The Christmas Escape, page 6
A recruitment company?
“You…you lost your job?” She sat down hard on the edge of the bed. The immediate feeling of relief that he wasn’t cheating was replaced by other, more complicated emotions. “When?”
“Three months ago.”
“Three—” She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t process. It was so unexpected. She’d thought—she’d assumed—“And you didn’t tell me? Why?”
“I didn’t want you to worry. I kept hoping I’d be able to fix it, get a job, then I’d be able to tell you bad news and good news at the same time to protect you from the anxiety part, but the weeks passed, and I had no success. And the longer I left it, the harder it was to tell you. And then suddenly it’s Christmas. I know how much you love this time of year, and you had the Lapland trip all planned. The dream holiday. The perfect Christmas. I know how much you want that for Holly, and I didn’t want to ruin everything. I was planning on telling you in January. But then this interview came up, and I knew I couldn’t turn it down. I have to go, Christy, even though it ruins your plans.”
He’d lost his job. He had an interview.
He wasn’t having an affair. She felt giddy with relief about that part, sick about the other. Sick for him.
“Of course you have to go. And it doesn’t ruin anything.” She felt guilty. Those nights he’d been lying awake, he’d been worrying about having lost his job. He’d been thinking of her. Protecting her. “I wish you’d told me. I can’t bear the thought of you going through this on your own, not sharing it. I could have helped. I’m your wife.” But what sort of a wife was she that she hadn’t even suspected? And what did it say about their marriage that he hadn’t felt able to tell her? She’d been so focused on the external parts of their family—the cottage, the lifestyle—she’d forgotten to pay attention to the internal.
Any relief she’d felt at the discovery that he wasn’t having an affair vanished. She felt terrible.
“How would telling you have helped?” He sounded tired. “This is on me. You’re the reason this matters, Christy. You and Holly. I have responsibilities, I know that, and believe me I’m trying to live up to them. I’m scared I can’t be what you want or what you need. Scared of letting you down.”
“Scared?”
“I’ve been scared for months.” He paused and rubbed his fingers over his forehead. “I keep hearing Alix’s voice telling you that marrying me was a mistake. Maybe she was right.”
“She wasn’t right! And I wish you hadn’t overheard that. I wish Alix had never said it.” That was what he’d been thinking? Did he really know so little about her?
It was true that they’d barely had any time together as a couple before Holly had arrived, but surely he should have known that she would have been nothing but supportive?
Apparently not. He’d felt that this was something he had to deal with by himself.
She’d been feeling helpless, and a little shocked, but now she also felt guilty.
In her determination to be the best mother possible, she hadn’t paid enough attention to the other aspects of her life. She hadn’t paid attention to Seb. To their relationship. To their needs as a couple.
She was the one who’d insisted they could afford the cottage. Because of her obsession with providing a perfect family life for them, she’d been the one to stretch their finances so tight they were close to snapping. She hadn’t factored in life going wrong. She hadn’t allowed a buffer. And now this.
She thought about all the days he’d traveled into London, supposedly for work.
How could she have not suspected something was wrong? There must have been signs.
She was the one who’d let him down, and she felt like an awful person.
She was relieved now that she’d delayed their flights. This was about more than his job. This was about them. Their relationship.
How were they ever going to fix this?
5
Alix
Alix dragged her bags over the uneven path that wound itself through the overgrown garden to the front door. It wasn’t hard to see why her friend had fallen in love with the place. Everything about it was welcoming. Ivy crept up honey-colored stone walls. Lights glowed from the windows, and smoke rose from the chimney in leisurely curls. A holly bush added a blaze of color, as if the plump red berries were announcing to the world that the cottage was ready for Christmas.
All that was needed to complete the picture of festive comfort was a layer of fresh, crisp snow, and if the forecast was to be believed, that was on its way.
She felt a tug of nostalgia.
When she was little, she used to lie in bed dreaming about a place like this. And then she’d realized that a home wasn’t honey-colored bricks or roses round the door. Home was people. Home was feeling wanted and loved.
She’d never had that with her family, and she’d learned to live without it.
She was responsible for her own happiness and security. And as for love—well, there was nothing wrong with self-love, was there? She was good to herself, and she liked the steady predictability of her life. From an early age she’d learned to rely on herself, and she’d always felt grateful for those skills. She had no expectations of others, and others had no expectations of her.
Until now.
She paused, not quite ready to announce her arrival. Christy was expecting her to step up and take Holly, although she still hadn’t said why.
Their marriage was in trouble. It had to be that.
She felt agony for her friend. This was exactly what she’d been afraid of, but she wouldn’t be saying another word on the subject. Her role was simply to give whatever support was requested without question.
Alix paused, unsettled by the silence around her.
However charming it was, country life wasn’t for her. She loved spending time with her friend, but after two days of fresh air, muddy walks and dawn birdsong, she was ready to head back to the city. The cottage was idyllic, but she knew that living in a small community of people who all knew each other would make her feel claustrophobic. She had no interest in joining a book group as Christy had or being on a local committee. She liked to choose what people knew about her. She didn’t want people knowing every detail of her private life. On her last visit, two people had stopped Christy in the village to check she was all right after her appointment with the doctor.
