“Good.” It took so much effort to talk. “Earth Bear is gone.”

  I groaned and closed my eyes.

  “Stay with me, brother. Don’t die!” Marcellious slapped my face.

  I heaved my eyelids open. “Go. Warn the women and children and get them to safety. Ride fast and hard. There’s nothing you can do here. Tell Olivia I love her.”

  Marcellious hesitated. “No, don’t say those words. I’ll stay with you. We can get help. You can’t die.”

  I barked out a humorless laugh. “My body says otherwise. Go back to the village and get everyone to safety!”

  Marcellious paused, then said, “We’ll see each other again, brother.”

  All I could manage was a slight nod.

  Marcellious rose, leaped on his horse, and galloped away from all this madness.

  As my spirit began to fade, seeking solace in other realms away from this physical form, thoughts drifted through my mind like clouds.

  I fought entire wars and survived. Now I’m to die at the hands of the Kiowa? Life is so unjust.

  I pictured Olivia’s beautiful face. My beloved Olivia. I’m dying, and I can’t even say goodbye to you. I’m sorry for disappointing you and leaving you this way.

  I gulped a few lungfuls of air, then surrendered to my inevitable demise.

  “No, no, no,” a familiar voice said. “You’re dying. I have to get you out of here before it’s too late. I will not let you die.”

  I fought to open my eyes and stared into the emerald-green gaze of the man who had rescued me from Balthazar. “You again. How did you find me? Why are you helping me?”

  He ignored my questions and began to pat me down. “Where’s your dagger?”

  “Strapped to my…to my…” I paused, gathering the strength to speak. “It’s strapped to my thigh.”

  “I need it. I need to get you to a safer place and time. You can’t stay here, or you will die. I won’t let that happen—this is only the beginning of what’s to come. See that moon?”

  I stared at the bright orb shining overhead, illuminating the blood bath several yards away.

  “The full moon,” I said. “Yes, I see it.”

  Thoughts of Olivia and our baby drifted through my mind. I’d never get to see them again in this lifetime.

  “I can’t leave. I won’t leave my wife behind!”

  “We don’t have time to discuss this. You will die if I leave you here. Give me your dagger. Now!”

  I retrieved my blade and handed it over. My mind blurred as I surrendered to the fade.

  “Don’t you close your eyes,” the man said, shaking my shoulders. “You’re not going to die on me—you’re going to time travel, now!”

  Time travel. The words made no sense to my disappearing mind. “I won’t time travel. I can’t leave Olivia or my child behind. I’d rather die than be separated from her.”

  “Listen to me, Roman. You will do as I say. I will protect her while you are gone.”

  I seized his wrist. “Who are you?”

  “It doesn’t matter who I am. What matters is this—I will travel you to a place that will heal you and get you better. If you want to see Olivia again, you will do as I say.” The man gripped my dagger tightly.

  “I’ll find her in another lifetime. I made that promise.” My heavy eyelids drifted closed.

  My life experiences began to fade, my memories rolling away like tumbleweeds. I didn’t have the strength to lift my hand, let alone speak.

  My hand was lifted, and pain sliced across my palm. Confused, I struggled to open my eyes.

  What’s happening here? I gave up. I’m letting go into the abyss. So why this pain?

  Beads of blood seeping from the gash in my hand gave me the answer.

  The mysterious green-eyed man had used my time-traveling dagger to slice my palm. He directed a clear-eyed gaze at me.

  “You’re going to safety. We will meet again, Roman, I promise. Take this.” He retrieved what looked like a folded-up piece of paper and pressed it into my bleeding palm. “Guard this with your life.”

  My fingers curled around the paper obediently.

  “I’m going to safety,” I repeated, not really understanding what the words meant in my fuzzed-out brain.

  “Ya hamiat alqamar fi allayl,” the man intoned in a loud, clear voice. He continued the ancient chant.

  “Wait! I don’t want to leave,” I protested as comprehension dawned. I was being sent to another land, another time and place, without my consent.

  I gazed at my dagger, which glowed brightly, illuminated from within. My cells scrambled, all thoughts dissipated, and the world darkened. Thinking this was the death I’d sought, I surrendered to unconsciousness.

