All For You (Rocktown Ink #5), page 20
Chapter Twenty
Mase
I had no idea why I was here. It was late, close to midnight. I hadn’t planned on coming. But here I was.
You’re a damned glutton for punishment.
Trixie had shot me down twice, but I’d come anyway because she was going to be here tonight. And because, fuck…she was leaving tomorrow.
As much as I wanted try again to convince her to stay, to beg her to take a chance on us, she’d made up her mind. I was in love with the girl, but she didn’t feel the same way. Harassing her, taking out my frustrations, my fucking gut-wrenching pain on her, like I had at the lake, wasn’t how I wanted us to part ways.
The bar was packed as usual, but more so tonight since Bull had set up karaoke and right now some guy was singing an off-key rendition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of his lungs.
Bull slid a beer in front of me when I made it through the crowd gathered around the bar. Cal, Dane, and Riff were farther down the bar, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk. I propped myself up against the wall and scanned the room. I spotted Cassy, Addy, Eves, and Lila standing by the small stage, while Quinn and Trixie were busy flipping through the songbook.
They were all laughing and talking, and except for Quinn, obviously more than a little tipsy, and Trixie looked…fucking beautiful. She was wearing the same dress I’d first seen her in, that red fucking dress that had caught my eye. Nah, that was bullshit. Trixie could’ve been wearing a flour sack and I would have noticed her. Her red lips were smiling, and seeing her like that damn near cracked me down the middle.
The guy on stage finished and the girls climbed up and grabbed microphones. Everyone cheered and hooted, then the first strains of the song began and I had to swallow the damn lump in my throat. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. They all sang, off key and at the top of their lungs, with everything they had. They ignored everyone in the bar, singing to each other, laughing and crying, their arms around each other and swaying.
And fuck, I knew she was leaving but it hit me like a ton of bricks in that moment and this, fuck, this sense of urgency slammed into me. Janie said I hadn’t fought for her. I wanted to fight for Trixie. But how did you fight for something when you were the only one who wanted it?
I sipped my beer and watched as they finished, hugged again, and climbed down from the stage, all except Trixie. No, she took a sip of the beer Addy held out to her and, swaying a little, moved to the mic. Her girls stood in front of the stage, cheering her on, and in typical Trixie style, the music that began was slow, an older song that I couldn’t make out straight away.
Then it hit me, it was a song my mom used to love. I remembered her singing it in the kitchen. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” by Bonnie Raitt.
Trixie curled her fingers around the mic, eyes down, and my heart pounded in my chest. Then she was singing, and when she looked up her eyes came straight to me. For a moment, I didn’t think she saw me, but then…fuck, yeah, she saw me all right. Her eyes dipped again for several long seconds, then finally, they came back to me and they stayed.
And like that first night, everything she was feeling was right there. Her smoky voice breaking every heart in the fucking room.
She was singing right at me, telling me how she felt…Christ, the way she thought I felt. It took everything in me not to stride up there and pull her down off that stage and make her believe it. Believe that I loved her. That she was the only one I wanted.
Those beautiful, sad green eyes of hers stayed on me until the song ended, then she quickly looked away and scrambled off the stage, pushing through the crowd, trying to get to the door. I momentarily lost her and desperately searched the faces in the room, and that’s when I became aware of the looks. Quinn was looking between me and where I assumed Trixie was. Addy, Eves, and Lila were looking pissed. Bull, Dane, Cal, and Riff all looking confused.
I didn’t give a fuck about any of them. I went after my girl, trying to get to her before she ran out the door. It opened ahead of me, and she ran out. I picked up the pace and burst out after her. She spun around, stumbling, and caught herself.
I strode toward her. “Trixie…”
“It was just a song,” she said before I could say another word.
I didn’t stop, I kept coming. She stumbled again and reached for the wall. I caught her and pulled her close.
“Let me leave, Mase. I need to leave,” she said.
Trixie was way past tipsy, in no state for the conversation I wanted to have with her right then, but still I had to ask. “Why, Trixie? Tell me why?”
She looked up at me, big green eyes swimming with tears. “I left her, Mase. I left Gran alone for a man who didn’t really care about me. I let a man change the course I set for myself, and she got sick. Gran got sick, and I wasn’t here. She got lost…and she was scared and…and I wasn’t there.”
Jesus, I searched her pained expression. “What are you talking about?”
“Adam, I thought he loved me, and I left Gran, I left to be with him, I left her for nothing.”
“Trixie,” I rasped. “That wasn’t your fault.” I had no fucking idea about her Gran getting sick while she was with that fuck. None. “She didn’t tell me she’d been getting confused, forgetting things, and she…” Her throat worked. “She got lost, she called me, scared and afraid, and she had no idea where she was. She had to go into a nursing home six months later, but before that she wrote me a letter, she wanted me to do this trip, Mason. I promised her I’d do this trip.”
