What Song the Sirens Sang, page 8
‘It helps. But not as much as I’d hoped.’
‘I thought you’d mellowed,’ I said. ‘Particularly after you talked with the rogue angel, Ethel.’
‘I did improve,’ said Lex. ‘But most of that was down to Sally. We were so happy together. She helped me remember what it felt like to be just a man. She even had me convinced I might not inevitably be damned, after all. That I could still be forgiven. I even dared to hope we might have a future together. I should have known better. Because if I wasn’t damned before, I am now.’
He smiled again, and it was a cold and terrible thing to see.
‘I don’t care. I will do whatever is necessary to find and rescue Sally. I will slaughter the innocent along with the guilty and bathe the world in blood if that is what it takes. It’s not what Sally would want, but I will do it anyway. And I will never feel sorry for any of it.’
‘Lex,’ I said, choosing my words carefully, ‘this isn’t a problem you can solve with brute force. That’s why Annie and I came here, to help you. Let us help, and we can charm or con the truth out of people, until we find out who’s behind all of this. Once we know who, we’ll know where to look for Sally. You need to be part of the crew again, so that when we discover where Sally is being held, we can all sneak in and steal her back. Because that’s what we do. If you go in on your own … you could get Sally killed.’
I waited, watching closely as he thought it through. Finally, he nodded.
‘You could be right.’
I didn’t sigh heavily and relax, but I really wanted to.
‘Can you tell us how Sally was taken?’ said Annie.
Lex settled back in his chair, his eyes fixed on yesterday as though it was years ago. Back when he was happy and the world made sense.
‘I left Sally alone in our hotel suite, so I could walk down the street and pick up some more of those pastries she liked. I wasn’t worried; no one knew who we really were, and, anyway, Sally could look after herself. When I got back, she was gone.
‘I thought I would go out of my mind, not knowing where she was or what might be happening to her. I searched the suite for clues, but all I found was a note the kidnappers left for me. No ransom demand, no threats; just a single line: She belongs to me now. That gave me purpose again. To go after Sally and get her back, and kill everyone who’d dared to lay a hand on her.’
‘Could this be someone getting back at you for things you’ve done in the past?’ I said.
‘If this had been about me, they would have killed Sally and left her body for me to find,’ said Lex. ‘No, somebody had a use for her. Now you tell me she used her gift to steal from your shop. So as long as she stays useful, she should be safe.’
‘Sally’s smart,’ said Annie. ‘She won’t have any trouble convincing whoever’s got her how valuable she could be to him.’
And I thought but didn’t say, Assuming she needs to …
‘What did she steal from you?’ said Lex. ‘Was it valuable?’
‘We think so,’ said Annie.
He didn’t take his eyes off me. ‘Then Sally could have been taken just so she could use her gift to steal from you. Which makes it your fault she was kidnapped.’
‘You know better than that,’ I said steadily.
He nodded. ‘You can take your hand off the time pen, Gideon. It wouldn’t have any effect on my armour anyway.’
I took my hand back out of my jacket. ‘There’s nothing more you can do here, Lex. Come with us. I think I know someone who might be able to point us in Sally’s direction.’
‘But if Sandra Ransom didn’t know …’ said Annie.
Lex looked at me sharply. ‘You talked to her? Even I have more sense than to mess with that one.’
‘Sandra and I go way back,’ I said. ‘And she doesn’t know everything. She just likes to give that impression. So, when brute force won’t work, go with the sneaky.’ I grinned at Annie. ‘Remember Madam Osiris?’
‘Oh no,’ said Annie. ‘Not her.’ She stopped and looked at me. ‘What made you think of her?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘The name just popped into my head. What matters is that she knows things.’
Lex frowned. ‘I don’t know the name.’
‘Really?’ I said. ‘She knows you.’
I remembered Osiris making me promise that I would do whatever it took to protect her from the wrath of the Damned. Did she know this day would come? And what could she have done, or be going to do, to make such a promise necessary? I shrugged mentally and raised my voice.
‘Sidney! Get us out of here!’
