My Best Mistake, page 15
He looks at me sheepishly. “It’s a good dog.”
“It is. I’ll ask around.”
“Thanks,” Jason says. “I hate to go.”
I know what he means. It’s nice standing here in the hallway, looking out and just chatting.
“I’ll see you at home,” I say, and he nods and with a wave, he goes through the double glass doors.
I walk on air as I head to the animal wards. I feel like a kid who has just received an unexpected treat. Seeing Jason is a breath of fresh air. I mention to Amelia about my need for a dog and she promises to ask around. She knows more people than I do, having worked at the clinic for long.
The morning goes quickly and at lunchtime, Amelia comes into my office. “I’m going for a sandwich run, do you want anything?” she says.
I’ve been indoors all morning and the thought of the sun warming my bare arms is too appealing to ignore. “Better yet, I’ll come with you.”
“Great!” she says.
I grab my purse and we leave together. I love the contrast in L.A.. Men and women in power suits stride by and others in shorts and sunglasses.
“I love L.A. and summer,” Amelia shouts as we stroll down the street. A few people turn to look at her with amused smiles, but Amelia doesn’t notice or care.
I laugh at her exuberance. “Have you lived here for long?” I ask.
She glances at me. “Pretty long.”
By her answer I know she doesn’t want to talk about it, and I respect that. So many circumstances take people away from home. Take me for instance. I wouldn’t want to talk about the circumstances that brought me to L.A., not to someone who’s a relative stranger.
We keep our conversation topics light, like interesting places to go in L.A.. Before long, we’re entering the sandwich shop. Scents of fresh vegetables and meats waft up my nostril. We head to the counter and as we join the queue I look around at the brightly colored space.
On the right side is a seating area and it’s buzzing with conversation from people having their lunch. I’m about to look away but before I do so, I catch a familiar face. It’s Jason. Or maybe his identical twin. I blink rapidly and look again. It’s definitely Jason.
He’s dressed in a crisp white shirt and he leans forward on the table as he speaks.
My gaze shifts to his date. She’s got a mass of gorgeous golden-brown hair that cascades down her shoulders. She laughs at something Jason says and then places her hand on his arm. An unfamiliar emotion grips my heart and twists it painfully.
“Which one do you want?” Amelia asks me.
I drag my eyes away. I hadn’t realized we’d reached the counter. I say the first thing that comes to mind. “Beef.”
Thankfully Amelia doesn’t question me further. I’m not capable of giving coherent answers. I stare at Jason and the woman again and they’re so engrossed in their conversation, they only have eyes for each other. Maybe they are just friends. But we were together just a few hours ago. He could have mentioned it.
Tears prickle my eyes and I’m afraid I might embarrass myself by bursting into tears.
I’m glad when we get our order and leave the sandwich shop. I throw one last glance their way. Jason’s eyes do not leave his date. Nausea swirls in my tummy and my chest contracts painfully. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation of what Jason is doing on a date with a gorgeous woman.
Like what?
My feet tremble and weaken and I can’t wait to get to the office. Amelia chatters on and doesn’t notice my distress. I’m frightened. I feel like a fool for thinking that Jason had changed. In the privacy of my office, I let out a bitter laugh. What madness had made me believe that Jason could change because of me?
Then I remember how he looked at me just hours ago. How he makes love to me with such gentleness. Is that fake? I don’t know. I want to believe there’s a logical explanation why he’s out with a woman and did not mention it.
I’m being foolish and dramatic. I’m jumping to conclusions without waiting to hear from Jason. I begin to feel better.
I’m sure that as soon as I get home, he’ll tell me all about his day and how he met with this woman, who is probably a relative or a friend. I remember the touches between them, but I tell myself that friends touch each other. It’s an internal fight to keep my thoughts from assuming the worst.
After work, I’m the first one to dash out of the door. I don’t walk in my usual leisurely pace. I hurry, pounding my heels on the ground, worried that one might get stuck to the spaces between the pavement blocks but not slowing down. I need to hear it from Jason, for my sanity’s sake.
