Counting Coup, page 21
part #1 of The Benediction of Paul Series
Was that a question or a statement?
“We’re both fine,” Faith said. Her breath floated like fog in the harsh light.
Terence handed Katie to Faith and turned to Karl. “Son, this baby can’t sleep in this frozen apartment. I could keep ice cream in here and it wouldn’t melt. Bring what you need and come home.”
That was a command, not a suggestion.
“We will be fine,” Karl said, neglecting to tell him they kept the heat low because of the cost. Karl looked at Terence. He had a soft sadness around his eyes and a tightness in his jaw. The man appeared conflicted. A slap should have followed.
“Give me a few minutes to warm the car,” Terence said as he turned, dodging the diapers and leaving the apartment.
Faith held Katie close.
“That is not a promising idea.”
“He is not the problem. Judith is,” Karl said, remembering how nice a warm house was.
Karl looked out the window. No, he had not forgotten the abuse at the hands of his stepfather, nor the constant head games Judith played to ensure the abuse reoccurred.
Katie squirmed. Faith set her down.
“Things will get better here,” Faith said as Katie stood holding her leg.
“The other children will be there. Katie needs other children. Already she seems like an observing elder. My siblings are not mean.”
“They are both a problem. We leave if it happens,” Faith said, putting her hands on her hips.
“It will not happen. I am a father now. I can handle this. The farmhouse is enormous. We can keep to ourselves.”
Katie whimpered at the door. Faith went to pick her up and gasped.
“What is wrong?”
She handed Katie to him. The little girl was trembling. Katie’s frozen fingers touched Karl’s face. A slap was less painful. Katie was mobile, but usually, she was tucked in between them, warm and safe. But what if she woke and crawled away from them? Could they take that chance? The thought of finding his child dead caused him to shudder.
“This is not good. She could freeze in the night. We only just set her down. What if we did not wake up?” Karl said.
Faith cupped her hands over Katie’s, blowing warm air over them.
“We could save our money and get a bigger place in a few months. I could work for my father.”
“No, you will not leave our daughter with that woman. I don’t trust her. She may look like a sweet skunk, but she doesn’t tap her feet in warning. I don’t want to be marked as foolish.”
Karl gathered the diapers and baby items.
“Promise me you’ll not leave her alone with either of them,” Faith said.
“I will allow no one to harm her, I swear,” Karl said, stopping and looking at her and the child. Her lips pursed. She wanted to say more. One promise at a time. The bigger fear loomed in the corner. Could he live there with no bruises? Would it be different now? He hoped it would. He would make it so.
The little family entered the farmhouse. Vicky and Vincent clamored around Faith to see Katie.
“Why is she here?” Vicky asked. “Why are these boxes here?”
“Are you coming to stay?” Vincent asked.
“Your father invited us for a visit,” Faith said.
“But I’m the baby,” Vicky said with a stomp of her foot as she crossed her arms and pouted.
“That won’t change,” Karl said.
Chapter 22
What Kind of a Father Are You?
A very great vision is needed and the man who has it must follow it as the eagle seeks the deepest blue of the sky.
Tȟašúŋke Witkó (Crazy Horse). 1840-1877. Tenacious Lakota war leader of the Oglala band and preserver of the traditional way of life of the Lakota people.
The farmhouse was large, and Karl relished the energy of his siblings. The six bedrooms were occupied, but the nursery stood empty. Faith was determined to raise Katie steeped in Lakota tradition, so Katie ate and slept with them.
Spring had arrived and old patterns appeared. Karl sat in the kitchen with Katie, watching the clock. TK had come and gone. His siblings should be getting up, but no sound came from their rooms. Terence was out doing taxes for his many clients.
“This will not end well. I got a bad feeling,” Karl said to Katie, who mashed her banana into the highchair tray.
