Angel's Secret, page 21
‘It’s no use praying for her to get better!’
‘You can pray that she will not be in too much pain, pray because you love her and you always will. She would be pleased at that.’
The door opened slowly. Angel turned and in the light of the dying candle, burning down into the soft wax spilled in the saucer, she saw Rob.
‘Is Alice really all right?’ he asked, outside the door, when Alice was settled.
‘Alice is being very brave, bless her.’
‘So is young Tony, he’s in with Aunt Hetty, of course.’
As Angel made to open her own door he added: ‘Thank you, Angel. For all your caring for this family.’
*
The letter came from Gerald at the beginning of December, when the tall trees shivered, bare of leaves and a cruel wind whooshed down the chimneys and caught at insecurely latched doors. The goats sheltered in the barn with the bugler and in the school, the children huddled round the teacher and the stove and were thankful for the hot soup, even when their fingers felt too numb to grasp a spoon. Fires roared at The Angel and the good old boys came to the comfort of the inglenook in the evenings, more for the warmth than the beer, for wages were lower than ever. They were thankful to have a job, whatever it paid.
They learned that Lalla had passed peacefully away. The service had been simple as she requested. She had not wished to be brought back even if this had been possible. ‘We can’t even put flowers on her grave,’ Tony said solemnly. In fact, as Gerald said, she had expressed that she was actually glad that Rob and her children would, due to the distance and time factor, be unable to come to her funeral for: ‘She wanted you to remember her as she was.’
There were farewell notes enclosed for the children and Aunt Hetty, firmly written, cheerfully urging them not to be too sad, hoping that they would grow up, Alice and Tony, as she fondly imagined they would: clever, kind, imaginative people who would lead happy and fulfilled lives. Rob did not reveal the contents of the longer letter he received except to say that he was to contact Lalla’s solicitor in London.
In a short while he learned that as Lalla’s husband he would be in receipt of a considerable sum of money. The children were also generously provided for.
‘Money won’t bring her back but it’ll be a godsend right now,’ observed Aunt Hetty. ‘I don’t think we could’ve carried on here much longer otherwise, Angel dear.’
‘Do you still want me to stay on?’ Angel had to know.
‘Once it was me, but you’re our linchpin now. You know what I hope for, in time –’
‘Don’t say it, Aunt Hetty. Please!’
‘I won’t. But another might ask you first. That worries me.’
‘I can’t make any plans. I can’t predict the future. I’ll just say, well, you are family to me now, Aunt Hetty . . . ’
‘Knew you’d fit in, moment we met, among the asparagus.’ Aunt Hetty said.
THIRTY-TWO
Aunt Hetty saw something coming, which Angel did not. One Sunday afternoon she and Edmund walked Whis along by the river. It did not seem a magical place now as it had that day, before she had almost drowned, before the tragic end of Boniface.
Mud oozed, clung to their walking shoes, the water had risen, the willows waved wildly in the wind. ‘Better turn back.’ Edmund called the dog to heel. He added quite casually: ‘I have been meaning to ask you for a while now to marry me, Angel . . . ’
Overhead the clouds hung low. There was too much sky today. Grey, wintry sky. Their breath hung in smoky drifts.
‘Why? Why now?’ She asked simply, wiping her damp face with the back of her glove. She wore Rob’s birthday gift to her, the coarse woollen gloves. The soft kid leather pair she had brought with her from London remained unpacked in her trunk.
‘D’you want me to say I have fallen deeply in love with you, Angel? I do care for you very much but, to be honest, I don’t know if I have yet experienced the kind of love you obviously felt for your lost fiancé . . . What I have for you is a good, solid affection, perhaps the most one can ask of a stolid person like me, eh?’ His smile disarmed her. ‘We get on so well together, don’t we? We already share old Whis, you would be an ideal schoolmaster’s wife. And – we both would like a family, I know that too.’
‘I have a family to care for already,’ she said simply.
‘A borrowed family, Angel. A family you will have to leave eventually, I think.’
She looked at him, face to face. ‘Did Edith put the idea into your head?’
