The Midwife's Nine-Month Miracle, page 3
Everything was wrong with this scenario. Fresh tears threatened to overflow as she regarded the man she’d until recently loved. She yearned to leave this room full of happy, cheerful people and crawl into some private, hidden hole, because the man who’d helped create their baby now stood holding a toy giraffe looking as uncomfortable as she was, but also meltingly gorgeous. No one at the clinic knew who her husband was, and she didn’t intend to admit the new doctor standing paces away was the father of her unborn child, or that their marriage sat in tatters. Right now all she wanted to do was get through the next ten minutes without having an emotional meltdown.
How would she survive working at the clinic and seeing Leo? Maybe she should leave today and let the clinic find another midwife to take over her last two days. Use the frequent bouts of tiredness that constantly dogged her as an excuse to finish a week earlier than planned. This clinic for the last few months had become her sanctuary, away from her worries and concerns. Where she dealt with other people’s problems and health concerns. Each patient an ideal distraction from the mess of her own life.
And Leo wasn’t just any man or doctor. He was so much more than that. He’d once been her everything. Her life. Her dreams. Her all.
Biting her lower lip to stop herself from bursting into tears, Gila pulled her gaze from Leo. She knew more than anyone that crying was a waste of time. Did tears bring relief and peace? No, all they achieved was to lower her mood and leave her miserable.
Leo and Trudy rejoined them. Handing Gila several cards, Trudy explained, ‘Dr Peters bought and sent over the giraffe that Leo is modelling so well.’
Gila smiled and for the first time in weeks a small wave of pleasure ran through her. She’d met Dr Peters many times through Leo and his work. Goodness knew what the man thought of her now. Did he consider her a dreadful woman for walking out on her husband so soon after the loss of his sister? People tended to take sides when a couple parted. Had he taken Leo’s? But if so, why buy the giraffe?
‘How kind of him,’ she said, turning to the cuddly toy. Careful to avoid making eye contact with Leo, she slid a hand over it, gasping softly when her fingertips unexpectedly brushed his own hidden beneath the plush fur.
‘Sorry,’ she whispered, conscience of the wave of spiralling heat travelling up her arm from the contact. Snatching her hand away, she turned her attention back to the others stood close.
‘Leo,’ Trudy gushed, focusing her attention on the silent man. ‘Why don’t you rest the giraffe on a chair? Now your shift is over, I can introduce you to everyone. You’ve already met Gila, of course.’
Gila stayed silent as the couple moved away, dropping the huge giraffe onto a vacant plastic chair on their way. She didn’t need to watch Leo making friends to know the concept of continuing to work here would be too hard to endure. Even for a few days. If one of her patients faced a similar situation, she’d recommend either they talked to their boss about a replacement for the newcomer, or that they consider leaving their job.
Somehow, she didn’t think the clinic would accept her not wanting to work in the same building as her estranged husband as an acceptable excuse to ask Leo to leave. Not when Dr Peters obviously wanted him here. And as she was a volunteer midwife, on the verge of leaving, it made more sense that she’d be the one to go.
She sighed and glanced down at the pile of presents and cards. Why did Leo have to turn up a few days before she was due to leave? Had he done it on purpose?
Someone handed her a plastic cup filled with weak orange squash. Accepting it, she glanced casually at the clock on the wall. How long before she could leave without appearing rude? Would fifteen minutes be enough? Or should she stay longer?
‘Don’t worry,’ Trudy said, joining Gila once again. ‘Cluster of new patients just walked into Reception eager to keep this lot busy, so you’ll be able to head off in a few minutes.’
Gila sighed and asked guiltily, ‘Am I that obvious?’
‘No, but you’re eight months pregnant and I remember how that feels. I spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy switching from wanting to organise my entire house and taking naps whenever the chance arose.’
Gila smiled, liking the woman a little bit more. ‘I’m ready for one right now, to be honest.’