Karl scooped sugar into his coffee. The clock on the wall ticked. He decided since it was getting late that he should wake them up. He handed Katie a piece of toast, ran upstairs to the boy’s room, and turned on the light. The smell of dirty socks met his nose.
“Rise and shine, guys, hurry. We are running late.”
He darted across the hall to Vicky’s room. He opened the door and stuck his head in. The room had been transformed. Gone were the two beds, replaced by a canopy bed with pink and purple gauze floating from the posts. Her writing desk was a carriage, complete with wooden wheels and a floral sun hood. Her closet looked like an entrance to a castle. Karl stood, mesmerized.
Vicky yelled, shattering the spell. “I’m telling Momma you were in here.”
Karl smirked. “Good. It is time for school. Hurry, or you will be late.”
He ran down the steps, skidding to a halt at the sound of Judith’s voice.
“This is not a nutritious breakfast. Let Grandma fix you something good.”
Heart pounding, he took a step into the kitchen. Katie rolled her banana and toast into balls.
“Morning,” Karl said.
“Mom, what’s for breakfast?” Davy shouted, darting into the kitchen.
“Nothing, now. He got us up too late,” Vicky said.
“There is cereal,” Karl said, getting bowls down.
“I don’t want stinking cereal. I want eggs,” Vicky said.
A chaos of orders filled the kitchen.
“I will fix you pancakes. Sit,” Judith said, getting out the griddle.
“We missed the bus,” Tommy said, looking at the clock.
“Karl will drive you,” Judith said, turning on the stove and placing a bowl on the counter.
“You should have gotten us up earlier,” Vicky said. “You’re mean.”
Karl opened his mouth and swallowed his words and refilled his coffee cup. Katie was fine. Faith’s words, “Don’t leave her alone with your mother,” echoed in his mind. He looked at his coffee cup. Was it safe to drink? He didn’t know.
Pancakes filled plates. Eggs and sausage were added to the mix. This was a far cry from what he and his sisters ate for breakfast. Karl watched the clock; they would be late for school now.
It wasn’t his responsibility to get these kids up and moving. He wondered if Rebecca had felt that way. Her life was on hold because of him and Judith.
The days became familiar. Judith did the bare minimum, as Karl did more. He was waiting for her to turn his efforts into drama. He could hear her saying to Terence, “I only asked that he help since he is living here for free.”
No matter which job he didn’t do, that would be the breaking point. He would argue he was doing other jobs, but it would never be enough. The danger dance had begun.
The door to the office opened, and Karl jumped. He had forgotten to lock it. This was his father’s workspace, which held two desks and a large wooden filing cabinet. Terence had hired Karl to help with his accounting business. Terence would be home in a week from visiting the big ranches north of Elan.
Judith stood in the entryway, her hands on her hips. Her dark eyes narrowed as she looked from Karl to Katie. Karl surveyed the exits, calculating the time and distance to scoop up his daughter and run.
“What are you doing?” Judith asked.
“Working,” Karl answered, shifting in his wooden chair.
“Why is she in here? You know we do not permit children in the office,” Judith said. “I’ll take her.”
“No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’? Am I not allowed?”
“Correct,” Karl said, his mind whirling for a reason that didn’t blame Faith.
“Is she not mine?”
Karl looked at Katie, who sat on the floor, making a line with wooden blocks. There was no mistaking who Katie’s parents were. Her hair was black, straight, her eyes dark, and her skin brown. Judith was trying to say Faith had lied. Karl knew that was not true.
“If she had blue eyes, would you say she was yours?”
“You would curse your own child? What kind of father are you?”
“It is not my eyes that condemn me.”
“I’m not the one who would harm her.”
That stung. “I would not hurt my child.”
Karl stood up, muscles tense like a bowstring.
“She should talk,” Judith stated. “Has God cursed you because of your harsh words to Father Lucian? Are you not worried? She might be deaf or worse, mute. What kind of father are you?”
