Arcane Inc.: Books 1-4 (Arcane Inc. Box Set), page 47
“Hang on. There’s an imp who has sway over the government?” I asked, thinking back to the scraps of information I’d picked up about the race.
“Why is that so hard for you to believe?”
“I thought imps were only a step above gnomes in terms of respect down here?” I said. That’s what the books had said anyway.
Panomie snorted. “I don’t know where you heard that. Imps are a high race. One of the highest. Second only to the fay. The government is made up almost entirely of fay and imps.”
“Our lore needs updating,” I said to Ashley as we stepped outside.
“Well that’s not what I was expecting,” I said out loud. We were standing at the top of some long stone steps the same marble as the building we’d just come from. At the bottom was a vast city with buildings more fancy than anything London had to offer. Towers of stone twisted high up into the sky; I mean the stone literally twisted like a helter-skelter. Some buildings hung apparently with no help in the sky and with no discernible way of reaching them. Carriages were flying around above us, pulled by creatures moving too fast to make out. I had thirteen years of experience with magic and supernatural creatures but this put even me at a loss for words, and trust me that is no easy feat.
“What were you expecting?” asked Panomie, looking up at me with one bushy eyebrow raised quizzically.
“Something dirtier,” I replied.
“This is just the capital. There are far dirtier places in this realm. You’ll see soon enough.”
“How does the sun get down here?” I asked, noting the sky shining brilliantly above us. “I thought this realm was underground?”
“It’s just called the lower realms it isn’t actually low down. And that sun is not your sun, it’s our sun. Our realm is parallel to yours,” explained Panomie.
“So, we’re basically in a completely different world right now?” asked Ashley. She didn’t look too pleased about this revelation.
“Yes.”
“But I thought gnomes dug tunnels to and from their world?” I said. “That’s why you’re always so dirty, isn’t it?” He gave me a displeased look.
“Don’t believe everything you read in your little books. Gnomes cannot dig between worlds. We can open portals in the ground. That’s probably where that myth comes from. We don’t actually go into the ground.”
“So why do you always have mud on you?” said Ashley.
“Because that’s what Barbichu wanted. He wanted me to correlate with the human mythology. All part of the show he said.”
“But why? Why put on a show at all? Why the whole marriage charade? Why not just take the children at first sight and not put on a show at all?” Ashley demanded angrily. Her anger had come out of nowhere and had taken even me by surprise. I could understand why she was angry though. The whole scheme seemed unnecessary and did little more than mess with people’s heads. I supposed that was what Barbichu wanted; to mess people up mentally.
“Gnomes are unable to take children without their consent,” said Panomie. He looked a little ashamed by this fact as if it revealed some sort of great weakness in him.
“Why?” Ashley demanded, not relenting in her assault. I accepted it as one of this weird magical rules, like vampires not being able to enter a private residence without an invitation. Ashley did not.
“I don’t know,” he said exasperatedly.
“Why the dirt though? Why did Barbichu want you to play up the gnome digging myth? Why did he insist on using marriage as a consent? Why didn’t he just take the children himself once you’d found them?”
“Because he’s weird!” snapped Panomie. “I don’t know. I’ve had enough of your questions! We need to save my son!” He started hopping down the steps angrily and we followed him. We had to walk at an annoyingly slow pace to avoid overtaking him.
“Don’t forget my cousin,” Ashley warned him. “She’s why I’m here. And it’s your fault she’s here. So I don’t really care about your son.”
“Noted,” he said without bothering to look at her.
We reached the bottom of the stairs and he cast his hand up releasing a yellow light into the sky. Within seconds one of the brightly painted wooden carriages swooped out of the sky and stopped before us and I got the chance to see what was pulling them. It was a hideously beautiful creature. I know that makes no sense but allow me to explain. It was a woman with a stunning body and most of it was on show, only her most intimate places were covered. She was wearing a a small pair of golden knickers and a thin layer of fabric covered her breasts. That was it. Her skin was incredibly pale and her dark purple eyes really stood out against it. Her nose was long and pointy and her black-lipped mouth was thin and open revealing very sharp silver teeth. Her slender hands were tipped with black talons as were feet. She was the only creature I’d seen so far that was human-sized. And from her back were two humungous black feathered wings. She was bound to the carriage by a heavy looking white chain that was wrapped around her flat stomach. She did not look happy about it but she made no attempt to free herself.
“What is that?” asked Ashley. The creature glared at her but did not speak.
“Harpy,” muttered Panomie as the carriage door opened itself and he climbed up into it.
“I thought they were vicious creatures?” I said. I’d heard of them but never seen one. According to Rachel if you saw a harpy you were unlikely to survive the experience even though she claimed to have survived several such encounters.
“They are. The city council found a way to subdue them. Something about the chains,” he said. Of course. It was always the chains. It was peculiar to imagine a council for a city of magical creatures. If I wasn’t on a rather urgent task I would’ve quite liked to meet them.
