Rule Master, page 12
I stared at her in shock.
“This is what he wanted, you broken and afraid of your own shadow. Are you someone who’s willing to give up the love of her life because she has no self-worth?”
“Carm, calm down,” Arya said from the bed.
I’d never seen Carmen like this. She never raised her voice. She always had her shit together.
“You have so much at your fingertips and you’re willing to throw it away. Do you know what I would give to have someone love me the way he loves you? The one man who I thought loved me died, and even he didn’t accept all of me. And the other…” She ran a hand over her face, and then shook her head. “Never mind him. Lex accepts all of you. The good, the bad, the crazy. What man would put up with being a secret for ten years? You need to get your head out of your ass.”
Still stunned from the outburst, I sat there for a moment and then glanced at Arya, who shrugged her shoulders. Apparently, she was as surprised by the reprimand as I was.
The sad part of everything she’d said was that Carmen spoke the truth. Ending things with Lex wasn’t the answer. Maybe I was giving Jacob power from the grave. But could I be what Lex needed?
Carmen gasped. “I can’t believe I spoke to you like that.” She rushed to me and crouched down. “Mil, I’m so sorry.” She took my hands in hers. “I…I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.”
I nodded. “You’re right.”
“What?” Her emerald eyes shone with sadness.
“Carmen, you didn’t say anything that I didn’t need to hear. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I went through with the divorce.” I shook my head. “What am I going to say to Lex? ‘Hey, babe, forget everything I said about ending our marriage. I want to stay together and have lots of babies.’ Yeah, I’m sure he’s going to take me back with open arms.”
“Yep. And a lot of groveling,” Arya added.
I frowned. “I don’t grovel.” Well, for Lex, I would.
Carmen snorted. “Of course you do, you’re a submissive. Begging is part of the role.”
Both Arya and I glared at her.
Two identical cries pierced the mood, and the three of us laughed. At the same moment, Max walked into the room with a bunch of flowers.
“I guess I’m right on time. My boys are hungry.”
“As if you have the goods to relieve that situation. I’m the milk factory.”
“Yes, but I can hold them up to those gorgeous breasts.”
“On that note I’m out of here.” I smiled at Carmen. “Good luck with these two. They’re a bit sickening.”
“I’m on my way, too.”
“No, don’t leave. They won’t let me out of this place for another week. I need some estrogen around me.”
“It isn’t my fault his sperm was of the male persuasion.” I gestured to Max. “Besides, I have to run the business. My partner is slacking on the job by getting knocked up and having babies.” I kissed Arya on the cheek and then Carmen.
“One day it’s going to be you, Duncan.”
I clenched my hand against my heart and used the other to open the door. “We can only hope.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“Get out of my way,” I muttered as I maneuvered my Ferrari around lunchtime traffic.
Today was the first time I’d driven myself anywhere since the delivery of the photographs from Christof. In the past week, I’d gained back some of the confidence I hadn’t realized I’d lost. Neither Christof’s nor Jacob’s name scared me anymore. Well, not as much.
Tony had officially taken over as my security lead, and Thomas’s company of scary, but discreet, almost invisible operatives were active. Their unseen presence gave me a small increase in peace of mind.
After my discussion with the girls, I went to Lex’s penthouse, hoping to explain what I was feeling and tell him I was sorry for putting him through this, but he wasn’t there. He’d left to handle an emergency with contract negations for a project in England.
That was almost a week ago. I’d left him messages saying to call me, but he’d never responded. The brief conversations we’d had revolved around new projects and finance and were always over a conference call.
Oh well, I deserved the silent treatment. I hoped that I’d be able to fix this mess I created.
My phone rang and I pushed the button on the console to answer.
“Hello.”
“So which one are you driving?” my cousin Adrian St. James’s raspy aristocratic English voice asked.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Which car? Lex says one of his babies is missing.”
The hell it’s his baby. I bought the car for myself. He just stole it from me.
“You can inform your friend that the title is in my name. Therefore, it belongs to me.”
Ian chuckled. “So answer the question.”
“The Ferrari F12berlinetta.” I grinned to myself. I loved this car. I wove around another group of slower traffic with ease.
“Still have a little rebel left in you?”
“Of course. I have to keep up the image,” I lied.
“If that was true, you’ve done a piss-poor job of it.”
I sighed. “I know. Ian, things are different now. Hell, none of it was real in the first place. I only behaved like a brat to make Mamma angry.”
“I know, bella.”
Besides Lex, Ian was the one person who understood my family’s crazy dynamic as well as I did. Throughout the years, he’d taken the fall for many of the activities of my brothers and me. Mamma blamed anything to do with the lifestyle on Ian. She refused to believe that the taste was inherent in the family. Per l’amor di Dio! Papa owned a fetish club.
Lex was the true reason Mamma hated Ian. In her mind, if Ian hadn’t introduced my brothers to Lex, then I wouldn’t have become involved with him. What a crock. I pursued Lex. He tried to avoid me. I loved how she rewrote history.
“When are you coming to visit?”
“Well, that’s the reason I called. I’m going to be in New York in a few hours.”
