“No, I’m not.” She sighed and rolled her eyes, ran her hand over her hair, and gave me an exasperated look. “Listen, I just don’t think us talking right now is a good idea. I mean, really, do you?”

  She had never faltered in her words to me. She had always been articulate and intelligent. “Well, yes, I do think it’s a good idea. I think you owe me an explanation for the way you left, Anastasia.” There it was out, and I couldn’t take it back. That wasn’t how I had wanted to say it, but it worked all the same.

  She turned to me with all trace of good humor gone. “No, Ross, I do not owe you any explanation. You are a married man, remember? We were no more than an office hookup, and an occasional weekend hookup. So, you took me out on the town—no more than you’d do for an expensive call-girl. So, no, I do not owe you an explanation.” She pulled away from my light grip and stomped off toward the elevators.

  My heart was crushed. Had she really felt that way about all I had done for her? That I considered her no more than an expensive call-girl? Where had I gone so wrong with her?

  Taking an elevator, I tried to catch up to her, but she was gone by the time I reached the parking lot. Her employees who were still packing up one of the catering trucks, would not give me a shred of information about their boss. In a way, I was glad—that meant they wouldn’t be apt to give out personal information about her to anyone, and that was good. On the other hand, I was furious. Couldn’t they see that I loved her, or I would not have been out there begging for information about her?

  Finally, one of the younger women said, “Hey, mister. Don’t worry about it. She wasn’t really giving you the brush-off, she just had to go pick up her kid at the sitters. She’ll be home in a little while. Call her.” She jumped into the truck and the driver drove away.

  Looking from W&P to the road and back again, I tried to digest what the girl had just told me. Anastasia had a kid.

  That sealed the deal. There was no way she would come back to me. She already had her life, her family, in Kansas. Her business was doing well. What more could she want? Definitely not a reminder of an office hookup, as she had so indelicately put it.

  I went back to the party, making excuses and apologies for running out. I wooed the guests and drowned my aching heart with too much booze.

  That night, I slept it off in a hotel with a call-girl, a hooker, if you will. Not my finest moment, but what did I have to lose? Not Anastasia. She was obviously already long gone and out of my reach for good.

  As Candy left the next morning, I realized that I had been living restricted since Anastasia left. I had lived as if I thought she would be back. I had taken lovers, but none of those relationships were anything other than sex for the sake of sex. I am still a man and I needed sex to remain healthy and partially content.

  Besides, Anastasia had taken at least one lover—she had a kid to prove that point.

  All day, I kept seeing images of Anastasia naked, riding some crude, dirty cowboy type. It was the setting, I’m sure. The Midwest landscapes. The images in my head unlocked all the pent-up anger and hurt that I had kept locked away for nearly four years.

  The hotel room never stood a chance. I destroyed it in a fit of rage and jealousy.

  I have never been jealous of anyone in my entire life. Until that moment. I was horribly jealous over Anastasia. She had been mine. No one else had a right to see her naked, to touch her delicious curves, or taste the sweet nectar of her sex.

  My flight back to Massachusetts was set to depart the next morning but I stayed in Kansas. I wasn’t sure what I planned to accomplish other than paying for the damage I had caused to the hotel room. Leaving without talking to Anastasia was not an option for me at that point.

  I would find her, and we would talk it out until I was satisfied.

  Chapter 7

  (Anastasia)

  Thinking that Ross had surely returned to Massachusetts, my surprise was great when, a week after the event at W&P, I answered a knock at my front door to find Ross standing there.

  With Leslie on my hip, I gawked at him. His sexy five-o’clock shadow had grown grizzled and made him seem haggard. His eyes were bloodshot and had dark circles under them. I had dark circles of my own from not sleeping well the last week. His unexpected appearance at the event had reawakened my feelings for him. Feelings that I had just gotten somewhat under control in the last few months.

  We stared at each other for several seconds, both speechless.

  Leslie put her hands on my face and turned me toward her. “Who that, Mommy?” She pointed one, tiny finger at her father.

  Tears sprang to my eyes. “His name is Ross, honey.” I had never thought the day would come when all three of us were in the same room together. Father, mother, daughter. And I was the only one who knew. I could keep the secret from both of them, or I could share it. I was torn over what to do.

  Ross stuck out his hand and smiled, it was Leslie’s smile. “Hello, little lady. I’m Ross. What’s your name?”

  Would he recognize his eyes and his smile mirrored back at him from his daughter’s face?

  “Leslie. Leslie LeighAnn Penland.” She shook his hand, giggling.

  “It’s nice to make your acquaintance, Leslie LeighAnn Penland.” He chuckled and looked back to me.

  “I’m sorry, Ross, but I’m really very—”

  “Very busy. I can see that you are, Anastasia. I just want to talk for a few minutes and then I’ll leave you two lovely ladies to the rest of your day.” He winked at Leslie and she giggled again. He smiled broadly.

  Casting about in my mind for excuses, I found none. It was either let him in and get it over with, or possibly have to deal with him again at a later date, which I surmised would only be worse for all of us.

  “Fine. But only for a few minutes. It’s nearly time for an afternoon nap, isn’t it, Leslie?” I nuzzled her cheek.