  When I woke again, fighting through the drowse, nausea gripped my bowels. I was going to throw up. Without opening my eyes, I let out a moan.

  “Son,” a man said. “Son. Can you hear me? Stay with me. You’ve got to stay with me. Can you hear me?”

  The voice sounded caring and kind, but I couldn’t open my eyes. I was too weak. And so I faded into unconsciousness, leaving this world, Olivia, my unborn child, and all I held dear.

  Olivia

  I slipped into some dissociative fugue as arms lifted me and moved me through the hellish landscape of dead bodies following the slaughter of the Sioux tribe. I drifted outside my body as I was gently laid on furs inside one of the remaining teepees. Vaguely, I became aware of two voices—I was pretty sure they were Leaping Deer and Emily.

  “She’s miscarried,” Leaping Deer whispered. “The trauma of the fight was too much for her.”

  “Oh, God, no!” Emily cried. “Olivia will be devastated.”

  “Olivia might be dead herself if we don’t stop the bleeding. Quick, make me up a poultice of those herbs I showed you which stop bleeding,” Leaping Deer said.

  “The one with Black Cohosh?”

  “Yes, that’s the one. Move quickly, child. She’s losing blood fast!”

  I slipped into a thundercloud of mental confusion, dark and violent. I came to, screaming.

  Emily seized my hand and murmured in my ear. “Shh. We had to give you something to stop the bleeding. I’m so sorry, but you’ve had a miscarriage. Stay with it, Olivia. Don’t fight the process.”

  But how could I help but fight? I fought against everything that had happened to me. Balthazar. The slaughter of innocent tribal members. So much loss.

  A howling sob erupted from my throat. I’d lost my baby. I blamed Balthazar. I hoped death was claiming me—I wanted to die more than anything.

  As days went on, my world transformed into a pitch-dark reality. Nothing mattered to me anymore. I sobbed, falling into apathy.

  At night, I was tortured with dreams that turned into nightmares. I would see Roman and me in a room full of children, happy and content. Then, we would be engulfed by fire, and my family would be consumed by the flames.

  I would wake up sweating and sobbing, sure that this would be my fate.

  Emily sat with me constantly. At times she joined me in weeping.

  At other times I yelled and screamed at her. She would stare at me, her face a mask of torment and sorrow, wondering how to bring me back. Then she would scurry away.

  She needn’t have taxed her mind with such wonderings. I didn’t want to return. The one thing I knew was this—Balthazar had accomplished his goal. He had broken me, heart, mind, and soul, and I’d lost my will to live.

  Several days after I’d lost my child, Marcellious returned with a handful of Sioux warriors as I headed back to my teepee after relieving my bladder.

  I didn’t want to be seen, so I hurried toward my dwelling on bare feet as stones and sticks bit at my heels and toes, making me bleed. Once inside, I pulled the furs tightly around me, leaving only my eyes and ears uncovered.

  Emily and Marcellious stood outside my hide-covered cave of isolation, talking in hushed tones. But their words blasted my eardrums like stampeding elephants.

  “We can’t find Roman,” Marcellious said. “No sign of him. There’s no sign of a body, so they either disposed of it or captured Roman and took him with them.”

  “Oh, dear,” Emily said. “We can’t tell Olivia. She’s too frail.”

  I knew what had happened to Roman—Balthazar had stolen him away again and killed him. Roman was probably hanging from Balthazar’s dungeon in pieces. Cockroaches would drop from the ceiling and nibble at his bloody flesh with wicked, minuscule pincers.

  “There are so many dead men lying on the plains. Not one lived save for the few who rode back with me,” Marcellious said. “The Kiowa, those lying, thieving dogs, tricked us all. Even Earth Bear is dead.”

  “How is the chief taking the loss of his only son?”

  “He’s not faring much better than Olivia is.”

  “I can hear you!” I shrieked.

  It grew quiet outside, and I thought Emily and Marcellious had left. I hoped they’d left. I didn’t have the energy or the desire to talk to anyone sane. But, no, the door flap opened, and Emily and Marcellious entered, creeping before me like two ghosts. Or maybe I was the ghost, witnessing them from the pit of hell.

