One Day Like This, page 26
Jase looked down at the floor and pursed his lips before blowing out a breath. “I knew you loved her. I’m your brother and I’m not fucking stupid. I even knew she loved you back then. I saw the way she looked at you, the way her eyes tracked you as you moved around the room. But, fuck… Did you have to blow up the fucking band when we were just about to make it?”
Matt moved close to his brother. Through the words of an adult, he heard an almost childlike plea. Control. He had no control over his external environment right now and it must be chewing him up inside. “Jase,” he said, reaching for his shoulder.
Jase shrugged his hand away. “Don’t fucking touch me, Matt.” He yanked the door open and slammed it behind him as he left.
Nan jumped up and ran to the window. “He’s running off. Don’t just let him leave, Matt. He’s in a mess.”
Matt sunk his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “If I try and stop him, it’ll just turn into a fight.”
“Then I’ll go,” she said, kicking off her slippers and putting on the shoes she’d left by the door.
He reached for her gently. “Don’t, Nan. You only fall if you try and catch him. He needs time.”
Nan rubbed the heel of her hand over her heart. “You two are going to kill me off. I can’t deal with this.”
“I’m sorry, Nan.” He took her elbow and led her to the sofa.
“Go makes us both a cup of tea, lad,” she said.
And while he did, he wondered what a world without Jase or his nan in it would feel like.
Because they were all he had.
Except Iz.
“He’s not going to want to see us,” Izabel said as they walked down the stairs to Luke’s apartment. Her stomach roiled like the waves at Blackpool had been, all churned up by the wind.
Matt held firmly onto her hand. “No. He’s not. But we’ve given everyone forty-eight hours to calm down. He’s ignored our calls and messages. This can’t wait any longer.”
“I’m nervous,” Izabel admitted as they reached Luke’s floor. She stopped walking and peered nervously down the corridor, expecting to see him.
Matt pulled her to him and kissed her gently. “I know, babe. But he can’t do anything to you he hasn’t already done. He can’t kick you out again. Worst case, you just get to pick up your things and move them into my apartment. Best case, he’ll listen.”
“What if he gets really mad?”
“I hate to say it, but I can take Luke if I need to. And to be honest, if he lashes out at you, I can’t be held responsible for what I do to him. But I’m hopeful it won’t come to that. He gets really mad, we leave. Right?”
Izabel blew out breath. “Right.”
Matt took her hand again, his strength helping restore some of her shattered confidence. She knocked on the door and waited for Luke to answer. When they heard shuffling on the other side of the door, then nothing, Matt knocked again. “Luke. We know you’re in there. Izabel still has her key so we’re going to let ourselves in if you don’t open up.”
The door opened. Luke looked like shit and her heart hurt for him. Slightly bleary eyed. Obviously unshowered from the smell of him. “The pair of you can just fuck off.”
Matt went to speak, but Izabel put her hand on his arm to stop him. She faced her brother. “I know you’re pissed off right now, but it’s still just the two of us. We’re all we’ve got. Even if you don’t want it to be. And I really need to talk to you. Please, Luke. Let me explain.’
Luke eyed Matt over Izabel’s shoulders, then slouched back into the apartment.
Izabel turned to Matt for reassurance, and he winked at her as he tipped his chin toward the living room. “You lead. I’ll follow you, babe.”
Luke’s apartment looked like an environmental hazard. Indian takeout containers and a pizza box along with more beer bottles and cans than she could count littered most of the horizontal surfaces.
“Are you doing okay?” Izabel asked, sitting down near him on the sofa.
Matt remained standing and perched on the windowsill.
“Fucking glorious, Izabel.” Luke folded his arms. “My band just collapsed.”
“Will you let me explain? I really need you to understand.”
Luke glanced up at Matt. “How could you do this, Matt? How could you destroy everything? The band. Our friendship. Your own brother.”