He looked surprised. ‘Edith? No, though when you first came here I suspected, well, a touch of matchmaking, as I’m sure you did too. It was Rob, Angel. He came down to see me at the schoolhouse the other evening, after The Angel had closed. He knows I am always late to bed. I think it helped him to talk to someone not directly involved with his recent loss. He reminded me that the kind of love he and Lalla experienced in the early days of their marriage sometimes burned itself out. That the warm affection and companionship between you and I might be a better and more lasting foundation for a good marriage. He felt that we are, well, right for each other.’
‘It is not for him to say!’ She walked away, ahead of him so that he could not see the tears blinding her eyes, the disappointment she felt, for she was really fond of Edmund and the last thing she wished to do was to hurt him.
‘You don’t have to answer immediately, of course,’ he caught her up, took her arm and hugged her close to his side as they walked along. ‘Forget it for the moment. I have obviously not picked a good time. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. I don’t want to lose your friendship!’
‘You’ll never do that. Whatever you decide.’
‘Edith has been very constrained with me recently –’
‘Yes, I have been wondering about that. Perhaps there is more behind these headaches than she is admitting? I’m sure she doesn’t mean to be so cool.’
Privately she felt she knew the reason for Edith’s recent behaviour.
They parted at Edith’s gate. ‘Why don’t you join us for tea, I’m sure she won’t mind.’ He looked into her troubled eyes.
‘The children need me, Edmund. It’s difficult for them, seeing Rob so sad. They feel guilty because it is not so bad for them; they are used to not having a mother around.’
He closed the gate between them. ‘Perhaps Rob needs you more. Don’t say anything, think about it. I will see you soon, my dear . . . ’
‘Why didn’t you invite Angel in?’ Edith asked, fussing over his dirty shoes, poking at the fire to warm and dry his damp clothes.
‘I did ask her,’ he said. He put up with the solicitude because Edith had always been the same. He would always be her little brother, he thought wryly. ‘She wanted to get back to Alice and Tony.’
‘They are coping well, children are very resilient,’ she gave him a sideways look. ‘I had the feeling, you know, when you said you were going for a walk despite the weather that you were going to issue – another invitation . . . ’
‘I did,’ he said equably.
‘And?’
‘She didn’t exactly turn me down, but I believe the answer is still “no”.’
‘She’s a fool then!’ Edith flashed.
‘She is not! I thought you two were great friends –’
‘Once!’
‘I can’t pretend to understand what all this is about, Edith. Please don’t turn against Angel, that’s all I ask. I only wish she would have me. However, she can’t be blamed for not being in love with me. Maybe there is someone else.’
Tea overflowed his cup, spilled into the saucer. Her hand was shaking. ‘Why? Why now?’ she cried, just as Angel had done earlier.
*
As Angel was passing Rob’s door on her way upstairs later he came out of the room. His look was rather quizzical and she guessed that he was wondering if Edmund had taken up his suggestion to speak to her.
Something seemed to snap inside her and she blurted out furiously: ‘I do wish you would mind your own business, Rob! Edmund told me you had spoken to him, about me. If I ever marry, I would prefer to choose my own husband, thank you!’
Hurt and surprise clouded his face. ‘I only thought, we can’t expect you to stay here for ever, that it would be good to have you not far away, you have become such a friend of the family . . . ’
She pushed past him, went swiftly to her room and firmly closed the door. After a few moments she heard the stairs creaking as he continued downstairs.
Weeping, face down on her bed, she did not hear the door open or Aunt Hetty coming in.
‘Now, what’s this all about, Angel? Care to tell old Aunt Hetty, dearie?’
‘I quarrelled with Rob, the last thing I should’ve done, after all he’s had to endure recently –’
‘He feels it more poor chap y’know, ‘cause he isn’t devastated like he would’ve been, for it’s been such a long time, the war as well, the two of them apart, eh? He’s so sad, I am too, Lalla being so young. Such a cruel way to go. But, till she came back like that, I guess he had days, maybe even weeks, when he scarcely gave her a thought. He was getting on with his life you see, we all have to . . . Now, what on earth did you two find to have words about?’
Angel told her.
