On the Edge of Tomorrow, page 16
Once I reached my car, I popped open the trunk and pulled out a box wrapped in gold shiny paper. Then I circled around to the driver’s side and pulled out a long red box. Sade was going to love the gifts I got her.
I shut the door, and was just about to walk back to the party, when I heard a voice that filled me with hatred. “I’m guessing trash needs a few gifts every now and then.” Jenna’s voice was nasally, and it made me want to vomit.
“What are you doing here?” I asked Jenna who stood in front of me with a devious grin on her face.
She walked toward me and fixed the collar on my polo shirt. “I came to bring back what was mine in the first place,” she said, winking at me.
“And what is that?”
She giggled. “You, silly.” Jenna leaned in to kiss me, but I pushed her off. Sade was in my life now, and I wasn’t going to let Jenna get in the way.
I stepped back, scowling. “You need to stay away from Sade and me. I’m not playing games with you. I have what I need, and you need to get that through your thick skull.”
I looked her up and down, glaring, before turning on my heel and walking back to the party.
I found Sade and handed her my gifts, and she quickly dug into them. She opened the gold one first, which had two shirts. One was a black fitted shirt with a unicorn on the front. It read “I’m just gonna drop out and be a unicorn.” The other shirt wasn’t as fitted, and it was white. It had the sharks from Nemo and said: “Fish are friends, not food.” Sade squealed in excitement. Then I handed her the red box. She opened it, and her eyes widened.
In the box was a thin gold necklace and a small locket in the shape of a heart. She put on the necklace and opened the locket. Inside, was a picture of her and I when we went to prom.
She looked at me and smiled before pulling me into a tight hug. “Thank you so much,” she whispered as I hugged her back tightly. “This is the best birthday ever.” She smiled at me again before Hope pulled her away to mingle with everyone at the party.
I watched as she walked over to talk to Mason and his new fling, and noticed Sade’s finger messing with the locket. She looked down at it and smiled.
7
JULY
“POETRY,” SHE SAID softly when I asked her what she enjoyed. “Emily Dickinson, especially.” A small smile formed on her lips, and I couldn’t help but smile myself. Sade’s smiles were contagious.
I enjoyed poetry, too. “Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me. The carriage held but just ourselves, and Immortality,” I said, reciting one of my favorite poems by Dickinson.
Sade looked at me, and it seemed like all the stars in the galaxy lit up her eyes. They twinkled, and I’m sure I looked like a lovesick puppy.
“That poem is the only one that helped me get through my mother’s death without dying myself. I remembered reading it and understanding every word,” I said.
She smiled wider. “Trust no Kings, Kings put girls in towers. Trust your wings, for a girl with wings, will soar pass Kings, as Kings watch up from towers.” I stared blankly at her, waiting for her to explain. “When I was twelve, my grandma would recite that poem over and over. It was her telling me to keep my head up and chase my dreams.”
I smiled, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. We were sitting on my roof, listening to the wind and fireworks off in the distance. It was the Fourth of July, and I had invited Sade to celebrate with me. I brought fresh baked cookies and fruit punch. We ate while we sat and talked. She didn’t say anything more about her past or her life, and I didn’t push her.
“Would you rather fly with bird wings or fly with bee wings?” she asked randomly.
I chuckled. “Fairy wings.”
“That wasn’t an option.”
“There are always options,” I said and scooted closer to her when a cool breeze came by. “You may not have noticed, but when I first met you, there were many options. I could have run after you when you told me off, I could have hurt you a lot more than I did. Or I could’ve ignored you and walked off. I didn’t, though, and look where that’s gotten us.” I looked into her green eyes and smiled. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and it seems as though you’ve taken my heart.”
Sade hugged me, “I don’t think you’ll be getting it back anytime soon,” she said, and released me from the hug. We sat in silence with my arm around her, watching the distant fireworks together.
Hold onto her. Never let go.
8
AUGUST
I HEARD THE crash before I saw it. Heard the glass break before it did. Heard the screams of people before I was brought back to reality. All I knew in that moment was that I was sprinting down my neighborhood street, heading in the direction of the crash.
I knew who lay on the ground before I even caught up to the accident. I could hear her voice. Her pleading screams.
“Somebody help me!”
Sade.
