Owning Beauty, page 9
So, loneliness and I snuggle down into the huge comfortable bed and wrap each other up in the familiar, as I close my eyes tightly and try to sleep off a situation that is starting to suffocate me.
18
TOBIAS
We remain in New York for three days. I am impossible to be around and I know it. The anger has accompanied me everywhere, and even my men are starting to look anxious. Sophia knows to keep quiet when I’m in one of my moods and conversation is strictly limited to business. She retreats to her room at the end of the day and I wonder what she finds to do in there because her life, like mine, is not a flexible one. She keeps herself to herself and only ventures out to accompany me on business and the odd function in the evening. She never complains but does remind me of what an asshole I am when needed. Yes, I need to keep my sister close because she’s all I’ve got and we are both fearful of that changing, which is why we tolerate each other the way we do.
As we head to the private airfield where my jet is waiting, I feel the ache in my knuckles and know the bruising on my stomach must be quite impressive right now. Usually sex is my preferred release from the stress of the day, but as that appears not an option right now, I turned to my love of boxing to fill my evenings.
I own a gym down near Brooklyn and spent the last two nights fighting my frustration away. I love nothing more than smashing my opponent, and they kept a steady stream of unfortunates for me to play with. Men that have overstepped the mark were brought to the gym to face my own brand of punishment and were mainly carried off on a stretcher. I relish the power I feel when I hold a man’s life in my hands and the battering they received at my hands, pleased me way more than watching another put them in their place.
My men know I like to enact my own form of revenge from time to time, and as workouts go, this was a good trip. However, now I am keen to return home to deal with a different kind of problem and once again feel my cock hardening at the thought of what that means.
Sophia sighs and says in a dull voice. “You can’t fight your way out of feeling all your life, Tobias.”
“What are you talking about?” I say it irritably because we both know what she means.
“You, and your love of fighting. It’s not healthy inside and out. You need to deal with your emotions differently brother because everyone can see you’re losing your shit and that’s not good for business.”
“Shut the fuck up, you don’t get to lecture me on the business.”
“Is that so? Then tell me, brother, if not me, who? You see, you need a reality check from time to time and this existence is not healthy for either of us.”
I stare out the window, hating that she’s right. The trouble is, I can’t change who I am, how I feel, or the situation we are now in because of what happened to them.
I feel on the edge and snap. “Don’t lecture me, I’m fully aware of the current situation. What do you suggest, forget what happened and carry on living what is classed as a normal life for as long as they let me? Blend in with the rest of civilization as if we’re not the cancer spreading through the country, responsible for most of the crime and drug addiction? Wake up Sophia and realize just what a shit storm we inherited because the only people who can change all this died five years ago.”
She gasps as I make reference to the day our life changed forever and I turn away. I can feel her grief surround her as she battles to gather her emotions and keep them in check. She will hate that I have dared to disturb the tight seal she has placed on the box she shut the past inside and I feel like the bastard I am as I growl, “You don’t lecture me on my behavior when you’re as fucked up as I am. What’s the matter, sis, don’t you like the fact your brother keeps you safe because he actually cares what happens to you? Don’t you like the life I created to keep you from suffering a similar fate and don’t you like that I am trying to get some kind of normal into our lives that may just move us away from the fucked-up inheritance we have to live with because if you don’t like any of that, you can leave, the door is open.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? The door is open? Have you heard yourself? The door is most certainly not fucking open because you threw the key away. You stopped normal life getting in and you have created this vacuum we live in. If I leave, I know you will follow because you can’t bear the thought of me escaping this fucked-up life beside your side. Don’t lecture me on wanting something better because you have decided that better means dragging some poor innocent girl down to hell with you. Do the right thing and set her free because you won’t like what sits on your conscience if you don’t.”
“ENOUGH!” My voice blasts through the car, causing it to swerve a little as the driver must hear it through the glass partitioned screen. “Don’t you fucking lecture me. This is how it is until I decide otherwise and you will do as I say because…”
“Because what, Tobias? Because I may actually have a chance at happiness again, and you can’t deal with it. Maybe I want that. Maybe I want to be set free to live a normal life with a husband and a family of my own. Why can’t you see that?”
I turn away because I can’t trust myself not to silence her in a way that would make me more of a monster than I am already. Sophia is my sister and gets away with a lot, more than anyone ever has because despite everything, I love her so hard it hurts and she is the only thing left for me to love. It’s why she is a prisoner of my love, because if anything happened to my sister, the world would not be big enough for the person who hurt her to escape from me.
The rest of the journey home is spent in silence. My men avoid my eyes and Sophia positions herself at the back of the plane, as far away from me as she can get. The flight attendants share worried looks as I snap at them, and the air is thick with tension as I allow the drink to distort my vision of the man I have to face in the mirror.
The short drive back home is tense and silent, and I feel weary. The only light at the end of the tunnel is what’s waiting for me. My little caged bird. The exotic beauty that I have locked in the tower to please me and entertain me at my own whim. Yes, her innocence and softness will be a welcome balm to take the sting away of a fraught few days. Tonight, I will set my future in place with her by my side and it’s that thought that’s keeping me sane.
