I believe so. Only someone with my blood would be able to create a gold aura very similar to mine—”
“But you don’t have a gold aura.” That had been her one hope when Justine had told her. Despite what the Manasa claimed, if Satan didn’t have a gold aura, how could he have possessed the surfer?
A red flash lit up his eyes for a millisecond. “Do you think I am so weak I cannot control my powers?” He gave her an impatient sniff, and then was suddenly encompassed with a brilliant golden hue. He shut it off just as abruptly. “You wish to contest me further, or shall I continue with my tale of woe and misery?”
“My apologies.” She worked her way back to her seat and sat down with an ungraceful thump, rubbing her temples. Illegitimate sons and gold auras. It was too much. “Please continue.”
“Thank you.” He was sitting stiffly, his shoulders turned away from her. “So, as I was saying, someone with my blood could possibly create a golden aura similar, but inferior, to mine. In addition, he might be able to impersonate my signature.” He sighed heavily and some of the rigidity left his upper body. “How weary for my soul that my ungrateful love child has inherited some of my special skills. Genetics is unpredictable. He could have ended up an emasculated, powerless loser with less power than the average human, but no. How awful for me.” He thumped the table with his palms and his eyes glittered with red. “I gave them much money for good schools and excellent personal chefs, but they want more. He wants to become my heir. How can a half mortal be heir to hell? What happens if he dies? Anarchy would be very bad.” He threw himself back in his chair, nearly upending himself onto the floor. Only a quick grab of the table kept him upright.
Iris nabbed the tickets as they started to slide off the now-tilted table. “So, what did you do?”
“I told him he could have a job in hell.” Satan pounded his heart and spread his hands wide. “Generous, no?”
“Offering your illegitimate kid a job instead of love? Sure, great idea.” She frowned at the tickets, then tossed them at Satan and clasped her hands on the table. “Did he take it?”
“No. The youth of today think they are deserving of much, even though they have done nothing to earn it.” Satan stroked the fine material of his suit, then sniffed his gold and diamond watch, giving a nod of satisfaction. “Satan Jr. decided that if he managed to get the Goblet, I would be so desperate for it that I would trade for it. Announce him as my heir in return for the Goblet.”
Her empathy for Satan Jr. vanished at that revelation. Let the scum be tortured by his longings for hell and the Goblet. “Idiot.”
“Precisely.” Satan picked up the tickets and waved them at Iris, wiggling his eyebrows at her. “He almost stole the Goblet one hundred and eighty years ago. But by then I realized you were my true love muffin. So I saved your daughter and banished Satan Jr. from the Afterlife. I haven’t heard from him since, but apparently, he is still around.” Satan rubbed his chin. “He is half mortal. He should be dead by now, no? And since I banned him from the Afterlife, dead for him would mean he is nowhere. Gone. But he remains. How is that possible?” He slipped the tickets into his jacket pocket.
Iris watched the tickets disappear from view, wondering whether he’d ever taken Satan Jr.’s mom to the Met. She sat up the instant she realized what she was thinking and glared at Satan. How could she be such an idiot to be jealous, especially when her daughter’s future was at stake? He’s not worth it. “Listen, I’m all for hearing your travails about your namesake, but the bigger issue is: Can you undo the Curse? It’s your signature.”
“Alas, I cannot. It isn’t my signature. He has to do it.”
“So, make him do it.”
“I cannot.”
Iris snorted. “You rule the Underworld and you can’t get your own flesh and blood to unmake a simple curse?”
Satan donned his wounded expression. “I am very powerful. I am a deadly force that all fear. Happily, I do not know where Satan Jr. is, nor do I care to. And even if I did, we hate each other quite a lot.” He sighed heavily and propped his chin up on his hands, his elbows resting on the table. “Tell me, Iris, how is it that our children can disappoint us like this? I give him lots of money, I give him a job, and he still tries to kill the daughter of the woman I love?”
Iris felt her heart soften ever so slightly. “I know how you feel. Justine refuses to kill Derek, and she keeps secrets from me. Her actions could send me to hell, or put her in the Chamber of Unspeakable Horrors for eternity. I have given her all the advice I can, and still she disregards me. What else can I do?”
