Alchemised, page 106
Lila nodded, starting to turn, but then stopped.
“I know I said I wouldn’t say anything else, but I have to say this before I go and leave you here.” Lila’s throat dipped, her scar growing stark on her face the way it did when she was upset. “You’re all I have left besides Pol. I know you love Kaine, and he loves you, I don’t deny that. But I don’t think you realise how inhumanly cold he is to anyone who isn’t you or E. The rest of the world could burn and he wouldn’t care. I don’t think he’d even notice. Is this really what you want?”
“I know what he’s like,” Helena said sharply. “It’s the reason you and I are alive.”
Frustration lit Lila’s face, and she started to open her mouth.
“When you killed Morrough, what did you think about?” Helena asked.
Lila’s mouth snapped shut, and she looked away, her face growing anguished. “Luc. I was thinking of everything he did to Luc.”
Helena stared down at her left hand. The concealment on the ring had faded with time, but now the brace on her hand nearly covered it.
“Love isn’t as pretty or pure as people like to think. There’s a darkness in it sometimes. Kaine and I go hand in hand. I made him who he is. I knew what that array meant when I saved him. If he’s a monster, then I’m his creator.”
* * *
When Enid realised that Lila was taking Pol away, she was initially uncomprehending and then hysterical.
“No! No, you can’t! He’s mine. He’s my best friend. You can’t take him away!”
She refused to be comforted by Kaine or Helena. She clung to Pol, not letting go. Pol was clearly conflicted, but he didn’t let go of Lila’s hand for even a second.
“She can come with us,” he said, looking seriously at Helena. “I’ll take care of her.”
Helena’s throat closed. “No. No, Enid has to stay here until she’s older,” she said, trying to untangle Enid.
“I want to go.” Enid sobbed as Helena pried her fingers off Pol’s trousers. “I want to live in Paladia, too. Why can’t we all go?”
“I’m sorry, we can’t,” Helena said, holding her tight as Enid attempted to collapse onto the floor and crawl to Pol. “It’s not safe for us. That’s why we live on the island, remember? Because Mum’s heart goes too fast when we do too many trips. Mum can’t go places that make her heart go fast.”
“But Pol is my best friend. I’ll be all alone without him.”
Kaine turned and walked into the next room for a moment, hands spasming.
Pol let go of Lila’s hand and went over to Enid.
“E,” he said tentatively, “you have to stay with your mum and dad. You can’t come to Paladia yet.”
“Why not? You get to.”
“Yeah,” Pol said slowly, his blue eyes huge and thoughtful, and then his expression grew pained. “But you have to take care of Cobalt. City’s no place for a dog, you know. He doesn’t come when we tell him, so he might get hit by a lorry.”
Enid’s head popped up. “Really?” she said in a trembling voice.
“Yes,” Pol said. “And the boats are dangerous, too, you know. So you have to take care of him for me. He needs walks every day.”
Enid nodded in fervent understanding of the serious responsibility being placed upon her, and Pol gave her the leash.
As Lila and Pol rode away, Enid sat on the cliff, holding Cobalt and crying.
Chapter 78
Four Years Later
“Mum.”
Helena looked up from the tincture she was making. There were certain things always in demand in the village. Enid was sitting in the kitchen, watching her work.
Since Pol’s departure, Enid had lost much of her playfulness. Kaine and Helena had tried to bring back the spark, to find children in the village for Enid to befriend, but she always held herself back.
There were too many obstacles: no alchemy, no mention of Kaine’s or Helena’s real names, or of where Pol and Lila had gone. The rules and barriers stressed Enid, and as a result she had retreated into the house, only going out with her parents or dutifully to walk Cobalt every day.
On the dark nights, Kaine would take her riding on Amaris. Sometimes they would fly to other islands together, but no matter where she went, Enid never wanted friends.
The bright spot of her life was the two weeks each summer when the family travelled to the Northern mainland, to visit Lila and Pol in the port city.
“Why do you have holes in your wrists?” Enid asked. “No one else has holes like that.”
Helena’s chest tightened as she looked down. She was usually careful to cover them, but she’d been distracted and pushed her sleeves up to work. Eight years was a long time to hide anything from a nosy child.
“No, there’s not many people who have them,” she said quietly. “During the war, people thought they could win if the other side didn’t have their resonance, so they tried to find ways to make it go away. And—these holes were one of the ideas they had.”
“Did it make your resonance go away?” Enid leaned closer, peering at them.
Helena pressed her lips together and nodded. “It did.”
“But it’s back now?”
Helena nodded. “Your dad got it back for me. It was a long time ago, but some scars don’t ever go away. They look funny, don’t they?”
Enid reached out and touched one inquisitively. “Did you get captured in the war?”
Helena’s throat closed. She stepped away, going to the cupboard and tucking a tablet into her mouth and quickly drinking a glass of water. She’d known these conversations would come up eventually. Enid was getting too old to keep avoiding them, especially given how desperate she was to go to Paladia and study alchemy like Pol, who’d just begun his first year at the Institute.
