Flood, page 11
I stared at the table for God knows how long, as if looking for a hidden answer as to what to do or say next. My eyes lasered in on my miracle concoction I always make to combat writer’s block. My miracle concoction— cacao bits dipped in maple syrup—I learned rather quickly this special magic, combined with coffee, did the trick when I faced stubborn brain fog. I reached for the chocolate and dipped it heavily and evenly.
I then stood up and began to pace, wording out loud the phrases and sentences I’d speak into my notes on the phone. That always did the trick and got the wheels running. This whole dark night, no electricity thing had been eerie after a while, but after finding enough candles in the pantry, the room looked pretty cozy. A little scary. But cozy. In a strange way I felt inspired by the old school way of writing. By pen. At night.
But then the waves stole my attention.
Lost in thought, I let out another sigh and stared out into the crazy wind and waves. I’d never seen a nor’ easter before; only heard about them. When it snowed, I wanted to stand out by the waves and watch the snow meet the sea. I’d never seen that before.
A sticky drip from the syrup taking its sweet time down my chest snapped me out of my daydream. I sucked my fingers quickly to avoid a mess on my papers. I tried to salvage the heavy nectar quick before it further made its way into my bra. Taking care of the remnants with my remaining fingers, I screamed in fright and dropped my flashlight.
“Oh fuck!”
It was him.
I bit my lower lip and lightly sighed.
There he was with his hands shoved in his sweat’s pockets. Stepbrother or no stepbrother, Bradley was a showstopper. I gulped as I reached down to pick up my flashlight and gather my scattered papers.
“You scared me…like a…like a ghost.”
“Maybe I am.” He said softly. “Hell, I have been all this time.”
Oh no, he didn’t. No, no, no, no, no. We were not going to talk about that. I needed my head in the game for this paper. Focused.
“Was I being too loud?” I got it out really fast. As soon as I said it, I felt incredibly insensitive. Someone slam my head with a cast iron; his freaking father just passed. Of course he wasn’t able to sleep.
And after all these years, this is the grand ice breaker? The hello, haven’t seen you in almost a decade, terribly sorry about your father? Not, good Kate.
“I mean, given the circumstances, I…um. I’m sorry. I’m not good at this type of thing. I’ve never really lost anyone.” I looked down at my feet, confused. I wanted to be mean, cold, quiet, but that wasn’t me. I didn’t know how to put on airs, that was why I had to leave in the first place.
Yeah, I’ve never lost someone to death, but I did lose a life.
I lost you and Claire practically. The only siblings I’d ever really had. And you’re the teenage crush I had to lose and toss aside.
“Except my parents’ marriage, which felt like a death, honestly.”
“Yeah, well, consider yourself lucky.”
He didn’t move from his pillar strength stance. And I just realized it all: he was an orphan now. No mother. No father. A rich, rich billionaire heir. And he was alone.
Well, he deserves it! my bitter heart shouted at me. I instantly felt guilty for such a thought.
No one deserved to be all alone. I slowly rose and stood feet away from him. The wind picked up and howled adding to the dramatic moment of it all.
“Are you—”
“They say it’s going to be like a hurricane.”
Alright? I wanted to finish.
“That really sucks. I…”
“Well, I’ll leave you. After all, you hate me.”
I couldn’t speak or call out after him because the truth is, I didn’t know how to handle any of this. I’d thought he was out asleep and was planning on speaking to him in the morning for the first time. And now I just made a mess saying stupid things, and now he’s gone again. I had no idea where he disappeared to in the grand Rainshaw house, especially since it was very dark.
But after ten numb minutes, I decided I needed to find him. How the hell was I to focus when that just happened?
I walked down the quiet hallways looking for him like a scared child. The grand hallways swallowing me, the fear growing due to being an overactive child where I always created monsters and creatures that lurked in the corners.
Finally, I smelled him before I saw him. The smell of cigars, a favorite past time of his and his father. Together.
I pushed the door open, the creak announcing my arrival. The man cave had gas lanterns and gave the ambience a vibe I wanted to join. Curiosity, wonder, and undeniable lust. The light of the flame lit his darkened profile, the smoke surrounding the glass. He had started a fire in the fireplace and it was a site I didn’t want to tarnish with words. Could we just face each other and not say anything?
He sat at a table with a glowing liquid on the rocks in his hand, the backdrop of the storm behind him. And then he looked at me.
“It wasn’t my fault, you know. I never was the one. My drunken-ass friend did it. You have to believe me.” The cigar made circles and dives from his hand accompanying his rapid confession.
I blinked back shock from the sudden, in-your-face matter of truth. I walked closer and stood feet away. It was the closest I’d been to him in nearly a decade. He was a man now. A very hot man. I crossed my arms and refused to let my teenager heart to come out. This was a matter that needed to finally be discussed. And it wasn’t a pretty one.
“Well, why should I? Why do I even matter anymore to you? We’re no longer family.”