My breath comes out in gasps as I walk up to our street and I try to bring it back to normal. By the time I reach the house, I feel more in control of myself. I inhale sharply before I turn the doorknob. Everything looks normal, with Jason and Liam sprawled on the couch.
Jason is reading a storybook to Liam and he puts it down when I enter. He smiles brightly and I try to stretch my stiff lips into a smile. I go to them and kiss Liam first and then Jason. Liam lifts his hands and I pick him up. As I cuddle him and inhale his sweet baby smells, I momentarily forget the turmoil in my heart.
“Did you have a good day?” I coo to Liam and he calls my name and grabs my hair and then giggles.
I sit down with Liam on my lap. “So how was your day?” I ask Jason.
He shrugs. “Pretty good. I got a lot done and I picked Liam up early from his grandmother’s. We had a good afternoon, didn’t we, buddy?”
I wait, hoping that he’ll come clean and tell me that he met someone for lunch. Even if he doesn’t explain who she is, I’ll be happy for the honesty.
My throat tightens and I’m close to tears. “I need a shower, will you watch Liam for a few minutes?”
“Sure, no problem.”
I flee to my room and shut the door. I strip my work clothes off and hurry to the bathroom. With the shower running, I’m finally able to give in to the pain. Tears course down my cheeks and mix with the shower water. What a fool I am. I knew from the beginning what we had, and yet I’ve allowed myself to get carried away.
Do I have a sign on my forehead that announces to every man that I’m a fool for love? First, it was Eric, now it’s Jason. My heart expands to painful proportions. I lost my common sense and now I’m paying with heartbreak. When will I ever learn to keep my feelings from getting involved?
I had gone into this affair with my eyes wide open, knowing full well the type of person Jason was. And then what do I do? I fall in love with Jason Cooper. The last man I should have allowed into my heart. How will I get over this?
If he knew, he would laugh and look at me with pity in his eyes.
Chapter 29
Jason
Brooke has been quiet all evening and she says she’s fine when I ask her about it. Her eyes are red-rimmed as if she has been crying but that makes no sense as she has no reason to cry. I don’t know what to make of it. We have an early dinner after Liam has eaten his food.
“Long day?” I ask her and she nods.
“Uncle Jason will make it right for you,” I say and try to tease a smile out of her. “I’ll give you a massage at bedtime.”
She cocks her head and looks at me as if I’m a stranger. As if she’s trying to figure out who I am. It’s unsettling.
“You’re sure everything is okay?” I ask.
She shakes herself out of it and smiles. I’m relieved when she goes back to her normal self.
“I’ll clean up while you give Liam his bottle,” Brooke says after dinner.
I feel rushed as she clears up the dinner dishes. Something is off and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe taking care of us and working is taking a toll on Brooke. Then I remember how happy she had seemed earlier at work and it doesn’t make sense.
I left the animal clinic feeling ten feet tall especially after our conversation about the dog. I can’t believe I told Brooke about Charlie but I’m glad I did. She didn’t think it foolish of me to be thinking about a dog decades since I last saw him.
I’m excited about having a dog and introducing Liam to pets early in life. I remember how comforting it was to have Charlie when I’d had a particularly rough day at school.
“Any luck with leads for a pup?” I ask Brooke.
She looks at me confused before understanding dawns. Something is really bothering her.
“No not yet,” she says.
Maybe she’ll confide in me later when we’re in bed. That’s the thing about Brooke. She takes her time before confiding in someone. That much I’ve learned about her and sometimes I have to coax it out of her. Now, I take the bottle and lift Liam from his highchair to the couch.
As we settle down and he drinks his milk, my mind returns to my meeting earlier with Marian. She had some great ideas for a grand proposal. I did warn her to come up with inexpensive but creative ideas to propose. As much as I’d like to, I can’t afford to splash out on a proposal. Not with my financial state.
