Prometheus Mode, page 20
Only once did Miss Ronica ask me to come inside. I was lying underneath the slide, holding Ben Nicholas to my aching stomach and digging a hole in the dirt with the same stick from yesterday, just in case I happened to upchuck. The ache in my heel was nearly unbearable by then, and my head was pounding, too.
“It’s too hot out there, Cassie. I don’t want you to overheat.”
“I’m in the shade.”
“Cassie—”
“I’m fine.”
Silence. Then: “Suit yourself. I don’t know why you always have to be so stubborn.”
But I wasn’t being stubborn. I wasn’t not trying harder, either, like she said I should. And I definitely wasn’t hot. In fact, I was freezing to death.
And I could tell, so was Ben Nicholas.
Most of the memories from that day onward are broken, the pieces scattered like torn up paper that someone made a mess of taping them back together. As hard as I try to see how they fit, I can’t. Some of the pieces have gone missing. The rest don’t seem to want to fit with each other. Still, I hold onto them. I don’t want to
lose
forget something important.
“Mama?”
I tried to shift my legs but couldn’t move them. They felt heavy and hot. My whole body did.
“It’s me, honey.” She smiled down and wiped the hair from my eyes with her fingers.
I suddenly had this strange urge to bite them, to bite her. I wanted to scratch and yell. But I felt so heavy.
“I’m home, sweetie. I left as soon as Veronica called. I’m sorry it took so long.”
“Miss Ronica?”
“I sent her home. She said you were throwing up earlier. You’re dehydrated. You got too much sun today.”
I struggled once more to sit up and then realized why I couldn’t, which was that Shinji was lying on top of my legs. Mom pushed him off the bed, but he hopped right back up again and laid down next to me.
“Where’s Ben Nicholas?” I asked.
“Outside, in his cage. Veronica put him away. She said you were playing with him in the yard all morning.” She shook her head. “You’re going to make him sick doing that, Cassie. Too much sun and too many treats. He needs some alone-time too, honey.”
“We weren’t playing.”
She didn’t hear me. “Why didn’t you come inside after Veronica told you to? You should have listened to her. It’s not good for you to be outside in the heat for so long.”
“She only told me once.”
“She shouldn’t have to ask more than that.”
The smell of my sickness was making my head swim and my stomach clench. But even with that awful smell filling my nose, I noticed a different one coming off of Mama now. It was sickly sweet and salty at the same time. I realized that she was sick now, too, except that her disease was different than mine and Ben Nicholas’s.
“Drink this,” she told me. A straw poked out through the top of the bottle in her hand. Inside was a blue liquid. The salty sweet odor made me gag. “Please, Cassie. You’re dehydrated. You need to replace the fluids you lost, honey.”
But I wasn’t dehydrated. I had the rabies. I knew this even though Miss Ronica hadn’t said so. I don’t care what the doctor said, she’d been right about the bat all along. Now I was sick and somehow Ben Nicholas had it, too, because he’d gotten bitten on the foot, just like me.
“Come on, baby. I want you to finish this whole bottle.”
My throat felt thick and tight, and I was sure if I tried to drink anything, I’d choke. Luckily, the phone rang just then, and Mama got up to answer it.
“I’ll be back to check on you in a little while, honey.”
“Okay.”
I heard her run down the hall, taking the smell of her sickness with her and leaving me drowning in mine.
I took the bottle to the bathroom and dumped most of it down the sink.
On the way back, I could hear her in the kitchen asking, over and over again, who it was calling. “Is anybody there? Hello? Ramon? Is that you? Who’s there?”
After a couple minutes, the house was quiet again.
The next day, the day before Ben Nicholas died, Mama and Daddy decided we should go to the shore as a family. I could smell the sharp odor of unhappiness between them, like a dark rain cloud filled with electricity, although instead of lightning and thunder, this cloud was filled with fear and anger.