  “No!” She laughed and covered her cheek.

  “Oh, but, yes, it is.” I let her down to run and play in the den, where most of her favorite toys were kept and then motioned Ross inside. “Let’s sit in the dining room. Would you like something to drink?”

  “Water would be fantastic. I feel like I’ve tried to swallow the Gobi Desert all of a sudden.” He chuckled shortly.

  He was nervous. I was glad. It helped cover my own nervousness. I got us both bottled waters and showed him to the dining room. “What’s on your mind, Ross?”

  Eyeing the room and what he could see of the property, he said, “You’ve done well for yourself. Or, your husband and you have done well, I should say.” He nodded toward the den, indicating Leslie.

  “There’s no husband. And, thank you. I’ve tried.” How long would it take him to inquire about Leslie’s age? How long before something she said or did, made him think of himself? With him sitting across from me, I wasn’t so sure that I ever wanted to tell him the truth, but I was also unsure what explanation I would give Leslie when she was older. She would have questions about her father, naturally, but what answers could I possibly give her? That he was an unknown? That he was a fling? That he was an office hook-up every now and then? That her mommy was wild back in the day and got pregnant by accident? No. I would have to do better than that.

  “No husband?” His brow wrinkled as he looked back to the den where Leslie was riding a stick-horse back and forth by the doorway.

  I shook my head. “Just me.”

  A bark of laughter escaped him, and he quickly covered it with a fake cough.

  “What? Why do you think that’s funny?” Instantly on the defensive, I sat forward, ready to ask him to leave.

  Waving his hands in mock surrender, he replied, “I don’t. I was just wondering if it was immaculate conception, since there’s no husband.” He grinned roguishly.

  My heart fluttered at that grin. Oh, how far that very same grin had gotten him when I was with him. “No. Being a smartass will get you thrown out quick.” His humor brought a smile, an unwanted one at that, to my face and I took another drink of my water to hide it.

  He sobered and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. It just struck me as funny.”

  Nodding, I set down my water. “So, what is it exactly that brings you unannounced to my door?”

  “I wanted to let you know that I divorced Sheila not even a month after you…left…so suddenly.” He seemed to bite back on the word, as if he had more to add to it but didn’t.

  Tingles covered me from head to toe. “Well, that’s just lovely for you, I guess. But I thought you’d never do it. You said she would get half of everything.” If I had stayed, would he have still divorced her? Had I screwed up by leaving so soon? By not telling him that he was a father? My stomach rolled over.

  “She did. Half of everything that I had while we were married. That’s why I’m opening several new stores, W&P.” His words trailed off.

  “Rebuilding the fortune, eh?” I scoffed. Of course he was. What else would he be doing in Kansas? Searching for me? Not likely.

  Leslie ran in with her stick-horse. “You wanna ride Sally-Jo? I got her for my burfday.” She held out the stick-horse to him and my heart twisted. A sob caught in my throat. To see them interacting was almost more than my rollercoaster emotions could handle.

  “Aren’t you afraid I’ll be too heavy for Sally-Jo? I’d hate to break your birthday present.” He smiled lovingly at her. He seemed so at ease with her. I had never thought of him as the fatherly type. The roguish, rich, playboy type was more fitting with my mental image and memories of him.

  “No, silly, she’s a pretend horsey.” Leslie giggled, tilted her head to the side and for a moment, she and Ross looked so similar. A tear slipped from my eye and I quickly stood, swiped it away, and walked to a window just to have an excuse to turn my back on the scene.

  “Well, how about if I promise to take her for a ride in a little while? I need to finish talking to your mommy right now. Is that okay, Leslie?”

  “Sure. You talk funny.”

  Spinning, I said, “Leslie LeighAnn! That wasn’t nice. Apologize to Mr. Worthington.”

  “His name is Ross.” She held Sally-Jo close in a hug.

  “Apologize to Ross, then.” I wouldn’t allow bad manners. I had taught her better and expected better but I knew she was talking about Ross’s distinct Massachusetts accent.

  She turned to him, looking at his feet. “Sorry, Ross. But you do talk funny.” She ran back toward the den.

  Ross laughed loudly. He held up a hand to me. “It’s okay. It’s my accent, I’m sure.”

  I sat at the table again, suddenly more mentally exhausted than I had been since finding out I was pregnant with Leslie.

  “Why did you leave, Anastasia?” His voice was low, deep, and touched my heart. “You must have known that I loved you.”

  “Loved me? No, I did not know. Never even suspected. You were married and carrying on an office romance with the new girl, Ross. That’s not what I would call love.” I didn’t realize I was yelling until Leslie ran to me and held up her arms.

  I picked her up, fighting tears again, fighting the urge to yell more at Ross. How could I have ever known he was even thinking of love? It’s not like he ever told me. The real reason it angered me so much to hear it from him was that I had been falling in love with him just before I left. Had he told me how he felt, I might have stayed. Our family might not have been separated.

  “How could you think otherwise?” His voice was full of tension, he was keeping it cool because of Leslie.

  “Mommy, I love you!” She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed tightly.

  “I love you, too, sweetie. Always and forever.” I hugged her back.

