An Atypical Love, page 2
None?
Okay maybe I wasn’t that bad but it felt like I didn’t know nearly enough to meet him.
“Yeah.” Taking a breath, I tried to gather my thoughts. “Okay, first question is making sure he’s gay. Like sex stuff aside, is he drawn to men or just looking on this side of things because he’s hoping to find a partner who’ll understand him?”
That didn’t seem rude.
Hopefully.
Conner blinked. “Oh, I should’ve started there. No, he’s romantically gay and finds men aesthetically attractive.”
Good.
“This is where I might be offensive.” God, I hated being put in this situation. I just needed five minutes with Google to figure out how to ask what I wanted to know. “Um, there seems to be a sliding scale with asexuality. I knew a girl in college who dated this guy and he didn’t want to touch her in any way sexually and he couldn’t be around her when she touched herself.”
Looking back, they might’ve had a lot of other underlying issues but that was hard to tell on the outside looking in. “Like, if she wanted to get out a toy, he’d leave her alone and she just couldn’t take not having any kind of connection with him in that part of her life. I don’t know how I’d feel, and like I said, this might be rude but I just want to know what I’d be walking into.”
There was just so much to ask I wasn’t sure that was starting at the right place. “I guess I’m assuming since he came here and explored BDSM to begin with that he doesn’t mind seeing his partner orgasm. But I want to make sure that he’s willing to do aftercare and hold me and that I won’t be alone after a scene.”
Was that rude?
Was that something I should’ve waited to ask until after I’d gotten to know him?
Was that something he’d have listed on his limits list?
How would he explain that kind of stuff on a limits list?
Conner cocked his head, looking thoughtful and not rushing into an answer, but I’d have appreciated it if he’d been able to quickly reassure me that I hadn’t been rude at the very least.
“For God’s sake, Conner, he’s not being rude.” The laughing voice was now a frustrated one. “Those are legitimate questions.”
Fuck.
Wait. He’d said I hadn’t been rude.
Ignoring that he’d obviously been listening to our conversation, I felt better knowing I hadn’t pissed him off.
Conner had.
“I was trying to figure out the aftercare part.” Snapping back, Conner looked ready to go to battle but he quieted down as I felt someone moving behind me.
He was tall.
And sexy.
Oh, was I allowed to think he was sexy?
Shit.
Where was the internet when I fucking needed it?
Looking up, I hoped I didn’t look stupid and tried to smile. “Hello, I really hope I wasn’t offensive, but after I get over obsessing about that part, I’ll tell you that I don’t have any issues with anything Conner said.”
Tall man’s lips curled up into a sexy smirk that had me hoping he’d let me curl into him and cuddle. “That’s good to know. But after I apologize for listening to your conversation, I’ll tell you that I don’t have any problem with your limits and I am not sex adverse.”
Since that seemed to mean he wasn’t going to leave me by myself a lot, I nodded and felt a bit better about the whole awkward situation.
“After I kill Conner, or at the very least tattle on him, I’m going to tell you that I’d like to sit down and talk more.” I ignored the way Conner started to mumble about not being appreciated because tall man smiled again.
People were more stupid than I thought if he really was single.
“How about you skip the tattling part and I invite you over to my side of the room to chat?” The questions on my face made him chuckle. “I have a couch on this side and I want to make sure you see firsthand that I don’t mind being close to you.”
Yes, cuddles at the club.
Tonight was starting to look up.
“I think that sounds like a good plan.” Ignoring Conner, I grabbed my drink and rose before weaving my way around the half-walls and couches that broke up the large room into more intimate spaces.
Tall man was still watching and smiling as I made my way over to him, so I hoped that meant he didn’t mind slender and pretty instead of someone more conventionally masculine. I also hoped the whole thing meant that he could see beyond looks in general because that would’ve been nice.
As I finally came over to his couch, he gestured to the space beside him. “Please, sit down. I want to keep this casual tonight and not worry about Dom and sub roles as long as you’re okay with that.”
Nodding, I sat down and set my drink on the table in front of us. “That’s fine. I prefer getting to know someone first.”
Another thing that didn’t always work in my favor. Someone just announcing they were a Dom wasn’t enough to get my respect or get me on my knees, so I appreciated a man who actually seemed to understand that.
In this case, it seemed to make the handsome guy smile again. “I’m not sure you can kill Conner if he actually did a good job of playing matchmaker.”
I huffed and pretended to frown. “Don’t ruin my fantasy.”
That got a laugh from him and he slowly extended his hand. “Rohan.”
I wasn’t sure if he knew this was the first hurdle he had to pass to get more than a hello from me but I braced myself and shook his hand.
Wow.
No squeezing.
No overly firm I’m a man grip.
He kept it easy and watched my reactions like a real fucking Dom.
Damn it all. Now I had to be nice to Conner.
“Dayton.” As he carefully released my hand and sat back, I could feel relief coursing through me. “It’s nice to meet you.”
And surprisingly enough…that was genuine.
Ugh. I had to thank Conner.