Trudy laughed, then pointed across the room at the male conversing with two female staff members. ‘Well, Leo’s proving a hit. I sense he is going to be a great asset to the clinic.’
Which made Gila want to weep as the two women vied for her husband’s attention. How would they react if she marched over there, grabbed Leo by the face and kissed him fully on the mouth? Or shouted across the room that he belonged to her and she wanted him back?
Which, of course, she didn’t. Not any longer. But even so.
A silly hysterical giggle worked up her throat and she coughed to cover the sound before she embarrassed herself. The bleeping of her phone distracted her from the trio across the room. Retrieving it from her bag, she glanced at the screen and saw the alarm had gone off even though she couldn’t recall setting it.
‘I’m sorry, Trudy,’ she lied. ‘But I really must leave. I’m meeting someone.’
Trudy nodded and smiled. ‘Let me ask Leo to carry the giraffe out for you.’
‘No, really, I can manage,’ she insisted, not keen to spend any more time around the man. She planned to enjoy her maternity leave and focus on nothing but the baby. Any decisions about Leo and the future could wait. She had some savings, and living rent-free on her uncle’s narrowboat while he toured the wineries in France kept her expenses low and affordable.
‘Nonsense,’ Trudy dismissed. ‘To be honest, I rather like seeing him carrying it. The giraffe suits him. I wonder if he has any children. Do you think he’s married? Since my divorce I’ve been off men, but for him I’d dust off my sexy undies.’
‘I doubt it,’ Gila said, throwing him one last glare before gathering up the large toy with her free arm. ‘He looks like the type of man who would be all words and empty promises.’
Trudy glanced back at her with a frown. ‘Do you think so?’
Gila nodded. ‘Only a fool would fall in love with a man like him. Trust me on that.’
* * *
‘Gila.’
Gila’s heartbeat skipped, but she ignored the man walking beside her along the long corridor that led to the clinic’s front reception. Surely, he’d get the hint if she didn’t speak to him? She’d made a point of keeping all contact between them centred only on their unborn child.
‘Gila, please. I want to talk to you.’
‘Sorry,’ she stammered, her heartbeat thundering harder. Hugging the giraffe to her front, she said, ‘I need to be somewhere. I don’t have the time.’
It was all a lie, but she certainly didn’t have the inclination to talk to him. Why didn’t he just return to the staff room and resume his conversation with the other staff members? Go and bother them instead of her?
Trembling, she increased her speed, desperate to get away from the man and the swoosh of memories initiated from being around him. Memories of happy times when everything on the planet was wonderful and she believed she’d found a good man. Long before he ruined it all.
‘Gila, please.’
Frustrated, she asked, ‘What do you want, Leo?’
For weeks, she’d desperately worked to pick up the slivers of her splintered life and carry on. To put his rejection to one side and move forward. And now she refused to allow him to drag her backwards into the tempestuous well of emotions she’d spent so long battling to survive. Some days she’d wondered if she ever would. On others, why she even cared. So why now did Leo suddenly want to talk? Why not months ago when she’d knelt in front of him, clutching his hands while begging him to speak to her? When it might have mattered and made a difference?
‘Please, Gila. Give me a chance to explain.’
The words enveloped her, tempting and teasing her with the past. Wasn’t it enough that he still occupied her thoughts too much. ‘No,’ she whispered. She wasn’t ready to do this. She didn’t want to face anything, especially not here at the clinic. She refused to become the latest gossip amongst her colleagues.
Leo raised his hand as though to touch her, before dropping it again. Once she’d hungered and revelled in the firmness of his stroke, now she resented the idea.
Leo moved closer, his firm, square chin lifting in determination. ‘It’s time for us to talk, Gila. Really talk. Not by texts or emails the way we have been, but a proper face-to-face conversation. We need to reach some sort of understanding before the—’
She clasped the cuddly toy harder, her fingers crushing its plush softness. Trying hard not to breathe in the familiar woody aroma of Leo’s aftershave as he invaded her area. An expensive brand she’d once saved all her spare money to buy him not long after they’d first met. ‘Why your sudden need for a discussion, when for months you’ve ignored my existence?’