“I love her,” Matt said simply. “I didn’t want to fuck everything up. But I’ve had feelings for her for nearly a decade.” Matt moved the chair opposite the sofa. “You made me promise never to touch her. I watched her grow into this amazing woman. But I couldn’t have her. You want to know why I fucked around. Because I was trying to find Iz in every woman I slept with, and, shocker, she wasn’t fucking there. I saw her watch me. I saw how she was always home when I came over. I just loved being around her, Luke. And it fucking destroyed me when she slept with Jase. At least as much as it messed with you. He ploughed straight through his promise to you, and I was never able to settle that score with him…because you would have fucking known how much I loved your sister.”
Luke huffed. “So, you’re shit at keeping promises. We’ll add that to the list of fuck-ups.”
“Luke,” Izabel pleaded. “I know you’re mad at the world right now. But acting like this isn’t helping anyone.”
“Oh, fuck off, Iz. Do you feel shitty right now?”
Izabel nodded. “Shittier than I’ve ever felt.”
“Good. Then you understand fifty percent of what I feel. Because both of you let me down. You have no fucking idea what it felt like when Jase, one of my band mates, a guy who can barely stand some nights, a guy who is more of a fucking manwhore than you were, violated you.”
She could feel Luke’s hurt. “Why I slept with Jase that night is utterly complicated, but let me clear, Jase didn’t violate me. He didn’t do anything without consent. It’s my consent that’s all fucked up. I shouldn’t have given it. Not because of Jase, but because of Matt. And it should never have been an issue because you should never have made Matt promise. The part you need to take responsibility for is thinking and acting that you had a say in who I fell in love with.”
“That isn’t what I did, Iz. I just wanted someone better than my mates for you.”
“But it wouldn’t have worked. Ever. Because I love Matt. And he loves you as much as he loves me. It’s not fair to tear him apart like this. You know who he is.”
Luke looked over at Matt. “I can’t stand to look at you right now.”
“I know,” Matt said. “And yet, I’m still here. I’m here because I’m dating your sister, and one day I’m going to marry her. I’m here, because you’re my bandmate, and we are so close to the dreams we’ve had for years coming true. I’m here because Izabel’s right. I love you more than my own brother.”
Luke rubbed his hand over his face. Izabel could feel how raw Luke felt. But she could also feel they were breaking through. It was in the dropping of his shoulders It was in his sigh. It was in the way he unfolded his arms and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.
She knew her brother, and the elastic band around her chest loosened slightly.
“We’re all we’ve got,” she said quietly. “Please don’t make me choose between you and Matt. I don’t have anywhere near as much family as I want, Luke. You’ve been the only constant.”
Luke blew out a breath, much like she had in the hallway, and then he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her tight. “You don’t have to choose, Iz. But I don’t have to like it.”
“I know. But it’s not fair to forgive me and not forgive Matt. It’s not fair to tell me I don’t have to choose, when you’re making Matt choose between his best friend and me, his band and me. Play it out, Luke. What if he chooses you? It’ll destroy me. The last three months have been the happiest of my life. Matt’s given me the confidence to tackle the concert, to get Gemma to stop taking advantage of me. He’s made me happy, Luke. What if he chooses the band?”
“Babe, you know that’s not going to happen,” Matt said. “Knowing you have my back makes me feel like I can handle all this.”
She glanced over at him and voiced the fear she’d been guarding. “Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But there’s every chance that at some point in your life, you’ll look back at this moment and wish you’d chosen differently. If you don’t get another chance like this one. If you move on from music as a career. I couldn’t bear it if you look at me with regret.”
“Fuck it. Will the two of you stop it with The Notebook shit?” Luke stood up a turned to Matt. “You broke my trust. No, you fucking destroyed it. You lied to me for months. I can’t trust you any further than I could throw you, right now. And that kills me. She was there that night. She’s Candle Girl, isn’t she?”
Matt stood. “She is. I know. And I’m so fucking sorry. But I promise you. She’s my everything.”