  Ross stood. “I had planned on telling you the day I gave you the coat. I wanted it to be a special weekend away from everything and everybody when I bared my heart.” He waved a hand over his head. “But then, you were gone. And now…” His eyes cut to Leslie and he stopped speaking.

  There it was. The proverbial lightbulb had just turned on in his head. I held my breath and stood, holding Leslie tight and staring at him over her head.

  He looked at me, his mouth dropped open and then it shut. He did this a few times, looking like a fish out of water. Pulling out the chair, he sat again. He pointed to Leslie and raised his eyebrows in question.

  “What, Ross?” I wasn’t giving up the information just yet. At that moment, I was more scared than I had ever been.

  “Anastasia, is she?” There was a sadness in his voice.

  “It’s Leslie’s nap time, Ross.” I hurried up the stairs. Leslie waved to him over my shoulder.

  “Bye, Ross.” I felt her wave at him and I heard the sob catch in his throat as I cleared the last riser and disappeared from his sight.

  Chapter 8

  (Anastasia)

  Back downstairs, I stood opposite Ross, the table between us.

  Without looking at me, he asked, “How old is Leslie?”

  It was time to come clean about it. With no delay, I answered, “She just turned three.”

  Ross sat quietly for a moment, looked at me, and nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me, Anastasia?” The anger I had expected, was absent. Instead, he looked sadder than the saddest man on earth. The circles under his eyes were suddenly darker, his cheeks hollower, the set of his shoulders more dejected.

  “How could I, Ross? You were married and had told me that you’d never give her a divorce. How was I to know you’d even care?”

  “Because I did care! I do care! I still love you, Anastasia. All these years, I haven’t been able to keep you off my mind.” He made a mournful sound and rubbed his face. “I have a daughter?”

  He looked to me for confirmation. I nodded tightly.

  “I have a daughter.” His eyes brimmed with tears. “We have a daughter. A beautiful, intelligent, little daughter, Anastasia.”

  “Yes, I suppose we do.” Tears slipped down my cheeks.

  Still half-expecting him to become irate at some point, I was happy to learn that he was only upset that he had not told me of his true feelings sooner. He very much wanted to be in my and Leslie’s lives.

  ***

  (Ross)

  Finding out that I had a daughter…well, that changed the world for me. I was in love with Anastasia, but I loved her even more after learning that she had given birth to our child. There was no way I was going back to live in Massachusetts.

  Visiting Anastasia and Leslie every chance I had over the next two months, I was the happiest I ever remember being in my life.

  One evening, after a lovely homemade dinner with my two ladies, we were in the backyard drinking coffee as Leslie played with Sally-Jo. The sun was setting, casting amber hues all across the land. Anastasia had never looked more beautiful to me than she did sitting there with windblown hair and dressed in jeans and a tee-shirt.

  “Anastasia?” I set my coffee aside.

  “Yes?” Her voice held a dreamy tone as she watched the sunset.

  “I want us to be together.”

  She turned to me, smiling.

  “Forever. I want us to be together forever. I love you. I love our daughter.” I moved closer and leaned in for a kiss.

  “Forever is a very long time, Ross.” She kissed me.

  “I know. I want it to be. I’m not going back to Massachusetts. I’ve already looked into buying property right here.”

  “What? How can you not go back? That’s where you conduct all your business from.” Her shocked expression was nearly comical.

  “Where there’s a will, there’s a way. There’s no law that says I have to run my businesses from the Massachusetts location. I can move my base of operations, my headquarters, if you will, right out here eventually. Until then, I can manage with the occasional trip out there, I believe.” Hoping she would have more to say about it than what she had, I waited.

  Studying me for several long moments, she finally turned her attention back to the westering sun and our Leslie. It was an iconic picture forever burned into my mind’s eye. Leslie with her long black hair flying out behind her as she rode the stick-horse and laughed. The multi-colored sky with the sun riding low toward the horizon setting the whole landscape ablaze with hues of orange, red, and yellow.

  Taking out my cell phone, I snapped a few quick pictures of the scene and then recorded a video. Without realizing it, I had just been introduced to the wonders and love of fatherhood. The need to snap pictures, capture precious moments had just been born in me and would never die.

  Chapter 9

  (Anastasia)

  Ross didn’t get his answer that day. The way I saw it, he never really asked me a question. He was only doling out statements.

  We started dating like a real couple the next week, though. We had play dates with Leslie and then we had our dates, just for us. My life was coming back together. My family was coming together.

  It’s not like I made plans for marriage, but the possibility is still out there and if I ever do get married, it would be to Ross.

  Watching the sunset became a thing for us as a family. Leslie playing in the big backyard and the sun getting lower and lower as Ross sat with his arm around my shoulders, usually we drank coffee then. We didn’t talk much, just took in the peace and serenity of the day’s end. It was lovely.

  Then, tucking Leslie in for the night became a regular part of our days together and she came to expect a story and a kiss from Ross.

  One night, after he finished reading her a bedtime story, and kissed her goodnight, she looked up at him sleepily and asked, “Are you my daddy, Ross? I want you to be my daddy.”

 

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