Just a Little Taste Trilogy BoxSet, page 25
part #1 of Just a Little Taste Series
***
She smiled, watching her daughter dance through the field. They'd been doing this now for a very long time, she didn't really know how long, her daughter just came to her often. It made floating in between worth it. “Mommy, come on!” Her feet lifted and she danced through the grass with her, marveling at the lack of pain.
“Onyx, how does this keep happening?”
She stopped spinning, her lemon yellow skirts swirling around her knees. “Mommy, it's simple. We sleep, and we both dream we're here.” Her little face tipped up and the sun kissed it sweetly.
“How is your Daddy?” Her chest tightened thinking of the man she loved.
“Daddy is... Daddy's sad, Mommy. He cries a lot. Can't you wake up?”
“Baby, I'd give anything to. I don't know how.” Sasha reached for her daughter and enveloped her in her arms, relishing the baby scent she still had about her.
Onyx stroked her cheek. “You open your eyes, Mommy.” She took Sasha's hand in her clammy palm and they walked into the sunset on the horizon. “Just keep walking to me, Mommy. Don't stop following my voice, even if it gets a little dark. Just trust me, Mommy.”
Sasha's throat tightened again, remembering when someone else told her to follow him. “Baby, I'm scared.”
Onyx touched her cheek again. “Don't be, Mommy.”
She nodded bravely, although her lip quivered. “I'll try.”
The dream faded out and being ripped from the warm light hurt worse than anything she'd ever felt. Finally, she sucked in air; it was like being sliced open from the inside. Her eyes flicked open and everything came into focus slowly.
“Sasha?” She heard a voice she knew and it sounded so beautiful, but she couldn't find the source and she wanted to sob against the frustration. “Sasha, Baby, don't cry. I'm right here. You have to stay really still. I'm right here, Beautiful.” A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and she felt herself going under again. The pull of unconsciousness was delicious and she gave in. It hurt too much to stay.
***
He jumped up from the side of the bed and ran for the door. He grabbed the first nurse he found by the collar of her jacket and kissed her cheek. “She woke up!” He cried out, his voice gravelly and rough. It had been a long three months, but she had finally opened her eyes. The nurse patted her hair and flushed.
“Let me get the doctor for you, sir.”
He leaned against the wall and sobbed, doubled over at the waist, his palms on his thighs. The doctor touched his shoulder a few minutes later and he looked up with a shaky smile. “She woke up.”
Dr. Riviera smiled. “This is fantastic. Come, let's see if she will wake up again for us.” They walked in the room and Jeremy walked to the side of the bed.
“Sasha. Beautiful, wake up for me. I want to see your beautiful eyes.” He leaned closer and brushed a kiss over her rough cheek. “Wake up for me, Love,” he murmured into her ear sweetly.
She stirred softly and the doctor grinned, his thumbs up in support. “Keep trying.”
He stroked a finger lazily across the top of her hand. “Beautiful, wake up for me again. Please. I need you.” Jeremy watched as her eyes slowly opened and focused.
“J - Jeremy?” she murmured, her voice whisper soft.
Dr. Riviera stepped forward and smiled. “Sasha, welcome back. I'm Dr. Riviera, one of a team of doctors that has been with you since you arrived here, three and a half months ago.”
She turned her neck slightly in panic, seeking Jeremy's eyes. “On – Onyx?”
He bent and kissed her cheek. “She's safe, Cupcake, and so are you.”
“Tell her,” she whispered brokenly, her mouth tipping up slightly, “To come dance.”
His brow furrowed as he watched her eyes slide closed again. “What does she mean?”
Dr. Riviera snorted. “Who knows? Maybe a dream she had? I guess I'm boring. We can let her sleep. Jeremy, I'm thrilled with this progress; it's beyond what we could have hoped for, really.”
Jeremy nodded tightly. “When can I take her home?”
He pursed his lips and looked at her chart again. “If we can get her awake more... If you are willing to have a home care nurse, and physical therapist come daily, I don't see why we couldn't have her home to you in a couple of weeks. Are you going to stay in the area?”