Luke looked over to Izabel. “You certain, sis?”
Izabel nodded. “You know he’s a good man, Luke. This is the first time he’s ever let you down. But it’s only because of a promise you put in motion, one you should never have forced any of them to make.”
Luke studied the floor for a moment. “I don’t know how we move forward.”
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise, Luke. I’ll show you how sorry I am,” Matt said.
“It’s going to take a while. To be honest, I don’t even want to see your faces right now.”
Matt offered his hand toward Luke. “I know. Just let us try and put this train back on its tracks. It starts with you, Luke. With you, we can fix everything else. With the band fixed, I hope even Jase will forgive me.”
Luke took Matt’s hand and shook it. When Matt pulled Luke in for a hug, tears stung Izabel’s eyes. Luke whispered something to Matt that Izabel couldn’t hear properly, but Matt nodded viciously.
When they were done, Matt stepped away and Izabel moved in Luke’s embrace. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
His arms held her securely. “You’re right. It’s not my place to decide for you. I guess I thought I was filling a gap Dad left. Looking out for you and shit.”
“Nobody could replace Dad. And that wasn’t what I needed. I just needed my brother. We’re all we’ve got right?”
Luke stepped back. “I’m not all you’ve got anymore. You have Matt.”
“I’ll only ever have one brother, Luke. You know it’s not the same. I love you.”
“I love you, too, sis.”
“Are you okay?” Izabel asked, looking towards the door where Matt waited for her.
“I’ll be fine. We’ll get through this.”
She smiled at Luke and then headed for Matt who was still watching her brother as he placed his hands on the windowsill to look out to the street below. When he pulled her close, he kissed the side of her neck chastely. “You want to hang out with your brother tonight, Iz?”
How could he tell? “You don’t mind?”
Matt cupped her face and ran a thumb along her cheek. “No. I think it’ll do you both good. I’ll go grab something healthier than take out and drop it outside the door. I’ll text you when it’s there. He needs you more than I do right now.”
“This is reason two thousand and three hundred why I love you.”
Matt smiled softly. “I still love you more.”
She watched the door click shut before grabbing a black bin bag from the kitchen. Quietly she started to toss all the rubbish into the bag.
“You’re still here?” Luke asked.
“Yeah. I’m still here. Somebody’s got to dig you out of this environmental hazzard.”
“Why didn’t you leave with Matt?”
She placed the half-filled bag on the coffee table. “Because I’ve spent the last forty-eight hours worried you’d never speak to me again. And now you are, I don’t want to leave right now.”
Luke shoved his hands into his jeans. “Want me to order something for dinner?”
“Matt’s getting us something and will leave it outside.”
Luke flinched. “I don’t need Matt to buy us—”
“I know you don’t need it,” she said. “But let him. We need to navigate our way through this. Me being here with you now is my way of doing that. You forgiving me is yours. Matt’s is to give us space and feed us while we fix what’s broken.”
Luke was silent for a moment. “Want to carry-on watching Great Canal Journeys?”
Izabel smiled. “Yeah. I feel like a dose of Pru and Tim is just what we need right now.”
And when they finally sat down to a dinner of pre-cooked chicken and salad as Tim and Pru steered their canal boat over the Pontcycyllte Aqueduct on the Llangollen canal, Izabel realised everything was going to be okay.
Matt rolled over in bed and reached for Izabel, only to feel her side of the bed was cold. For a moment, he wondered where she was, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair as memories of the previous evening flooded him.
His chest cracked open in relief.
The relationship he had with Luke wasn’t broken irrevocably. Sure, it was a long way from being fixed, but the damage done was repairable.
Keys rattled in the lock of his apartment door, and his pulse kicked up a notch. Izabel was back. He closed his eyes, putting his arm over his eyes so she wouldn’t see his eyes flicker. First came the thud of her shoes as she kicked them off, then the clatter of her keys in the dish, followed by her footsteps on the wooden flooring and the creak of his bedroom door.