“I need to do something quick at work first,” Daddy said, biting his lip. I could tell it made Mama angry, but she didn’t say anything. “We’ll all go. Then it’s straight off to Islip Beach right after. I promise”
Of course, Mama didn’t really want to go at all. She said the last thing I needed after yesterday was more sun, which led to another argument between them. Daddy kept telling her not to baby me, and Mama kept telling him as my mother it was her right. He argued that I’d finished two whole big bottles last night (I hadn’t) and was fine. He didn’t have to say it, but it was obvious he thought Mama was overreacting again.
He slid a palm across my forehead and said, “She’s good, Lyssa. Cass, you want to go to the beach, don’t you? Of course you do.”
I was feeling weak, but I knew if I told the truth about dumping the drink down the sink, I’d get in big trouble, and somehow Ben Nicholas and Shinji would get punished for it. So I didn’t. Besides, I did want to get away from the house. It felt like the sickness had settled in here. Maybe if we could just get away for a few hours, then it would go away. So I told them yes, I wanted to go. In the least, we’d get to spend the day together as a family.
The phone kept ringing as we got ready, and I became aware that something was happening outside, something not normal. When I checked out the window, I saw a whole bunch of strange people standing out on the street, shouting and waving their arms at each other. And when I asked about them, Daddy’s face went hard and he pulled me away and closed the curtains and warned me to stay away, to not let them see me. He said we couldn’t go outside, not except if it was to go into the backyard only, which I wasn’t much in the mood to do since Ben Nicholas’s cage smelled even worse by then and I felt like it was all my fault he was sick.
When I mentioned his name to Daddy, he said I couldn’t bring Ben Nicholas, even though I hadn’t actually asked about that specifically. “The beach isn’t a good place for a rabbit,” he said. “But I bet you Shinji would love to go. Dogs love the beach. We’ll bring a tennis ball and play catch.”
I knew I should say something to my parents about Ben Nicholas’s and my sickness, but I knew it was already too late because of what Miss Ronica said about there being no cure once we started getting sick. Also, I guess it still didn’t seem real. I mean, I knew about death from my little baby brother dying, but I guess I just couldn’t believe it could happen to me.
I slept most of the way there in the car and don’t remember much of the ride except when Mama pointed out to Daddy the people who were working on the sides of the road. They looked like dead people to me, and I said so. Mama turned around and gave me a frown. She must’ve thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t. I lifted my head and stared at the workers as we passed, my curiosity stronger than my sleepiness. But as soon as they were out of sight, I laid back down in the back seat again and drifted off.
I don’t remember the security gate at Laroda Island, where Mama and Daddy work, or even getting out of the car after we got to Islip Beach. I faintly remember walking down to the water’s edge and Shinji running and snapping at the waves. Also, I definitely do remember going swimming with my bubble ring. The ocean water felt very good on my itchy skin, cool and wet and oily and waking me up a bit. At least until something happened inside of my head, like a click or a timer going off or something, and suddenly I didn’t want to be anywhere near the water no more. Not even just my toes touching it. The water scared me.
I got out and stretched out on the sand to one side of where Mama and Daddy were sitting, staring at the sky with their sunglasses on and the flies buzzing around their knees, except for the few seconds they would go away when they flicked their hands. The ocean hadn’t been able to wash away the smell of my sickness, and the sun only made it stronger, more rotten. The smell coming from Mama was even worse.
Coming back home in the car, I buried my nose in Shinji’s wet fur. He had a nice smell to him, a little like cinnamon and salt water, and he laid real still so I could sleep. He was always a good dog, and it made me sad when Mama didn’t take to him the way I took to Ben Nicholas.
The last thing I remember about that day is waking up in the middle of the night seeing Mama put a new bandage on my heel. She didn’t say a word, just seemed real sad. I knew then that Miss Ronica had finally gotten the call and had told Mama what had happened a couple days before. And that’s when it really finally did hit me that I was dying, and it made me sad because I knew how much Mama would cry when I did. I couldn’t stand the idea of Mama and Papa splitting up again, this time on account of me.
