The Island Villa, page 30
It had never occurred to her that there might have been a hidden reason behind all her mother’s actions. She’d looked at it superficially through the eyes of a child, and maybe that was excusable, but what about later when she was older? She’d allowed herself to stay as that injured child and never stepped out of that place and questioned it.
Now, with information laid out in front of her, it was clear.
The signs of abuse had been there, but to see something you had to be looking, and she hadn’t been looking.
“Even if you’d asked,” Cassie said, “she probably wouldn’t have told you. She didn’t want to talk about it. If it hadn’t been for my stupid book and the fact that I was about to force the subject into the public domain, she never would have had to.”
“Your book wasn’t stupid. Your book was brilliant. You’re a very talented writer.”
Cassie sniffed. “Thank you. That’s all history now. I don’t even care anymore. The only thing I care about is that our mother is okay. As long as she is fine, I’m never going to complain about anything ever again. I’m so glad you’re here.”
Adeline reached across and gave her sister’s leg a squeeze and Cassie glanced at her.
“There’s something I need to tell you. I wrote to you. To Dr. Swift.”
Adeline smiled. “I know.”
“You knew? How?”
“I didn’t know right away, but something about that letter stayed with me.” Adeline felt a tug of emotion. “I assumed you’d forgotten about me. You had a whole life that didn’t have me in it. I assumed you didn’t miss me.”
Cassie swallowed. “That proves you’re not as smart as you seem.”
They arrived at the hospital, parked the car and rushed inside. Adeline was conscious of the echo of her heels on the floor and the soft tickle of her dress against her bare legs as it flipped and swirled with the movement. She doubted anyone had ever been more inappropriately dressed for a hospital visit but she didn’t care, because there was her father, his hair standing on end where he’d raked his fingers through it repeatedly, his eyes tired, arms waving as he spoke slowly and loudly, trying to give information to a woman in a uniform.
Relief flashed across his face when he saw Adeline and Cassie. “They’re examining her now. They wouldn’t let me stay with her. They need her medical history but my Greek isn’t up to it.”
Cassie took over, speaking fluent Greek, giving the staff the information they needed and then there was more waiting, and more self-recrimination.
“I shouldn’t have let her tell you,” her father said. “I should have done it myself, to protect her from it.”
Adeline put her hand on his arm. “Dad...”
“I know you don’t understand. You see all the reasons I shouldn’t be with her, but you don’t see the reasons that I love her. You think the pair of us are making a mistake, and there have been mistakes, that’s true—me letting her go in the first place, your mother marrying Rob and then that useless waster who only wanted her money, but the two of us? We’re not a mistake. We’ve just found each other again, Addy.” He slumped onto one of the chairs in the waiting area, childlike and helpless. “What if I lose her?”
Adeline sat down in the adjacent chair and put her arm around him. Her insides felt raw. Her throat stung with unshed tears. “Let’s wait and hear what the doctor has to say.” She tried to sound calm and rational even though she wasn’t feeling calm or rational.
Her father stared at his hands. “Our wedding is only days away.”
“I know, Dad.”
The weight of his worry almost crushed her. Her father’s pain was a living thing, agonizing to witness, and she knew then that even if she would never understand it, the love he felt for her mother was real. She had no right to question that.
She understood now that every relationship was a private world, a whole story where an outsider would only ever be given a glimpse.
He buried his head in his hands and she felt a wave of sympathy and also guilt. For better, for worse, he clearly adored her mother.
A large clock on the wall showed that fifteen minutes had passed. It felt like fifteen hours.
Was there any activity more soul-destroying than waiting for news of a loved one in a clinical, impersonal hospital corridor? People scurried past, all wearing different expressions. Worry, purpose, determination. Every time someone new appeared, her father would glance up, hopeful, and then slump again when the individual didn’t even glance in his direction.
It felt incongruous sitting in a soulless corridor in the floaty summer dress Maya had picked out for her. Everyone who passed glanced at them and Adeline wished she’d paused long enough to grab a sweater or to change into jeans and a T-shirt. Something less celebratory. Because what was there to celebrate?
Stress formed a tight band around her ribs. It was difficult to breathe. She was a coper, and yet right now she wasn’t coping.
She shifted on her seat and felt the heaviness of her phone in her pocket.
On impulse, she pulled it out and opened the message Stefanos had sent after their trip to his house the day before. He’d promised to cook her dinner the following evening. She glanced at the clock and realized that tomorrow was now today.
She hesitated, but the yearning to talk to him was stronger than the urge to handle this alone.
Unable to stop herself, her fingers moved on the keys.
My mother collapsed. I’m at the hospital.
She pressed Send and immediately regretted it. Why had she messaged him? What did she expect him to do? She should be handling this alone, the way she handled everything else.
She was about to message again and tell him to ignore her message when his response pinged on her phone.
On my way.
Just three words, but never had three words had such a calming effect.