I let Ashley climb in first and then I followed. The carriage was obviously not made for human use. It was quite low down and I had to stoop over to get through the door. It was not so bad on the inside. Despite the low ceiling, that my head was pretty much grazing, it was a spacious carriage and even had a minibar. Ashley and I sat on one side facing the back and Panomie sat opposite us. He took a handful of gems out of his pocket and dropped them into a black tray attached to the door. The gems disappeared and the carriage jerked into motion jolting me and Ashley forwards. As it tilted up into the air we fell right off our seats and tumbled onto the carriage floor. Panomie said nothing and offered us no help. I was pretty sure I heard him make a noise that sounded an awful lot like a laugh as well. The carriage stabilised itself in the air and we managed to get up and return to our seats.
“I’d grab some food if I were you,” Panomie said and gestured to the mini-bar. “It’s going to be a long journey.”
28
Panomie was not lying. The journey dragged on for hours and after a while I was starting to wonder if it was even worth it. Surely by the time we got there Leah would be dead. It couldn’t take that long for Barbichu to whip up a cure for his curse and add Leah’s blood to it. I had to hope he did take a long time though. If Leah died I was certain that Ashley would leave my life permanently this time.
I had a look in the minibar and recognised nothing. There was a long skinny thing that looked suspiciously like a chocolate covered finger and I’m not talking about the Cadbury’s kind. There was another thing that looked like a slug decorated with hundreds and thousands. Neither of those looked particularly appetising. My eyes found what appeared to be a sausage roll and I picked it up and held it to my nose. It had an odd scent, sort of like a wet dog mixed with burger sauce. I was pretty hungry so I opened my mouth but stopped when I saw Panomie wincing from his side of the carriage.
“What is it?” I asked warily.
“Dranbear,” he said plainly. “Pastry covered fay innards.”
I put the dranbear back at once and wiped my hands on the velvet seat. “I thought the fay were in charge of this place, who would dare cook them in pastry?”
“It is considered a great honour to devour them. When they die their innards are harvested by the royal bakery. Except for the royal family of course. Only royalty get to eat them.”
“Naturally,” I said sarcastically trying to keep an open mind. Us humans have odd customs too.
“Personally I’d rather eat my own eyes than touch the innards of a dead fay,” he said haughtily.
“What’s your problem with them?” Ashley asked.
“My kind have been oppressed by theirs for centuries. Them and the imps. It’s about time somebody turned things around.”
“Yeah, alright little fellow. We’re not here to support your political agenda. Let’s stay focused on the task at hand,” I said. It was bad enough that I had all that human politics to deal with back home with Clara and Richards and whatnot, the last thing I needed was fairy politics too. Panomie glared at me and then turned away.
I looked out the window a few times but all I could see were colourful blurs. Panomie explained that the harpy had additional magic which enabled it to travel at super-speed. I wondered how long the journey would have taken otherwise.
“How old is your son now?” I asked. It had suddenly occurred to me that had his son been taken thirty years ago he couldn’t possibly still be a child.
“Forty-eight,” Panomie replied after a brief pause. “But we age differently to humans. We live longer so we age slower.”
“So, how old would he be to me?”
“A forty-eight year old gnome would be about the equivalent of a 16-year-old human.”
“Have you seen him at all since he was taken?” I asked.
Panomie shook his head. “No.”
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I meant it too. He might have done dastardly things but he didn’t deserve to be separated from his son for so long.
When the carriage did come to a halt and we stepped outside our new surroundings were vastly different to the city we’d come from. We were standing on a beach with grey sand and dark water lapping at it’s shore. I turned and saw that we had been delivered to the bottom of a very tall cliff which was also grey in colour.
“Well this place is just delightful,” I said.
“Welcome to the land of the imps,” Panomie said with satisfaction. “The opposite of everything the fay is. And yet they still got accepted and exalted.”
“Bitter much?” Ashley snarked.
“Why are we here?” I said.
“Because that,” he said and pointed a large pipe in the bottom of the cliff. “Is the only way we’re going to get into Barbichu’s fortress undetected.”
“Really? The sewage pipe?” It was a bit predictable as far as I was concerned.
“It’s not a sewage pipe it’s a service entrance. All his servants come and go via this tunnel. It’s the only entrance that won’t set off alarms if un-high races go through.”
“Un-high races?”Ashley repeated.
“Anything that isn’t pure fay or imp,” said Panomie.
“Still looks like a sewage pipe to me,” I muttered to Ashley. She nodded in agreement and then we both went after Panomie.
He stopped in the entrance and turned back to us.
“Are we going in or not?” I asked.
“I need to give you something first. Humans can’t get into the cages so only I’ll be able to rescue the children. You two will need to fight Barbichu and you’ll need a weapon to kill him with. I doubt your magic alone will manage the task.” He reached round the back of his dungarees and pulled out a rather long dagger. The hilt was twisted black leather, plain and boring. The blade was dark metal and about eight inches long, probably longer. “One of the reasons the fairy races don’t like us gnomes is because we’re impervious to iron. None of them can say the same. The higher the fairy species the more iron hurts them. This dagger is solid iron. It won’t just inhibit Barbichu’s magic, it will kill him.” He held the dagger up for me to take but before I could Ashley snatched it away.
