The Seventeenth, page 18
“I love you, and I will see you again soon, Ray. I will protect you,” she said.
She kissed me and then quickly ran across the platform to the wall and stepped onto the platform to lower herself.
As I watched her descend, I mumbled, “I love you, too.” I gave Jesse a puzzled looked.
“This is difficult for her, Ray. She hasn’t experienced these feelings before and is unsure of them. She transfers Vits back and forth every day, but you’re the first one she has known and she will have your life in her hands,” said Jesse.
“I understand,” I replied.
Jesse told me that the light given off by the densely clustered Vits in the Loft would be blinding to human eyes. He offered me a blindfold to wear which didn’t make sense to me. If I was going to die, would it matter if I was blinded first? He put the blindfold on me anyway. Jesse took me by the hand, opened the container with his hand on the outside of it and led me inside.
The air was warm but not hot. I felt the energy of the Vits around me as little pin-pricks on my skin. Jesse helped me sit down against the outer wall. My legs were out straight in front of me. He sat down next to me and put a small plate in my hand. I felt the top of the plate and recognized the gelatinous texture of senta. I thought of Ruby and of Heather. I knew they were there and I wondered if they knew if I was there, too. I wanted to find them as soon as I possibly could before Micah put the reset in motion. My heart was beating rapidly. I could feel my breathing get heavy and I started to sweat.
“Whenever you’re ready, Ray,” said Jesse.
“You’re staying with me?”
“Of course. Do you want to die alone?”
“Um, no, I just thought that I would be. I want to take the blindfold off. I want to see what this all looks like.”
“If you remove the blindfold, you will be blinded almost instantly. Leave it on and I promise you will see what there is to see soon enough.”
I sat with the plate of senta in my hands and briefly contemplated the enormity of sitting inside the Loft with Jesse, about to kill myself.
“Thank you Jesse. Thank you for everything you and your family have done for the Vits and for me,” I said.
“You’re welcome, Ray.”
I picked a piece of senta off the plate, rolled it up and put it in my mouth. I chewed quickly and swallowed quickly. I did the same with another piece and then the reaction began. I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking and I felt my lungs fill up with fluid. I coughed to clear them. My heart was beating faster and faster. I was choking and coughing and I started to convulse. I felt panicked, as if I would die, because I was dying.
The last thing I remember was laying in Jesse’s arms and hearing him say, “It’s all right Ray, let go. It’s all right Ray, let go.”
And then, I was out, as in, out of my body. It’s an indescribable feeling to have vision without eyes. But for just a moment, I saw Jesse cradling my limp body and then everything was, well, I don’t know what it was.
I don’t know how long I was in the Loft because Micah can’t explain time to me for shit. I remember it as a fraction of a second. From what she told me transpired after my death, it was several minutes. It’s possible I don’t remember because the human brain is designed not to. Or, Micah’s filtering programming pulled it all off of me.
She did leave my memories intact but my memory of the Loft was essentially lost. If I found Ruby or Heather, or my parents, I don’t remember. I hope that I did. I hope they found me. I hope I was able to communicate what I knew about the Council and about what they did to us, to the other Blues. But I don’t know if any of that occurred.
In that fraction of a second of the Loft that I remember experiencing, there are just a few characteristics that I can recall. The first was that I felt warm. The best I can describe it is feeling cozy, as a child would, wrapped in a warm blanket. I remember a flash of light for an instant that was the most beautiful light I’d ever seen. I’d never seen light like it before, nor have I since. I felt complete unadulterated joy around me. I was never in an environment of such happiness.
After all that occurred before and since, I remember one thing about that fraction of a second most of all. I want to be back there. Earth? Ulnar? Forget all of it. It’s not fair to compare them to the Loft. I don’t even remember it and I know I want to be there. Just remembering that moment in the Loft, I’m certain that Jesse did a terrible job selling the concept in his first visit to Earth. I know he was playing it straight to pass an audit if his meddling was found, which it was. But, wow, a great product with bad marketing.