We’d tossed ideas back and forth and eventually, she asked what we liked to do in our free time. Thinking about it made me realize that all our excursions include Liam and we like it that way. I told her about going to the beach and the zoo.
Marian then suggested an idea that was creative and yet inexpensive. She’d helped another client plan it years ago. The idea was to have the divers in the zoo aquarium hold up a sign with my proposal in it. Perfect. I can just imagine Brooke’s face. Shock. Excitement hopefully. I don’t want to think of another option.
I once witnessed a proposal in a restaurant where the man went down on his knee to propose to his girlfriend. All conversation had stopped as we all watched the couple. The first sign of trouble was the girlfriend’s gaze which bounced around the restaurant as if searching for an escape route.
“I can’t!” she’d blurted out and then fled from the room leaving the man still on his knee wondering how everything had gone so wrong. I don’t want that to be us. We haven’t expressed our feelings for each other, but I’ll work my way to it over the next couple of days.
It takes an hour for Liam to fall asleep and when he does, Brooke carries him to the nursery. I clean up the living room while I wait for Brooke. She returns just as I finish and leans on the doorway.
“I’m really tired. I hope you don’t mind if I turn in early,” she says.
I look at her in surprise. “Of course not. I’ll be along to give you that massage I promised.”
She smiles and turns away. I give her time to get ready for bed and then I follow, turning off all the lights. I knock lightly on her door and enter. She’s already in bed and lying on her stomach. I grab a bottle of oil. Her head is turned to the wall. She sighs and I take that as an invitation.
I open the covers and inhale sharply when I discover that she’s naked. I admire her hourglass figure before I straddle her. I know my way around a massage as I once had a girlfriend who was a masseuse and she taught me a lot.
I pour a dollop of massage oil into the palm of my hand and rub my hands together to warm it. I start with Brooke’s back and massage it using long, fluid strokes. I can feel the tension in her muscles and as I rub down her back, I can feel her relaxing.
I start at the base of her back and work my way up to her shoulders, separating and kneading each muscle group. I rub her neck in circular motions and use my thumbs to massage the edges of her skull. Only after I’ve worked on her shoulders and back do I lower myself to her legs to work on her feet.
I gently pull each toe and she lets out a soft groan. The first of the evening. I’ve missed hearing her moan. When I’m finished with her feet, I push her legs apart and arrange myself between her legs to massage her thighs. The scent of her arousal reaches me, and my cock responds and begins to stir.
Unable to resist, I trace a finger from her ass crack down to her pussy. I inhale sharply at how wet she is. I manage to extricate my finger and I knead her inner thighs. Brooke lifts her ass and I oblige by brushing my hand over her clit in teasing movements. She writhes and moans and pushes her pussy into my hand, but I’ve no intention of going further until she asks.
My other hand caresses her thighs and ass cheeks.
“Jason,” she finally says gritting her teeth. “Please?”
I grin and slide a finger into her pussy and play with her clit using my thumb. She moans and cries out and my cock throbs with the need to be inside her. I use one hand to remove my shorts and briefs and then enter her from behind.
“Oh God yes!” Brooke cries as I push my cock deep inside her body.
I kiss her shoulders and neck. My hands are on each side of her body for support as I don’t want to put all my weight on her. I want to be slow and gentle, but Brooke turns her head to me and urges me to go faster.
Her words spur me on, and I fuck her hard and fast, just the way she wants it. Nothing is different, at least not physically. When it’s over, I shift to the side and pull her to my chest. I love everything about us, the making love and this part, where we fall asleep in each other’s arms.
It used to scare me, this intimacy with a woman. After sex, I like to clean up and part ways. I’ve never wanted to wake up next to a woman, but with Brooke, it’s natural and right. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I like to reach out and pull her closer to me.
Nothing is sweeter than making love the first thing in the morning, even before my mind is completely awake. It gives a happy tone to the day.
Brooke resists my pull. I think she wants to go to the bathroom first and I let her go. She sits up and looks at me straight in the eyes. My body tenses at the coldness in her normally warm green eyes.