“If anybody is going to kill him it’s going to be me,” she said and after turning the weapon over in her hands she slipped it inside her boot. “Lead the way.”
The tunnel was long and completely straight. We travelled in silence until we came to a grey stone wall with a dark wooden door in it. Panomie took hold of the black ring handle and yanked it open. Ashley and I both watched him struggle with its weight. I suspected that she took as much satisfaction from it as I did. The other side of the door was just as dark as outside only neater. The walls were tidy grey bricks and were lined with magical orbs of light that showed the way.
“Is this his house?” I asked. Getting in had been incredibly easy.
“It’s not a house. It’s a fortress,” Panomie replied. “Stay quiet and follow me. If anyone stops us let me do the talking.”
Once again he led the way. The hallway was just as long as the tunnel had been, it felt like it would never end. Several times we passed other gnomes were carrying out their daily duties. Not a single one of them stopped us or even spoke, though a few did give us funny looks. Panomie explained that they were used to seeing him bring humans here, although never adults before. He stopped when the hallway broke in two separate directions.
“Here’s where we part. I’ll go this way to get the children,” he pointed at the righthand passage. “And you go that way. It should take you right to the main hall. From there take the small door behind the curtain at the back. It’ll lead you to his private quarters where you’ll find him.”
“And why can’t we go get the children and you fight Barbichu?” Ashley asked. Panomie had already explained that humans could not get into the cages but Ashley obviously wanted more of an explanation. It was understandable. Why should she entrust a gnome who was responsible for over six-hundred kidnaps to rescue her cousin?
“Because I am not strong enough to beat him and despite your objections the two of you are. And because you cannot get to the cages. They are spelled to keep humans from passing through the door on account of the fact that it’s where he keeps humans locked up. Only I can get in.”
“Alright then. But you better get Leah out of there safely. Don’t wait about for us. Once you get her you take her straight back to the portal and take her home. Understood?” said Ashley. I wasn’t too keen on being left behind but I knew better than to argue.
“Yes,” Panomie said with chagrin. Obviously he did not appreciate being given orders. I would’ve thought he’d be used to it, being from a servant race and all.
“Come back for us, though. We need to get back to our world too,” I said.
“Once my son is safe I will return for you. Assuming you don’t die fighting Barbichu. That is our arrangement,” he said. Then we went our separate ways. We followed yet another annoyingly long hallway until we came to a brown door.
“This must be the main hall,” I said to Ashley and pushed the door open only to find another hallway. “For fuck’s sake,” I muttered and stomped through.
“How long is this fortress?” said Ashley. She had a point, so far we’d travelled in only one direction. The door closed itself behind us which was somewhat unsettling but we ignored it and carried on. Finally we saw a set of double doors ahead and I knew that they had to lead to the main hall. I sped up and that’s when we heard Barbichu’s voice. Loud and gleeful, filling the hallway around us.
“I am surprised to see the two of you,” he said loud and clear. “I never imagined you were clever enough to find your way to this realm let alone find my little corner of it.”
“Little?” I exclaimed.
“We just want my Leah. Give her back and we’ll leave,” said Ashley.
“Oh, come now, Ashley-Washley-Bashley. We both know that isn’t true. Even without being there with you I can sense the murder in your mind. You aren’t going to leave without killing me. Just a shame you don’t have it in you.”
“Come and face us and test that theory,” she challenged.
He laughed shrilly. “I’ll tell you what. You come and find me and then we’ll test the theory together.”
“Tell us where you are and we’ll come to you then,” I said.
“Eddie-Teddie! I was wondering when you’d find your voice, you were being uncharacteristically silent. It’s easy enough to find me I’m just on the other side of those doors in front of you.” As soon as he said the words the doors disappeared. “Or are they behind you? Or above you? Or are they in front of you after all?” Each time he spoke the doors moved to the location he said. “I can never remember. See you soon.” And then he spoke no more.
Ashley pointed up at the ceiling and I looked up and saw where the doors now sat. So he had a moving fortress. Terrific.
“I’ll give you a leg up,” I offered and then knelt down. Ashley placed her foot in my joined hands and I slowly rose up lifting her with me. She wobbled about like jelly but didn’t complain. I watched as she reached out for the door handle and just as her fingers reached it the ceiling rose up pulling the doors away.
“Fuck!” she screamed. A sentiment I shared. I lowered her down and as she dropped the ceiling did so too. I wasn’t going to fall for that trick. I lowered Ashley gain and she jumped onto the floor.
“What now?” I asked. She stared at me as if to say “How should I know?” I opened my palm and conjured a small ball of magic that shot up at the doors. They disappeared and the ball hit the ceiling disappearing into it. I waited for the doors to reappear but they did not. Typical. Now there were no doors; I’d scared them off.
“There,” Ashley pointed. I turned and saw that they were now in the wall behind me. I ran at them and ended up running face first into a brick wall. That hurt. We spent several minutes chasing the doors around and trying various things to get through them before I finally had a brain wave.
“The lights,” I said, indicating the orbs placed along the walls. “They must be powered by magic. I’d bet that the fortress has its own source of magic.”