The tall mirror bullied itself into existence, standing right next to me. ‘What am I, your personal taxi service?’
Lex got to his feet, shaking his head. ‘You have the strangest friends, Gideon.’
FOUR
Answers and Questions
We’d only just stepped out of the mirror and into the shop when Annie looked Lex over and shook her head decisively.
‘Stand right where you are, Lex. I don’t want you dripping blood and gore all over our nice new shop. I’ve only just got the place cleaned up. Make like a statue, while I go and find you a towel.’
Lex nodded obediently, and Annie bustled off to the rear of the shop. I was quietly amused at the way Lex just went along with Annie and her fussing. He was the Damned, after all, which meant no one could make him do anything he didn’t want to. I had the good sense to keep that thought out of my face while Lex looked around the shop. He took in the new stock, raised an eyebrow at the current junkies snoring quietly overhead, nodded familiarly to the bear by the door, and only then turned his attention to me.
‘Looking good, Gideon. Quality merchandise and an enviable range. If I had any money, I’d certainly spend it here. You’d hardly know Harry had left.’
‘That is the idea,’ I said. ‘Carrying on the grand old tradition of magic for sale – at almost reasonable prices.’
‘What did Sally steal from you?’ said Lex.
‘A piece of rock,’ I said. ‘Supposedly, a very valuable collectible.’
‘How badly do you want it back?’ said Lex.
‘I want the rock and Sally back,’ I said carefully. ‘That’s why we came and found you.’
‘Sally comes first,’ said Lex.
‘Of course,’ I said. Because I wasn’t stupid. Arguing your corner is for when you’re dealing with sane people.
‘So!’ Sidney said suddenly from behind us. ‘This is the legendary Damned. Big, isn’t he? And messy. I just know I’m going to stink of blood and sweat and testosterone for ages and ages. Maybe I should have you drive a flock of sheep through me, so their wool could scour me clean.’
Lex turned unhurriedly to consider the talking mirror. He took a moment to study his reflection, and the mirror had enough sense to show the Damned as he was, with no embellishments. Lex nodded slowly, looked back at me and raised an eyebrow.
‘One of Harry’s old toys?’
‘I am not a toy!’ Sidney said fiercely. ‘I am a mirror on the world and everything in it. I see all, and don’t you forget it!’
Lex was very nearly smiling. ‘Loud, isn’t he?’
‘You have no idea,’ I said.
Lex turned back to face the mirror, and it actually flinched under the impact of the Damned’s gaze.
‘If you see all,’ said Lex, ‘can you see where Switch It Sally is, right now?’
‘Not as such,’ said Sidney, in a somewhat politer tone. ‘She is currently hidden away behind the kind of impenetrable shields and protections that would give God a headache. But once Gideon has pinned down Sally’s current location, I can take you right to her. Which makes me your best friend, Damned Boy, so you’d better treat me kindly!’
‘I don’t have friends,’ said Lex.
‘What about me and Annie?’ I said.
He glanced at me briefly. ‘You’re not friends. You’re family.’
Annie came bustling back with a bucket of water, soap and flannel, a scrubbing brush, and a towel draped over her shoulder. She was also pushing a travelling rail of assorted suits ahead of her. She’d been busy.
‘Clean yourself up, Lex,’ Annie said briskly. ‘Before our air conditioning commits suicide. And make sure you use the scrubbing brush to reach those important little places. Once the blood dries, you’ll have a hell of a job getting it out of your crevices.’
‘I have had to deal with blood before,’ said Lex.
‘Doesn’t surprise me in the least,’ said Annie. ‘Now get on with it, before I have to go and stand downwind. You whiff like a slaughterhouse where all the guys with hammers are on overtime.’
Lex looked at me. ‘Is she like this at home?’
‘I’ll never tell,’ I said.
‘Strip off those jeans and start scrubbing,’ said Annie. ‘Before I get the bear to come over and help you.’
Lex set about making himself presentable again. I nodded to Annie and gestured at the rack of suits.
‘Where did you find those?’