Jeremy nodded. “I'll stay here until she's able to travel.” He stepped forward and shook the doctor's hand. “You don't know how much I thank you.”
The doctor smiled sadly. “Come outside with me for a minute, Jeremy.” He opened the door and stepped into the hall. Jeremy followed and closed the door behind him. The doctor sat in one of the chairs against the wall and gestured for Jeremy to take the other.
“What is it, Dr. Riviera?” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
The doctor sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Jeremy. We don't know what her quality of life will be like. It might be in your best interest to put her in a long term care facility.” Jeremy shook his head vehemently. “No, listen to me. She's got a hell of a long road ahead of her.”
“I. Don't. Care.” Jeremy spit out, before standing and pacing the hall. “She's still Sasha. She's still in there somewhere. Do you hear me? She's still fucking there.”
Dr. Riviera smiled sadly. “She is, but what if she's different?”
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed in frustration. “Maybe, but I won't give up on her.”
“Okay. I just want you to know what you may face, Jeremy. There will be ups and downs. She may fall into some severe depression or get angry. We don't know. It depends on a lot of things. I just want you to understand.”
“I understand. I love her. I have lost her twice and I'll never lose her again.”
Dr. Riviera studied his face quietly for a minute. “Alright, well that's that then, isn't it?”
“Yeah, it is. I want her home with me sooner rather than later. I'm going to put some calls in; I'll have things ready for her tomorrow.”
“Jeremy, I'm just trying to prepare you.”
“NO. You're just giving up.” Jeremy touched the knob of her door and looked back at the doctor. “She didn't give up; don't give up on her.”
Chapter Ten
The move to the small house had been smooth. Sasha had slept through most of it, fluttering in and out of consciousness. She was still in pain most of time and the pain medication kept her in a dulled state. The nurse he'd hired was amazing at her job. Helen was always gentle and kind, pushing Sasha to do more, to want more. He could never stay with her while her physical therapist worked her muscles. The sound of her pain tore his heart.
Each day seemed to slowly get better. She'd had a couple of minor setbacks; a mild infection in one of her skin grafts that had thankfully healed with some antibiotics, and a fall when she insisted on walking to the bathroom alone instead of pressing the call button for her nurse. Her body was almost completely healed at this point, but it had been a long road. She struggled with PTSD and nightmares. Her therapist was diligently working with her. A huge part of her pain seemed to have been blocked off in some recess of her mind.
Sasha showed no emotion with him. She refused his kiss, and flinched at his touch. Everyone had been extremely careful about keeping her away from mirrors; she'd touched her scars and panicked, and the therapist thought it would be best to wait. He, however, did not. He wanted her to know what she looked like, so she could learn to live a different way.
Sasha only seemed to respond when Onyx was in the room. Onyx was nine months now and into everything. He brought the baby to her room late one afternoon to find her out of bed. He heard a noise in the bathroom and put the baby in the bouncer he kept in her room, before grabbing the door knob. It was locked.
“Sasha, what are you doing in there?” No response, just heart wrenching sobs. “Sasha, open the door.”
“Why didn't you tell me I looked like this?” She rasped. His heart thudded in his chest. She'd found a mirror.
“Like what, Baby? Please open the door.” He jiggled the knob harder. No luck.
“I wondered why the mirror was gone out of the bathroom,” she whispered.
“Baby, open the door.”
“Why?”
“So I can talk to you. Please, Sasha.”
She laughed and he heard something clatter to the floor. “I don't want to talk anymore.”
“God damn it, Sasha. Open the door!” He pushed his shoulder against it and screamed for the nurse. “Helen, I need you!” He threw his weight against the door, over and over until it finally gave way, the lock breaking and wood splintering. She lay in the tub, blood spattered over her nightgown and oozing from her wrist.
Sasha looked up at him in confusion, tears crashing down her cheeks. “Leave me alone, please.”
“Hell no. God damn it, Sasha!” He picked her up from the cold porcelain tub and cradled her in his arms. Helen skidded into the room.
“What's going on?” Her chest heaved and her eyes were wild.
