StarShipSofaVol01.indb, page 1
Volume 1
Contents
Tony C. Smith . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ed’s letter 3
Michael Moorcock . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . london Bone 5
Ken Scholes. . . . . . . . . . . . Into The Blank Where life Is Hurled
19
Elizabeth Bear . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Tideline 29
Michael Bishop Vinegar Peace (or, The Wrong-Way used-Adult orphanage)
37
Spider Robinson . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . In The olden Days 51
Gord Sellar . . . . . lester Young And The Jupiter’s moons’ Blues
55
Lawrence Santoro. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . little Girl Down The Way
77
Gene Wolfe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Vampire Kiss 87
Benjamin Rosenbaum . . . The Ant King: A California Fairy Tale
91
Joe R. Lansdale. . . . . . . . . . . . . Godzilla’s Twelve Step Program 103
Alastair Reynolds . . . . . . . . . . . . The Sledge-maker’s Daughter 109
Ken Macleod . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jesus Christ, Reanimator 123
Peter Watts . . . . . . . The Second Coming of Jasmine Fitzgerald 131
Ruth Nestvold . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . mars: A Travelers’ Guide 145
Jeffrey Ford . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . empire of Ice Cream 151
ILLUSTRATIONS
Skeet Scienski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cover Art Adam Koford. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . When they Come 4
Anton Emdin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Weather Forecasting 36
Jouni Koponen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . little Girl Down The Way
77
Bob Byrne. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Vampire Kiss 87
Steve Boehme . . . . . . . . . The Ant King: A California Fairy Tale
91
Jouni Koponen . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . empire of Ice Cream 151
EdITEd By TONy C. SmITh
Copyright © 2009 by StarShipSofa.
Cover design, interior layout & design by Dee Cunniffe.
www.StarShipSofa.com
PeRmISSIonS: “london Bone” © michael
moorcock, 1998. New Worlds, 1998, David Garnett,
White Wolf. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“Into The Blank Where life Is Hurled” © Ken
Scholes, 2005. Writers of the Future Volume XXI,
Aug 2005, Algis Budrys, Galaxy Press. Reprinted by
permission of the author. “Tideline” © elizabeth Bear,
2007. Asimov’s Science Fiction, June 2007 Jun 2007,
Sheila Williams, Dell magazines.Reprinted by
permission of the author. “Vinegar Peace, or, The Wrong-
Way used-Adult orphanage” © michael Bishop, 2007,
Asimov’s Science Fiction, July 2008, Sheila Williams,
Dell magazines. Reprinted by permission of the
author. “In The olden Days” © Spider Robinson,
1984. Melancholy Elephants, 1984, Spider Robinson,
Penguin. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“lester Young and the Jupiter’s moons’ Blues”
© Gord Sellar, 2008, Asimov’s Science Fiction,
July 2008, Sheila Williams, Dell magazines. Reprinted
by permission of the author. “little Girl Down The Way”
© lawrence Santoro, 2006. Hell In The Heartland,
2008, edited by ms. marel Sardina and Roger Dale
Trexler for Annihilation Press, Reprinted by permission
of the author. “Vampire Kiss” © Gene Wolfe, 2005.
Realms of Fantasy, April 2005, Apr 2005, Shawna
mcCarthy, Sovereign media Co. Reprinted by permission
of the author. “The Ant King: A California Fairy Tale”
© Ben Rosenbaum, 2001. The Magazine of Fantasy
& Science Fiction, July 2001, Gordon Van Gelder,
Spilogale. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“Godzilla’s Twelve-Step Program” © Joe R. lansdale,
1994, Writer of the Purple Rage, 1997, Joe R. lansdale,
Carroll & Graf. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“The Sledge-maker’s Daughter” by Alastair Reynolds,
2007, Interzone, April 2007, Apr 2007, Andy Cox,
TTA Press. Reprinted by permission of the author.
“Jesus Christ, Reanimator” © Ken macleod, 2007.
Fast Forward 1: Future Fiction from the Cutting Edge,
Feb 2007, lou Anders, Pyr. Reprinted by permission of
the author. “The Second Coming of Jasmine Fitzgerald”
© Peter Watts, 2000. Ten Monkeys, Ten Minutes, Peter
Watts, Tesseract Books. Reprinted by permission of the
author. “mars: A Traveler’s Guide” © Ruth nestvold, 2008.
The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, January
2008 Gordon Van Gelder. Reprinted by permission of the
author. “The empire of Ice Cream” © Jeffrey Ford, 2003.
Sci Fiction Feb 2003, el en Datlow, SciFi.com, Internet,
magazine. Reprinted by permission of the author.