The thought of it made Alix shudder. She appreciated the level of anonymity that came with city living. She liked the buzz and busyness. In the city she never felt alone, even though she was. She’d bought a light, spacious, modern apartment in a converted warehouse overlooking the river. Large windows, exposed brick walls, state-of-the-art kitchen. It even had a balcony.
This place? She stepped up to the doorway and knocked. It encouraged a slow pace of life, and it would infuriate her.
She heard racing footsteps, squeals of excitement, and then the door opened, and Alix had a brief glimpse of tumbled blond curls and a mini white lab coat over a blue dress before Holly flung herself forward like a puppy that hadn’t seen its owner in months.
Swept away by the enthusiastic greeting, Alix put down everything she was carrying, scooped up Holly and covered her in kisses. “How’s my favorite girl? Ready for adventure?” Holly looked exactly like Christy (apart from her eyes, which were all Seb), but that was where the resemblance ended. Christy had always been an exceptionally neat and tidy child, and careful. Holly had never met a tree she didn’t want to climb or a muddy puddle she didn’t want to jump in. Her clothes were ripped and filthy within five minutes of putting them on. Her favorite game with Alix was play-fighting.
“Can we play sword fights, Aunty Alix?”
Alix laughed. “Can I take my coat off first?”
She glanced at Christy who had appeared behind her daughter and felt nerves flicker in her stomach.
Were they supposed to pretend nothing was wrong?
“Hi there!” Christy’s smile was a little too wide, but that wasn’t so surprising.
Christmas wasn’t going smoothly, and Alix knew that would stress her friend. Christy liked everything to happen according to plan. She made lists. Those lists both amused and infuriated Alix, but she understood that her friend needed them. She knew that about her. After two decades of friendship there wasn’t much she didn’t know.
But she didn’t know why her friend was delaying her trip to Lapland.
“We’re going to Lapland to see the lights! Together.” Holly slid her arms round Alix’s neck and planted noisy kisses on her cheek. She was spontaneous, adventurous and accident-prone. The opposite of her mother and a nightmare to babysit.
The thought of it made her stomach lurch. It was like being given fine china to hold and told not to break it.
“Together!” Alix tried to echo the excitement and only now acknowledged how much she’d been hoping that her friend had changed her mind.
“Mummy and Daddy are coming later, so we get to have a special surprise time.”
As long as the surprise wasn’t how bad she was at childcare.
“I can’t wait.” She put Holly down and hugged her friend. “Missed you.”
“Missed you, too.”
It was what they said every time, but for some reason this time it felt different.
Christy’s hug felt different. Brief. Perfunctory.
She grabbed Alix’s luggage and carried it into the cottage. “How was your trip?”
“Fun, thanks.”
She glanced at her friend, searching for clues. On the surface Christy was as groomed and perfect as ever. Hair swept up in a neat twist. Black roll-neck sweater over skinny jeans. Makeup immaculate.
But under the makeup?
“The cottage looks wonderful. Like something out of a Christmas movie.” The place was decorated with fairy lights and holly. Delicate candles flickered on the table by the front door, and the air was scented with cinnamon and warm fig. It reminded Alix of staying with Christy as a child. “Next year we’re going to film our Christmas ad in your cottage. It’s idyllic. You ought to register the place on one of those film websites. You’d have Hollywood knocking.”
“Maybe.” Christy’s smile flashed. “I’ve made up a bed for you in Holly’s room.”
“Sounds great. I brought you presents.” Alix rescued the champagne and flowers, handed them over and then swept up Holly again. “That’s a pretty dress you’re wearing under that lab coat.”
“It’s scratchy. Mummy made me wear it.”
“It’s a party dress, and we’re having a party.” Christy tried to rearrange the clip holding her daughter’s curls in place, but Holly was already on the move. Some things refused to be organized.
“Did you bring me presents, Aunty Alix?”
Christy tutted. “It’s not polite to ask that—”
“Did I bring you presents?” Alix spun the little girl round, grateful to have someone else to focus on. “Of course I brought you presents. Let’s take my bags upstairs, and we’ll see what I can find. If we’re sharing a room, does that mean we get to have a midnight feast?”
Christy shook her head. “You’re a terrible influence.”
“That’s what I’ve been telling you.” But still her friend wanted her to take charge of Holly. “Something smells good.”
“I made coq au vin. We’ll eat at seven.”
Of course. Dinner was always at seven.
“Mm, coq au vin. My favorite. Are you bribing me? Because I already said yes.”
“I thought it would be nice.” Christy closed the front door, keeping her back to it. “And guarantee you don’t walk out.”
“Why would I walk out?”
“We have a huge surprise for you, Aunty Alix!” Holly sprinted away to the kitchen, and Alix took advantage of her absence to question her friend.
“What’s the surprise? And why are you looking so stressed?”