“Look at me. Will you?” He stood up and the tension between us flirted along the lines of danger and insane temptation. I wanted to take a few steps back but the smell of the smoke laced with his cologne made me want to bury my head into his chest, to feel the softness of the robe and the touch of his hands.
“I’m not bullshitting with you right now. If there’s one thing my dad’s sudden passing taught me, it’s that you don’t know how long you have. You’re here right now in this room. You could leave and never speak to me again. But I want you to know one thing— you’re the girl I never could have. And that video of you…” He sucked in a breath and exhale the smoke.
“Don’t bring that up, okay?” Earth to Kate. I came to my senses and took a few small steps back. “I don’t want to go emotionally crazy right now. Do you know how much therapy I went through and how many problems that created for me?”
“Do you know how much therapy and problems that created for me? I was the one forever scared. After I saw your breasts and those sweet moans from you, with your legs spread eagle, teasing me….”
“I wasn’t teasing you.”
“Unbeknownst to you. Anyway, I felt like a freaking sicko. I was in love with my stepsister.”
“In love?”
“And then you went away to boarding school. I was kept from your sight by Father. You know, he did find out what happened and was mad as hell at me forever.”
“Oh my god, did—”
“He didn’t see a thing. I promise.” His voice softened and he slowed his delivery down. “But then you disappeared out of my life. I didn’t even get to tell you I was sorry in person.”
“And how did that feel? You actually felt something?”
CHAPTER 6
Bradley
* * *
It stung like a rubber band slapped in my face. The fact that people saw me, saw the man who was heir to the throne, so to speak, but they didn’t know my own wounds of watching my mother die at a young age. I had to keep it together. To be the man of the house. My father hated emotion, any sign of weakness. I was taught since I could remember to be unreadable like a man playing poker. But I had a deep heart. One that for awhile I numbed down. But now it was time to face the facts, to face the person I hurt so I could finally be free to be me.
It would be a new era for the Rainshaws, one where I call the shots. One where I make amends to those I hurt. One where I make my voice heard and known. No more drowning my sorrows. The way she stood there with the light of the embers glowing against her skin, the glow of the light against her innocent eyes, I wanted to undress her and make her feel pleasure that would erase a thousand times over and over again any hurt or shame I brought into her life. I wanted to pin her arms above her head, and make her come over and over again before showering her with gifts, with luxury, to show her she was a woman to be adored. With any other woman, I knew just the right moves. The one or two champagne drinks, the gifts, the fancy trips in my private jet. But she’s different. Those things won’t work with her. They can’t work with her. I’d have to come to her with a different angle.
She had taken a seat now across from me and poured her own drink and took it like a man. She waited for an answer and I realized I was lost in thought and didn’t know where to take this conversation.
“Fuck it.”
“Look, I’m sorry, Bradley. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings like that. It wasn’t nice of me.”
Seeing her nipples harden in that thin shirt made my junior swell and throb. I was going to have to relieve myself, the pressure was too intense. I would ravage her. So, I had to do what I did best: leave under false pretense. I cleared my throat, played up the best puppy dog face I could. After all, I had just buried my father.
The air was silent as I dropped a few cubes into my glass. She could have burned a hole in my head. Every part of my being wanted to lay my pride down and stay in the room. But I had to stay the course. This was the only way with her.
Pouring my scotch, I stared at the fierce waves from the storm. We would be stuck for at least the next three days from the damage and closed roads. One thing was for certain: I had time to defrost her iced-over heart.
And that’s exactly what I planned to do.
It would be my mission.
“Well, if you will excuse me once more...”
I knew exactly what to do.
I’ve been known to be a rule breaker before. Hell, more than I can count. This one time more wouldn’t be any different. I could blame it on mourning my father. Or plead being under the influence.
My adrenaline shot through my veins like a drug and I actually looked forward to this feat. I made my way back to my room like a man on a mission. I changed carefully. Reaching for an empty backpack, I caught my reflection in the mirror. Wearing a beanie low over my eyes, you could still see my brown locks. I knew what to do. Not just any glasses would do, but skiing goggles, and a scarf. And gloves. No fingerprints. To avoid questions from the staff or being seen by anyone in the home, I’d have to put my things on just around the corner outside before I made my grand entrance.
There wouldn’t be any bulldogs waiting for me.
No.
And I could always stage it as an icicle breaking the system. Something like that. Now you’re thinking!
The library was three miles away. I knew it well. I was often punished to go there during my high school days. The librarians feared me for the pranks and stupid things I’d done.
I immediately regretted the hell I’d caused. Making a mental note to myself, I promised to make more than amends with one person this week. A letter of an apology, even a decade later, was in order even if we had already donated a million dollars to their new wing. I shook my head and sighed. I was really becoming a softy.
“Well…at least we can move forward and turn over a new leaf.”
“Who are you talking to?”
Fuck. I spun around.
It was her. She’d found me. And she had her sexy glasses on.
“And what are you…doing? You look ridiculous, you know that?”
She looked fucking hot when she wore those glasses, sporting the whole sexy librarian thing. Boy did I want to spin her over a desk and make her see stars as I showed her a thing or two with my free hand. Her eyes grew larger as if waiting for an explanation.
