Forget Your Morals: A Forbidden Secret Romance, page 8
“Hello, can I help you?”
“I’m Jessa Peters. I’m supposed to meet with Aiden,” she says. I then realize she was the woman who was trying to hold back her laughter at the funeral.
She looks a lot like Collin and Zach, with her dark hair, brown eyes, and olive-toned skin.
“Oh yes, Mr. Carlson is expecting you. Follow me.” I stand up from behind my desk, and she follows as we walk throughout the cubicles and closed door offices on the left. “My name is Penny. I work the front desk, if you ever need anything.”
“Thanks, Penny. I’m Jessa,” she repeats.
I give her a smile, finding her awkwardness kind of charming and sweet. Part of me automatically wants to be her friend, not only cause we’re close in age, but I doubt she knows anyone in the area.
“Oh yes, everyone knows who you are.” I regret the words as I say them. I guess I’m also not as smooth with meeting new people. I direct her to take a seat and head back to my desk.
I can’t imagine what she’s going through. I also can’t imagine Collin abandoning his child. I hate that it makes me see him in a different light. Maybe it’s my own issues floating to the surface. But if a good man like Collin can do something shitty, is there hope for any decent men out there?
With the funeral, seeing a different side of Lincoln, and Jessa’s arrival to the office, I haven’t had time to think about the other things looming in my life. Like how I’m still sensitive as hell over the fact that Wayne hasn’t requested me again at Key Club, or how the PI hasn’t gotten any additional information about my biological parents.
I feel like I’m attempting to improve myself and it’s going nowhere.
Well, getting a true friend was on my to-do list. I can start there. I get Jessa set up with all the items she’ll need and I overhear Zach being an absolute dick to her. Collin has to be rolling over in his grave with the drama he’s caused.
What a douche. I head over to Jessa’s cubicle and try not to fumble with my words.
“You’ve really caused quite the stir here at Kemper’s.”
“I didn’t mean to,” she says and I wince. Really fucking crushing this whole new friendship.
“Oh, honey. It’s not your fault. Everyone here loved Collin. When he got sick, we were all devastated. When he was on his deathbed, we learned about his secret daughter. It was a shock to us all.”
“Everyone knows?” she asks, looking around the cubicle hallway, and I wonder if she’s worried about another confrontation with Zach.
I grimace and nod. “Everyone knows. I’m guessing that’s why Zach’s been a bigger dick than usual.” I cover my mouth after I say it and shake my head. “Sorry, I shouldn’t say things like that.”
“If the shoe fits,” she replies with a smirk, and I find myself liking Jessa Peters more with each passing moment.
“He was always kind of a tool before, but ever since his dad got sick, he’s been on a real power trip. We all heard about the shares,” I say softly. I’m not trying to gossip with her, well maybe I am. That’s what girlfriends do, right? “Zach really likes to talk about himself.” I shrug and realize getting out of the office will be the best place to really get to know each other. “Hey, want to get some lunch?”
“That would be great,” she smiles and I feel some level of accomplishment.
“Do you like Mexican food? There’s an amazing food truck right around the corner.”
“That sounds great.”
We make our way out of Kemper’s and start the short walk to the food truck.
“So, where are you from?”
“I’ve lived mostly in Virginia.”
“Never been. Well, we sat in traffic in Virginia on our way to Maine that one year, but I’ve never spent time there.” If she doesn’t think I’m a rambling idiot, it will be a miracle. “So you knew Collin was your dad?”
“I’d only ever met him twice.” I nod and feel a pang of sadness for her. It’s just so out of character for the man we all loved at the office. I guess it’s true about never really knowing someone.
“He didn’t seem the type to just abandon his kid.”
“Men have a way of disappointing you like that.”
“You’re right about that. So the funeral was the first time you met Zach?”
“Yes, I didn’t know my father had other children.”
“Woof, this story keeps getting more messed up,” I say, and grimace. I’ve really got to work on not saying every stupid little thing that comes through my head.
“You don’t have to tell me how messed up it is. I’m living it.”
“Well, I’m here if you need me. I know it can be hard to make friends in a new town,” I say, lightly touching her forearm. She gives me a smile and I hope that maybe she’ll stick around at Kemper’s and we can really get to know one another.
It’s hot and I feel like I’m sweating tequila as I suggest we take our food back to the office. While we’re eating at my desk, Zach walks past looking pissed as hell and I have to hide my laughter.
“Sounds like someone just got put in his place.”
Aiden walks up to reception. He doesn’t look fazed in the least as he rests his elbow on the table. “Jessa, when you’re done, will you come to my office?”
Jessa frantically goes to pack up her food and Aiden holds out a hand to calm her down. “No, finish your food, take your time. I’ll see you shortly.”
“At least the person who matters the most in the office seems to like you,” I say, the hopeless, ridiculous romantic in me already shipping my cousin with his dead best-friend’s secret daughter. Something is supremely wrong with me.
“What?” Jessa asks and I shake my head and take a bite of my burrito bowl as I start to plot on how to both make Jessa my best friend and see if my initial reaction to these two being a match is spot on or not.