Satan reached across the table and wrapped his long fingers around her hand, rubbing his thumb over her palm. “My son will not die. Your daughter will not kill. How they can they be so selfish after all we have done for them? It is so difficult to be a parent today.”
“Don’t I know it.” She stared at their intertwined hands and didn’t pull away.
Satan laid his other hand on Iris’s forearm, stroking her skin ever so softly. “I have a brilliant idea to help us recover from the betrayals of our children.”
“I’ll bet you do. And Justine didn’t betray me.” Yet. She had a bad feeling about Derek. No man was good enough for her daughter, and certainly not one who was trying to kill her.
“Go to New York with me. Let me show you off to the mortal world and let them long for the Afterlife where women of your mystique live. We shall dance, sing, eat, and have sloppy sex for days.” He beamed and gave her hand a tug of excitement. “Excellent plan, no?”
To get away from everything … it was so tempting. And when would she ever get the chance to go to New York again? And she did have a cell phone, if Justine needed to reach her. She turned her hand over and wrapped her fingers around his. “Fine. I’ll go to New York, but no sex.”
Fresh energy surged into his eyes. “Nonsense. An evening in my presence and you will be unable to resist me.”
“Now I really won’t sleep with you.” No woman wants to be considered a sure thing, especially by Satan. “You’re not that good-looking.”
“Of course I am.” He sashayed around the table, then pulled her to her feet. “We will rent a five-star hotel room and have hot sex for hours without stopping. I am the best lover in the Afterlife.”
She allowed him to sweep her into his arms and twirl her around the kitchen, unable to resist the feel of his hands around her, his smile so irresistible. “Is sex different in the Afterlife than in the mortal world?”
His dimples deepened. “Oh, yes. Very much yes. Very, very, much yes. You will be so glad to be in this world once I bring you to ecstasy repeatedly.”
Iris felt a glimmer of anticipation rush through her, so she released him and moved out of his reach. “I’ll join you in New York only if you promise not to mention sex once. If you do, then I’ll never sleep with you.” She grinned at the horrified expression on Satan’s face. No way could he risk testing her threat, but how would he ever make it through an evening without bringing up his favorite topic?
Should make for a very entertaining night.
Derek paused in his Internet research to watch Justine. Her forehead was wrinkled, her lips pursed, her face intense as she concentrated. She was smart, as well as tough and incredibly sexy. It was really unfortunate they hadn’t met under other circumstances.
She was searching the Treatise on Guardianship for details on exactly what she had done wrong and how to fix it. She was making a list of arguments to buy them time should the Council show up before she and Derek broke the Curse.
She looked up and smiled when she caught him watching her. “Will you tell them you set up a trust to fund the LaValle men’s quest for the Goblet for the next five hundred years? That you’ve left detailed instructions with six different attorneys on how to find me and what Mona looks like? So if I kill you before we end the Curse, I’ll be fending off LaValle men forever, and eventually one of them will fail to succumb to my feminine charm and actually kill me.”
“Feminine charm?” Oh, she had no idea.
She gave him a flutter of her eyelashes. “No? Then how else do you describe your hopeless infatuation with me?”
“Your breasts.”
She grinned. “Really? I thought it was my scintillating personality.”
“I’m way too shallow to be attracted to your mind, or your courage, or your toughness.” He flexed his biceps and gave her a shallow leer that had her laughing, then he dropped the pretense. “Truthfully, it’s because you’re the first woman I’ve met, including my own mother, who’s seen inside my warped brain and hasn’t tried to get me committed. That, and the fact that your kisses suck my brain dry and leave me unable to think coherently. That’s a real turn-on for a guy.”
Her smile widened, and he grinned at her. Justine was no softie and he liked that.
She was still smiling when she looked down at her notes again. “So, you agree then?” Her tone was serious again. “You’ll support the trust story?”
“Sure. I can even set one up just to prove it. It’s actually not a bad idea.”
Her smile faltered as she looked up. “Well, that’s not really necessary. I mean, you don’t really want to have me stalked for all eternity, do you?”