“She found a mirror.” The shards of the compact mirror were all over the tile of the bathroom and the biggest shard lay in the bottom of the tub, coated in crimson. “She cut her wrist.”
Helen paled. “It must have fallen out of my pocket. I'm so sorry.”
Sasha squirmed in his arms. “Let me down, now, damn it!”
He gripped her tighter. “Never.”
“Let me down!” She beat at his chest, her blood smearing across the thin cotton.
He held her stoically while Helen ran for bandages. “No.”
She flailed and beat at him in fury, slapping his face so hard his ears rang. “I hate you! I hate you!” He caught his hand behind her head and gently massaged her neck. Her short hair slid between his fingers and he held her tight. “I hate you,” she whispered against his neck, the storm finally spent.
His gums ached at the scent of her blood and he smiled sadly as Helen came back and surveyed her wrist. “How bad is it?”
She shook her head. “Not bad, thankfully.” She bandaged her arm quickly. “I'm going to leave you two alone. I will take the baby to her room to play, if that's alright.”
Jeremy nodded quickly. “Please, Helen.” Sasha hung limp in his arms, exhausted. He lay her back on her pale pink sheets and she rolled to the wall, sobs shaking her frame. He kicked off his shoes and slid in the bed behind her.
She lay stiff and ground out between clenched teeth, “Get out of my bed.”
“No, Sasha, I won't.” He slid his arm under her pillow and pulled her into his embrace. She held herself away from him, her tears flowing freely.
“Leave me alone. How the fuck can you still want me?” She curled forward, bringing her knees up to her chest.
“How can I not, Sasha?” He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, breathing in her scent. His gums throbbed and he pushed it back. He'd come way too damn far to want blood now. The vitamins were keeping it in check. She needed him now, a whole lot more than he needed blood.
“How can you even bear to hold me? I'm hideous. Why didn't you tell me my scars looked like this?”
“Because I love you, Sasha, and your scars don't bother me... I love them. They tell me where you've been, the hell you've been through, the sacrifices you made for your daughter, to keep her safe. Baby, you single-handedly brought down the biggest threat to Vampires the world has ever known. You are celebrated, revered, and those stragglers that are left worship you as one of the baddest witches to ever grace this earth. I look at it all and think, great, he's gone, but at what cost to you? I know I didn't always make the best decisions for you, and for us, and I wish I could take it all back, Sasha, and start over. God, I wish I could start over. I would have never left you with him. NEVER. I thought it was best. I was scared and confused; I just couldn't bear you turning out like him or me. But, instead of saving you, I put you in danger. I trusted all the wrong people. I fucked up, Cupcake, and I'll never forgive myself.” He took a slow breath in and continued. “I want you to know I have plans, Baby, I do. I am going to open a battered women's shelter in Chicago; as soon as we can go back. My name has been cleared of killing Billy; they found his body outside of the compound with Claudio. If the shelter goes well, I have plans to open more. I don't want the money anymore. I just want to give it all away. You inspired me, Cupcake. You taking care of your Mom, giving yourself away. I want to give these women a fresh start in life. I want to give YOU a fresh start in life. I'm going to turn everything around, you'll see.” He pressed another kiss to her skin, the scar of burned skin begging for his tongue to trace it. Before he could stop himself, his tongue glided out to trace the scar and she gasped.
“Jeremy, do you really mean all of that?” Her voice was breathy and soft.
“Baby, I do. I have never meant anything more.” He pulled her in tighter and kissed her neck again.
“Don't.”
“Why? I love you.”
“I'm ugly, Jeremy.”
“You've never been ugly, Sasha.” He pulled her in tighter to his body.
“There is nothing beautiful left of me!”
“You are exquisite.”
“No, Jeremy.”
He gently shifted her so she faced him and he cupped her face delicately between his big palms. “Look at me. I love you. Show me the ugly under your beautiful, Sasha. Show me every piece of your soul that hurts. Give me a million reasons to never love you and I'll give you a million and one why I will never stop.” He touched his lips gently to her forehead and whispered through the emotion that clogged his throat, “Let me love you, Cupcake. Please.”