19
ANASTASIA
Today has been better. I woke with a new purpose and decided to make the best of a bad situation. Dressing in comfortable clothes of some cut-off shorts and a tight vest, I put my hair in a high ponytail and once again leave my feet as bare as my face.
Today I intend on baking and exploring some more and feel quite upbeat for a change. Mrs. Billings is a little less frosty and Angelo keeps away all the while I’m inside the house, and I feel a sense of freedom that I never felt before. I can do this; I can carve a role for myself when he isn’t here.
Mrs. Billings has resigned to sharing her kitchen with me and we are soon chatting away like old friends. She passes on tips on baking, which I lap up eagerly. We have discovered a shared passion and I indulge it for most of the day.
We soon have quite the feast laid out before us and with excitement I call for Angelo.
He comes racing in looking worried and I giggle as I point to the stool against the breakfast bar. “Sit there and be our Guinea pig.”
He looks confused, and Mrs. Billings shakes her head and laughs at the startled look on his face.
“Come on Angelo, we have been baking all morning and there is nobody around to eat it. So, what do you think of this brownie and tell me the truth, mind?”
I wink and pass the brownie across the counter and look with eagerness as he shrugs and puts some in his mouth. I love the way his eyes light up as he savors the flavor and nods, “Good ma’am.”
“What about this flapjack?”
Once again, I pass him a small slice and he nods his approval. “You bake well, ma’am.”
Feeling quite pleased with myself, I set about making him taste all my offerings and Mrs. Billings laughs. “Poor Angelo, he will need to attack the gym after this, or we’ll be letting his suit out.”
We all laugh and then the happy atmosphere is killed stone dead as we hear, “Leave.”
I see Angelo stand to attention and look uncomfortable as he turns to face Tobias, whose eyes are flashing dangerously as he watches us from the doorway. Mrs. Billings turns pale as she nods to Angelo and they head out of the kitchen with no words spoken.
I stare in surprise as Tobias prowls into the room looking so angry, I feel the fear ripping through my body as he snarls, “What are you wearing?”
Looking down at my cut-offs, I shrug. “Just what I normally wear around the house.”
He growls. “Not my house, in front of my staff.”
“Why?” I am genuinely confused and he reaches out and pulls me sharply to him and snarls, “They can see everything and my wife is not a common slut. The shorts are too high, I can see your ass and that vest is clinging on for dear life.”
If it was a shock at seeing him, it’s an even greater one feeling him touch me. I’m not sure why but it’s as if my entire body comes alive and I’m absolutely mortified when he smirks and as my gaze follow his I see my nipples pressing hard against the thin fabric that contains them.
I feel my face flush as he stares at me with a hunger that sends the heat traveling through my entire body and he growls, “Did you miss me?”
I lick my lips nervously and his eyes darken to two flashing pools of electricity.
I can’t breathe because he takes all the air in the room and replaces it with pressure. There is something about the wildness in his eyes that makes me quiver inside. He pulls me closer and anchors me to him like a snare and whispers darkly, “It’s time to set some rules. Come with me.”
Then he turns and pulls me behind him, and I struggle to keep up.
We pass his sister standing in the hall watching us, and something in her expression strikes fear in my heart. She looks frightened and I hear her say, “Tobias, stop. Don’t do this.”
He completely ignores her and the last thing I see is the apology in her eyes as she stares after me with a helplessness that fills me with fear. What’s happening?
I don’t have time to make sense of the situation as he pulls me toward the East wing and up the stairs to his bedroom. My heart is thumping so fast I can’t keep up with it and the fear is clouding my mind. He’s scaring me.
Then, as we reach his room, he slams the bedroom door shut and pushes me down on the bed and stands over me looking so feral I hold my breath and close my eyes because I don’t want to see the look in his.
“Open your eyes.”
His command is terse and brutal and doesn’t tolerate delay, so I open them and shiver as he looks at me with overflowing lust. I start to tremble as he growls, “Things have changed. I no longer want a wife in name only.”
“What do you mean?” My voice shakes as I stall for time, and he smiles darkly. “I’m sure you understand what’s happening here. I came to a decision when I was away. I have forbidden you from other men, and it would be hypocritical if I screwed other women. So, that leaves the two of us and as your husband I want a wife in every sense of the word.”
I edge back on the bed in fear because I am not ready for this. The sad fact is I am so turned on right now because I want this man so badly who does things to me inside that I have only read about. The trouble is, I’m not ready. I can’t possibly entertain the idea because he will be disappointed when he realizes I know nothing at all about sex and everything that goes with it.
I swallow hard as he removes his shirt, and then I see the dark bruising covering his chest and gasp. “What happened?”
He looks down and shrugs. “The usual work out, it will pass.”