“Of course not. But I have my duty to my progeny.”
She stuck her tongue out at him. “Duty sucks.”
“I agree.” He returned to surfing the Internet for information on how to destroy Satan. Surprisingly, there were quite a few sites devoted to that very purpose, though he hadn’t found many that seemed remotely legitimate. He clicked open a link and scanned the page. “You think if we barbecue a banana and shove it up his nose, his head would really explode?”
“You go right ahead and try it.” She flipped a page in the Treatise. “I’ll be sure and visit you in the Afterlife after Satan kills you for smashing a mushy banana in his face.”
“Wiseass.”
Unfortunately, he was wearing a Gore-Tex rain outfit, complete with goggles and a face mask. He threw his hands on his hips and stood under the assault of water. “You lie! You get my manly regions eager with anticipation of a sexual marathon, and you ambush me! I do not understand. I am emotionally shattered by your actions.”
She released the trigger. Bastard. Since when did he get that smart? Water dripped off his hood, hitting the plastic sheet on the floor with rhythmic drops. “How stupid do you think I am? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”
He sighed heavily. “Find out what, my love? If you’re referring to my harvesting of two hundred and thirty souls yesterday, I ask you, what do you expect? I am Satan. It is my calling. My best Rivka found a cult that was looking for sponsorship, so I offered my services.”
“Not that.” God, she wanted to turn him into a pile of jelly. “Take off the rain gear. I promise I won’t shoot you.”
Satan chuckled and waggled a gloved finger at her. “Oh, my large-breasted fantasy woman, you are turning into my perfect mate. You lie without even one facial twitch. So impressive.”
Iris frowned. He was right. She had every intention of shooting him. “Did you turn on your brain today or something?”
“My best Rivka challenges me daily. I realized I cannot always rely on my manly brawn and my special Satanic talents to overpower everyone. I am courting the souls of some Harvard Law School professors. Soon I pass the Afterlife bar exam and will write unbreakable contracts and issue incontrovertible orders.” He sighed suddenly and sat down heavily on a kitchen chair with a loud squish. “It is very disheartening to realize how much I do wrong. I have much to fix.”
Iris hesitated, trying to read his body language. His shoulders seemed too droopy for this to be another scam.
Not that it mattered. He was in trouble. She whipped the hose back into firing position. “Justine told me about the surfer.”
Satan looked at her, but the goggles kept her from seeing his expression. Good. No need to be tempted by his come-hither eyes. “Which surfer?” he asked. “I have taken the souls of many surfers. They are willing to trade much for the perfect wave.”
“The one who showed up at my daughter’s condo with a gun. He tried to kill her and steal the Goblet.”
Satan sat up straighter. “I protect her. Why do you refuse to believe me? I will go to great lengths to win your favor.” Satan shoved the goggles up on his forehead, his face a picture of innocent confusion. If he hadn’t nabbed so many Hollywood souls, she might even be inclined to buy it. “Why do you blame me for this?”
“Because he had a gold aura.”
Something twitched in his face, then it was gone, but she was certain he knew what she was talking about.
Disappointment rushed through her, and she realized she’d been hoping he didn’t. “And you cursed Derek LaValle. You’re the reason he’s after Justine.” Her fingers twitched on the nozzle, but she held off. Answers first, torture later. “Your signature was on the Curse.” She moved closer. “You betrayed me.”
“No.” His voice was soft. Angry. His fists clenched. “It is I who have been betrayed.”
“As if! How do you figure?” If he tried to blame all of this on her just because she refused to let him steal Mona, she was turning him into a puddle.
He held out his hand. “Hose, please. I will give it back after I explain.”
She tightened her grip on her weapon, knowing she was unlikely to get it back. But she needed answers quickly, and she did have a few water balloons stashed under the sink. Justine had said Derek’s time was running out, but Iris had sensed another threat that Justine had denied. Nice. Her daughter met an attractive man and instantly starts hiding secrets from her own mother. It hurt so deeply, after all she did for her.
Satan leapt to his feet and laid his hand on her cheek. “My love pancake? What is wrong?”