“She’d want you to be happy, she’d want you to…”
“Don’t. Don’t say anymore…or I’ll do it again, I’ll let her down again. I have to do this.” Panic filled her voice. “Gran taught me that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself. My mom, Ross, Adam, they all let me down, over and over again, they broke my heart so many times, Mason…and I let them. I let them do that to me. Gran was right. Love isn’t worth it, relationships aren’t worth it,” she said.
“Kitten, no, you don’t mean that.”
“It’s just one more person who can let you down,” she choked out.
Fuck. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, that her gran wouldn’t want this, but she wouldn’t listen to me, not right then, so I pulled her in, held her tight, and pressed my mouth to her ear. “I won’t let you down. I promise you, I won’t let you down. I should have told you about the divorce not being finalized, I should have been honest about the way I felt…”
“Please…stop.”
Fuck. I choked in a breath and pressed my mouth to the soft skin below her ear. “I can wait, kitten. You go, but come back to me when you’ve done what you need to do, okay? I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.”
The door banged behind me, and then Eves and Lila were there, and I reluctantly handed her over to them, watching as they led her away. My head swam, fucking confused, and yeah, heartbroken. My girl was in pain and I didn’t know what to do to help her.
I turned and Quinn was standing there, arms crossed and an expression on her face I didn’t recognize.
“You and Trix?” she asked.
“I’m in love with her,” I said, simply.
My sister walked straight to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “She sang that song right to you. She loves you too.”
“But she’s still leaving,” I rasped.
Quinn nodded against my chest. “I’m so sorry.”
Still, the next morning, I drove to her trailer. I had to talk to her, to tell her how I felt because I meant what I said the night before, and I needed to make sure she fucking believed me.
I would wait. No matter how long she needed, I’d wait.
But I was too late.
Chapter Twenty-One
Trixie
I pulled over to the side of the road as soon as I found a spot big enough for my car and trailer because driving wasn’t a great idea when you couldn’t see where the hell you were going.
I’d been on the road, and crying, for the last two hours. And the farther I got from Rocktown, from my friends—from Mase—the harder I cried, which led me to believe that maybe leaving wasn’t what I wanted to do after all.
That maybe I’d made a terrible mistake.
Gran told me to find happy, to hold on to it, to ride the wave until the end and move on, searching for more. What if my wave didn’t have an end? What if all the happy I’d ever need or want had been back in Rocktown? And I was running away from it?
I won’t let you down. I promise you, I won’t let you down.
I can wait, kitten. You go, but come back to me when you’ve done what you need to do, okay? I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.
His words from the night before were on repeat in my head. Deep in my own pain, I’d had too much to drink last night, and I’d…god, I’d sung to him, not so subtly asking him to love me.
Mase had come after me, he’d told me he’d wait for me. You didn’t say something like that to someone you didn’t care about.
Jimmy whimpered and rested his head on my lap as I looked down at Gran’s letter. I’d read it so many times the paper was crinkled, and now the ink was smudged as well from my tears.
Be happy, whatever it takes.
That’s what she said at the end of the letter. She loved me with everything she had, and that was all she truly wanted for me. Happiness.
But I was running away from it instead. So afraid of being hurt again. Of letting someone down or being let down that I’d chosen to tear myself out of a life that I’d loved, that I’d only dreamed of as a kid. Friends, a found family that I’d always longed for.
I’d been willing to give it up, to give them up, rather than take a risk on love.
On letting someone love me.
My phone chimed, and I dug it out of my bag. My breath caught in my throat.
Mase: We didn’t get to talk properly last night, but I meant what I said. I’ll wait, Trixie. When you’re ready to come back, I’ll be here waiting for you.
I read it and fresh tears filled my eyes, spilling over. My phone chimed again.
Mase: And just so you know, kitten, you don’t have to make me love you, because I already do. I love you. Stay safe x
I sucked in a wild breath.
I’d known it, hadn’t I? I’d tried to convince myself it was only sex to him, but it’d been there in the way he looked at me, the way he touched me. It’d been there for a while now, and I’d been too scared to allow myself to believe in it.
I sat there for several frozen seconds, then I started my car.
“Hold on, Jimmy.”
Mase
Tilting by head back, I sipped my beer and closed my eyes.
She hadn’t texted back.
My seat creaked as I shifted and dragged my hand over my face, then stared into my empty backyard. Fuck, this sucked. I missed her so badly, and she’d been gone less than a day. I thought the last two weeks had been shit, but this was fucking torture. How the hell was I going to do this? Carry on living my life, not knowing if she was okay, missing her, craving her. How the hell did I do that?
I finished my drink, stood, and tossed it in with the recycling. If she’d just message me back or call so I knew what she was thinking, feeling, so I’d at least know she was okay—
An engine roared down the street, followed by a dog barking in the distance.
I stilled.
The engine grew louder, the barking more excited.
Until it was right outside the house.
A door slammed.
“Mase!”
I spun around.
“Mason!”
I ran across the yard toward the front of the house. The gate opened, and then she was there, standing in front of me. Trixie in a white sundress, one side hanging off her shoulder, her blond hair down, wild around her face, and those red lips, they were trembling.
