Koresh, page 41
They drove the car onto Double EE Ranch Road and gazed at the site, which, apart from a memorial that had been set up there, looked like any other piece of Central Texas farmland. Marc felt spooked. It was as if the Davidians were still there, still praying and gathering for Bible studies as they waited for the End Times. He could see in his mind the place as it once was: the playground for children; the men and women as they ran the obstacle course; the tower; David’s Camaro parked out front; and the hive of activity as they built the enormous building, which had now vanished.
It brought the past back to him. One moment in particular. He thought of David’s visit to Australia in 1990, after Marc had left the group. He thought of the debate at the home of one of David’s followers where David had caused such a scene, claiming he felt the same pain that Christ had felt on the cross.
A few months before that meeting, David’s anguished voice as he cried out would have rooted Marc to the floor in terror. To be the cause of the messiah’s pain was a serious offense against God. Marc’s heartbeat would have accelerated, and waves of guilt would have swept over him.
But instead, Marc felt something new inside him. Watching David, he felt normal. His mind was as clear and untroubled as a cold night sky.
That night, Marc had looked down at himself in the room, with David gesturing silently, as if from a movie camera fixed high above them. He could see the other followers, the Australians he knew so well, their expressions touched by emotions that passed slowly over their faces. They were still in the message. They were filled with a fear that almost choked them, just as it had once choked him.
That weight had lifted away. Now Marc could see the people below were trapped in a delusion. They were experiencing things that weren’t real. As he watched, he felt a deep compassion for the human figures below.
They were struggling with an enormous problem. How to live. David was, too.
That night, Marc had accepted that there was a great deal of work ahead of him. He was going to turn against David even more passionately, and they would fight, and it might end badly for either of them, or for others. Perhaps in death.
But the first part of his journey was over. I’m free, he thought to himself. I’m myself again.
Epilogue
FOUR MONTHS BEFORE the ATF’s cattle trailers turned onto Double EE Ranch Road and sped toward the Branch Davidian compound, a meeting took place in a YMCA high up in the Colorado Rockies. It was a gathering of the faithful of the far right. A small number of Klansmen, neo-Nazis, Christian Identity followers, and gun-rights extremists sat in a cool, uncluttered conference room and spoke about the coming end of freedom and the arrival of the Antichrist in their beloved republic.
The meeting had been called to address the Ruby Ridge incident, where Randy Weaver’s son and wife had been killed by government agents outside their Idaho home after Weaver failed to appear in court on firearms charges. The men talked about how Ruby Ridge was the opening shot in a long war. Louis Beam, a neo-Nazi and official of the Aryan Nation, gave the keynote. He warned of more terrors to come. All the people in the room, he said, all Americans, would soon be subjugated by soldiers who would burst into their homes and take control of their lives. Their guns would be taken. Their ideas would be outlawed. Many of them would be murdered where they stood, and the survivors would become subject to “the tender mercies of a government gone mad.” That government was already planning an “open armed confrontation of some sort” to speed things up.
It was as if these men, sitting in a humble room at the YMCA, had seen Waco before it happened. David Koresh had been foretold twice, once by Lois Roden, the second time by Louis Beam and the others. But the scenes at Waco exceeded even the men’s harshly lit imaginations: the hulking Army tanks; the fortress filled with praying people, soon to be dead; the bright yellow FBI logos on the backs of the agents’ black jackets; the fire.
For the far right, Waco made a secret world visible; “Waco became a door,” wrote Sharon Ponder, a frequent contributor to right-wing websites, “and a finger of God for the nation.” The far right not only gained a set of martyrs, the legitimacy of its enemies—the ATF, the FBI—was publicly weakened.