The day seems to drag on for fucking ever and I don’t know if it’s because I hate my job, or if this hangover is just kicking my ass.
I try to give Jessa space and pray that she’ll be back tomorrow. It’s the end of the day and everyone starts filing out, including an overwhelmed looking Jessa.
“See you tomorrow, Jessa,” I say, and she smiles back with a nod.
“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
I gather the potential clients’ lead list to give to Aiden so he can divvy it up between the salespeople so they can start cold calling. Almost everyone in the office is gone, except the man himself.
He’s tossing a stress ball in the air and squeezing it in his bad hand when I enter his office. I drop off the files and look at him questioningly. Is he stressed because Collin’s daughter is pretty as hell and absolutely his dream girl? Probably.
“What?” he asks, annoyed.
“She’s nice.”
‘Okay?”
“I think…” I roll my eyes at him, and his shitty tone. “I think she needs a friend, and I plan on being that for her. I think she’s sad.”
“Of course she’s sad.”
“Maybe…”
“Listen, Penny. She’s an employee, she’s a shareholder. I’ll be kind to her, not just because I’m her boss, but because she’s Collin’s daughter. Is there anything else?”
“Damn, don’t chew my head off, or I’ll call Aunt Maggie,” I immediately throw out. Totally fine calling my aunt to tell her what a dick her son is being. Especially when Aiden is probably the kindest out of all of his brothers. This isn’t like him.
“Seriously, you’re going to call my mom when I tell you to mind your own business?”
“Yeah, maybe. I’m just saying. Everyone in the office is already gossiping about her; it’s going to be hard. We have to make more of an effort. I’ll make sure to ask her to lunch.”
“That will be great. Is there anything else?”
I shake my head, clearing my throat to leave his office, when I stop at the door frame. “Will you be at family dinner on Sunday?”
He nods and I smile. It’s been so long since he’s really been a part of any of the family stuff and it makes me sad seeing him suffer.
I probably shouldn’t be plotting ways to make him fall in love with our latest employee. But my break from dating men has me antsy and wanting to at least see someone else get their happy ending.
They’ll be none the wiser as I plant my seeds of forbidden office romance.
I collect my belongings and make the walk to my building. I really need to start driving again, but the fact is I hate it. Every time I try to get in the driver’s seat of a car, I just freak out. It’s not worth it, it’s why I was more than happy to take the apartment when my parents offered. I can walk to work and the best food spots, plus Lincoln will drive me when needed.
I eat the leftover Chinese food in my fridge and put on something mindless, trying to ignore the overwhelming loneliness that’s eating me up inside.
My next appointment with Deb is in a few days, and it couldn’t come at a better time.
My phone vibrates, and I pick it up, seeing the notification from Avalon.
A massive smile takes over my face. I shouldn’t be so excited over a man I don’t know wanting to see me again. Maybe he had a busy work schedule, or had something come up and was just now able to reach out. My days of spiraling over why this man wasn’t interested in me seems ridiculous. All the feelings of disappointment are quickly replaced by anticipation.
12
SELFISH
I feel like shit the entire day. The entire meeting with the plumbing company had me wanting to end it all, but I somehow persevered.
I don’t know why I took Penny to Calamity. After that funeral, I just wanted to feel alive, and not so alone. But as I head to pick up dinner, the feeling sinks in again.
Why can I only let my guard down when I’ve been piled with drinks or when I’m fucking a stranger?
It’s all truly pathetic.
My number is called and I grab my bag of to-go food and head back to my car. And that’s when I see her.
She’s walking with her kids, who must be around eight and twelve, in my direction. She doesn’t look any different. The same dark hair, same figure—same everything.
I feel like the universe is bending me over and fucking me in the ass as she notices me and sends her kids into the restaurant. The children who are exact clones of their mother look at me curiously before heading inside.
“Lincoln,” she says softly.
“Vanessa.” Her name tastes like ash on my tongue.
How was I so fucking blind? So self-absorbed that I didn’t see the signs?
“I hope you’re doing well.”
She stands there confidently, like she didn’t ruin my whole fucking life with lies. Her wedding ring is sparkling on her finger and my heart goes out to the bastard who chose to stay with her after everything.
I nod my head and go to skirt around her when she touches my forearm.
Her nails are painted a bright pink as I look down at where she’s grabbing me. There’s still resentment and anger when I glance back up to meet her eyes. The look she gives me is one of pity.
I wrench my arm away and she sighs.
“It’s been four years, Linc. It was just a little fun.”
I swallow, not knowing what to say. That isn’t what she was to me. I mean, yes; we had a lot of fun. She was usually only available at certain times, and I didn’t even consider that it was for nefarious purposes. I thought I liked that we had more time apart than together, but I still cared. I still wanted more.
She was the first woman who ever made me feel that way, and she destroyed me.
“It wasn’t for me. You lied to me for two years, Vanessa.”
The younger child opens the door to the restaurant and looks at his mom. “Mom, are you coming?”
“I’ll be right there,” she tells him.
“I mean it. I hope you’re doing well,” she says, touching my arm one more time.