Well, maybe Rohan would turn out to be a dick and then I could tell Conner off?
Chapter 2
Rohan
“Still frustrated you can’t kill him?” I hadn’t expected to like Dayton right away and his laughter just made the confusion inside me even stronger. “You have the…let’s call them the most interesting expressions flashing over your face. You’re going to have to appease my curiosity.”
He groaned, a dramatic sound that was accompanied by a blush, but he didn’t put off responding, which I appreciated. “I was frustrated that I was going to have to be polite to Conner because you seem really nice and you didn’t even play mind games with the handshake to see if he’d told you the truth about my pain tolerance.”
I had a feeling I’d finally met someone with worse dating stories than I had.
“That doesn’t seem like something a sub would exaggerate just to get attention.” Conner had been honest about his level of discretion but something about the look on his face had made it clear it wasn’t just a sub being dramatic.
That meant physical health issue or mental health issue.
Neither was something to fuck with, so I wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything to trigger him or hurt him.
Dayton cocked his head, studying me like he was surprised. “Some people haven’t seen it that way.”
As I rolled my eyes, making him laugh, he continued to explain. “But I won’t make you play a guessing game to figure out what’s going on. What it basically boils down to is overactive nerves and I have a very low pain tolerance. Spankings will never be something I can handle for pleasure or punishment. I can’t do impact play in any way, just to make that clear.”
I thought that should’ve been obvious but the look on his face said sometimes it wasn’t.
Hoping I was asking a smart question instead of something that would come across as stupid, I nodded as I asked, “What about things like being bumped up against in a crowded space or running into the corner of the countertop in the kitchen? Are those things I should be cognizant of?”
How overactive was overactive?
His wince was faint but gave me my answer before he even had to say the words. “Technically yes but some things can’t be avoided in life. I do my best to avoid situations where I could be pushed into things that would really hurt but I also keep running into the edge of my coffee table. So…”
It wasn’t technically funny but the look on his face made me chuckle.
He shrugged, a slightly self-deprecating smile on his face. “I know. It’s ridiculous and smarts more than you can understand every time I do it, but shit happens.”
“So what I think you’re trying to tell me is not to obsessively worry over what might happen and just do my best?” His grin widened as he tried a would I do that kind of expression.
“No, I would never tell a Dom what to do.”
Laughing, I shook my head. “No, in this case, I want to make sure I understand as much as possible. I’m not the type of Dom to come at this from an I know best mindset.”
I liked learning the different aspects of BDSM, even if I never thought I’d do some of them personally with a sub. I’d never been the most macho of Doms, and thankfully, it seemed like being laid-back and flexible was what Dayton needed.
Yep, it was official, neither of us could kill Conner.
“That is…refreshing?” Wincing, he frowned. “Should I apologize?”
I scoffed, making him laugh. “Never. Conner was helping me because I’d run into several overly earnest people that had been trying to explain I wasn’t doing asexuality right or I wasn’t being dominant enough.”
Both of which were stupid for a variety of reasons.
Dayton couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to laugh or shake his head. He finally just slouched back against the side of the small loveseat and vaguely gestured with his hands. “I have no idea how to respond to that.”
“I didn’t either at the time, so I don’t blame you.” Some people were not as helpful as they thought they were.
“Because you’re not sex adverse?” As the question popped out, his eyes widened. “I’m sorry if that was rude.”
He was a delightfully cute worrier.
“It wasn’t, and I promise, I’m at the point in life where it takes a lot to offend me. When I first started this journey a few years ago, I might’ve had a small chip on my shoulder, but that’s in the past.” That had his lips turning up into a slight smile, but it was clear he was still worried about offending me, so I decided an example was in order. “I was at a family reunion last month and a, albeit elderly, great-aunt said I should just date women because they never want as much sex as men do.”
Dayton’s mouth dropped open before he shook his head like he was trying to clear it out. “I don’t know which part of that to be offended by on your behalf first.”
“All of it?” I chuckled as he nodded. “Honestly, my whole family is confused about the subject. She’s just the loudest.”
And possibly trying to be the most helpful.
But it was one of the big reasons why I didn’t have much contact with anyone in my family and just did the obligatory things that I couldn’t get out of without it being seen as a big issue.
“Well, at least I know better than to say something like that.” He shook his head, still marveling at the insanity.
Since that seemed to have taken the edge off his worries, I went back to his original question. “Yes, I’m not quite sex averse enough to make some people happy. It’s…interesting.”
He was back to trying not to laugh again, so I decided it was probably the right time to open up a bit more. “There are certain things that I have no desire to do. Like anal intercourse. I also don’t enjoy being the focus of a sexual encounter.”
Thankfully he didn’t seem as surprised by that as my last scene partner had, and it gave me the confidence to keep explaining. “I don’t have an issue touching my partner’s genitals. My favorite parts of a scene or sex in the broadest sense of the definition is making them happy and I enjoy the control aspects of it.”