In 1994, the first major militia sprang up in Michigan. Smaller, loosely organized groups had convened in other states before, but the Michigan militia attracted thousands of members and drilled them in antigovernment ideas. Many more such outfits followed. And they didn’t merely lie in wait. In the early nineties, the FBI was opening about a hundred domestic terrorism cases a year. At the end of the decade, it was ten times that. By the mid-nineties, militias were operating in every state in the union, with as many as 250,000 total members. Waco had indeed been a door, and millions walked through it and into a world where conspiracies grew like wild bamboo. Ordinary people—your mailman, your doctor, your husband or daughter—learned that America was being corrupted and sold to evil ones.
Another watershed came just eleven days after Waco. On April 30, 1993, the computer scientist Tim Berners-Lee released the source code for the first-ever web browser, which he called Mesh. It allowed people to search the internet, for free. Simply typing in the words “Waco” or “David Koresh” linked people who’d felt unheard for most of their lives and invited them into a glorious movement that was going to right the many wrongs of the world.
The actual David Koresh and the actual Branch Davidians were barely acknowledged by the militia movement. David would have been mortified to learn that he’d become hugely famous and millions of people recognized his name, but almost none of them knew what he believed in, or cared. One of the reasons David gave to the FBI for not coming out of the compound was that Americans were vulgar: People weren’t going to ask him about the Seven Seals, he feared, they were going to ask him about having sex with teenagers.
He was right, of course. Nobody remembered the letters he sent out from the compound; no one started the Church of David Koresh. The sex issue, too, dropped away almost immediately. What really mattered, what moved millions of people about his story, was that a tyrannical government, in their eyes, had murdered him in cold blood. David would never have wanted to be a victim—it was weak, and his purpose was to avenge the martyrs, not to become one—but that’s what he ended up as.
Uncannily, though, this new movement did get something right about him. His narcissism, from an early age, guided him everywhere he went. David refused to accept the judgment of others; he refused to accept anything that didn’t exalt him. The true facts of his life were intolerable to him. He needed a place where he could live with some degree of self-love. He created it, and it sustained him for years.
The men and women who took up his cause often do the same. They see portents and signs of the government’s despotism in small, everyday things. They tend the narcissist within and seek out leaders who are egotists themselves, and who are capable of this same kind of fabulous world-building. They demote reality and make it serve them.
David told people that he was the Messiah and that God wanted him to sleep with young girls and own fully automatic rifles. If you’re close to God, then everything you do is allowed. Those on the conspiratorial right have followed a similar pattern: if the cause is right, nothing in it can be wrong. Nothing inside you is corrupted; everything points toward future glory. Those who doubt and hate you serve only the devil.
As with David, the conspiratorial right sought a battle in which their world and the sordid world of Satanic power and decadence would collide, and a winner would be declared at last. David’s came at Waco, the movement’s came at the Capitol on January 6, 2021. The two events sprang from the same American soil, which has for centuries been crisscrossed by men and women who believe that violence cleanses the land for something infinitely more wonderful.
Acknowledgments
Many thanks to Ivy Givens for her superb editing of a manuscript that had grown to alarming size. I’m also grateful to Mark Robinson for his wonderful cover, Chloe Foster for her interior design, and Sarajane Herman for her copyediting. My thanks to Susan Canavan and Ashley Lopez at the Waxman Agency for their creative advice and support. David Bunds was an invaluable source for Branch Davidian history and Deborah Bunds, Mark Potok, Jim McGee, Marc Breault, Chuck Hustmyre, Sharon Kidd, and Bill Johnston, among others, graciously contributed their narratives to the larger one. Many thanks to Sandy for telling me the story of her time with David Koresh.
Finally, a writing note: as some readers will realize, the book’s technique was inspired by Norman Mailer’s 1979 masterpiece, The Executioner’s Song.
Endnotes
PROLOGUE
Agents had given him the finger: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #69, pg. 7. https://vault.fbi.gov.
“You boys are murderers”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #181, pg. 40.
“Absolutely untrue”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #57, pg. 26.
“Oh, I told you”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #90, pg. 43.
CHAPTER 1: BONNIE
“Let me see what’s wrong”: Bonnie Haldeman and Catherine Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians: The Autobiography of David Koresh’s Mother (Waco: Baylor University Press, 2007), pg. 6.