“Promise me you won’t be mad. I probably should have called, but I was scared that if I did, you wouldn’t come, and I need you right now, and—”
“Why would I be mad? What is going on, Christy? I know there’s stuff you’re not telling me.” Alix hung up her coat, relieved to at least be needed. “Since when have we had secrets from each other? What is this surprise?”
Christy swallowed. “I know you won’t be thrilled, but honestly I think it might work out for the best in the end.”
“What—” Alix broke off as Holly reappeared. This time she wasn’t alone.
He filled the doorway, his height bringing the top of his head dangerously close to the frame constructed in a previous century to accommodate occupants with a less impressive build.
“I’ve unblocked the downpipe, Christy. The leak should be fixed.” He saw Alix and, after possibly the most awkward and intense few seconds of her life, gave a brief nod of acknowledgment. “Alix.”
Alix felt dizzy. She had to stop herself walking out of the door.
No! Seriously?
Why hadn’t Christy told her that Zac would be here? She would have arrived later. Or the following morning. Or not at all. And her friend knew that. Which was, presumably, why she’d been behaving so strangely.
Her hands felt clammy. Her whole body felt jittery.
Fight or flight. Adrenaline. She tried to logic away her reaction and force herself to stand her ground. She was thinking of the last time they’d seen each other, and she knew he was, too. It wasn’t something either of them was likely to forget.
Five years. They hadn’t seen each other for five years.
Seeing him invoked strong feelings, and Alix did everything she could to avoid strong feelings.
“Hey there. It’s been a while.” But nowhere near long enough. Thanks to some careful, strategic maneuvering on Alix’s part, and the fact that Zac spent much of the year traveling for his job, she hadn’t seen him since the wedding. What was she supposed to say? Good to see you? No way. “Playing handyman, I see.”
“He is, and he’s a lifesaver. Or at least you’re a cottage saver. We had another leak. Can you believe that?” The atmosphere was peppered with Christy’s nervous chatter. “Zac arrived earlier and has kindly fixed it. Total hero.” She kissed him on the cheek. His gaze, which until that point hadn’t shifted from Alix, softened.
“No problem. Are there any other leaks I should know about? Any other problems I can help with?”
The contrast in his response was marked. He was gentle with Christy, but men were always like that around her friend. Maybe it was her air of fragility, or maybe it was because Christy was the most nonconfrontational person Alix had ever met, at least on the outside. As a child it had frustrated her that her friend had found it so hard to stand up for herself. She was the only one who knew that Christy did feel things but wouldn’t express what she was feeling. She stored her emotions inside her, out of sight. Why couldn’t she just tell someone that no, it was not okay to treat her that way? Instead, she sat there, meek, and let Alix do it. And she’d been more than happy to play that role, even though part of her had worried about what would happen when she wasn’t around. Say what you’re thinking, she’d told Christy, but her friend had always followed the peaceful road. What was the point in confrontation? In falling out?
And now, faced with Zac and the memory of possibly the biggest confrontation of her life, Alix finally saw the merit in that approach. If she’d been meek and kept her mouth shut, she wouldn’t now feel like a lobster dropped without warning into a vat of boiling water.
“Any other problems?” Christy gave a hysterical laugh. “The whole cottage? How long have you got?”
He gave her a searching look. “Old properties can feel like that sometimes, but this place is sound. All it needs is a little loving care.”
That was what she needed, Alix thought. Loving care. Failing that, wine. And if Zac was joining them for dinner, she was going to need more than one glass.
“I set the table.” Holly tugged at her hand. “You’re next to Uncle Zac.”
Oh joy. Her evening was getting better and better.
Alix focused on Holly. “Why don’t you take me up to your new bedroom? I can’t wait to see your polar research station.”
She followed Holly upstairs, telling herself that it was one evening and she could get through one awkward evening. But she resented the fact that what should have been fun and relaxing would now be full of stress and tension. More importantly, Zac’s presence meant that it would be harder to talk to Christy.
It was some small comfort that it would undoubtedly be an ordeal for him, too.
Holly pushed open the door of her bedroom, and Alix stopped, stunned by what she saw.
“That’s… Wow.” She stepped inside and glanced around. It was truly creative. What she wouldn’t have done for a bedroom like this when she was a child. “You have the northern lights on your bedroom wall. And the snow sparkles.”
“Mummy did that with special paint.” Holly scrambled up onto the shelf bed, and there was a horrible tearing sound as her dress caught on the ladder. She froze and looked at Alix.
“Oops. Want me to tell your mummy for you?”
Holly yanked at the dress and launched herself onto the bed, the movement finally dislodging her hair clip. “No, I can tell her. A dress is stupid.”
Alix thought about the time Christy had spilled juice on her dress and been heartbroken. She’d been too scared to tell her mother, even though it had been an accident. In the end Alix had taken the blame. Holly, it seemed, had no such concerns.
She sat cross-legged on the top bunk, her knee poking out through the torn dress, her hair tumbled and messy as she showed Alix her latest favorite toys.
Alix smiled. “You look snug there. Did Daddy build you that?”
“Uncle Zac. He can make anything. And he’s actually been to a real research station.”
A touch of hero worship there, Alix thought. Oh to be young.