“Nothing.” She shook him off and shut down her desire to lean on him. As if Satan could understand the emotions of being a mother. “Take the hose, Satan. You better make this good.”
“Oh, very good. I have a dark secret I have told no one. Until now.”
A secret that the lord of all things evil considered dark?
This was going to be good.
Fifteen
Satan turned off the faucet, emptied the hose into the sink, detached it, and threw it out the kitchen window. Then he took off the rain suit, revealing a very nice-fitting tuxedo.
“Going somewhere?” The man certainly knew how to dress. He looked ravishing. She wanted to run her fingers over that fine fabric and well-muscled body.
Instead, she walked around to the other side of the table and sat down.
He settled himself across her from and pulled an envelope from his jacket pocket. “I was going to invite you to an opera at the Met tonight. I have reservations at a very nice restaurant in New York. Five star.” He pulled out two tickets and slid them across the table to her.
Disbelief and yearning rushed through her as she picked up the tickets. They were crisp and real, and promised a night she hadn’t had since she’d died. “How can we go to New York? The only place I can go in the mortal world is to visit Justine, wherever she is.” She was lucky to have gotten that much. Being a disenfranchised Guardian didn’t give you much leverage for negotiating Afterlife benefits. If she’d retired in good standing with full Guardian perks, she’d have access to anywhere in the mortal world she wanted, at any time. She’d have a lovely house in heaven and … Stop torturing yourself, Iris. She’d made a choice and that was it. No point in still getting upset about it. She set the tickets back on the table and pushed them away. “I’m sure you’re not allowed to take me there.”
“I am Satan. I break rules.” But his claim didn’t have the same energy it usually did. “I realized I need to woo you. Lawyer soul told me that. Very wise man. Made me realize the many ways I screw up.”
She moved her hand so her pinkie finger was touching the tickets, stroking them. “Tell me who went after my daughter, Satan. You say it wasn’t you. So who was it?” Exonerate yourself so I can accept your offer for a night in New York. Not that she was going to sleep with him or consent to be his Underworld concubine, but she’d tolerate his company for a chance to go out in the city.
He sighed heavily. “After you broke my soul—”
“You mean, after I ruined your quest to seduce me and steal Mona?”
“Yes, that. After you cruelly rejected me despite all I had to offer … well … I was very upset.”
Iris pulled her hand back from the tickets and clenched them in her lap. “How upset?” This was the first time he’d admitted her actions had had any impact on him. She was most pleased to know he’d been upset.
He gave her puppy-dog eyes, but she didn’t buy it. “You were the first woman to reject Satan, the best lover in the Afterlife. My ego was very damaged. And I had big plans for the Goblet.”
“Yes, I know.” That had been quite the night to remember. It wasn’t every day a girl got to foil Satan’s plans.
“So, I needed to restore my manliness. Prove to everyone that I was still a red-hot lover who could seduce women at will.” He puffed out his chest and thudded his fist on the table. “I decided to share my virile lovemaking with as many women as possible.”
Something dark settled in Iris’s belly. “You went on a sex rampage while I was trying to save my eternal soul from the Chamber?”
“Exactly!” He clapped his hands with delight as she shoved her chair back from the table and headed for her stash of water balloons. “Unfortunately, I had the misfortune of impregnating one of my conquests.”
Iris whirled around to face him. “What?”
He sighed heavily. “Or so she claims. She named him Satan Jr. and has been trying to use him to get access to my kingdom.”
She clutched the edge of the counter, fought off dizziness. “You have a son?”
He started to rise to assist her, then sat back down when she glared at him. “I believe so. Only someone with my blood would be able to create a gold aura very similar to mine—”
“But you don’t have a gold aura.” That had been her one hope when Justine had told her. Despite what the Manasa claimed, if Satan didn’t have a gold aura, how could he have possessed the surfer?
A red flash lit up his eyes for a millisecond. “Do you think I am so weak I cannot control my powers?” He gave her an impatient sniff, and then was suddenly encompassed with a brilliant golden hue. He shut it off just as abruptly. “You wish to contest me further, or shall I continue with my tale of woe and misery?”