“What if there's nothing but ugly left?” Her dark eyes met his and the agony he saw there was enough to gut him.
He leaned forward and kissed her mouth tenderly, the first kiss they'd shared in what seemed like a lifetime. He tasted their tears against his tongue and he put every ounce of love he ever had into his mouth caressing hers. As he pulled back, he whispered raggedly, “It's impossible, because when I look at you, all I see is the mother of my daughter- the woman I love- and she's the most beautiful woman I've ever known.”
She sobbed harder and he kissed each tear as they ran down her cheeks. Her arms came around his neck and he held on as she cried. “Jeremy?”
“Yes, Cupcake?” His heart thundered in his chest.
“Would you please love me?” Her face pressed into the soft fabric of his shirt and he swallowed nervously.
“Baby, I don't know if we should.”
Her head came back, her eyes glassy and wild. “You said for me to show you my ugly. Then I will.” Her body moved awkwardly as she got up on her knees and grabbed the hem of her blood speckled cotton nightgown. “Here is every inch of it,” she whispered as she peeled it over her head. She stayed on her knees in the center of the bed, her chest heaving with emotion.
He reached a hand out slowly and traced his thumb over one of her skin grafts by her hip. The texture was rough and she bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes. “Look at me, Cupcake,” he whispered gruffly. Her eyes opened and found his and she gasped at the raw emotion she saw there. “Let me love you.”
“Please,” she begged.
He pulled her into his arms and his mouth found hers. He kissed her until they both saw stars, his mouth pleading, loving, and treasuring hers. She lay half on top of him and it gave him access to her back. He took total advantage, gliding his palms over her tender skin, worshiping every inch of her with his fingertips. She gasped and shivered against him, her nipples tightening into taut buds. Slowly, he broke the kiss and whispered against her neck. “You've never been more beautiful to me than you are right now, Sasha. Never.”
She gasped in pleasure as he nibbled down her neck, rolled her to her back and came over her, peeling his shirt off. Her palms went to his skin and she cried at his beauty. “I don't deserve you.”
He caught her lush nipple in his mouth and suckled, gently, before whispering, “No, Cupcake, it is I that doesn't deserve you.” He pressed slow kisses down her skin, laving and tasting each scar. “I'll never stop thanking everything that is good in the world for giving me you. I am so very sorry for fucking it up so many times.”
She plucked at his belt loops on his worn denim jeans. “Please take these off and stop talking. I need you to make me feel. Please.” He eased off the bed and undid the button before sliding the zipper down, his eyes never leaving hers. As he crawled back on the bed, she reached for him, her fingers gripping his broad shoulders. She opened her legs wide and he lay between them, his cock pressing against the delicate flesh of her thigh.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Cupcake? I had full intentions of loving you for hours until you couldn't breathe.” He ran kisses up and down her neck and she quivered beneath him, her skin electric under his ministrations.
“Jeremy, please. Make me feel alive.” He moved slowly, sliding deep into her hot pussy. She hissed and arched her back off the bed, and he caught her nipple in his mouth. She tangled her fingers in his shaggy dark hair and held him to her breast. He ravaged her with his mouth, laving and sucking as he slowly moved deep inside her. She wrapped her legs around his hips and held on as he took her. He celebrated her body, stroking her to indescribable heights, before reaching between them and flicking his thumb against her clit. She exploded around him and he kissed her mouth, silencing her scream. He rolled to his back, pulling her with him. His hand tangled in her satiny hair and he pulled her mouth down to his as his other hand gripped her hip, guiding her.
Sasha tightened around him again, her thighs quivering in ecstasy, and he lost control, grabbing her hips with both hands before exploding deep inside her. She fell forward onto his chest and took a few shuddering breaths. “Jeremy...”
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Yeah, Cupcake?”
“I love you.”
“No more than I love you.” He stroked her face and watched her lids slide shut. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and slid out of the bed, before pulling a blanket over her. He got dressed quickly and cleaned up the bathroom, before going downstairs to check on Onyx. She was happily in her highchair, eating Cheerios and applesauce.