“Yes,” she finally said. “I was captured for a while, and it wasn’t very nice, so that’s why I decided to run away and have you instead. It’s been much more fun.”
Kaine entered the room, and Helena stiffened.
“E,” she said, “do you mind running to the village and getting some cheese for dinner? We’re all out.”
Enid hopped up, curly hair flying, and disappeared out the door.
“What’s wrong?” Kaine asked as soon as Enid was gone.
“Enid noticed the scars from the manacles just now,” Helena said without meeting his eyes.
“What did you tell her?”
Helena inhaled. “As much as I thought she was ready to know. I didn’t lie.”
Kaine just arched an eyebrow. Helena set her jaw and went over to a shelf and pulled down a newspaper.
“A crate of them arrived today,” she said. “I was looking through and this was there.”
She lifted the paper. War Criminal Found Drowned in Hevgoss.
Kaine’s eyes gleamed.
Helena looked down, studying the words. “It was Stroud. She was found in a lake. She appeared to have had a heart attack while swimming. Hevgoss is facing questions—apparently they took her in and gave her immunity in exchange for her research. Which is ironic given all those trials they presided over, where every guard was found guilty. But apparently the worst of them was quietly pardoned.”
There was a brief silence.
“Pity someone didn’t kill her,” Kaine finally said.
“Someone did,” Helena said in a voice that was almost a hiss.
Kaine stared at her blankly.
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
Kaine gave a low sigh, and when he looked up, the sharpness of him reemerged like a raw blade.
The version of himself that he wore perfectly on the island whenever Enid could see him—softness, crooked smiles, quiet monologues. It all vanished, and now he was real again. As cold and gleaming as razor-edged steel.
“Why would you do this?” Helena said, feeling as if there were a chasm inside her. “Haven’t we done enough? Why would you take a chance like this? Did you even think about what would happen if you’d been caught—”
“I was careful,” he said, not defending himself at all. “Did you really think I was going to let her live?”
Helena tried to swallow. She’d spent the day working to keep her heart under control, but she was too upset to manage her distress. “You lied to me. It was when we were at the ports, wasn’t it? When you said you had to go take care of some financial matter, but this is what you were doing. Now every time you go—anywhere—I’m going to wonder where you really are. And worry that you’re never going to come back to me—”
Her voice broke.
Kaine reached for her, but she stepped away from him. Pressing her hand against her chest, trying to keep her heart steady so she could keep talking, keep being angry. She was so angry.
“Is this not enough for you? Is having this life so dissatisfying that revenge is worth the risk?” Her eyes were burning. “In a few years, we’re going to have to tell Enid who you were. She’s going to go to school soon, and even here in Etras, she’ll hear about the war and hear your name. We both know exactly where she’s going to end up, and there will be no hiding the things you did. It’s going to shatter her world—even if she hears it from you first.”
Kaine’s jaw clenched. “I—”
“We don’t get to have all the things we want in this life. Remember? You were the one who told me that. You said there was a point when I had to realise I wasn’t going to get everything I wanted, and I had to choose and let it be enough. I thought we chose this. Have I been lying to myself this whole time?”
Her lungs started spasming so violently, an awful whistling rasped up her throat.
“She deserved to die after what she did to you.” His voice was unrelenting, unapologetic. “I couldn’t leave her once I knew where she was hiding.”
She shook her head. “You shouldn’t have looked. You should have left it alone.”
She glared at him for a moment longer and then burst into tears. “I’m so glad she’s dead.”
Kaine took two rapid steps and caught her before she could back away, her fingers curled, gripping his shirt.
“I hope she suffered, but I didn’t want it to be you—why is it always you?” She buried her face in his chest. “I hated her. I hated her so much. I’m so glad she’s dead.”
“I know,” he said, his arms wrapping around her. “She’s gone now. There won’t be anyone else.”
Ten Years Later
They stood, fingers entwined, as the last cloud of smoke from the steamship vanished.
“It’s just the two of us now,” Helena said wistfully.
Kaine was silent, silver eyes trained on the sea, as if he could still make out the ship over the curve of the horizon.
She squeezed his hand. “You realise why she’s going, don’t you?”
Kaine winced. “Yes…”
Helena rested her head on his shoulder. “I suppose it was inevitable. Letting things go isn’t really a trait of ours.”
He snorted. “I’ve had my moments at least. You, on the other hand…”
She laughed, looking up at him. His hair was still dyed brown, and she was surprised by how often she missed the silver-white. A few more years and he could probably stop dyeing it. However, his eyes were still the same. No matter how long she studied them, there always seemed to be nuances in the way the colour shifted, the glimmers of emotion that showed through.
When he looked down at her, the world around them faded away.
Her stomach flipped. “So, what do we do now?”
The corner of his mouth curved into a smile that had only ever been for her. “Anything. Whatever you want.”