‘That’s not true,’ he denied. ‘I haven’t ignored you. I’ve answered every text or question you’ve sent. I thought only to give you time and because my—’
Gila closed off his excuses, no longer interested. This man whom she’d handed her heart, together with her trust, didn’t deserve her time. This man whose laughter and lovemaking once filled her body and spirit so completely had let her down. Badly. He’d done just as everyone else in her life had. Abandoned her when things became hard.
A deep frown creased Leo’s forehead. ‘This stand-off between us is helping no one.’
‘Whose fault is that?’ she hissed. She swallowed, her stomach rolling with fresh anger and resentment. Shaking her head, she closed the space between them and spat, ‘How long are you going to be working here?’
Wasn’t letting their marriage go enough of a crime to commit against her? Did he truly expect her to meekly work alongside him as though nothing linked them? As though he hadn’t ripped her heart from her body and almost obliterated her?
‘Let’s go somewhere private and I’ll explain everything,’ he suggested. ‘Once we talk—’
‘How long?’ she demanded again, refusing to move until she got an answer from him.
He sighed. ‘I’m not sure. For the next few weeks at least. Dr Peters needs to be with his family.’
‘Haven’t you hurt me enough, Leo?’ she asked. ‘How dare you come to the clinic where I volunteer? Wasn’t there someone else who could have stepped in? Didn’t it occur to you that I wouldn’t want you here? Is that why you didn’t tell me? Well, I refuse to work in the same building as you.’
‘I know it’s not ideal, but I owed the man, Gila.’ He stepped closer, dark brown eyes clashing with hers. ‘Just let me explain.’
‘No!’ she snapped, her chest heaving as her legs wobbled. Stepping away, she bumped back into the edge of a table placed against the wall. A couple of leaflets stacked on top fell and floated to the floor.
Leo shook his head. ‘Look, I’m sorry, Gila. For being here, for not thinking to tell you beforehand and for...well...everything.’
‘I don’t care,’ she replied coldly. She didn’t. Not any more. His apology meant nothing. Where was he during those first few days after she’d left? When she’d sat like an idiot in her uncle’s narrowboat, constantly listening for the sound of his footsteps or his knock on the door? Convinced it would only be a short while before he came and begged her to go home. The anxious ritual of waiting for his appearance night after night, day after senseless day, now seemed ridiculous and infantile.
While she’d whispered a thousand prayers into the dark, silent hours, hopeful that they could mend what had torn them apart, he’d done nothing but shatter the few illusions she’d had left by staying away. Not once making contact during those first few days. Leaving her to wallow in pain and confusion.
Every emotion, all her devotion, every drop of her love for him had slipped away over those first few weeks apart. Running into the invisible drain of yet another broken relationship. Yet another let-down by someone who’d lied when they’d said they cared.
‘I hate you,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t you get that? What I once felt for you is gone. Now I simply hate you for proving what a fool I was to trust you.’
He flinched at her soft words, his expression turning emotionless and hard. ‘I understand, but...’
She walked away, despite her unsteady legs still threatening to give way. She refused to crumble here in front of this man. This time there would be no crying or pleading the way she had before. This time she would walk away with her head held high, her future safe and protected deep inside her body.
Instinctively, she touched a free finger to her stomach, vaguely aware of the baby inside reacting with a gentle kick. Did her child sense that the man who had helped to create its life now reminded Gila of everything she’d lost? Of a love she no longer retained and suspected she never really had? That the true affection in their marriage had only come from her? And that fact hurt more than any of the disappointments from her past. The bitter, cruel knowledge that, yet again, neither she nor her love had really mattered.