‘Out back. Some of the old storerooms have reappeared.’
I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. Harry’s storerooms were famously prone to sudden surprises.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Annie. ‘I just grabbed what I needed and backed straight out again. We can check them for deadfalls and mantraps later.’
‘This sort of thing should definitely have been mentioned in the lease,’ I said.
‘We’ve got a lease?’ said Annie.
‘I don’t see why not,’ I said. ‘We’ve got everything else.’
Annie looked over at Lex, who had stripped down to his shorts and was squeezing a blood-soaked flannel into the bucket. Parts of him looked cleaner. Annie shook her head.
‘When you’re done, Lex, and not one moment before, look through the suits. Any of them should fit. I have a lot of experience when it comes to clothes.’
‘Weird eye for the damned guy,’ I said.
They both looked at me.
‘Sorry,’ I said.
‘Why do I need a suit?’ Lex said mildly. ‘Are we going somewhere formal?’
‘I’ve seen some of the things you wear by choice,’ said Annie. ‘I am not going anywhere with you looking like a refugee from a low-budget horror movie. Just dump those jeans in the bucket when you’re through; I’ll dispose of them later. When I can find a pair of tongs long enough to handle them with.’
‘Those are my favourite jeans,’ said Lex.
‘I’ll see if I can salvage them,’ said Annie. ‘If you’re good.’
Lex nodded and attacked his left shoulder with the scrubbing brush. I took Annie by the arm and led her off to one side, so we could talk privately.
‘He’s only being reasonable because he needs our help,’ I said quietly. ‘Don’t push him too hard, or he might decide he doesn’t need us after all.’
‘That bucket already looks like it’s full of blood,’ said Annie. ‘And he stinks of death.’
‘Of course he does,’ I said. ‘He’s the Damned.’
‘The suits should help.’
‘I’ve always admired your optimism,’ I said.
Annie looked at me for a moment and then lowered her voice. ‘Do you really think we can get Sally back, alive and unharmed?’
‘She’s only been gone a while,’ I said carefully. ‘As long as she’s still making herself useful, she should be safe enough. Getting her back … depends on who’s got her.’
‘But if we’ve got the Damned on our side …’
‘Lex is a one-man army,’ I said. ‘But if it comes to a straightforward confrontation, all the kidnapper would have to do is threaten to kill Sally, and we’d have no choice but to back off. We need to sneak up on the situation, and for that we need a plan. But I can’t put one together until I have some solid information about Sally and her surroundings.’
Lex’s voice rose behind us. ‘Well, what do you think?’
I turned to look with a certain sense of foreboding. Annie braced herself. Lex stood stiffly before us, dressed in a smart navy-blue suit topped off with an old school tie. If that came from the back room, I had to wonder where Harry got it. I didn’t think demons went to Eton, although I could be wrong. Lex looked to Annie and me for our opinions, and I honestly didn’t know what to say. The suit was doing its best, but the Damned still looked like what he was.
‘Well?’ said Lex. ‘How do I look?’
‘Civilized,’ I said.
‘Good disguise,’ said Lex. He stretched slowly, and I was sure I heard seams splitting. Lex moved over to look at himself in the mirror, which started to back away until Lex glared at it. He studied his reflection carefully and then nodded.
‘Smart.’ He turned to fix me with his unblinking gaze. ‘You said we needed Madam Osiris. Who is that?’
‘Soothsayer, confidence trickster and an expert at thinking around corners,’ I said. ‘Which is exactly what we’re going to need.’
‘Can we trust her?’ said Lex.
‘She’ll hold up her end of whatever deal we make,’ I said carefully. ‘As long as we keep a close eye on her and don’t let her anywhere near the family silver.’
‘Where is she?’ said Lex.
Sidney interrupted me before I could say anything. ‘Don’t ask me to find Madam bloody Osiris! Just trying to cope with that much weirdness is enough to give me a splitting headache in the head I don’t even have any more.’
‘Are you saying you can’t take us to her?’ said Annie.
‘I can’t even see her!’ said Sidney. ‘And I can see the dark side of the moon during an eclipse.’