Epilogue
Julius 1808
The river ferry churned up the winding river, reaching the final bend and revealing Paladia to those aboard. The audible gasps gave away those who had never seen the famous city before.
It gleamed like a giant crown laid in the river, framed by towering mountains.
At the front of the ship, a young woman with large silver-grey eyes watched the city draw near, barely able to tear her eyes away as the ferry made port and passengers began to disembark.
She paused at the top of the gangplank, searching the crowd for a familiar face.
“Enid!” called a voice.
Several people turned to see former paladin Lila Bayard running towards the ship, her son Apollo behind her, and a few guards all trying to keep up.
Lila reached Enid first and crushed her into a hug before stepping back.
“Look at you. It’s been too long.” Lila dropped her voice down. “I was afraid I wouldn’t recognise you, but you look so much like your mum.”
Enid smiled. “Yes,” she said in a faint Etrasian accent. “Father always says that.”
Lila shook her head. “I can’t believe they finally let you come. I thought they’d want you to keep studying in Khem, but I’m so excited that we’re going to have you in the program.”
Enid gave a sly smile. “Well, they knew I always wanted to study at the Institute. The apprenticeships in Khem are done differently—it’s primarily metallurgical there.”
Lila reached back and dragged Pol, who’d been awkwardly hanging behind, into the conversation. Enid’s and Pol’s eyes met for only an instant before darting away.
“Well, I wish they’d let you come sooner.” Lila sighed. “Your academic qualities would have been extremely helpful here. Pol has unfortunately inherited the poor study habits of his father and me, and that’s why he had to take a pyromancy certification exam twice.”
Pol turned bright red. “That was only on the written portion and that was years ago,” he muttered. “I passed it.”
“You’re supposed to run the Alchemy Institute someday. How is anyone going to take you seriously with transcripts like yours?” Lila said. “We’re lucky to have Enid here now. She’ll give us some proper academic legitimacy.”
Lila looked over to one of the guards. “Send her bags to Solis Splendour. We’re going to take the scenic route back to the Institute.”
A motorcar wound through the city, spiralling slowly up from the ports into the upper levels, headed north. It stopped at a plaza with a large open area. There were several tall columns encircling a statue.
Lila hesitated a moment and then began to open the door. “You should see this,” she said, stepping out. “It’s new, only finished a few weeks ago.”
There was a small crowd present, and most people drew back for the approaching party as Lila led the way to the centre.
The statue was of a Resistance soldier in combat armour and rappelling harness. At his feet were the words Gone but Not Forgotten.
The columns were smooth marble, filled with names. Apollo Holdfast, Lucien Holdfast, Soren Bayard, Sebastian Bayard, Eddard Althorne, Jan Crowther, Titus Bayard…they went on and on.
Lila stood looking around them. “This was where the nullium bomb went off. One of the last places rebuilt, because it was so difficult to protect from the contamination. I wanted a memorial for everyone who died during the war, and this is where they put it. I think I like it, but…maybe nothing ever feels like it’s enough. What do you think?”
Enid shrugged, but her sharp eyes were rapidly scanning the columns. “I’ve never seen a war memorial before. I don’t know exactly how they’re supposed to make you feel.”
Lila inhaled. “I don’t know, either, I just hoped it would be more—”
Before Lila could finish her thought, a woman grasped hold of Enid’s arm, pulling her towards her. “Helena?”
Enid turned to stare at the stranger, a woman with long scars sliced across her face.
The woman cut herself off, snatching her hand back. There was a small puncture straight through her wrist. “No. No, of course not. I’m sorry. I thought you were someone I knew.”
Lila turned, and her lips trembled briefly before she spoke. “Penny, this is Enid Romano; she’s come here to join the undergraduate vivimancy program. Pol and I were giving her a tour.”
Penny stared at Enid for a moment longer, her eyebrows knitting together. “Oh.” Her voice was strained. “I’m sorry, I probably scared you, grabbing you like that. From behind you looked just like someone I knew. Lila, doesn’t she look like Helena?”
Enid’s expression was blank, and she glanced questioningly at Lila.
Lila squinted as if trying to see what Penny was referring to. “It’s the hair, I think.” Lila looked at Enid. “Helena Marino, she was part of the Resistance, but she died before the Liberation.”
Enid looked back at Penny. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
Penny stood staring at Enid as if she were a ghost for another moment before she turned away.
They were scarcely alone for a moment before another voice interrupted.
“Lila, there you are, I haven’t seen you here since the memorial opened.”
A grimace flashed across Lila’s face before she forced a smile and turned. “Mrs. Forrester, what an unexpected pleasure.”
The woman was middle-aged and breathing heavily. “What’s this I hear about the Holdfasts being back at their old antics of importing foreign students?”
The smile on Lila’s face vanished. She straightened, taking full advantage of her height. “Enid was a celebrated student in Khem, and she’s submitted a promising proposal on the use of vivimancy arrays for treating lung damage. The Institute invited her here to support her research because several of the illnesses associated with the nullium bombing still lack effective treatment.”