* * *
Leo gazed after Gila as she rushed down the corridor. A piece of his heart slowly tearing at the speed she used to get away from him. Once they’d hurried to meet each other, now the woman raced away as though he risked her very existence.
She hated him. He’d expected it. Understood her anger, but the words she’d spat at him still pierced his soul. Seeping into the broken joints and cracks that continuously craved for her healing. A cure only she could instigate and perform. And something he now knew he would never obtain.
He should have called her when he’d found out yesterday that Dr Peters needed him to cover his shifts, but he hadn’t thought—no, that wasn’t true—he hadn’t allowed himself to consider the complications his arrival here at the clinic might cause for his wife. Preferring to wait and deal with Gila’s reaction in person instead of over the phone or through a text or email. In retrospect it had been cowardly and a mistake. Not warning her had just delivered another bad mark against himself when he already bore so many.
How could he make things right when she refused to listen? When she loathed being anywhere near him, and love no longer shone from her pretty grey eyes, which now held mistrust, dislike and pain.
He had caused the damage to their relationship and instead of rushing after her when she’d left, that night four months ago, he’d buried his head in his own agony and blocked out anyone else’s wishes and needs. He’d acted like a selfish fool. A person he’d never believed he would ever become. Someone he didn’t even understand or recognise.
He’d treated Gila as though she didn’t matter, and that was what she couldn’t forgive. He saw it in every movement and glance she sent his way. The hurt and disappointment of his being just another person who’d let her down after solemnly promising on their wedding day that he never would. Through her eyes, he saw her heart shouting out the unforgivable truth that he’d failed her.
Lowering his own gaze, he frowned at the small gift lying on the floor where, moments ago, Gila stood. Crouching, he picked it up, smiling at the cuteness of the bright yellow wrapping paper printed with orange rabbits. This gift had been bought for his child. Yet he’d stood in the staff room moments ago and watched everyone congratulate Gila without saying a word while the impulse to yell that he was the baby’s father had almost crushed him. To let everyone in the room know that he was not some faceless stranger, but Gila’s husband. The man who, in spite of his thoughtless actions, had never stopped loving her.
He clutched the gift and glanced in the direction that Gila had disappeared. She’d obviously dropped it in her rush to get away. To escape him and everything between them.
Straightening, he followed the same path. Determination in each stride. With luck he’d catch up with his wife before she left the car park. Whether she wanted it or not, they were going to talk face to face and not through some electrical means the way they had for the last few months. For the sake of his future relationship with his child, he’d fight for more.
Pushing open the clinic’s glass entrance door, he paused to search the parked cars in front of him. Catching a glimpse of a familiar blue uniform, he headed after Gila, concerned when he spotted her resting against a black vehicle. He frowned as he took in the way she leaned over, one hand on the car’s bonnet, head bent over as though having trouble breathing.
Quickly weaving through the remaining cars that separated them, he finally reached her side and demanded, ‘Are you all right?’
Gila glanced up, her cheeks drained of all healthy colour. ‘Leo?’
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, closing the gap between them. Something ailed his wife or their baby. Either way, he refused to leave them until he’d found out what.
‘Nothing. I’m just feeling a little faint,’ she answered. The words reluctant and dragged out as though she’d prefer to admit to anything else but the truth to him.
‘How long?’ he quizzed, reaching for her elbow.
‘Just a few moments.’
‘Why don’t we go back inside the clinic and sit for a minute? Just until the feeling passes,’ he suggested, relieved when she didn’t pull out of his hold. Though the fact that she was letting him touch her at all increased his concern.
She shook her head. ‘No, I want to go home, and my bus is due soon.’
‘Forget the bus,’ he dismissed, troubled by this unexpected show of vulnerability from his wife. Gila’s unsettled and unconventional childhood had taught her to guard her feelings with a hard outer shell. She rarely showed her softer side, unless she was truly comfortable with a person. ‘There’s always a later one or I can give you a lift home.’
