Luka, page 19
He stopped and reached into the tight sleeve of his wetsuit, prying something from it. He held it up to show us. It was an old wheel, a dusty-red colour, around the same size as a skateboard wheel. ‘This is what I want to give to Katie and Jazz. When Katie was a little girl, she loved to rollerskate. She used to go up and down our concrete verandah for hours, until the mozzies and midges started to bite, or until Mum called her in for dinner.
‘Katie didn’t know I had her skates – they somehow ended up in the bottom of one of the boxes that came to my house after Mum died. I thought about giving them to Katie, but then, when Jazz was born, I decided to save them until Jazz’s feet were big enough.’ He rubbed his thumb back and forth over the wheel then lifted it up to show us all. He kissed the wheel and held it up to the dull clouds above us, before gently plopping it into the water. It sunk so fast it was impossible to follow.
We sat there waiting for the wheel to find the bottom of the ocean and perhaps nestle in next to the key.
Dad splashed water over his face. ‘Ray? You okay to go next?’
Ray nodded. He held up the model aeroplane that he’d been balancing on the front of his surfboard. ‘This was the first model aeroplane I ever made. Mum and I made it together.’ He held it in both of his hands. ‘When Jazzie got bigger, past all that baby stage, we used to sneak into Luka’s bedroom when he wasn’t there and lie down on his bed and look up at the planes on the ceiling. Jazzie loved it most when there was a bit of breeze coming through the window, when the planes wobbled around at the end of their fishing line. She’d lie there giggling and pointing with one finger, saying, “Gook, they flying, gook!” Her favourite one was this one. She loved the red stripes that ran along either side of it.’ Then Ray started to cry.
We waited, bobbing up and down on our boards, until he could keep going.
‘I know I didn’t say it often enough when you were both alive, didn’t even show it sometimes, but I love you both so much.’ With that he threw the plane into the air like you would throw a paper plane. I thought it would land on the top of the water and float, but Ray must have put something in it to make it heavy, because it came back down nose first, going into a tailspin as it sank to the bottom of the ocean.
After a bit, Dad said, ‘You right, Luka?’
I reached into my sleeve and pulled the gold bangle out, holding it up for everyone to see, making sure Dad knew what I wanted to give to the sea. It was hard to talk. I was shivering, even though I had a wetsuit on. ‘I found this bangle at the bottom of Jazzie’s jewellery box, under all the treasures she loved most. It’s the bangle that Mum gave Jazzie. The bangle that Nan gave Mum. The bangle that Jazzie would have given her daughter.’ I stopped, waiting to see if Dad was going to tell me not to throw the bangle in, but he didn’t say anything. I ran my thumb over the smooth gold, feeling the bump of the two dents, trying to find the right words, but they wouldn’t come.
So, I pressed the bangle to my lips and kissed its coldness. Jazzie would have liked me to try and skim it across the surface of the water, to see if the bangle could be bounced like a stone, but it didn’t seem right to separate the bangle from all the other love and sadness that was at the bottom of the ocean. So, I tossed it up high and let it plop into the middle of our circle, watching it plummet the way my heart had the day I found out Mum and Jazzie were gone.
Dad started to sing Nick Cave’s ‘Into My Arms’. His voice low and husky. It sounded like it was full of the clouds and rain that was now splattering the surface of the ocean.
Uncle Scott joined in. Ray in the chorus.
I sat on my new board, my throat thick and heavy, unable to sing anything. By the time they finished, the rain was coming down so hard that we couldn’t see the beach.
Dad closed his eyes and turned his head to the sky, letting the rain splash on his face until you couldn’t tell where his tears finished, and the rain started. Uncle Scott and Ray had their heads bowed to the ocean.
No one saw the two pelicans that circled above us, once, twice, three times, and then, as if in some rehearsed unison, they dipped their inside wings and headed towards the horizon.
Acknowledgements
Writing a book is like setting out on an adventure. You’ve got a broad idea of where you want to go, but you’re not really sure how you’re going to get there. There are certain people who make the path clearer and easier to follow, and for that I will be forever grateful.
Some people’s support and guidance is so valuable that you know you never would have ended up in the same place without them. For me, Paula Ellery has been that person. Not just from the beginning of this book but from the beginning of my writing career. Her kindness and ability to hold back on constructive criticism until she knew I was ready to hear it and process it, is surely more a God-given gift than a learnt skill. Paula, for your friendship, unwavering support, and your superior editing skills, I am eternally grateful.
There comes a time in every story’s evolution when the clarity of an outsider is needed. Many thanks to Susan Gray for providing this clarity and shining the light in the direction that Luka needed to go. Your clear and concise advice helped to make Luka a better story. Thanks also to Michelle Perry for her editing skills that added the final polish.
A story can be given life or killed off completely depending on the feedback of its early readers. For your insight and advice, given always in a gentle and kind way, thanks to Peter Aubort, Marcia James, Vicki Chester and Kelly Balshaw. Thanks also to Vicki Chester and Kelly Balshaw for the eagle-eye proofread.
I am one of those fortunate beings who has been blessed with a family full of love, guidance and strength. For all they have given me and continue to give me, I live in constant gratitude to Marcia James, Fred James, Melissa James and Danielle Dolev.
It’s difficult to imagine that there would have been anything to write about without Jack, Noah, Kai and Poppy. You are my inspiration that brings me to my desk.
Sarah Anna James, Luka