I hadn’t really understood that could be a form of an emotional connection until I’d started exploring BDSM. Figuring out that there were some people who would really appreciate my being controlling had been one of my big takeaways from the exploration I’d already done.
Dayton’s cheeks pinked slightly but he was doing his best to treat the conversation logically which I appreciated and thought was kind of cute. “Thank you for explaining where you’re coming from and what you’re comfortable with. So from what you’re saying, you don’t mind focusing on your partner in a scene but you don’t want any kind of…let’s call it reciprocity?”
“Correct.” There were a large number of subs who could never get past that idea because it always seemed to feel selfish to them. “I’m not sure the best way to explain it still but being on the receiving end of what’s supposed to be pleasureful is not enjoyable.”
Instead of being confused, he nodded and I could see understanding behind his eyes. “Like being on the receiving end of a flogging or something that all the subs around here say I should love. One actually seemed to mourn the fact that I’d never love being bent over my Master’s lap.”
Ridiculous.
“You can still go over his lap for other activities.” Some people were just not creative. “Especially if you prefer a scene to be focused on anal sensations.”
It hadn’t really been a question but he shook his head. “It’s not something I avoid but most of the time actual penetration isn’t comfortable so it’s not an activity I focus on.”
Which had probably frustrated other subs too.
And it was another reason Conner had pushed us together.
The realization hit Dayton just after it occurred to me and his dramatic groan had me wanting to laugh again. “God, I’m going to owe him flowers at this rate.”
“I want lilies.” Conner’s head popped over the small dividing wall. “Don’t cheap out either. If Ben isn’t at least a bit curious about what’s going on, you didn’t go big enough.”
Dayton was getting wound up, so I cleared my throat and glared at Conner. He giggled but seemed to understand his work was done. “Bye. You do that very well, by the way.”
He was a very helpful menace.
As he actually bounced away that time, I focused back on a still frowning Dayton. “Ignore the drama queen. I want to know more about you.”
That simple compliment had him going a dozen different shades of red and actually squirming. “I don’t…”
Shrugging as he seemed to lose his train of thought, he sighed. “Okay?”
He did awkward just as delightfully as he did dramatic.
“Would you prefer a question-and-answer style of conversation or something more natural? I can ask about your week or we can wander around to watch a scene if you’d prefer?” It was my turn to shrug and look sheepish. “I’m an information gatherer. I lean toward quizzing and I know that makes some people uncomfortable. So please don’t be afraid to remind me that you’re not a book I’m trying to analyze.”
That got a chuckle from him but the blush came back too…so maybe he didn’t mind being conversationally dissected as much as my last date had? He’d glared at me and told me he wasn’t a bug before stomping off in the middle of dessert.
Dayton wasn’t giving me the same vibe, so I was hoping for a better outcome at the very least.
“I don’t mind answering questions. I…I guess I see it as clearing up the big stuff before we start taking the time to get to know one another?” His hands started fidgeting on his lap before he sat up and reached for his drink. “I’d rather know if we’re not compatible on something now rather than be surprised later.”
“Agreed.” The relief in my voice had him smiling as he took a sip. “Alright, let’s start with a few specific things that popped into my head as you were talking. Are restraints something we need to avoid? Do you find soft textures like silk pleasurable or is that overwhelming too? Do you enjoy being punished or need to be punished to help you feel centered?”
He blinked a few times before setting his glass down again. “Those are good questions. Um, as long as I’m not in a position to pull against the restraints they shouldn’t be a problem. Like, a few weeks ago I saw a guy restrained on stage and he was being tickled. It really turned him on but he was tugging on the cuffs as he moved and that would end up hurting.”
Tickling?
Ignoring that for the time being, because I could see how that might hurt Dayton, I nodded. “Okay, that’s something I’ll keep in mind but it will be easy to work around. Shibari would work better for you than cuffs or something you’ll pull against.”
I was just thinking out loud for the most part but his eyes went wide and the tiniest sound escaped that was pure need. “I think that’s a yes, then.”
The blush came back as he sat up, rubbing his hands over his face. “Sorry. It’s been a while since I really got to submit and that was…tempting.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” For a lot of reasons. “It’s something I enjoy. I find it beautiful and I like the overall control aspects of it.”
Squirming slightly, he looked down at the small space between us like the subtle pattern on the fabric was fascinating. “You don’t…you don’t mind that it aroused me?”
“No.” Shaking my head, I tried to sound relaxed and confident as I answered so he’d keep asking the questions that he needed to get out. “I like knowing that I made you happy and I’m hoping it gets me an actual date.”
As he tried not to laugh, I did my best to sort through my thoughts. “I can enjoy your reactions and focusing on you without being uncomfortable. I just don’t have any desire for it myself.”
Deciding to just spell it out very plainly, I tried not to sound awkward as I gave an example. “If I had you restrained and brought you to an orgasm in some way—say with Shibari and sounds if they were both acceptable on your limits list—I wouldn’t have any desire to finish the scene by coming on you or having you get me off in some way. I would be very happy and content taking care of you and cuddling you. That would be a wonderful end to a scene.”