“What? Why didn’t you tell me? Faccia di culo!”
“We look a lot alike, so who’s the assface?”
“Whatever,” I said as I checked my speed. “Merda, you’ve got me going too fast.”
“I see Arya has rubbed off on you.”
“You’d cuss, too, if you were going ninety-five in a fifty-five and didn’t realize it.”
“Blame it on the car, if one of the bobbies pulls you over.”
“Oh, I’m sure that’ll go over well. ‘Hello, Officer, it was the car that made me do it.’”
“Putting your reckless driving skills to the side, I need a date for tonight. I know it’s last minute, but I’d consider it a favor.”
“Okay, who do you want me to call?” There were more than enough girls I knew who’d jump at the chance of having a date with an English marquess.
“No, I mean you. I want you to be my date to the Met Gala.”
“What? Are you crazy? That’s like the fashion event of the season.”
“I’ve got it covered. Just say you’ll go.”
I thought about it for a few seconds.
For years, I’d wanted to go to the gala. I loved all things fashion, and this was the event for it. Attendees planned their attire at least weeks if not months in advance.
“Ian, I’d love to help you, but I don’t have anything to wear, and even with all my weight loss I’ll never be a sample size. Why don’t you go with Christina? She’s the designer.”
“The plan was for her to represent the European division of her C and C fashion house, but my dear sister has gotten herself knocked up. That leaves me to take her place.”
“I don’t know, Ian. I’m not sure I’m ready to be in the public eye yet.”
“Come on, Mil. Say yes. You’re the only person who can help my stodgy British self relax. I hate these PR things. Please.”
“Are you using me as a way to avoid Caitlin?”
“No.” The stoic change in his voice spoke volumes. Eight years earlier, he had a superhot romance with Christina’s business partner. We all thought they’d marry, but mistakes on both their parts ended their affair.
“Ian, are you sure you want to go? You’re bound to run into her.”
“I’ll be fine. We’ve both moved on. It’s ancient history.”
I highly doubted that, especially since both of them still wore the bracelets that symbolized they belonged to each other, but who was I to question him.
“Okay, I’ll go.”
“Thank you. I thought I’d have to beg.”
“No begging necessary.” I took the exit for ArMil headquarters. “Ian, Are you sure my dress is going to be ready in time?” I refused to go to a fashion gala in last year’s discards. “You do realize it took C and C three months to finish my Salvatori gala gown?”
“Calm down. Christina sent a custom gown for you. Her assistants are finishing it at the New York studio. It will be waiting for you at the hotel when you arrive.”
I pulled up to the driveway of the building and glanced at my watch. “Ian, I have to go. I’m about to be late for the family meeting. You know how much I love them.”
He laughed. “Good luck and give auntie dearest my love since I’m her favorite nephew.”
“Sure,” I snorted. “She’ll be so happy to hear that bit of welcome from her ‘treasured’ child. Love you. See you tonight.” I jumped out of the car, handed my keys to the valet, and rushed to the executive elevators.
Less than a minute later, I dashed out of the elevator and rushed to my office. It surprised me how excited I was about my date with Ian. Too bad I couldn’t say the same thing about the meeting ahead of me. Family gatherings were anything but enjoyable.
I saw Rachel as I approached the reception area, and she handed me my cherished espresso, the exact way I loved it.
“Ciao, Rach. Thanks. I can never get enough of this stuff.” I swallowed a large gulp.
“You’re welcome. Your lunch is on the heating tray near the bar. By the way, Mr. St. James just called to say his plane will be at the airport at five thirty to pick you up.”
Wow, he worked fast. It was all of five minutes since I had hung up the phone with him. “Is everything ready for the meeting?”
She grimaced. “I’ve set up the video call and made preliminary introductions. The screen is set to off and the conversation is on mute.”
“What are you leaving out?”
“Mrs. Castra was not pleased to be kept waiting.”
I sighed. “That’s my mother. Sorry you got the bite and not me.”
“Don’t worry about it. Your father settled her down.”
I finished the last of my coffee, set the cup on the counter, and entered my office. Thankfully, the monitor was blank; wouldn’t want my parents seeing me sneak in.
I grabbed a bottle of water and took a few bites of the sandwich I’d ordered. It would hold me over until after the conference.
I sat down at the desk and switched the screen on. “So sorry for the delay. I had to handle a few ArMil tasks. How is everyone?”
“We appreciate your taking the time to do your family duty and attend our board meeting. Punctuality was never your strong suit.”
I clenched my jaw but refused to give Mamma the satisfaction of a response. “Hello, Papa. Where’s the rest of the family?”
Dominic answered, “We’re here, bella.” He repositioned the screen to include the whole family. “Marcello’s delayed but should be here shortly.”
See, I wasn’t the only one keeping everyone waiting. But of course, Mamma had to point out my flaws.
“How are you feeling, my beautiful sisters?”
Both Leena and Simona rubbed their bellies. “We’re both fabulous,” Simona answered. “We miss you.”
My heart warmed. “I miss you too. How are the boys? Tell them I sent them the replicas of both Lex’s and Arya’s yachts.”