2
Ed’s LEttEr
Anyone can make a podcast. So began the
teetering foundations that were to lead to
where StarShipSofa is today: one of the biggest
sf literature podcasts in the world. A grand
statement, you might say, but nearly four years
down the line that is where we are. That makes
me feel rather proud. I didn’t get there by myself;
StarShipSofa is a community, and we are all here
because we love science fiction. StarShipSofa is
Ed’s Letter made by many and put together by one. If it wasn’t
for everyone – listeners, writers, and narrators
– being so kind and helping out so much, I think
To Mel, my amazing wife, and Elly and Reed,
the good ship Sofa would have crashed into a star
you are my world. I love you all so much.
and burned long ago. The Sofa community has
Tony/Dad
made this show what it is today.
And so we find ourselves celebrating
In Some WAYS IT WAS THe GIFT oF An StarShipSofa Audio magazine hitting show
iPod from my wife that led to the birth of
100, and this time it’s done something quite
StarShipSofa and ultimately the publication
remarkable: it’s evolved from digital bits, servers,
of this book. So I think we have to thank her.
and drives into this fine printed book. Who would
Thank you, Mel.
have thought after listening to StarShipSofa
I am proud to hold my hand up and say
– a show made of kbps, mono, stereo, mp3s,
“I am a Geek.” I love computers and I love
wavs, uploads, and downloads – you would be
gadgets. With my iPod came the discovery of
holding the StarShipSofa Stories: Volume 1.
podcasts. There was no more listening to radio
I hope you enjoy reading it, and I’ll see you
stations that bored me stupid. Podcasts were
in a year’s time for Volume 2.
out there, and they were playing what I wanted
to hear, and this is still the case today. I have fine
Tony C. Smith
tuned my listening pleasure down to precisely
newcastle, September 2009
what I want, all thanks to the iPod.
And what do I want to listen to? Why,
––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
science fiction.
But it wasn’t the first thing that came to mind
ACKnoWleDGmenTS: This book wouldn’t have
as I scrolled through the oodles and oodles of
come into being if it wasn’t for the kindness of al the
podcasts. I was trying all things: geeks, gadgets,
writers and artists involved with this project. I thank
and gizmos. Then I stumbled upon science
you from the bottom of my heart – without your help,
fiction and, way back in my brain department,
this would have just been a sil y dream. I also want to
little motors slowly began to whirr and clunk,
thank Dee Cunniffe for igniting the idea and making
hiss and spit, until eventually it coughed up the
it al happen – in two weeks! I have to say a big thank
computation: You used to like science fiction! You
you to Skeet for doing such a wonderful cover art.
used to read it all the time. Why did you stop?
Skeet, you have been so kind with your time, energy, and
I thought about why I had stopped. There was
skil . I hope this goes a little way into making your dream
a period in my life when the sole reason for me
come true – having your art on the cover of a book. Final y,
being me was to read, but I’d drifted away and
Josh leuze, who at the last moment was asked to build a
even to this day I cannot say why. maybe it was
website and didn’t flinch when told the deadline. most of
gradual and time tricked me – who can tell.
al this is a thank you to the StarShipSofa’s community
I have my iPod; I have discovered science
– you have made this old guy very proud, and I am truly
fiction podcasts; and now came another discovery.
grateful from the bottom of my heart – thank you.
3
LONdON
BONE
By michael moorcock
For Ronnie Scott
––––––––––––––––––– 1 –––––––––––––––––––
possible profit out of an American matron with
more money than sense who’s anxious to report
mY nAme IS RAYmonD GolD AnD I’m home with the right items ticked off the beento
a well-known dealer. I was born too many
list. We’ve all seen them rushing about in their
years ago in upper Street, Islington. everybody
overpriced limos and mini-buses, pretending
reckons me in the london markets and I have a
to be individuals: Thursday: Changing-of-
good reputation in manchester and the provinces.
the-Guard, Harrods, Planet Hollywood, Royal
I have bought and sold, been the middleman,
Academy, Tea-At-the-Ritz, Cats. It’s a sort of
an agent, an art representative, a professional
tribal dance they all feel compelled to perform.
mentor, a tour guide, a spiritual bridge-builder.
If they don’t perform it, they feel inadequate.
These days I call myself a cultural speculator.