He was on his way. Coming here, to the hospital.
The terrible tightness in her stomach eased. She could finally breathe again.
She could have told him not to come, that she was fine, but she wasn’t fine and she could do with his particular brand of steady support.
She messaged back.
Thank you.
It felt like hours, but finally a doctor appeared and walked toward them.
Andrew shot to his feet so quickly he staggered, and Adeline grabbed him.
“Take a moment, Dad.”
“Tell me. Is she...?”
“She is doing well. It was a panic attack.” The doctor spoke excellent English and Andrew stared at him as the words slowly penetrated.
“Not her heart?”
“No, although the symptoms can be surprisingly similar. With a heart attack, pain is often experienced in other areas as well as the chest—jaw, arm, neck. During a panic attack, the pain is usually in the chest.”
“But her heart was beating so fast.”
“That can happen in response to emotional distress.” The doctor paused. “I understand that she was upset about something immediately before experiencing the symptoms. She wouldn’t talk about exactly what happened, but perhaps addressing that might help. I want to keep her in while I wait for some of the test results to come back, just to be safe, but after that you should be able to take her home.”
“Home?” Her father let out a shaky sigh and turned to her. “She’s not going to die, Addy?”
“No, Dad, she’s not going to die.”
Her relief was every bit as great as her father’s.
They hugged, and then her father lifted his head and reached out an arm to Cassie who was standing alone and a little apart from them.
She hesitated, and then joined them in the hug.
“She’s going to be okay.” Andrew gave her an awkward pat. “She’s going to be okay, sweetheart.”
“Yes.”
The doctor smiled. “You can see her. That might reassure you. Although just one of you at a time. If you come with me, I’ll take you to her.”
Andrew pulled away from Adeline. “Do you mind?”
“Of course, you should go first.” She gave him a little push. “Give her our love. Cassie and I will wait here.”
Watching her father hurry down the corridor, Adeline saw what she should have seen right away.
“He loves her,” she murmured, and Cassie nodded.
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand it. But maybe love isn’t something we can always understand.”
“I definitely don’t understand it.” Cassie’s voice was small and she wrapped her arms around herself. “I think I might be in love with Oliver. In fact, I know I’m in love with Oliver.”
Adeline turned to look at her sister. “Your friend? The guy you share a house with?”
Cassie turned pink and gave an apologetic shake of her head. “I shouldn’t even be mentioning it. It’s not important. Sorry.”
“Are you kidding? I’m grateful for the distraction. And any happy story is welcome right now.”
“It’s not a happy story.” Cassie stared ahead, watching as Andrew disappeared into the room where her mother was.
“It isn’t?”
“He’s in love with Suzy.”
Adeline sighed.
Love was so relentlessly complicated.
She thought about what Cassie had told her so far. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes. And the most annoying thing is that I picked her out for him. We were going through his dating app after a glass of wine. Suzy has great teeth, and hair like silk so there’s not much competing with that.”
Adeline wondered if her sister had looked in the mirror lately.
“But you and Oliver are good friends.”
“Best friends. I can talk to him about anything and he talks to me about anything and everything.”
“Maybe you should tell him how you feel, so that there’s no misunderstanding. I don’t want you to be staying with me when you’re ninety and be forever regretting the fact that you never told him how you felt. I don’t want you feeling sad about the seventy years you could have had together.”
Cassie laughed. “You do realize if I’m ninety, then that makes you a hundred.”
Adeline rubbed her bare arms, wishing she’d brought a sweater with her. “I intend to age well, and part of aging well is to look back on a full life well-lived. We tend to regret the things we don’t say every bit as much as we regret the things we do say. If you love him, tell him.”
“You’re sounding like the daughter of a romance novelist, rather than a sensible psychologist.”
Adeline thought about her message to Stefanos. “I’m not sounding like myself, that’s for sure. I’ve decided that love isn’t one of my areas of expertise. From now on, I’ll be shunting those questions to someone else. You seem to know a lot about love. Maybe you can handle them.”
“I don’t know anything about love either. I’m clueless,” Cassie said. “But if I’m supposed to throw caution to the wind and tell Oliver I love him, then you should definitely have sex with Stefanos.”
Adeline gasped and glanced around. “Do you have to share that thought with the whole of the hospital?”
“Just saying.”
“If you could just say in a quieter voice, that would be good. Or maybe not at all.” Adeline paused as her father emerged from the room and gestured that one of them could come in. She turned to her sister. “You go next.”
“Are you sure? Thank you.” Cassie kissed her on the cheek and all but sprinted up the corridor.
Adeline sat back down on the hard chair and her father joined her. His step was lighter, his frown lines less pronounced.
“How is she, Dad?”
“Better,” he said. “Feeling a lot calmer.”
“Stefanos is on his way.” She said it casually. “In case we need anything.”