“They’ll love them. Let’s hope they don’t destroy them as soon as they get them.”
I laughed and glanced at the clock. In three hours, I’d leave for the airport. I could make it until then.
As my attention turned back to the monitor, my phone beeped as did my brother’s with an alert from the company, telling us a new fleet of ships was ready for loading in our South American ports.
“Is the new system working for everyone?”
Arya and I had implemented a new, streamlined, and more secure software to help all the assets of the shipping company. If I ran a technology company to help other organizations and the government, it made sense to use our software for my endeavors.
“It is a waste of our resources,” my mother interjected.
Ignoring her words, Papa smiled. “It is a godsend. I never understood how inefficient we were until you integrated the program. We still have a learning curve, but with all the help you and Arya are giving us, I think everything will run smoother than ever.”
Before I could respond, Marcello rushed in. “So sorry to keep you waiting, bella. I was in a meeting with your friends at the American Port Authorities.” He blew me a kiss. “I don’t know what we would do without your remarkable contract negotiations.”
I grinned. “You’re so welcome.”
“We’re wasting time.” My mother’s scowl told me our happy family chatter was at an end.
“You’re right, Mamma. Let me go over some of the details of the new plans and contracts I’m working on.”
For the next hour, we discussed and voted on various provisions and issues within the shipping company. A few minutes before I called the end to the meeting, my mother rose. “I have an announcement to make.”
I figured that much out.
“I’m considering stepping down and selling my shares.”
What the fuck! She had completely lost her mind. Those shares were part of my inheritance.
I remained quiet as my brothers jumped in. From the looks on their faces, this revelation was a surprise to everyone.
“Sorry, Mamma, but you can’t sell anything without board approval,” Dominic said.
“I will do as I feel. Your nonna gifted me the shares.”
She had done no such thing. I’d spent the majority of my life waiting to inherit them. My head throbbed and I was ready to jump through the screen to strangle her. I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. Why did I let her get to me?
“I hate to inform you, but there is no selling of shares.” Good, that came out without a quiver. “You can legally forfeit them, but no one outside of the family is allowed to own the shares.” Thank goodness I listened in whenever anyone mentioned anything about the inheritance.
Mamma’s face turned red and she smacked the table. “I would have transferred them to you years ago if you weren’t such a slut and hadn’t broken the marriage contract I’d arranged with Alberto’s family.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Marcello demanded. “Was once not enough? How dare…”
Leena stopped the angry outburst with the touch of her hand.
I bit the inside of my cheek. Lex could do that very thing to me.
“Yes, Maria. Explain yourself.” Oh no, Papa was mad. He used the cold, emotionless tone only when he was about to bust a gasket.
“I had my reasons. We will discuss this in private.”
“No, Mamma, tell us now. You’ve put Milla through too much not to explain yourself. Didn’t you learn after what you put Marcello and Leena through? This isn’t ancient Italy where you set arranged marriages.”
“Dominic, you will not speak to me in that tone.”
“Then start talking,” Marcello commanded.
I tuned out the angry discussion. My headache intensified to an almost unbearable level. Tears clouded my eyes as I rubbed my temples, hoping to ease the pain.
Now it all made sense. Why Alberto was so determined to pursue me, even when it was obvious we never suited each other. He hadn’t wanted me; he was after the family shares.
I picked up my laptop and moved to the window desk. With the way Papa and my brothers were arguing, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get a word in. I almost felt sorry for Mamma. Almost.
I gazed out toward the city and the boats sailing the Charles River. A day out on the water would help alleviate all my stress. I’d have to ask Arya if I could borrow her yacht. With her house arrest and newborns, she wasn’t going to be clear to sail anytime soon.
I could always ask Lex. No. Not until I knew if he wanted to stay married.
God. I’d made a mess of my relationship.
“Milla, are you listening? Why should the three of you care, if she doesn’t?”
Mamma’s rude comment pierced my thoughts. “I care,” I responded. “But what is the point of saying anything? You made your decision about me years ago. Why can’t you see I’m not the same girl anymore?”
“Don’t you disrespect me. I am your mother and I have my rights. I know all about how that Irish pezzo di merda seduced you and tricked you into marriage.”
He’s not a piece of shit. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
My lips trembled. It was time to accept that no matter how much I wished it, Mamma would never accept me.
“I see where we stand, Mamma. Don’t worry. You won’t have to see me anymore. I know I’m not welcome.”
“Bella, no. The house belongs to you. It is part of your legacy. Nonna wanted it for you.” Papa’s plea broke my heart.
“Don’t use tears to win over your papa and brothers’ sympathy. Nonna left them to me to watch over, and I am entitled to do what I want with them.”
“You should read the legal documents better, Maria. Wouldn’t you agree, Lex?”
Lex’s hand slid on my shoulder, and I froze where I sat. How long had he stood behind me? Relief and uncertainty flooded me. Why was he here? I glanced up and swallowed. He was in lawyer mode.
He smiled at me and at the monitor. “I wanted to, once again, apologize for keeping my relationship with Mil from you.”
“As we said when we spoke, you are forgiven. We understand her stubborn streak well.”