“I’m sorry, Mama,” I said.
She bent over and kissed my face and told me it wasn’t my fault, even though it was.
It wasn’t the rabies that killed Ben Nicholas, honey. It was our next door neighbor, Mister Sam.
“He’s lying, Mama! He lies about everything!”
“Cassie! You apologize right now to him for talking like that!”
“I don’t believe it, Mama! I don’t believe it that Ben Nicholas is dead.”
“That rabbit killed another of my laying hens!” Mister Sam Locke yelled at us. “A rabbit! There’s something wrong with it!”
“I am so sorry, Sam. I don’t understand how it got into your yard.”
“Under the fence is how. And it’s not the first time, either, Lyssa. A few weeks ago, I found two of my chicks dead, slaughtered but not eaten. I didn’t say nuthin then, because I didn’t know what happened. Figured it mighta been a possum or raccoon. But now I know. You shoulda put a better latch on that rabbit cage of hers!”
“I locked it, Mama! I promise I did.”
“Hush, Cassie!”
“I’m gonna need stitches, too, Lyssa. Did it have its shots?”
“No!” I screamed, breaking away from Mama and charging straight at him. “Ben Nicholas wouldn’t hurt no one! He didn’t kill any chickens.”
“Cassie!” Mama tried to pull me off of him. “Cassandra Lynn Stempler! You obey me right—”
“Get— Ow! God damn it! She bit me! First her rabbit, now her! What the hell is going on with you people?”
“Cassie! Oh, Christ, Sam, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into her lately.”
Mama grabbed me by the arm and jerked me away. “You get yourself inside that house right this instant, girl! You are in so much trouble!” I tried to pull away from her, but she wouldn’t let go of my arm.
“I dunno how much it’s going to cost to get my hand stitched,” Mister Sam shouted at our backs. “And I just got them chickens! They were forty bucks a pop!”
“Where is he?” I cried, struggling weakly against my mama. “I want to see him! I want to see my Ben Nicholas!”
Everyone froze. Finally, Mama whispered, “He’s gone, Cassie.”
All the strength went out of my body. “Please, Mama. I want to see Ben Nicholas.”
I could feel her anger. I could feel her shaking with it, could smell it coming off her, thick and heavy, like scorched meat. She bent down and wrapped her arms around me and surprised me with the softness in her voice. She said it would be better if I didn’t see Ben Nicholas. “He’s gone, honey. I’m sorry. Mister Locke, he...”
She couldn’t finish. She didn’t need to. Now I knew why the rusty pipe was lying on the grass behind Mister Sam. Except I also knew it wasn’t rust on it, it was blood. As Mama held me, I watched Mister Sam pick up a lumpy plastic garbage bag I hadn’t noticed before. He cinched the top, and I suddenly knew what was inside.
With a wail of despair, I broke away from Mama and ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. I cried into my pillow for what seemed like hours. All the while I was wishing my insides would tear out of my body like they felt like they were trying to do. But they stayed put, even when my breath started hitching so bad I was choking.
Sometime later I heard Mama’s voice and realized she was talking with Daddy on the phone, begging him to come home. “Everything’s falling apart,” I heard her say. “Cassie’s rabbit is dead. Mister Locke... No, I know. The roads are a mess. I don’t know what to do, Rame.”
A longer pause, then:
“I don’t care, Rame. Cassie needs her father. She needs us both right now. And I— I think something’s wrong with her. She felt feverish. I’m serious this time. Please. We both need you.”
But I could tell by the way her smell changed from yellow to brown, and then flared bright red, that Daddy wasn’t coming home anytime soon. I didn’t have to hear their conversation to know what he’d said to her: “Stop babying Cassie. She’s fine.”
Only this time, I really wasn’t.
I woke sometime later to the sound of Mister Sam’s voice drifting in through my window and realized Mama must have opened it while I’d slept.