  “Marcellious will find Roman,” Emily said, the corners of her lips tugged down.

  “We’ve got scouts scouring the plains searching for signs of him. We’ll find him,” Marcellious echoed.

  “I don’t want to hear this!” I pressed my palms to my ears. “Balthazar has him. He’s chopped him to bits and feeding Roman to his pet insects!”

  Emily and Marcellious exchanged a look dripping with sympathy.

  “Stop looking at one another! You disgust me right now. Get out of here and leave me alone!” My voice rasped like I was unsure how to speak.

  “We want to help you, Olivia,” Emily said, wringing her hands. Fat tears dripped from her cheeks.

  I sat up, snarling like a badger poked with a fire iron. “You think you can help me? Do you think you can help me? No one can help me—I don’t want to be helped! I’ve lost everything. Everyone dear to me, everyone I cared about—they’re all dead.” I crawled toward Marcellious and crouched before him. “And you—you’re evil. Why did you live while a good man died? You were born of darkness, and it will consume you!”

  Wracking sobs shook my lungs, and I dropped my head in my hands. “Oh, God, I wish I were dead. It hurts so much!”

  “Olivia.” Marcellious squatted next to me, his face dripping with compassion better used on someone other than me. “I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. I lost my beloved Theadora and felt as much as you do.”

  I clawed at Marcellious’ face. “You can’t know what I’m going through. I’ve lost everything!”

  Marcellious seized my wrists. “I can, and I do know. Theadora was nine months pregnant with our child when my darkness destroyed her. I can help you. I can heal you if you let me.”

  I simply stared at him through vacant, hollow eyes. He looked so far away. How can he be so far away and yet so close? Oh, God, I was losing my mind, losing touch with reality. I slipped into delusions, unable to tell the difference between what was real and what was the conjuring of my broken mind.

  I gnawed at my fingers, biting my knuckles. “Where’s Roman? What did you do with him?”

  “I don’t have him,” Marcellious said. “He was severely injured, bleeding to death. He begged me to ride back here and warn everyone, but I was too late when I got here.

  I drew my knees and hugged them. Then, I began to rock, rock, rock some more like a mad woman. “The wolves took Roman. They dragged his carcass away and ate it.”

  “Olivia, no,” Emily said. She crouched next to me and pressed her knuckles to her mouth.

  “Balthazar has him. He’s dead now. Balthazar sent the wolves to retrieve him and drag him to Balthazar’s dungeon.” I chewed on the tender webbing between my thumb and forefinger, relishing the blood that trickled into my mouth.

  “I don’t think so, Olivia,” Emily said. “We don’t believe Balthazar has Roman. Nor were there any signs of wolves.”

  I leveled my gaze at her. “The wolves are fat and happy. They ate the dead Sioux, and then they ate Roman.”

  I kept up with the rocking, rocking, endlessly rocking while chewing on my hand.

  “Honey, stop biting yourself,” Emily said.

  “He’s dead because of me,” I said, ignoring her. “I didn’t want him to go. I sent him off with negative energy. I cursed him, and if there’s one thing Balthazar gets off on, it’s a curse. Balthazar loves treachery and deceit. My curse was like a beacon that drew right to Roman. The wolves, the wolves, the wolves… The wolves found him first, leading Balthazar right to my husband. It’s all my fault!”

  I began a terrible keening, a banshee mourning the dead.

  “Olivia, no, it wasn’t your fault,” Marcellious said, crouching beside me. “Roman fought valiantly. We were outnumbered. The Kiowa combined forces with the Comanche. We were completely outnumbered by the sea of warriors sweeping over the hills, descending on us like a plague of locusts.”

  “Go!” I held up a shaking hand and pointed toward the door. “Leave me to my pain. Stop wasting your time on me. I don’t deserve it. I sent Roman to die.”

  “Olivia, stop this raving! You’re scaring me!” Emily said, once more wringing her hands.

  I began to rock again. “You should have seen Balthazar. When he came to me, he was so angry that I thought he’d kill me then and there. But, no, killing me would have been merciful, and Balthazar has no mercy. He promised to break and destroy me by taking away everything and everyone I love.” My body swayed forward and back and sometimes in circles, round and round. “He promised me, and he’s a man of his word. He kept his promise. Oh, yes, he did. He left me a shell of the woman I used to be.”