Jesse physically confirmed my death, waited a few moments, then carried my body out of the Loft. Two Ulnarans carried my body away and Jesse used the elevating platform to descend to the lowest level. He entered the large pie-shaped room on the lowest level. The space was lightly illuminated. Two of the four long gray tubes, eight feet in length and three feet tall, were opened as if hinged. From underneath, they glowed blue in color. Flat, white-frosted video screens were turned on and hung in the air beside each one. All of the SRK team leadership were assembled except for Micah who was in her office and connected by video.
“Ray has passed,” Jesse said.
There was a pause before Marvin said, “Is everyone ready?”
They all answered, “Yes.”
Jesse and Lucy each climbed into a lifepod. The interior of the pods was colored dark blue and made of the same material as the sofa and mattress I’d slept on. Alexandra leaned into Jesse’s pod and kissed his cheek.
“Be careful and behave. I understand we plan to scrap this cycle when this activity completes but that isn’t a license to do whatever you please. Don’t rile them up and get yourself killed again,” she said sternly.
“Didn’t I behave the last time?” he asked.
“Yes, but that’s only because your father placed you there as a blind dwarf that no one listened to. Take care of Ray.”
“I am taking care of him mother.”
She closed the lid on Jesse’s pod and the sound of a whoosh of air was made as it pressurized.
Ellen hovered near Lucy’s pod. Lucy sat up and they embraced and kissed. Ellen said, “You don’t have to do this.”
“I do have to do it. All of the terrible things that happen on Earth are because of me. Anytime I can do something positive instead, I want to do it. It will only take a few moments,” replied Lucy.
Ellen closed Lucy’s lifepod and it pressurized and whooshed with air. Marvin pushed spots on each of the lifepod screens. Both showed him that pressurization was optimal and the link to Earth was on-line.
Marvin called out, “Ready here.”
Bernard, in the adjoining room where the portal control board was, called out, “Ready here.”
Micah said, “Ready here.”
Marvin put his hand on the wall which opened up communications to the entire building, and said, “Everyone hold your stations. We’re go for reset to the 16th cycle on Micah’s signal. Whenever you’re ready Micah.”
Micah called out, “Five, four, three, two, one, now.”
In her office, she simultaneously pressed both reset buttons on her screen and watched as the nearly 6 billion Vits quickly returned to the Loft, leaving Earth with bodies but no Vits. All of those bodies died and fell right where they were. Micah verified that all of the 20 billion Vits were in the Loft and none were on Earth or between the two locations.
She then pressed both reset buttons again which reformed the Earth and all of its structures and human bodies just as they were in place a few moments before I was transferred to Ulnar. She performed what she told me later was a calling of the Vits for that specific date and time. All of the Vits on or circling the Earth at that exact moment were transferred out of the Loft and instantly rematched with the bodies they were in at that time. Micah validated that all of the Vits were in place as they were supposed to be. There were several late stragglers that she had to wait a moment for.
When they were all reloaded, she called out, “This reset is validated. Restart in five, four, three, two, one, now.”
She pushed both reset buttons again and time on Earth and in its universe began moving forward again from March 22nd, 1978, at 10:17:35 am Eastern Time. As she started her final countdown, Marvin activated both lifepods. They lit a brighter blue as they interfaced with Earth at the exact moment the 16th cycle of the Third Iteration began.
CHAPTER 20
You Know Better
I woke up in the hospital stairwell. I looked down and saw the green gown I was wearing with some vomit here and there. I saw that my shoes, socks, wallet and keys were on the next level. How did that happen? Did I pass out? I felt dazed. I didn’t know if that was from puking or from passing out. My head didn’t hurt. I didn’t know what I was doing there. I walked down the half-flight of stairs, put my wallet and keys in my pocket and put my socks and shoes back on. I walked back up the stairs feeling weakened and I leaned on the cement railing as I climbed from step to step. There was something I needed to remember. My brain was cloudy.