The sun was low in the sky and it was shining yellow on my wall. I could smell the argument before I heard it.
“I thought it was a raccoon,” Mister Sam was saying. “That was my first thought when it happened last time.”
I had no idea what he was talking about. What raccoon? What happened?
And who was he talking to?
Then I remembered.
“I’ve lost half of my new prize layin hens now,” he complained. “Spent good money for them! Eggs are supposed to sell for two bucks-a-pop. That’s why I put out the poison, Lyssa. Next thing I know, your rabbit’s under my coop with blood on its face. What else am I supposed to think?”
“No rabbit’s going to go after baby chickens, Sam. You’re not thinking right.”
“That’s what I thought, but I tell you it had blood on its mouth. All I kept thinkin was, What the hell is going on? Why’s a rabbit killin chickens?”
“I don’t know what to say,” Mom finally admitted. “The world does seem to have tilted off its axis in the past few days.”
“You can say that again. What a mess over in East Islip, eh?”
I rose up out of bed and floated over to the window. That’s the only way I can describe it, like I was floating, even though I felt like I weighed a million thousand pounds and it was taking every bit of my strength just to move myself one inch across the floor. I was so tired, tired and hot and feeling like something was inside of me trying to eat its way out. I felt like a giant red-hot balloon moving very slowly across the sky.
“But poison, Sam?” Mama replied, low and quiet, like she was afraid someone might hear.
Me. She’s afraid I’ll hear.
“What if Cassie had gotten into it?”
“No chance in hell that girl could have come in contact with it.”
“But I think her rabbit did, Sam. In fact, I’m pretty sure it did. Cassie said the other day that his breath smelled funny and he wasn’t acting right. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, and... Christ, I should’ve listened to her better.”
I could hear her voice rising, the way it does right before she and Daddy start fighting.
“Naw, it wasn’t that. That rabbit’d be dead if he had gotten into—”
“Well, he is dead, Sam! You killed it and my daughter’s bawling her eyes out now!”
“Whoa, hey, that ain’t my fault! I was just defendin myself. If your rabbit hadn’t dug under my fence and attacked me, he’d still be alive. That thing went ballistic when I tried gettin it out from underneath the coop, all kickin and squealin!”
“You were pulling it by its legs!”
“Well, it was going after my chicks!”
“It’s a rabbit! They don’t eat chickens! They—”
suck the blood out of people
“—eat vegetables!”
“Ain’t supposed to bite people, neither.”
“You were hurting it!”
“All due respect, none of this would’ve happened if it’d been better watched. Besides, I had every right—”
“To bash its brains in?” Mama shouted. Her next words were quiet, but just as angry. “You had no right to kill it, Sam! Not like... Not like that! What were you thinking? Are you sick or something? It was Cassie’s pet!”
“And you ain’t hearin me, Lyssa. It attacked me!”
“Oh, I hear just fine, thank you. It didn’t fucking attack you, you sick murdering prick. Don’t give me that bullshit!”
bad word, mama
“It was defending itself!”
“Hey, you can’t talk to me— Are you callin me a liar? Did you look at these bites? And your daughter, too! She needs to be muzzled!”
“What did you—? Oh, that is it! I’ve had it with you! Fuck off!”
mama!
“You know, I wasn’t going to say nuthin before, because I ain’t judgmental, but all them rumors swirlin around about what you people do up there on your private little Laroda Island compound? Those people out front here protestin? Maybe what everyone’s sayin is true.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I heard about that guy who works with you up there flippin out and attackin the cops. You think that’s a coincidence? And now I can’t even go out my front door without them tryin to—”
“That has nothing to do with me or my family!”
“Irregardless—”
“No! You’re the crazy one! You’re a monster! Rabbit murderer! You stay away from my family. I don’t want you looking at me, you sick bastard! Or my daughter. Do you hear me? Don’t you look at her. Don’t speak to her. If you so much as set one foot in this yard or say one word, so help me, I’ll—”