Karl was concerned, but he knew Katie was not deaf. She just hadn’t spoken. The medicine man they visited said she was speaking. They had both forgotten the language she spoke.
“She will say something when it matters.”
Katie crawled away from the line of toys she had made on the floor.
“She should walk by now. She’s almost one. If you and Faith would stop carrying her everywhere in a cradleboard, she would learn to walk. You suffocate her. Making her cling to your side like woodruff seeds. Children need to run and explore.”
Karl’s fingers curled around the sharpened pencil he was holding.
“What kind of father are you?” Judith said. “A squaw father.”
The tip pressed firmly to the paper snapped. He stood there, amazed. Would she stop at nothing? Go so low as to call him an offensive slur for a Native woman?
“What is wrong with you? Why would you say that? We share the same blood. We are Apsáalooke. What made you hate yourself so much?”
“I lived on the Rez. I saved you from that life. And what have you done? You want to bring those ways here. Run back there.”
She didn’t love the white world, the Catholic religion. She just donned it like a ceremonial cloak.
“This world is not ideal. You hate the white world and yet here you are. I do not understand you.”
“And the Rez is better? Poverty, drunkenness, you are just like your father,” Judith said, her face turning a ruddy brown before she moved into the room, kicking the toys as she advanced.
Katie frowned and scooted out of Judith’s reach.
“No, it is a balance. I pick what is good and balance my life. I look to the future. We need to look before we run and embrace. Endow died, and you ran away. You left us.”
Karl thought he had little, no money, no house. Yet he was rich in love and tribe. They had come to his wedding, to the birth of his daughter. They would welcome him on the Rez.
She ran her hand over the back of the leather chair. “There’s nothing for anyone at your precious Rez. Look where Endow died, drunk, under a tree, alone.”
She never explained why that was true. A man’s not born a drunk. What pain and hurt led him down that path? Was she a victim or part of it?
“You are just like your father.”
“Which one?” Karl hissed. “I do not beat my wife or children.”
Karl glanced at the clock. Noon had not yet arrived. He hoped to finish his work before the chaos of siblings. Not today.
Judith fussed with the spider plant, picking off the dead leaves. “Oh, you will. You can barely handle one. What will happen when there are two?”
He scooped up his daughter and walked out.
Karl and Katie took a long drive.
“Good job. She was just trying to bait you,” Rebecca’s voice in his mind crowed.
His brain pounded with Judith’s toxic words, “What kind of father are you?” He glanced at Katie in the back seat. Beads of sweat on her forehead. Karl rolled down the window. Katie wasn’t walking, and she wasn’t talking. Had he damaged her with this move to the farmhouse?
Should he take her to a doctor? But what would they say? And was it true that Faith was pregnant? Judith’s voice roared loud in his mind. Was it a lie to get him to react? The wind blew warm air through the car.
“Is Momma going to have a baby?” he asked Katie. She giggled and clapped her hands. A thrill ran through him.
He would ask Faith tonight. Two little ones? Fear tickled his conscience. He looked at Katie again, deciding she looked normal. What if he was the reason she didn’t talk?
He could hear Faith scolding him. “There’s nothing wrong with Katie. We will talk to her in our native tongues. She’s Lakota and Apsáalooke, perhaps she doesn’t want to speak English.” Had their efforts confused her?
His joy and fear pulled him in both directions. They might never leave the farmhouse. But they could leave before winter. Karl sighed. Two small children in that hallway apartment, all winter long. He cringed, feeling the walls of his world getting tighter.
If we leave the farmhouse, he would miss his brothers but not his sister. Vicky was constantly telling tall tales that nobody responded to. She blamed Katie for things that the child was not capable of doing. But would Katie? He watched her in the rearview mirror as she played with a rag doll, making it dance as she hummed.
The fields of dusty grain turned to scrub grass and hills. He turned off the highway onto a dirt road. The End of The Road Tavern neon sign caught his eye. It wasn’t on the Rez, but it was damn close. It stood as he imagined the gates of hell did. He was on the Rez, so he drove to Grandma Tiama’s.