Arrrrggggggghhhhh Ruby. Dammit. Right. Annie just told me Ruby would live at most, six-to-eight more weeks. My stomach turned and I wanted to throw up again. I remembered why I was in the stairwell, because I felt sick. Then I remembered getting sick, and there was something else. It didn’t matter because I felt terrible. But I needed to see Ruby.
I opened the door from the stairwell and walked back into the gowning room. There was a small sink there and I used a fresh gown to wipe my face and hands, hoping I cleaned all the puke off of me. I changed into a new gown, booties, mask, and gloves and walked down the hallway to Ruby’s room.
I was distraught about her dying and I wondered how I would hide it on my face from her. I was a fairly good writer but a terrible actor. When would I tell her? Today? Tomorrow? I didn’t know. I could take her home but I wasn’t even setup with that bed tent or anything. Would they let me take that? Did she still need one? And the palliative care doctor whose name I couldn’t remember then. Would she arrange all of that?
All of these thoughts were racing through my mind as I walked down the hall, not looking where I was, but I didn’t need to. I could get to Ruby’s room with my eyes closed. I wasn’t looking before I entered the room but I swear there was no one there. Then I bounced off a man just outside the doorway, forcing me to take two steps backwards.
I barely glanced at the man and said, “Oh excuse me, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
I noticed he stunk, badly, as I walked past him. I walked into Ruby’s room and she was laying in her bed under the tent, looking sick but her blue eyes were twinkling a bit. I saw her and my heart sank in my chest. I needed to pull myself together for her. I could feel the tears coming and the lump in my throat knowing she would be dead soon. I didn’t think about her prognosis as I walked around to the side of her bed. I unzipped the zipper on the tent and put my right hand inside to hold hers.
“Hi sweetheart,” I said.
“Hi Daddy, how was the banana pudding?”
I wasn’t ready for that question. I forgot for a moment that was the excuse for me leaving the room.
“Oh it was delicious, honey. I’ve never eaten anything Maddie cooked that wasn’t delicious.”
“Who’s that?”
I looked back towards the door and the man I’d bumped into was all the way in the room. He was short, about 5’4” with a stocky build. He was Hispanic. His hair was long, stringy, and black. It looked as though it wasn’t washed recently. He had a black mustache and brown eyes. He was wearing a dirty, formerly white, long sleeved shirt, dirty bluejeans, and a light brown corduroy overcoat that covered him down to his ankles. He was a mess.
I could tell by the smell of body odor and urine he was giving off that it was the same man I bumped into entering the room.
“You’re in the wrong room sir, you need to move along,” I said.
In English, but speaking with a heavy Puerto Rican accent, he said, “No, this is the right room, man.”
“No, I’m sorry, you can’t be in here. My daughter is very sick and she can’t be exposed to germs and whatever else that’s on you. You need to leave,”
I walked away from Ruby and toward the man. I was about to physically grab him and start pushing him out the door.
He said, “Ray, this is the right room, and I’ve come to see you and Ruby.”
That stopped me from walking toward him.
“How do you know me? How do you know my daughter? Who are you?”
“My name is Jesús, but you know me as Jesse.”
“Look, I don’t want any trouble from you, but I don’t know anyone named Jesús or Jesse so you can just —”
“Ah but you do Ray, you do. Let me help you. Micah. Lucy. Bernard. Marvin. Ellen. Jessssssseeee? Yes?”
“You need to leave.”
“Ulnar. Talvon. Vits. The Council. Blues. Whites. The Loft. The Hold. The Dump.”
“Wait, something is familiar about those terms. Who are you again?”
“I’m Jesse. You were with my family for a period of time, on Ulnar. We’ve just started the 16th cycle and —”
“Holy shit!”
“Yes! You remember!”
“Ahhhhhhhhhh I think I do, wait, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I fucking died!”
“Yes!”
I turned back to Ruby and smiled at her. “Ruby!” I exclaimed.
“What Daddy?” she asked.