The Adventist leader John Harvey Kellogg even introduced his wildly successful corn flakes in an effort to cut down on sexual desire: Matt Soniak, “Corn Flakes Were Part of an Anti-Masturbation Crusade,” mentalfloss.com, March 6, 2018. https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/32042/corn-flakes-were-invented-part-anti-masturbation-crusade.
He was eighteen: Kenneth R. Samples, Erwin M. de Castro, Richard Abanes, and Robert J. Lyle, Prophets of the Apocalypse: David Koresh and Other American Messiahs (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994), pg. 18.
Later, Texas introduced: Interview with Kim Everett, editor, Garland Texan.
Bobby even had a girlfriend: Haldeman and Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians, Kindle pg. 102.
one he would marry: Jim McGee and William Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah,’” Washington Post, May 9, 1993.
CHAPTER 2: VERNON
Later in life: Marc Breault and Martin King, Inside the Cult (New York: Signet, 1993), pg. 27.
From birth: Bonnie Haldeman and Catherine Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians (Waco: Baylor University Press, 2007), pg. 8.
No one told Vernon: Kenneth R. Samples, Erwin M. de Castro, Richard Abanes, and Robert J. Lyle, Prophets of the Apocalypse: David Koresh and Other American Messiahs (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994), pg. 20.
Maybe he felt: Pamela Colloff, “A Mother’s Words,” Texas Monthly, February 2009.
He was trying: Jim McGee and William Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah,’” Washington Post, May 9, 1993.
“I remember the room”: Haldeman and Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians, pg. 15.
Fishing offered an escape: Bill Minutaglio and Jeffrey Weiss, “Portrait of Koresh Full of Contradictions—Parents Try to Reconcile Memories as Ex-Followers Paint Other Image,” Seattle Times, May 2, 1993.
He’d go out: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #182, pg. 6.
Joe grabbed Vernon: Video of various Branch Davidian interviews, www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LB6nvIqX2g.
Vernon had golden hair: Haldeman and Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians, pg. 7.
The use of yes, sir: Interview with Vernon’s childhood friend Bivins.
CHAPTER 3: DALLAS
“macho man”: Jim McGee and William Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah,’” Washington Post, May 9, 1993.
Roy was thirty-four: Haldeman and Wessinger, pg. 11.
“Don’t take me”: Samples et al. pg. 20.
“It was the state’s feverish headquarters”: Stephan Harrigan, Big Wonderful Thing: A History of Texas (Austin: University of Texas Press, 2019), pg. 1192.
You would think: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 17.
“What kind of bird is that?”: Ibid.
Sometimes, when Vernon was young: Marc Breault and Martin King, Inside the Cult (New York: Signet, 1993), pg. 29.
It was like his world: Dick J. Reavis, “Mr. Retardo,” Dallas Observer, July 27, 1995.
“Four eyes”: Breault and King, Inside the Cult, pg. 29.
“Mr. Retardo”: Dick J. Reavis, “Mr. Retardo,” Dallas Observer, July 27, 1995.
In his heart: FBI Negotiation tape #217, pg. 14.
“I just fell madly in love”: Interview with Teresa Beem.
Bonnie finally gave in: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 11.
He went home: Ibid., pg. 12.
Vernon would get in bed: “The Branch Davidians: In Their Own Words,” Uncontrolled Video, 2016, www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqhnM0KfrHg.
It was like he went: Reavis, “Mr. Retardo.”
the Bible studies: Kenneth R. Samples, Erwin M. de Castro, Richard Abanes, and Robert J. Lyle, Prophets of the Apocalypse: David Koresh and Other American Messiahs (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994), pg. 22.
CHAPTER 4: VERNON AND ROY
Sometimes Bonnie would get mad: Kenneth R. Samples, Erwin M. de Castro, Richard Abanes, and Robert J. Lyle, Prophets of the Apocalypse: David Koresh and Other American Messiahs (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994), pg. 174.