Annie looked at me sharply. ‘How could a small-time con artist like Madam Osiris hide herself from Sidney? And how can she help us find Sally, when Sandra the living goddess couldn’t?’
‘Because Madam Osiris is seriously weird!’ Sidney said loudly.
‘There’s more to Osiris than meets the eye,’ I said. ‘That does tend to come as standard with most of the people in our line of business, but Osiris is just a bit special. Trust me, she is what we need for this.’
Annie sniffed and folded her arms. ‘I’m guessing we shouldn’t expect to find her where we last saw her?’
‘Osiris never stays in one place for long,’ I said. ‘She doesn’t dare. Far too many people are looking for her, with retribution on their minds. She’ll have set herself up in a whole new situation by now. But I’m pretty sure I can track her down.’
I got out my compass, and Annie glared at it.
‘You’re not going to try that useless object again? I wouldn’t trust it to point to the fire exit.’
‘Have a little faith,’ I said. ‘Osiris always leaves a back door open for me.’
‘Because you’re old friends?’ said Annie.
‘Because I’m one of the few people who’ll still take her calls when she’s in trouble.’
I held the compass out before me and concentrated on Madam Osiris. The needle spun round once and then pointed steadily.
‘What are we supposed to do now?’ said Lex. ‘Walk in a straight line until eventually we end up standing in front of her?’
‘The compass tells me things,’ I said loftily. ‘And right now, it’s telling me we need to visit Brighton Pier.’
‘What’s she doing in Brighton?’ said Lex.
‘Conning somebody,’ I said. ‘But … she won’t necessarily look like Madam Osiris any more. Like all good scam artists, she has more than one face to show the world.’
‘You mean she can put on other personas, like me?’ said Annie.
‘Well, not like you,’ I said. ‘Given the kind of seriously unpleasant people who are always on her trail … Osiris tends towards more extreme measures.’
‘You are really not selling this person to me,’ said Lex. ‘Why should I trust Sally’s safety to someone who’s already on the run from people she’s cheated?’
‘Trust is probably not the best word to use,’ I admitted. ‘But I’m sure she’ll help us out. Once I’ve made it clear that it’s in her best interests to do so.’
‘And just how are you planning to persuade her?’ said Lex.
‘With a nicely considered mixture of bribes, threats and blatant sentiment,’ I said cheerfully. ‘I know how to reach what passes for a heart in her withered breast.’
I turned to face the standing mirror, which again interrupted me before I could get a word out.
‘Don’t bother with appeals to my better nature, because I had it surgically removed and spat on. I’m only prepared to do this because I know that if I don’t, you’ll just keep pestering me. So … line up, line up! The excursion for Brighton Pier starts here. All the fun of the fair, including overpriced sideshows, food so fast it’ll be in and out of you before you know it, and games of chance rigged till the odds weep bitter tears. And more seagull poop in one place than you would think possible. But please bear in mind that while I am prepared to take you there, I have no intention of hanging around afterwards. Salt air is very bad for my sciatica. And stay away from the candy floss. It’s all chemicals these days.’
‘Thank you, Sidney,’ I said.
‘But this is absolutely my last trip!’ said the mirror, doing his best to sound as if he was scowling. ‘I need my beauty sleep! Or I’ll look terrible in the morning.’
Lex looked at me. ‘Have you thought about getting a dog instead? I’m told they make excellent pets.’
‘I am not a pet!’ said Sidney.
Annie glared at us like a teacher burdened with a pack of unruly children.
‘Why are we still standing around? Sally needs rescuing!’
‘I hadn’t forgotten,’ said Lex.
‘Come on, Sidney,’ I said encouragingly. ‘The sooner you drop us off in Brighton, the sooner you can go back to sulking in a corner.’
‘I’m too nice, that’s my problem,’ said the mirror. ‘People take advantage of my good nature.’
‘I can see how that would be a problem,’ said Lex.
The mirror showed us a view of Brighton Pier, packed full of happy holiday crowds, and I led the way through.