She walks away like I mean nothing, which I suppose I don’t. I was her boy toy vacation, a night away from her husband and kids once or twice a week. I wanted more; I wanted to be better for her, to settle down and maybe have a family of my own, but she couldn’t commit.
It made me curious, and that’s when I realized the last name she gave me wasn’t her real last name and that I was her little toy. It was embarrassing. That I was stupid enough, blind enough, not to notice this woman had a whole fucking family already.
So I kept it in, didn’t tell anyone while I tried to work on how I felt about it.
Four years later and I’m still bitter and holding a grudge, and it’s not who I want to be.
She hurt me enough as it is. I can’t keep living like this anymore.
I put the take out on the passenger’s seat and blast the AC as I close my eyes and rest my skull against the headrest.
How fucking cliche? Becoming a workaholic, grumpy bastard after a woman breaks your heart.
I think about last night and how much I enjoyed myself. It’s been a while since I went to Calamity, but I’ve never had that much fun. There wasn’t any pressure to be a certain way. My guards were down. I hate that it took so much alcohol to get me there, but fuck, I felt good.
I rub my temples with my fingers and groan. No more overthinking shit, just do what feels good.
I log into the Avalon app and request another meeting with Honey. It’s probably not a healthy response to seeing Vanessa, but right now, I don’t really give a fuck.
Aiden, of course, asked me what I was doing tonight, and I stupidly mentioned Avalon.
So now, here I am, in the main area of Avalon, when I have somewhere very fucking important to be in the next—I look down at my watch and sigh—forty-five minutes.
“Why are you sighing and shit? You’re the one who said you were already coming here.”
I shrug, and Aiden narrows his eyes at me.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“I don’t know what you mean?” I easily lie.
“Yeah, alright. Let’s act like I haven’t seen you at the main club, yet you continue to mention how you’re coming here. Or the way you keep checking your watch. Holy shit, are you seeing someone at Avalon?” he asks.
Oh, if only it was that simple.
How do you tell your brother that you’re pinning over a woman you don’t know, haven’t spoken to, but could draw her pussy from memory?
What if she’s here now?
I look around the room, looking at the different single women sitting around.
“You are waiting for someone,” he says.
“Maybe I am.”
“Never thought I’d see the day, to be honest. Who is she?” he asks.
It’s then he glances over, his jaw slacked as a pretty woman with dark hair sits on one of the cushioned couches, sipping her drink.
“Her,” I say, nodding my chin in her direction.
“You’re full of shit. Stop fucking with me, Linc.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s Collin’s daughter, Jessa.”
He says it and doesn’t look away from the pretty brunette. He likes her, and it’s going to really suck if she also turns out to be Honey.
“Excuse me,” I say, nudging his shoulder and he grabs my arm.
“Do not fuck with me, Linc.”
I give him a grin, noting that either way, this is going to be enjoyable. He lets go of my arm as I approach the woman in question.
“May I take a seat?” I ask, even though my ass is halfway to being sat already. I glance over at Aiden, who is red in the face.
“Of course.” She gestures to the seat and I give her a warm smile.
“Lincoln,” I say, holding out my hand. She shakes it, her hand soft.
“Jessa.”
“I haven’t seen you here before,” I say, and she laughs. Is the laugh because she’s currently using glory holes or something else?
“I’m here for the tour and to possibly join,” she says, and I realize she’s not Honey. Regardless, I take this moment to fuck with my brother. I haven’t seen him get so irritated over a girl before.
“Is there anything I could do to sway your decision?” I ask.
“I have pretty strict rules being a visitor,” she jokes and I can see Aiden already approaching us, his face nearly red with irritation.
“There are so many ways to make you come without fucking you, sweetheart,” I say, and her throat bobs.
“That’s true. What would you suggest?”
What a little minx. No wonder Aiden is torn up over his dead bff’s daughter. She’s a bit too sweet for my taste, but for Aiden? If he can get over himself, she might be just what he needs.
“I could—” Aiden grips me by my lapels.
“I’m going to kick your fucking ass later,” Aiden whispers in my ear, and I smirk at Jessa. Oh, poor man has it down bad. I guess I’m not one to judge, considering I’m currently obsessed with a woman I met at a glory hole.
“I could… just head over and get a drink. Nice speaking with you, Jessa,” I say to her, giving my brother a wink and I can tell he wants to probably hit me. It’s too easy getting him riled up.
But with him occupied by his little crush, it gives me plenty of time to head to the Key Club and wait for my code to enter.
I do have to leave the building and head around back to wait at the entrance.
It’s been running through my head how unhealthy this all is, but I don’t care.
After seeing Vanessa, all I want to feel is the simple release that the Key Club and Honey brings me.
I rest my forehead against the door, realizing my fucking solace is a hole in a wall—literally.
My phone vibrates with the code and I input it. The door whirls. I leave my phone at the entrance before turning the knob to the heart room.
It would probably be cleaner, less attachment, if I took her to the other room. But I find myself craving what little intimacy we can get in this situation.
I chalk it all up to having what I can’t have.
Surely I’m not wanting something more outside of the Key Club?