I grabbed Jesse as Jesús and hugged him tightly. I broke away from him and held his gaze for a few moments and smiled at him. I let go of him then went to Ruby’s bedside. I reached into the tent and scooped Ruby out of her bed and into my arms and held her close to me. I took my mask off and kissed her face several times. I hugged her as tightly as I ever hugged anyone. Given her health, I probably came close to breaking a bone. I held her close to me and didn’t want to let her go. I turned to face Jesse and smiled as I held her.
“Daddy, who is that?” Ruby asked in my ear. I pulled her away from my body and turned her so she could look at him.
“Oh, honey that’s my good friend Jesse and he’s here to…he’s here to do us a favor,” I said.
“Hi Ruby, it’s nice to meet you,” he said to her.
“Hi. You don’t smell good,” she said.
“You’re right, I don’t,” he replied.
“Yeah, seriously, what is that?” I asked.
“Just some occupational testing.”
“Where’s Lucy?”
“She should be at your house, making preparations.”
We were interrupted when Maddie bustled into the room carrying a tray with Ruby’s chicken noodle soup.
She said, “Just WHAT is going on here? Ray, what are you doing? Put that child back in that bed. And who is this? And what is that smell? Is that you? Oh you got to go, you got to go. You can’t be in this room smellin’ all up in here with, oh Ray, who is this?”
“It’s all right Maddie, he’s a friend of the family,” I said.
“A friend of the family?” she asked. She gave him a look as though it was impossible for him to know me, let alone by my friend.
“Hi, my name is Jesús,” he said.
“I don’t care what your name is or whose friend you are. You stink and you can’t be in here with that sick little girl. You need to get out of here or I’m calling security to take your ass down to the county jail for trespassing,” she said.
“He’s not trespassing Maddie. I invited him,” I said.
“Ray, now look, I know you just got some sensitive information, and I’m sorry. But he can’t be here!”
“It’s all right, we’re leaving Maddie.”
“Leaving? You can’t leave!”
“Annie said I could take her home.”
“Ray! Yes you can take her home, but she needs to be discharged. You can’t just walk out of here without getting her discharged.”
“Sure I can. Jesse, can you give me a hand?”
“Who is Jesse?” she asked.
“I’m not good with needles, Ray,” Jesse said.
“Ray?!”
I put Ruby back into the bed then walked around to the other side and disconnected her IV tubing. I left the needle in her wrist and closed it off. I unzipped the other side of the tent and scooped her out of it and carried her towards the door. Maddie was still standing there with the tray in her hands, bewildered.
Maddie pleaded, “Ray, stop. Let’s get her discharged properly, OK? I’ll get everyone working on it and we’ll have her out by five this afternoon, I promise.”
“That’s too much time wasted Maddie. I know you understand what that means. Thank you for everything. You’re wonderful and thank Annie for me, too, OK? I know she did everything she could and it’s not her fault. Just tell her I said that. Tell her I know it’s not her fault,” I said.
I turned to Jesse and said to him, “Jesse are you ready?”
He nodded and I walked around the front of Maddie, passed by her, and out the doorway. I thought Jesse was right behind me but he stopped to speak with Maddie.
“And you, don’t you ever come back here again or I’ll have you thrown out of here on your smelly ass!” she screamed at him.
“I don’t want any trouble. I’m just here to support Ray and Ruby,” he replied.
“Support them? You don’t look like you’re supporting yourself, let alone anyone else.”
“I wish your attitude was different. I think you’ve mis-judged me.”
“I wish your smell was different, now get out of here!”
We walked down the hall and down the stairwell, past the chapel and and out to the parking area. I climbed into the truck. Jesse climbed in on the other side and I passed Ruby over to him to hold.
“Daddy, your friend stinks,” Ruby said.
“Can you do something about that?” I asked him.
“Not without water and soap,” he replied.
“Roll down the window at least. Come here honey, sit over here by me,” I said. Ruby scooted onto the center seat and cuddled up next to me. As we drove out of the parking lot I steered the wheel with my left hand and held Ruby tight and close to me with my right arm.