Matt bit back smile when the covers pulled over his body and the mattress sagged. She’d come back to him, like he knew she would. He was as certain of her love for him as she was his love for her. Just as she’d settled down onto her pillow, he grabbed her and pulled her close, as she squealed.
“Matt. You scared me. Feel my heart.” She took his hand and placed it on her chest.
He cupped her breast, letting his thumb track lazily over her nipple. “I’d rather feel something else.” Matt kissed her softly, in a way he hoped told her without words how he’d missed her in his bed.
“You have my permission to feel anything you want.”
Matt slid his hand over her arse, letting his finger slip between her cheeks. “Anything?”
“Feel. Not penetrate. Two very different things, Matt.”
He felt her smile against his lips and rolled them so she was lying on top of him. “I love the feel of your body on top of mine. I can run my hands up and down your back, can squeeze your bum, can grind against you.” He raised his hips and felt his dick slide against her. It never took Iz long to get turned on, to get so wet for him that he could slide into her. But this morning, he enjoyed her in lazy appreciation. The way her skin always felt so soft, how her hair framed her face and tickled his chest, the way her breasts pushed up against him.
“You’re such an easy lay,” she said
Matt shrugged. “Not always. The way I took you from behind in Blackpool suggests I like a good energetic fucking.”
The sound of Izabel’s laughter filled the room. “Fine. I meant you’re easy to please.”
He slid his dick back a little further, one millimetre short of being able to slide into her, which, as tempting as it was, was a no without contraception. Having kids together, creating the family unit they’d both missed, was something he wanted. But he didn’t want it yet. He wanted time and experiences and memories with Iz first, just the two of them. “If by that you mean simply having you naked in my bed means I’m a satisfied guy, then yeah, I’m an easy lay.”
Izabel climbed to her knees and reached over to the beside drawer he kept condoms in. She ripped the top off and slid it onto his dick, his whole body flinching as she gripped him the process.
“Somebody’s eager this morning,” he said, watching as he lifted to her knees. Izabel held his dick so it was just touching her warmth. Slowly, she slid the tip back and forth with barely any pressure.
“Are you complaining?”
Her hips were so fucking distracting, the way they rocked back and forth. Fuck, his dick was already weeping. “The only complaint you’ll get from me is if you don’t sit down on my dick in the next five seconds.”
Izabel lowered a fraction, enough to hold him inside, then placed her palms on his chest. Her lips, soft and plump, touched his as she sank on to him in one smooth stroke.
“Jesus, Iz.” The words came out on a gasp. “Work me, babe.”
She looked between them, where they were joined, and Matt followed her gaze. Nothing in the world was as erotic and sexually satisfying as watching Izabel part for him, watching the way her lips dragged along his cock. Fire burned on his balls for her. His heart beat for her.
“Like this?”
Matt reached for her hair and slowly tugged on it until her chest was flush against his and her hands in his over his head. Some might consider it a position of submission, until he raised his knees, planted his feet, and began to fuck her.
“Matt.”
“You like this? You like me fucking you deep and hard, Iz?” he grunted.
She made a move as if to lift off him, but he released her hands to wrap one arm around her chest, holding her to him. The other he placed on her arse, holding her exactly where he wanted her.
“You feel so thick like this.” The words were punctuated with little gasps.
Yeah, his ego soaked up the compliment. But he still wanted to feel closer. He flipped the over again, pressing Izabel into the mattress, sliding his hands beneath her to hold her in place while he fucked her.
Hard, deep.
But with her eyes on him, with her head thrown back as she came around him, as he felt her squeeze his dick.
He realised they were still making love because there was something much more potent between them than just sexual chemistry and urgency and need.
It was Iz.
And that thought alone was enough to send him over the edge with her.
He buried his head into the side of her neck, where he could smell her hair and feel her pulse race beneath her skin.