‘It’ll make him think,’ Aunt Hetty commented wisely. ‘You wash your pretty face now and come down for supper.’
‘I don’t know if I can face him –’
‘You can. The children heard something you know. It’s the last thing they want, another upset.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ She was crying again.
‘Don’t be sorry for having feelings . . . Can’t say I’m not glad you don’t intend to be the schoolmaster’s wife, though I’m wholly sorry for Edmund. Dry your eyes! Five minutes, then I’ll dish up!’
She splashed her face with cold water, changed quickly into the cream wool costume. She rummaged in her bag, brought out the neglected rouge and rubbed a little on her pale cheeks.
There was a tapping on her door. She heard Rob’s deep voice, the gentle Scottish burr pronounced, as it always was when he betrayed emotion. ‘Angel I am so sorry if I upset you, please forgive me.’
She did not open the door. ‘I must apologise too, Rob. I reacted stupidly. I know you meant well. Please say no more about it. I’ll be down shortly.’
‘Are we still friends?’ he asked urgently.
‘Yes, of course. Friends, Rob.’
THIRTY-THREE
‘Here you are then, gal,’ Nana stated as Jess opened the door of Number 3 and stepped straight into the living room. It was past midnight and the fire was low. In winter Nana kept on her top garments and wound herself in an old horse blanket while sitting out the night. She cat-napped now and then but prowled around the room when her limbs stiffened or wrapped her chilled hands round yet another cup of stewed tea.
Jess shook a powdering of snow from her hair, then from her shawl. She peeped into the cot Lilian had lent her for Belinda when the baby outgrew the cradle. The baby slumbered peacefully in her stove-warmed recess.
‘Anything left in the pot, Nana?’ She slept on a mattress on the landing above where she could keep an eye on her daughter through the rails.
‘You can’t carry on like this, Jess.’ Nana jiggled some fresh water round the tea leaves. ‘He can’t move in here with us, Nurse Fenner’d never allow it, and I’m not having that baby brought up in a barn –’
Jess suppressed a grin. Far more space in the barn and it was no more draughty than the cottage! ‘He says we’ll get married – soon,’ she volunteered.
‘Reckon he’s fit enough, do you, gal?’
‘I love him Nana, he loves me – us. And I’ve got my job –’
‘Now, you have. But what if you fall again, eh?’
‘I worked carrying Belinda, and you’ll help out as you always do, if it comes to that!’
‘I won’t always be here as I tell you . . . I still get that old pain –’
Fear flashed across Jess’s expressive face. ‘Then I’ll have to care for you too, Nana. You know I will!’
‘I’ll have a word with Aunt Hetty – you get some sleep now . . . ’
‘Yes, Aunt Hetty’ll have the answer, you can count on that.’
Ever nearer Christmas and Angel was wondering whether she ought to tell them that she was expected to spend the holiday with Lou, Jack and Peter Carlo. However, a letter from Lou caused her to change her mind. Lou wrote that their mother and step-father would be in London during the Christmas period and were anxious to see as much as possible of their first grandchild:
Isn’t it amazing? Mother seems to want to make amends for her lack of maternal attention in the past! Probably because Sidney seems to have mellowed considerably and is willing to indulge mother in her new role! Of course, Angel, you are still welcome to come, because they will be staying in a hotel, Sidney is not yet the complete family man! If you can manage sharing with Peter as you suggested, though disturbed nights are more than a possibility . . . Or do you feel you should stay with Alice and Tony after recent events? We will understand if this is the case. Can you let us know soon?
All love from us three,
Lou.
Angel was learning how to make and apply the marzipan for the Christmas cake under Aunt Hetty’s expert guidance. ‘Bit late in the day, Angel, ought to have done it a while ago, but till the children broke up from school and we could forget the soup pot, well, we’ve got behind on the Christmas jobs . . . You’ll be here with us, I hope? We must make an effort for Alice and Tony and we always have Edith and Edmund, and Jess and Nana, Belinda too of course this year, come for their dinner.’
‘Yes, I’ll be here, Aunt Hetty. But I must write to Lou today and tell her that’s what I’ve decided.’