“My apologies.” She worked her way back to her seat and sat down with an ungraceful thump, rubbing her temples. Illegitimate sons and gold auras. It was too much. “Please continue.”
“Thank you.” He was sitting stiffly, his shoulders turned away from her. “So, as I was saying, someone with my blood could possibly create a golden aura similar, but inferior, to mine. In addition, he might be able to impersonate my signature.” He sighed heavily and some of the rigidity left his upper body. “How weary for my soul that my ungrateful love child has inherited some of my special skills. Genetics is unpredictable. He could have ended up an emasculated, powerless loser with less power than the average human, but no. How awful for me.” He thumped the table with his palms and his eyes glittered with red. “I gave them much money for good schools and excellent personal chefs, but they want more. He wants to become my heir. How can a half mortal be heir to hell? What happens if he dies? Anarchy would be very bad.” He threw himself back in his chair, nearly upending himself onto the floor. Only a quick grab of the table kept him upright.
Iris nabbed the tickets as they started to slide off the now-tilted table. “So, what did you do?”
“I told him he could have a job in hell.” Satan pounded his heart and spread his hands wide. “Generous, no?”
“Offering your illegitimate kid a job instead of love? Sure, great idea.” She frowned at the tickets, then tossed them at Satan and clasped her hands on the table. “Did he take it?”
“No. The youth of today think they are deserving of much, even though they have done nothing to earn it.” Satan stroked the fine material of his suit, then sniffed his gold and diamond watch, giving a nod of satisfaction. “Satan Jr. decided that if he managed to get the Goblet, I would be so desperate for it that I would trade for it. Announce him as my heir in return for the Goblet.”
Her empathy for Satan Jr. vanished at that revelation. Let the scum be tortured by his longings for hell and the Goblet. “Idiot.”
“Precisely.” Satan picked up the tickets and waved them at Iris, wiggling his eyebrows at her. “He almost stole the Goblet one hundred and eighty years ago. But by then I realized you were my true love muffin. So I saved your daughter and banished Satan Jr. from the Afterlife. I haven’t heard from him since, but apparently, he is still around.” Satan rubbed his chin. “He is half mortal. He should be dead by now, no? And since I banned him from the Afterlife, dead for him would mean he is nowhere. Gone. But he remains. How is that possible?” He slipped the tickets into his jacket pocket.
Iris watched the tickets disappear from view, wondering whether he’d ever taken Satan Jr.’s mom to the Met. She sat up the instant she realized what she was thinking and glared at Satan. How could she be such an idiot to be jealous, especially when her daughter’s future was at stake? He’s not worth it. “Listen, I’m all for hearing your travails about your namesake, but the bigger issue is: Can you undo the Curse? It’s your signature.”
“Alas, I cannot. It isn’t my signature. He has to do it.”
“So, make him do it.”
“I cannot.”
Iris snorted. “You rule the Underworld and you can’t get your own flesh and blood to unmake a simple curse?”
Satan donned his wounded expression. “I am very powerful. I am a deadly force that all fear. Happily, I do not know where Satan Jr. is, nor do I care to. And even if I did, we hate each other quite a lot.” He sighed heavily and propped his chin up on his hands, his elbows resting on the table. “Tell me, Iris, how is it that our children can disappoint us like this? I give him lots of money, I give him a job, and he still tries to kill the daughter of the woman I love?”
Iris felt her heart soften ever so slightly. “I know how you feel. Justine refuses to kill Derek, and she keeps secrets from me. Her actions could send me to hell, or put her in the Chamber of Unspeakable Horrors for eternity. I have given her all the advice I can, and still she disregards me. What else can I do?”
Satan reached across the table and wrapped his long fingers around her hand, rubbing his thumb over her palm. “My son will not die. Your daughter will not kill. How they can they be so selfish after all we have done for them? It is so difficult to be a parent today.”
“Don’t I know it.” She stared at their intertwined hands and didn’t pull away.
Satan laid his other hand on Iris’s forearm, stroking her skin ever so softly. “I have a brilliant idea to help us recover from the betrayals of our children.”
“I’ll bet you do. And Justine didn’t betray me.” Yet. She had a bad feeling about Derek. No man was good enough for her daughter, and certainly not one who was trying to kill her.