  I brought my hand to my mouth again and gnawed on my flesh.

  I lifted my arm and mimicked his actions over and over.

  Emily sobbed. “Olivia, stop!”

  She tried to seize my hand, but I still had strength left in my body, enough, at least, to push her away.

  Tears filled my eyes as I looked at her.

  “We’re going to help you,” Emily said, crying hard. “Tell her, Marcellious. Tell Olivia that we’re going to help her get better.”

  Marcellious knew better than to speak. Even he could tell I had crossed a ledge leading to nowhere, and recovery wasn’t possible.

  “Tell her, Marcellious,” Emily pleaded. “I can’t lose you, Olivia.”

  I threw myself onto the bison furs face down and wept uncontrollably.

  Shuffling sounds drifted past, indicating Emily and Marcellious leaving.

  I could barely hear Emily saying, “We’re losing her, Marcellious!”

  Marcellious said, “No, I promise we won’t lose Olivia. You need care and comfort, too, Emily. Let me take care of you.”

  Silence settled around me.

  After a time, another voice interrupted my grieving sojourn—Grey Feather.

  “We’re going to find Roman, Little Moon,” he said.

  I rolled on my back and shook my head over and over.

  “He’s gone,” I said, my throat raw. “Roman is dead.”

  “You don’t know that, child,” he said, looking down at me with kind eyes. He looked awful—haggard and worn as if he’d aged ten thousand years since I last saw him. His wrinkled face hung heavy, the flesh dripping from the bones, swollen with grief and sorrow.

  “I do,” I whispered. “It must be so.”

  “What did Balthazar say to you to make you believe this?” Grey Feather said.

  I grabbed my hair and pulled, writhing back and forth. “Balthazar does what he wants. He’s heedless to other people’s needs or desires. He takes, and he takes, and he takes. He told me he would break me, and he did.”

  My weeping tirade began anew, and I covered my face.

  Grey Feather leaned on his staff. “We’ve lost so many, Little Moon. We must move—relocate and get to a safer spot.”

  I rolled over, pushed to my hands and knees, and crawled toward him. Lying prostrate at his feet, I said, “I can’t go with you. You’ve got to leave me here to die. I refuse to keep living—Balthazar will continue to hunt me and take whatever’s left. You’ve got to let me go.”

  My body shook with sobs.

  Somehow, Grey Feather pulled himself out of his grief and said in a strong, clear voice, “You’re going with us. We’ll find Roman. We leave tomorrow and will take care of you, Little Moon.”

  “No!” I wailed. “I refuse to go with you.”

  “And I refuse to listen to you. You’re going, and that’s final! We need to find a place where we can all heal—you’re not the only one who’s suffering. I lost my only son as well as my wife. I, too, am grieving.”

  He turned and lumbered from the teepee, leaving me alone once more.

  I rose to my knees and tore at my hair and face.

  “I’m not leaving,” I said to no one. “I’m going to stay and kill myself.”

  I lurched to my feet and paced unsteadily around my living quarters. As I walked, sweat poured down my face and neck. My stench wafted from my unwashed body, drifting toward my nose, making me want to gag. My legs began to give way. I was too weak to perform the simple act of pacing. So, I fell to the ground, buried my face in the furs, and cried myself to sleep.

  My dreams were no better. I roamed through bleak landscapes, where thunder shook the skies, and the rain poured down in stinging sheets. I slogged through the mud. I swam through streams. Then, I sank beneath my liquid world of tears, watching Balthazar shove me backward and kicking me brutally against the ground.

  I saw Roman, blood pouring from his body, rivers of crimson coloring the stream I swam through. The ruby-red liquid got in my eyes, nose, and mouth. I gulped Roman’s blood, drinking it as if it would keep me close to him. I choked and coughed on his life essence as if my body rejected it. And then I began violently heaving, and ropy strings of scarlet burst from my mouth, swirling around my face.

  A man lifted me from the deep water and brought me to shore.

  “Wake up, Olivia,” he said. “Wake up.”

 

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