I can’t tear my eyes from it as the angry purple bruises cover the six pack of a man who is surely every woman’s fantasy, and then it strikes me how weird this all is. I should be afraid and screaming for help. I should be shouting and pleading for him to stay away and I should be crying and telling him to stop. But I have a morbid fascination with the man I married, and so I scoot forward and reach out and touch the bruises and feel him stiffen in surprise.
I raise my eyes to his and see his flash with a yearning for what I can give him, and it empowers me. As I lightly stroke his chest he tenses and stills and I see the power I have over him. As I feel the nerves edging away, I bite my lower lip and he groans.
Now I know the power a woman has over a man and I get what everyone told me. This is an intoxicating game that I am loath to surrender.
I carry on exploring his body with a light touch and with every stroke, I get a reaction that spurs me on. I lick my lips with a nervous anticipation and say softly, “Let me put something on those bruises.”
Shaking his head, he growls, “Leave them, they’re fine.”
Taking his hand, I notice the knuckles are split and grazed and I kiss each one of them as if to kiss the pain away. Once again, he groans and it’s as if I now hold all the cards. The lion is being tamed by the lioness, and it feels amazing.
With a new found authority to my voice, I say firmly, “Lie on the bed. I won’t be long.”
Unbelievably he does as I say and I head to the bathroom and wet a cloth with cold water. Removing a tube of antiseptic cream from the medicine cupboard, I return and sit beside him and whisper, “Close your eyes.”
His eyes shut and I apply the cream in soft stroking movements to his tortured skin and he growls, “That feels so good.”
“Shh.”
Carefully, I apply the cold cloth and as he lies there, I appreciate the view without him looking. He is the finest man I have ever seen and despite being terrifying, under my touch he is like a pussy cat.
I carry on my administrations until all the tension leaves the room and as I pull away, his eyes open and a hand reaches out and grabs my wrist. “You’re going nowhere.”
He sits up and faces me and I can feel his breath on my face as he whispers in that husky, sexy voice, “My turn now.”
He reaches for my vest and suddenly the danger is in the room again and I stare at him with a fear that I know irritates him because he strokes my face softly and whispers, “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“But.”
My voice trembles as I try to think of any excuse other than the real truth to make him stop, and his eyes narrow a fraction before he growls. “I repeat, I am not going to hurt you. That is the furthest thing from my mind. I want to give you pleasure; so much pleasure you won’t be able to remember your own name. I want you to dream about me at night because even in your dreams I want to be with you. I want to hear you scream my name as I send you to a place you will never want to leave and I want my name to be the first one on your lips when you wake in the morning and the last one at night. I want to own every inch of you my little bird because I want you that much.”
The power in his voice and the promise in his eyes sets me on edge.
I am no match for this man. As soon as he samples the goods, he will wish he had chosen better. Struggling to breathe in this lust-filled atmosphere, I say with a quiver to my voice, “I’m a virgin.”
20
TOBIAS
Her words cause the blood to rush to my head and every part of me that she controls. A virgin - what the fuck?
I stare at her in surprise and she lowers her head as if ashamed. That angers me way too much and I lift her face to mine and say with choked emotion, “Is this true - how?”
She nods sadly and says in a small voice, “I never got the opportunity. Through school and college, I had many guys try, but I wanted to save myself for the right man. As I grew older, the opportunities went away because I was engaged to Sebastian, who never wanted me. I once tried to force him to love me by dressing up as a whore and visiting him in his office. I thought that’s what women did, but he was disgusted.”
The tears fill her lovely eyes and she turns away, leaving me ready to murder Sebastian Stone on sight. Then again, he has left me the most precious gift of all and I should be thanking him for it.
Her shoulders shake as the tears fall, and I feel like the biggest bastard in the world as I see what nearly just happened. Sophia was right, the results of my actions would not sit well with me, so I pull down her top and hold her close and stroke her hair as if comforting a child because that’s what she is. She has not progressed to a woman yet, and I will not be the one who makes that a bad memory.
She starts to cry softly and it tears my heart out. I nearly ruined something so precious I couldn’t live with myself if I carried it through. A virgin—fuck me, how did I get so lucky to find her. No other man has touched her most prized possession and I will be the one to show her amazing it can be.
“You’re disappointed in me.”
“What?”
I pull back and see the hurt in her eyes and it makes me crazy. “Of course, I’m not, how could I be?”
She sniffs. “Because you wanted a wife who would make you happy. Someone who could be everything you wished for and I don’t measure up.”
Now I’m angry and snap. “What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody can measure up to you. Do you know what you have just given me?”
“No.” Her voice is a whisper and I say incredulously, “You have just made me the happiest man alive. You are untouched by any hand, and I want to be the man to make you a woman. That is the most precious gift a woman can give and you have saved it for me.”
As I stare at her, I brush aside the fact that’s strictly not true. She hasn’t saved it for me, she saved it for the man she fell in love with. Quite frankly I doubt that was ever going to be me, but it sure as hell is now. But not here, not now, and not under these circumstances.