Right.
My get-up.
“I’m going running. It’s a bit stuffy in the house and well, our last conversation didn’t go so well. You look like you’ve got your hands full.” She balanced a giant coffee mug with spiral notebooks, books, and a lantern with a candle lit in it. It was sexy, endearing, and tempting as hell as she stood just inches away from my bedroom. The very place I could take her in right now and show her how I felt instead of telling her.
My athletic pants were thin, and I had to think of something else fast or else have her see my excitement down south.
“I—”
“I’m fine,” she said shortly, but the deep edge from earlier had seemed to settle. It was her empathy. “I just…anyway,” she cleared her throat and looked down the hallway as if nerves were getting the best of her.
“I just was making my way back to the study. That stiff drink started to make me sleepy and I can’t afford to sleep right now. This whole internet being down thing has really thrown me for a ringer. All my quotes I needed…I…anyway. So, I just made a fresh pot of coffee with the French press. Thank God it’s a gas oven. I don’t know what I would do otherwise. The staff is asleep. I don’t want to wake them.”
She was really cute when she was nervous. I remember this side of her well back in the day. She would speak so fast and her ideas would be jumbled. She was so excited and had so much to say. I wanted to just stand there and look at her. I wanted to see how ruffled I could make her before I…I cleared my throat. Stay on track. Almost there.
“Well, it is two in the morning.”
“Right. Which, why are you going running in the middle of an ice storm?”
I opened my mouth to give her some bullshit about needing some air. But her hands waved me down.
“You know what? It’s none of my business. I actually understand, a bit. Needing the fresh air. A lot has transpired in the last forty-eight hours. And well, I wanted to say, I mean, follow up about what we spoke about in the study…”
Oh yeah. She was warming up a bit. Just a little bit longer.
“Don’t worry about it. Let’s talk about it later. I need fresh air. Now.”
She blew her frustration across some loose bangs.
“Okay…well, I’ll just be on my way to write this paper. Ice storm or no ice storm, the internet still works in Cape Town and my paper is still expected.” Her tone was heavy.
She looked worried. Stressed. And I hated seeing her all bent up about a paper. I knew academic success meant the world to her, but I wished I could just make her happy. I wished I could throw all of her books aside, throw her over my shoulder, and carry her right back to the fireplace and make love to her.
You’re getting there. One step closer.
“Oh, I have plenty of Adderall if you need any.”
“Oh, I’m sure.”
“It’s not like that. It’s for my ADD.”
“I didn’t know you had ADD.”
“Well, there’s a lot that you never got to know,” I quickly got out.
“Right, well. I’m going now. Enjoy your cold run. Don’t twist your ankle.”
One sentence I should have seriously considered carefully. Very carefully.
Thirty minutes later…
It was one of those fire alarms, screeching, ringing bells type of security that welcomed me as I broke into one of the side windows. I staged a branch to “fall into the window.” As I fell on the floor rolling around like a bad ass, I wished someone could witness my skills. If this CEO thing didn’t work out forever, maybe I’d enlist in being a bad ass special ops agent. I enjoyed the thrill, that was for sure.
I had to stifle the goofy grin. I was on a mission: grab every book I could on Thoreau and Emerson and stash them in the bag. Running around the library, I finally found my way to the American poets. It was a small library, but one well-stocked since the community was, well, a bunch of intellectuals.
My fingers scrolled across the many titles and I finally settled on a few. After grabbing everything I could manage to stuff in my pack, I zipped up the bag and made my way out of the window. Mission accomplished.
As I picked up my jog, I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face as I solved her problems. Hopefully, she’d run into my arms and I could feel her body against mine before trailing my hands across her shoulders, a soft graze down the small of her back. Oh yeah. She’d pull away and I’d leave my hand on the side of her waist, letting her feel my firm grip, before innocently but very suggestively trailing my thumb across her lower stomach. I’d….
Wham.
I hit the ground just like that. A ice covered fall tree limb laid in wait for my demise. And just like that I was down on the ground.
Fuck.
It hurt like hell.
I could feel my ankle pounding and swelling instantly and there was no one I could fucking call. The cell phones were all down.
CHAPTER 7
Kate
* * *
I was seriously, really fucked. There was no way to finish this paper now. I was ten seconds away from searching for his Adderall to cure my wandering thoughts. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t numb this feeling.
He told me he loved me.
That I teased him.
That I was the girl he never could have.
My heartbeat quickened and my racing thoughts sought to understand what it all meant. What would happen when he came back? Was the ball in my court now?
Did I dare tell him how I felt?
Ugh!
After going back and forth in my mind like a ping pong match, I was insanely aware of the lingering time; he was not back yet.
Had something happened to him? He was in a great deal of pressure with work. Was someone lying in wait to trap him? To bend him to their will with physical means? Could someone have the bloodthirsty means of actually …killing him?
My overactive imagination pictured the worst headline possible. Two Rainshaws dead within two days of each other. Sinister play suspected of the youngest.