Saturday: Tower of london, Bucket of Blood,
But, you won’t like it, the more familiar
Jack-the-Ripper talk, Sherlock Holmes Pub,
word for my profession, as I practised it until
Sherlock Holmes tour, madame Tussaud’s,
recently, is scalper. This kind of language is just
Covent Garden Cream Tea, Dogs. These
another way of isolating the small businessman
are people so traumatized by contact with
and making what he does seem sleazy while the
strangers that their only security lies in these
stockbroker dealing in millions is supposed to be
rituals, these well-blazed trails and familiar
legitimate. But I don’t need to convince anyone
chants. It’s my job to smooth their paths, to
today that there’s no sodding justice.
make them exclaim how pretty and wonderful
‘Scalping’ is risky. What you do is invest in
and elegant and magical it all is. The street
tickets on spec and hope to make a timely sale
people aren’t a problem. They’re just so many
when the market for them hits zenith. Any kind
charming Dick Van Dykes.
of ticket, really, but mostly shows. I’ve never seen
Americans need bullshit the way koala
anything offensive about getting the maximum
bears need eucalyptus leaves. They’ve become
5
starshipsofa storiEs
totally addicted to it. They get so much of it
books of Pett Ridge and Arthur morrison.
back home that they can’t survive without it.
I know Pratface Charlie, Driff and martin Stone,
It’s your duty to help them get their regular
Bernie michaud and the even more legendary
fixes while they travel. And when they make
Gerry and Pat Goldstein. They’re all historians,
it back after three weeks on alien shores, their
archeologists, revenants. There isn’t another
friends, of course, are always glad of some
culture-dealer in london, oldster or child, who
foreign bullshit for a change.
doesn’t at some time come to me for an opinion.
even if you sell a show ticket to a real
even now, when I’m as popular as a pig at a
enthusiast, who has already been forty nine
Putney wedding and people hold their noses and
times and is so familiar to the cast they see him
dive into traffic rather than have to say hello to
in the street and think he’s a relative, who are you
me, they still need me for that.
hurting? Andros loud Website, lady Hatchet’s
I’ve known all the famous londoners or
loyal laureate, who achieved rank and wealth by
known someone else who did. I can tell stories
celebrating the lighter side of the moral vacuum?
of long-dead gangsters who made the Krays
He would surely applaud my enterprise in the
seem like Amnesty International. Bare-knuckle
buccaneering spirit of the free market. Venture
boxing. Fighting the fascists in the east end.
capitalism at its bravest. Well, he’d applaud
Gun-battles with the police all over Stepney
me if he had time these days from his railings
in the 1900s. The terrifying girl gangsters of
against fate, his horrible understanding of the
Whitechapel. Barricading the old Bill in his
true nature of his coming obscurity. But that’s
own barracks down in notting Dale.
partly what my story’s about.
I can tell you where all the music halls were
I have to say in my own favour that I’m not
and what was sung in them. And why. I can tell
merely a speculator or, if you like, exploiter.
marie lloyd stories and max miller stories that
I’m also a patron. For many years, not just
are fresh and sharp and bawdy as they day they
recently, a niagara of dosh has flowed out of my
happened, because their wit and experience came
pocket and into the real arts faster than a cat
out of the market streets of london. The same
up a Frenchman. Whole orchestras and famous
streets. The same markets. The same family
soloists have been brought to the Wigmore
names. london is markets. markets are london.
Hall on the money they get from me. But I
I’m a londoner through and through.
couldn’t have afforded this if it wasn’t for the
I know mr Gog personally. I know ma Gog even
definitely iffy Miss Saigon (a triumph of well-
more personally. During the day I can walk
oiled machinery over dodgy morality) or the
anywhere from Bow to Bayswater faster than
unbelievably decrepit Good Rockin’ Tonite (in
any taxi. I love the markets. Brick lane. Church
which the living dead jive in the aisles), nor, of
Street. Portobello. You won’t find me on a bike
course, that first great theatrical triumph of the
with my bum in the air on a winter’s afternoon.
new millennium, Schindler: The Musical. make
I walk or drive. nothing in between. I wear a
‘em weep, uncle Walt!
camel-hair in winter and a Barraclough’s in
So who is helping most to support the arts?
summer. You know what would happen to a
You, me, the lottery?
coat like that on a bike.
I had another reputation, of course, which
I love the theatre. I like modern dance,
some saw as a second profession. I was one of the
very good movies and ambitious international
last great london characters. I was always on
contemporary music. I like poetry, prose,
late-night telly lit from below and Iain Sinclair
painting and the decorative arts. I like the lot,
couldn’t write a paragraph without dropping
the very best that london’s got, the whole
my name at least once. I’m a quintessential
bloody casserole. I gobble it all up and bang on
londoner, I am. I’m a Cockney gentleman.
my bowl for more. let timid greenbelters creep
I read Israel Zangwill and Gerald Kersh
in at weekends and sink themselves in the West
and Alexander Barron. I can tell you the best