Jimmy barked and tore across the grass toward me, jumping up. “Good boy,” I said to him as I patted him, my eyes not leaving Trixie.
She started toward me, her trembling lips curling into a wide smile, then she was running and I opened my arms.
She collided with my chest, and I held her tight to me, lifting her off her feet, my heart banging in my chest. “Kitten,” I rasped against her ear.
Lifting her head, she took my face in her hands. “I made a mistake…” She swallowed convulsively, eyes glistening. “…my happy, it’s here, it’s already here…with you.”
I held her to me tighter. “You’re not leaving? You’re not leaving me?”
She shook her head. “I love you, too, Mason Parker. God, you have no idea how much I love you.”
Then we were kissing, hanging on to each other for all we were worth.
“Take me upstairs,” she said against my lips. “I need you.”
I was already striding back to the house, pushing the door open, and carrying her up to my room. We stripped each other and tumbled into bed. Trixie wrapped her legs around me and then I was inside her. Bodies straining, kissing, touching, not able to get enough of each other.
I thought I’d lost her, but I had her back. She came back to me.
“I love you, Trixie,” I said again, wanting her to hear it, believe it, never doubt it.
She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. “I was scared. I’m not scared anymore. I know…I know you won’t hurt me.”
“Never,” I growled and thrust deeper.
I took her mouth again and ground against her, unable to get close enough.
She flung her head back and came so sweetly for me, calling my name, that I had no choice but to go with her, groaning against her mouth, breathing in her scent, holding on tight.
Finally, I lifted my head and looked into her eyes. “We’re really doing this, kitten?”
She smiled. “We sure are, Sheriff.”
I grinned, and she tightened her legs around my hips, and despite just coming, I already wanted her again. “You won’t get sick of being with some old dude?”
Trixie laughed. “I think I can handle it. I mean, you have a pretty impressive recovery time for an old dude.”
I chuckled and she curled her fingers around the side of my neck, laughing with me.
Then I kissed her, and when I lifted my head, I looked deep into her eyes. “Just so you know, you didn’t just find your own happy, Trixie, you gave me mine as well.”
Epilogue
Trixie
Two years later
“It’s beautiful.” The sunset was brilliant, pinks and oranges and purples, like nothing I’d ever seen before. Strong arms wrapped around my waist, and I turned and smiled at my sexy boyfriend as he pulled me in against him.
Mase kissed the side of my neck. “You’re beautiful.”
“You’re not sick of me yet? We’ve been trapped together in a confined space for a month.”
He chuckled. “Kitten, this is my idea of fucking bliss. We need to do this every year.”
“Yeah?”
“Hell yeah, I’m a selfish bastard, I love having you all to myself.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “And your gran planned a pretty spectacular trip.”
I grinned, happiness filling me. “She did, didn’t she?” I got up on my toes and he immediately leaned in for my kiss. “I think she might have really liked you,” I said against his lips.
“Only liked?”
“This is my gran we’re talking about. She didn’t do permanent, or serious.”
Yes, Rocktown was my home, but I still got the urge to hitch the trailer and take off now and then. It didn’t matter how long, a weekend or a week. Mase recognized this, and until now we hadn’t been able to get away any longer than that.
Then he’d surprised me, taking me on the trip Gran had wanted me to do. We’d been following her list of destinations, and adding our own places to visit while we were there. God, when I’d pulled out her letter to show Mase, so we could choose where to go first, a weight had lifted off my shoulders I didn’t know I’d still been carrying.
“So she never would have considered remarrying?”
“Hell no.”
“And what do you think about marriage, kitten?”
“Poufy dresses, joint bank accounts, wearing a ring so some dude can let everyone know you’re his…and don’t get me started on taking a man’s last name.” I rolled my eyes. “Pass.”
Mase chuckled again, his eyes dancing. “Wow, not a fan, then?”
“Nope.” I turned back to the sunset and sighed. I mean, the dress part wouldn’t be so bad. I’d seen one I liked in one of Lila’s bridal magazines when she was picking hers. I’d even torn it out to keep. It was still in my dresser drawer. And I guess joint accounts could be practical, and there was the vintage ring that I saw in a store once that was so stunning I imagined wearing it. But Mase had already been married, and I didn’t think he’d want to go there again—
“Trixie?”
“Hmm?”
“Turn around,” Mase said roughly.
I turned…and froze.
Mase was down on one knee, smiling up at me.
“What are you doing?”
“Trixie…”
“What are you doing, Mason?” My pulse raced, my skin flushed hot, and my throat burned.
“Well, kitten, if you’ll let me finish, you’ll find out.” He slid his hand in his pocket and pulled something out.
“Oh my god!” My hands flew to my mouth when I saw the ring box.
Mase grinned. “Trixie Faraday, you are my heart, my happiness, the love of my life. I plan on being by your side until we’re old and gray, and I think it’d be cool if you were my wife while we’re doing that. You don’t have to wear a poufy dress, or even a ring, if you don’t want. You want to keep separate accounts, you got it, but I’d love you to take my name, if you’re into that, if not…”
“Yes,” I whispered.