“Go to New York with me. Let me show you off to the mortal world and let them long for the Afterlife where women of your mystique live. We shall dance, sing, eat, and have sloppy sex for days.” He beamed and gave her hand a tug of excitement. “Excellent plan, no?”
To get away from everything … it was so tempting. And when would she ever get the chance to go to New York again? And she did have a cell phone, if Justine needed to reach her. She turned her hand over and wrapped her fingers around his. “Fine. I’ll go to New York, but no sex.”
Fresh energy surged into his eyes. “Nonsense. An evening in my presence and you will be unable to resist me.”
“Now I really won’t sleep with you.” No woman wants to be considered a sure thing, especially by Satan. “You’re not that good-looking.”
“Of course I am.” He sashayed around the table, then pulled her to her feet. “We will rent a five-star hotel room and have hot sex for hours without stopping. I am the best lover in the Afterlife.”
She allowed him to sweep her into his arms and twirl her around the kitchen, unable to resist the feel of his hands around her, his smile so irresistible. “Is sex different in the Afterlife than in the mortal world?”
His dimples deepened. “Oh, yes. Very much yes. Very, very, much yes. You will be so glad to be in this world once I bring you to ecstasy repeatedly.”
Iris felt a glimmer of anticipation rush through her, so she released him and moved out of his reach. “I’ll join you in New York only if you promise not to mention sex once. If you do, then I’ll never sleep with you.” She grinned at the horrified expression on Satan’s face. No way could he risk testing her threat, but how would he ever make it through an evening without bringing up his favorite topic?
Should make for a very entertaining night.
Derek paused in his Internet research to watch Justine. Her forehead was wrinkled, her lips pursed, her face intense as she concentrated. She was smart, as well as tough and incredibly sexy. It was really unfortunate they hadn’t met under other circumstances.
She was searching the Treatise on Guardianship for details on exactly what she had done wrong and how to fix it. She was making a list of arguments to buy them time should the Council show up before she and Derek broke the Curse.
She looked up and smiled when she caught him watching her. “Will you tell them you set up a trust to fund the LaValle men’s quest for the Goblet for the next five hundred years? That you’ve left detailed instructions with six different attorneys on how to find me and what Mona looks like? So if I kill you before we end the Curse, I’ll be fending off LaValle men forever, and eventually one of them will fail to succumb to my feminine charm and actually kill me.”
“Feminine charm?” Oh, she had no idea.
She gave him a flutter of her eyelashes. “No? Then how else do you describe your hopeless infatuation with me?”
“Your breasts.”
She grinned. “Really? I thought it was my scintillating personality.”
“I’m way too shallow to be attracted to your mind, or your courage, or your toughness.” He flexed his biceps and gave her a shallow leer that had her laughing, then he dropped the pretense. “Truthfully, it’s because you’re the first woman I’ve met, including my own mother, who’s seen inside my warped brain and hasn’t tried to get me committed. That, and the fact that your kisses suck my brain dry and leave me unable to think coherently. That’s a real turn-on for a guy.”
Her smile widened, and he grinned at her. Justine was no softie and he liked that.
She was still smiling when she looked down at her notes again. “So, you agree then?” Her tone was serious again. “You’ll support the trust story?”
“Sure. I can even set one up just to prove it. It’s actually not a bad idea.”
Her smile faltered as she looked up. “Well, that’s not really necessary. I mean, you don’t really want to have me stalked for all eternity, do you?”
“Of course not. But I have my duty to my progeny.”
She stuck her tongue out at him. “Duty sucks.”
“I agree.” He returned to surfing the Internet for information on how to destroy Satan. Surprisingly, there were quite a few sites devoted to that very purpose, though he hadn’t found many that seemed remotely legitimate. He clicked open a link and scanned the page. “You think if we barbecue a banana and shove it up his nose, his head would really explode?”
“You go right ahead and try it.” She flipped a page in the Treatise. “I’ll be sure and visit you in the Afterlife after Satan kills you for smashing a mushy banana in his face.”
“Wiseass.”