“You’d argue with Jesus Christ!”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #46, pg. 25.
“I don’t even know”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #137, pg. 36.
That was one: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #217, pg. 12.
“When earth is closest”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 26.
“Now Vernon”: Ibid.
Bonnie got ticked off: David Thibodeau, Waco: A Survivor’s Story (New York: PublicAffairs, 1999), pg. 76.
“It’s terrible”: Samples et al., Prophets of the Apocalypse, pg. 21.
Then a bunch of older boys: Jim McGee and William, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah,’” Washington Post, May 9, 1993.
Vernon kicked: Marc Breault and Martin King, Inside the Cult (New York: Signet, 1993), pg. 29.
Roger was the favorite: Interview with Marc Breault.
An icebox in his chest: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #90, pg. 43.
When Roy got to drinking: Bonnie Haldeman and Catherine Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians (Waco: Baylor University Press, 2007), pg. 31.
He would shout at Bonnie: Interview with Sharon Kidd.
“Dear God”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 25.
It said one word: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 27.
It happened to someone: J. J. Robertson, Beyond the Flames (San Diego: ProMotion Publishing, 1996), pg. 263.
CHAPTER 5: THE CLUBHOUSE
To bulk up: Chuck Lindell and Pamela Ward, “Howell said to have lived double life: Odd mix of kindness, arrogance charmed some, scared others,” Waco Tribune-Herald, May 2, 1993.
By the finish line: Marc Breault and Martin King, Inside the Cult (New York: Signet, 1993), pg. 30.
He could run for hours: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #46, pg. 23.
“Get out there”: Bonnie Haldeman and Catherine Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians (Waco: Baylor University Press, 2007), pg. 18.
He and his friends talked: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #218, pg. 3
fork more of it: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #219, pp. 37–38.
But after a few minutes: Ibid., pg. 36.
In 1972, when he was thirteen: Haldeman and Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians, pg. 17.
It got heated: Interview with Sharon Kidd.
To his parents: Haldeman and Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians, pg. 20.
Finally, Bonnie told Vernon: Pamela Colloff, “A Mother’s Words,” Texas Monthly, February 2009.
By the time he finished: Jim McGee and William Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah,’” Washington Post, May 9, 1993.
They just wanted to smoke weed: Dick J. Reavis, “Mr. Retardo,” Dallas Observer, July 27, 1995.
“What different reasons?”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pp. 14–16.
His aunt Sharon let him know: McGee and Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah.’”
“I’m just not like these dudes”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 16.
He had small hands: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #182, pg. 17.
But the fact that his own kin didn’t want him around: McGee and Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah.’”
Bobby said sure: Ibid.
CHAPTER 6: VERNON AND LINDA
for Bonnie to buy him: Bonnie Haldeman and Catherine Wessinger, Memories of the Branch Davidians (Waco: Baylor University Press, 2007), pg. 20.
Vernon was off work: Ibid., Kindle location 268.
he wanted the chord changes: Jim McGee and William Claiborne, “The Transformation of the Waco ‘Messiah,’” Washington Post, May 9, 1993.
She’d been hanging out: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pg. 30.
After they arrived at Linda’s house: Ibid., pg. 31.
“My God, here I am”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #45, pp. 32-33.
“God, what’s going on?”: Ibid., pg. 38.
“she’d had an abortion”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #46, pg. 2.
“Your love is the best”: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #46, pg. 8.
Linda would let Bonnie come by: Interview with David Bunds.
He couldn’t eat: Marc Breault and Martin King, Inside the Cult (New York: Signet, 1993), pg. 34.
Vernon moved out of his car: FBI negotiation transcript, tape #48, pg. 41.
He’d cry for hours: Kenneth R. Samples, Erwin M. de Castro, Richard Abanes, and Robert J. Lyle, Prophets of the Apocalypse: David Koresh and Other American Messiahs (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994), pg. 24.