‘The bugler too,’ Aunt Hetty mused, measuring out the ground almonds. ‘We have had an idea about him, Rob and me.’
‘It’s good he is helping Rob with the cellar work and the outside chores now. He really seems so well in himself. Sawing logs is definitely therapeutic!’
‘Edith’s very cagey about his past, before the war, you know. All we know really is that he has been married before, but lost his wife and child. She did say that any money left by his family was used up long ago when he first came back from the war. Rob knows she has the handling of his service pension. But we provide, and gladly for his simple needs while he stays here . . . ’
‘He was a good doctor once but I don’t think he’ll ever be able to take up that profession again, Aunt Hetty. He was so resolute and brave in France. My – Harry thought a great deal of him. They were such good friends.’
‘His old life may be lost to him but he has young Jess and that beautiful baby, bless her, and his music to soothe his soul.’
In came Alice and Tony, red-cheeked from the cold, excited at the first drifts of snow. It had not laid so far this winter.
‘Dad says it won’t come to anything but Tony hoicked the old sled out of the wood shed and the bugler’s looking it over for us.’
Rob followed them in. ‘Well, I’ve asked him, Aunty Hetty! I stressed it might be a long hard winter and to my surprise he agreed – he didn’t need to be persuaded! Maybe Jess had already put the idea to him, for you asked her opinion, didn’t you?’
‘I did that,’ Aunt Hetty said with a saucy twinkle.
‘This is all very mysterious . . . ’ Angel rolled the pliable almond paste into a ball in a sprinkling of icing sugar.
‘Francis, for we try and remember to call him that now, eh? Is to move soon into Rob’s room. He can keep his privacy there –’
‘It says PRIVATE!’ Tony pointed out, sneaking a crumb or two of almond paste from the table.
‘– and I shall move back into my old room,’ Rob ended evenly.
Angel wondered immediately, what about Jess? Thinking of the clandestine meetings in the barn.
Aunt Hetty might have read her mind. She mouthed at Angel: ‘None of that, not with our young ‘uns around . . . ’
Alice was too observant. ‘Not until they get married, Aunt Hetty. Jess is asking the parson about that!’
‘You know more’n we do, then. Wagging ears I suppose?’
The children looked suitably bashful. ‘Come on, Alice, let’s see if the sledge is ready yet!’
Rob looked at Angel: ‘It will be up to Aunt Hetty of course, but we can afford live-in help now. Jess and Francis . . . That means you, too, Angel. How d’you feel about being a companion to all the family, rather than a nurse to Alice?’
‘I can’t do without you!’ Aunt Hetty prompted.
‘I can’t do without you all, either,’ Angel, feeling warm and happy inside, unfurled the marzipan from the rolling pin and laid it carefully over the Christmas cake which she had previously made tacky with marmalade, to keep it in place.
Edmund, she thought, with compunction, must have intimated to Rob that she had indeed as good as turned him down. She would be staying at The Angel!
*
Being so busy was good for all of them. Rob and the bugler humped furniture between the two rooms. Angel noted that the big bed that Rob and Lalla had shared was exchanged for the smaller double bed, with simple wooden headboard, which Rob had grown accustomed to. Jess and Angel were most industrious with bucket and mop and Aunt Hetty washed mats and covers which steamed round the stove for it was not the weather for extra washing or indeed, any washing at all. Sheets hung limply and dolefully on the garden line but fortunately did not freeze as they well might in a week or two; underwear festooned the airer. There was an aura of yellow soap, condensation on the windows.
‘All set for the New Year!’ Jess informed them jubilantly.
Angel put down her mop and hugged the girl to her. ‘Oh be happy, dear Jess, well, I know you will! You and Belinda are his salvation, you see . . . But won’t dear old Nana miss you both terribly?’
‘Nana says, “Just you be happy, gal!” I won’t ever desert her, she knows that. And now Belinda’s crawling, she’ll be with Nana every day as always. It’s easier now she’s weaned at last.’ She twisted Angel’s mop to expel the water. ‘Some say I’m a bad gal, but Parson says he’ll make an honest woman of me and Mrs Parson says I’m a good mother when there’s others as aren’t so –’