He entered the kitchen and was met with the familiar smells of herbs and bread. Katie squirmed to be freed from his arms. Once he placed her down, she crawled to Grandma Tiama, who was in the living room.
“What is troubling you?” Tiama asked, putting down her weaving and letting Katie fuss with the reeds.
“Nothing and everything,” Karl said, picking at the reeds. I want answers to questions not asked.
Tiama laughed.
“I think Faith is pregnant. Why has she not told me? And how come Judith knows? Faith did not confide in her.”
“Faith is worried you’ll not be happy,” Tiama said. “Judith knows because all women know.”
Karl looked at Tiama. He could not say he wanted more. The clan came first, then his needs. He wasn’t interested in being an accountant.
“I am not unhappy. It is that things will be delayed.”
“My goodness. Don’t be in such a rush. What you want will come. This is how it happens.”
Karl scowled. Not the answer he was looking for. He was ready now. Tiama sounded like Father Lucian, telling him to wait and see. How long did he have to wait? How long before he was free to pursue his life or his interests? Would he ever have the time? He sounded like a white man wrapped around the clock.
It was time to go. He didn’t want Faith to worry about where he was, so he kissed Grandma Tiama and took the protesting Katie to the car.
Karl drove, and Katie slept.
He pushed open the front door, and the smell of baked bread and cookies tickled his nose. Book bags and coats stood piled at the entrance. Karl stacked the discarded outerwear into the closet, cleaning up the entryway.
With Katie in his arms, he entered the kitchen. Terence must be coming home, for the fragrance of a pot roast filled the kitchen. TK gestured to the top of the fridge and the plate of cookies.
Karl was grateful for TK’s silent presence and quiet, looking out for them. If he had to leave Katie with someone, it would be TK.
“Thanks for saving us a treat,” Karl said as he placed Katie on the porch bench with a cookie.
TK shrugged his shoulders. They rarely acknowledged Judith’s actions against Karl. What was there to say? Judith liked TK and not Karl. They were no longer in competition for adult approval.
“You are about to graduate. I kind of wish I had waited.”
“You’d looked funny carrying a baby and a diploma,” TK said. “Sister Mary Joseph handed me this. She wants all boys to be priests.”
Karl looked at the scholarship application to Saint Alberic’s College. It was a specific application to the theology department.
“I thought they left for Texas,” Karl said, wondering if he could apply for a scholarship.
“Not her. She wanted to see that we all graduated,” TK said, crumpling the application. “Not interested in a theology degree. I would rather go to law school.”
“Have you told Dad? He would allow it.”
“Do you think so?” TK pulled another folded application out of his pocket. “Dad wants an accountant.” He unfolded the filled-out application and then refolded it.
Karl wasn’t interested in looking at numbers for the rest of his life.
“There is always Tommy, Davy, or even Vincent,” Karl said. “I am helping Dad for now. If you apply and get your basic courses out of the way, you can always change to pre-law in your second year. He will not figure it out until it is too late.”
“You are devious sometimes. And let’s encourage our brothers to be accountants,” TK said with a grin.
“We could groom Vicky, as a backup.”
“The only money sense Vicky has is how much she gets to spend.”
Karl laughed. Vicky must have gotten the white man’s character at birth.
TK shrugged his shoulders and headed inside. Karl sat wondering how he could go to college. Not a chance if he was having a second child. Maybe he could get a monthly stipend as Rebecca did. Perhaps he could work around Faith’s schedule.
Katie and Karl went inside. Both applications were in the trash. He fished them out and folded the blank application for the theology program into his pocket.
He was not rushing things, just making them happen as he headed to the office for an envelope and stamp.
Chapter 23
Unspoken Truth
Everything an Indian does is in a circle because the power of the world always works in circles.