“Brooke?” I say.
“Do you mind going to your room? I like to sleep alone,” she says.
“Oh.” My mouth is open, but I can’t help it. I like to sleep alone. Her words keep repeating themselves in my brain. I’ve just been thinking how much I like to sleep with Brooke and then she says she likes to sleep alone.
I feel like I’ve been slapped. She doesn’t give me time to recover and gets up from the bed.
“I don’t understand,” I tell her. “Is there something that’s happened that I don’t know about?”
She refuses to meet my gaze. “Of course not.” She grabs a robe, slips it on and pads to the bathroom without a backward glance. The bathroom door slams shut.
I’m still staring at the door a minute later. I don’t understand what just happened. One thing is clear though. She expects to find me out of her room when she comes out of the bathroom. I pull on my boxer briefs and pick up the rest of my clothes.
I wait but she doesn’t come out of the bathroom. I can’t sleep without knowing what just happened. She wants to be sure that I’ve left her room before returning. I get up, open the door and noisily shut it and then return to sit at the edge of the bed.
Just as I thought, she leaves the bathroom and grinds to a halt in the middle of the room when she sees me.
“I thought you’d gone,” she says. She refuses to meet my gaze and looks at a spot on the wall behind me.
“I won’t go before you tell me what the matter is, Brooke. Something has changed between us and I want to make it right.”
She looks at me then. Expressionless. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“We’re friends, Brooke—”
“Jason, look, I’m a big girl and I accept what we have for what it is. We’re two adults enjoying each other’s bodies. Fucking if you need the right term for it.”
I cringe at the words. True, I once thought of what Brooke and I do as fucking, but not anymore. Hearing those words from her feels like a knife to my dreams and fantasies.
“We don’t need to pretend it’s anything other than what it is,” she continues.
I freeze. Those are my lines. Before Brooke happened.
“I thought we liked each other,” I say.
She smiles. “Of course, we do. That doesn’t mean we have to get all sentimental about it.”
She speaks to me like I’m a fool. Someone who needs things explained to him very carefully. She stops short of drawing for me the situation on a paper. This doesn’t bother me as much as it should. I’m confused. How could I misunderstand things so badly?
I search her face for clues. Her face is expressionless and then a look of pity comes over her features. That propels me into action.
I stand up and nod. “Okay, if that’s how you want it, then fine,” I speak in crisp tones to hide my hurt feelings and leave her room, shutting the door firmly behind me.
In my room, I punch the air. I can’t believe that I actually planned on proposing to her. I’ve never been so wrong about someone. My pride, my feelings. Everything hurts. The pain gives way to anger. I feel as if she led me on.
Something occurs to me. This is how the girls I’ve let down gently in the past feel. Discarded. Used. I try to search for Brooke’s past behavior. She was loving and she enjoyed our lovemaking but she never once voiced her feelings or gave me reason to believe that she had feelings for me.
I’m an idiot but I’ve learned a lesson. We will do it Brooke’s way.
Chapter 30
Brooke
I wake up feeling like I’ve only slept two hours. My eyelids are heavy and yet I can’t sleep anymore. I glance at my alarm clock by the bed. Half-past six. Another half an hour and Liam will be awake. The events of the previous night come to me. I should be pleased and proud of myself.
Instead, I feel miserable. Jason’s hurt look pops into my mind. At the time I had felt powerful and in charge of my life and emotions. But that’s all gone now, and I just want to close my eyes and drift off to sleep again. Except my mind is fully awake.
I miss waking up in his arms and feeling his hands touching, probing, and turning me on so that I want him inside me before I do anything else. A desperate ache comes over me. Right now, I don’t care if Jason has no feelings for me. I just want the heat of his skin against mine.
My body feels the loss of Jason not being in my bed. Pleasuring me. Loving me with his hand and his tongue and his big delicious cock. My nipples ache with wanting to be kneaded by Jason’s expert hands. My pussy throbs to be filled with his cock.