“I’m sure I’m not the reason he’s coming, although there is no doubt he’s an excellent young man.” Her father stirred. “How’s it going between you and him?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“If that’s true, then you’ve just made me sad.” He put his hand on hers and gave it a squeeze. “Thank you for being here, Addy.”
“Of course. I’m relieved she’s going to be okay.” She paused. There was so much she needed to say. “I’m sorry if I made things difficult for you, Dad. I love you so much and I feel as protective toward you as you do toward me. But I can see now that I handled it badly. I just want you to be happy, I hope you know that. Do you forgive me?”
“Nothing to forgive. You didn’t understand, and frankly I don’t blame you. Some things aren’t easy to explain or comprehend. They just are.”
“Maybe.”
They sat side by side in the hospital corridor. She’d forgotten how good this could feel. How the presence of someone you loved was often enough to offer comfort.
“You look good in that dress, Addy.”
“I look ridiculously out of place in this dress.” She tugged at the hem, but it refused to sit anywhere but above her knees. “It’s not exactly suitable for hospital visiting.”
“I disagree. I think you should dress like that more often. It suits you. You look relaxed, instead of buttoned-up.”
She sighed. “I sense another lecture coming on.”
“Not a lecture. Advice.”
“You always used to say that you wouldn’t give me advice because you didn’t know what you were doing.”
He gave a soft laugh. “That was because I found being a father terrifying. I wanted you to make your own decisions so that I couldn’t be held responsible.”
She smiled. “You were a brilliant dad. You still are.”
“I don’t know about that, but I try. And it’s because I’m trying to be a good dad that I’m giving you advice,” he said. “After all, you gave me advice.”
She turned to look at him. “You ignored my advice.”
“And you’re free to ignore mine, but I hope you won’t.” He squeezed her hand again. “Let him into your life, Addy. I know you’re scared. I know you’re protecting yourself, but when you shut out risk, you shut out happiness. If you walk away from this relationship, I’ll never forgive myself.”
It should have been unsettling that he knew her so well, and in a way, it was, but it was also comforting. That was love. Allowing someone to know the real you.
“Firstly, it’s not a relationship. And secondly, since when have you been responsible for my love life?”
“I feel responsible,” he said. “Maybe not for your love life but for the emotions that drive all your safe choices.”
She tugged at the hem of her dress again. “Safe choices are underrated.”
“No. They’re driven by fear, and in your case, your mother and I are responsible for that fear. I’m responsible. You saw me brokenhearted and you decided you didn’t ever want to let yourself be in that position. I should have done a better job at hiding my feelings when you were around. You were just a child, but you were always so mature and wise that I treated you like an adult. I’m not making excuses. I’m saying that I can see now that I was a terrible parent to you.”
“Stop...” She put her hand on his arm. “You are a wonderful parent. You were always there for me. And I didn’t expect you to sanitize life. This is how it looks. Messy. Imperfect. Complicated.”
“But you saw the misery and the pain, but not the love. You never understood that part.”
“I liked being treated as an adult. And you wouldn’t have been able to hide your feelings from me. I would have known you were faking it, and I would have hated that. I like the fact that we’ve always been able to talk about everything. I like the fact that we’re talking now.”
“I like that too. Still, you’re dating people like Mark because of me.”
She stared down at her legs. She actually had a little color in them. They weren’t exactly bronzed, but they weren’t white either. “I’m not actually dating Mark. We had a disagreement before I came to Corfu. We broke up.”
“You did?” He brightened. “That’s the best news I’ve had in a long time.”
“My broken relationship is good news?”
“I think it might be. Are you sad?”
She stared at the blank hospital corridor. “I—no. I’m not sad.”
“And that doesn’t tell you something?”
“Dad...”
“Of course it does.” He patted her hand. “You’re a smart girl. He was wrong for you. But Stefanos—”
“Dad...”
He ignored her warning tone. “Stefanos is the kind of man you need. He’s not afraid of feelings. He’s not afraid of life. He’s perfect for you. Have a wild affair. Enjoy yourself.”
She felt a rush of exasperation but also humor. This conversation was almost a relief, given the one that they could have been having if something had happened to her mother. “Are you really supposed to be saying that to your daughter?”
“If you want to be treated as an adult, yes.”
“It’s about boundaries, Dad. If I’m not allowed to meddle in your life, you’re not allowed to meddle in mine.”
“It’s a parent’s duty to meddle,” he said. “And also to fix a mistake. I made a mistake with you.”
She paused. “You mean that time you dropped me off at school when school was closed?”
His shoulders shook. “Did I do that?”
“You did. They’d allocated the day for teacher training. School started a day later.”
“How was I supposed to know that?”
“I think they sent you a letter.”
“Did it look official? I was never good at reading anything that looked official,” he said. “I’m not sure that counts as a mistake.”
“How about the time you tried to braid my hair and we had to go to the hair salon to have it untangled?”