Rushing to her, I saw that she was lying on the ground, covered in blood. Glass shards were sticking out of her skin, and her right leg and left arm was contorted in an “L” shape. Her face was bloodied and bruised, and blood gushed from her left leg. I noticed her white shirt was soaked in blood—the shirt I gave her for her birthday. The sharks were stained red.
“Shh. It’s gonna be okay,” I said to her. But I knew that I couldn’t promise that.
Tears were streaming down her cut-up face. “Don’t leave me, Roman. Don’t leave.” She was sobbing, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
“I won’t—someone call an ambulance!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
An ambulance showed up. They pulled Sade off the ground, while the other person was pronounced dead at the scene. “Don’t leave, Roman!” she kept chanting.
“I’m not,” I said, trying to soothe her. I hopped inside the vehicle, ignoring the protests from the paramedics. “I’m coming,” I growled. I was going to be with Sade every step of the way.
IT HAD BEEN five hours, and I still haven’t seen my Sade. I can’t lose her. I can’t! I told myself she wasn’t going anywhere! She can’t die.
She can’t.
She can’t.
I sit in the lobby chairs, silently praying that she’s going to be all right, but I still had doubts. I don’t know what I would do if she left me. There would be no way for me to live if she left. I wouldn’t be able to go on. First Mom, then Sade. I couldn’t do it because Sade was the one who filled my heart then captured it herself. And if she left she would take my heart with her. I can’t live without my heart.
I heard footsteps coming, and see a doctor walking down the hall. He looks as though he’s about to walk toward me, but then takes a right. No, no, no! Where is she?
“Mr. Smith?” a voice asked behind me. I whipped my head around to see a doctor standing behind me.
“Yes?” I asked a little impatiently.
He smiled, which put me at ease just a bit. “She’s going to pull through.”
I sighed, and a few rebellious tears slipped from my eyes. “Can I see her?”
“Follow me.” We turned down a long white hallway that held many rooms. “Here we are,” he said, closing the door after I step in. Smells of rubbing alcohol and metal filled the room.
I rushed to the small bed and saw my Sade. She was fast asleep with tubes sticking out of her beat-up arms. Visions of my mother flashed in my mind, and I gasped. No, she’s not going to die.
I stroked Sade’s hand, and she relaxed. Even in her sleep, cuts everywhere, she was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.
Laying my head down on the side of her bed, I closed my eyes. I went to sleep knowing she was going to be okay.
“ROMAN.”
I instantly opened my eyes, and grabbed her hand. She looked uncomfortable with tubes and bandages and casts everywhere.
I sighed in relief when I saw she was able to open her eyes. “Oh, my gosh! Sade you’re going to be okay! You had me so worried.” I said with a nervous laugh.
She smiled, but shook her head. “No, I’m not going to be okay,” she said softly, but I laughed again.
“Yes, you are, I said stubbornly.
She sighed. “No, Roman, you don’t understand. I’m not going to be okay.” I opened my mouth to speak, but she interrupted. “My body’s shutting down, I can feel it. I don’t have much time…
No, this can’t be happening. “Until what?” I asked, but I had a pretty good idea.
“Until I leave,” Sade said, a tear sliding down her face. “Ironic isn’t it? Everyone has left me, but here you are sticking by my side, and now I’m going to be the one leaving you.” She smiled sadly. “I don’t want to leave, but I knew this would happen sooner or later. I just didn’t want it to be while I was with you.” Another tear rolled down her face.
I held her hand and kissed it. “No, you’re not leaving, and neither am I. I promised you, now you have to promise me that you won’t leave.” I wanted her to promise that she wouldn’t leave, and everything would be back to normal.
She shook her head, and I felt my heart drop. “I can’t make a promise like that.” Her face paled, and I could tell she was growing weaker. “I’m sorry to leave you. I’ll always be watching over you.”
Visions of my mother flashed in my head. “No, you’re not leaving me!” I said frantically.
“You’re going to find someone to fill the void I’m going to leave. Just never forget me.” She squeezed my hand. “I love you, Roman.”
“I love you,” I told her.
She smiled a soft smile and, without any warning, the light was gone in her perfect green eyes.
“No, no, no! You’re not dead! Don’t leave me, Sade. Please, I can’t lose you too! Don’t leave me!” I sobbed, letting all the tears in my body run free. “Come back!” I screamed, but she didn’t come back.
“There’s so much more I need to tell you,” I said through sobs. “About my mom, and dad, and life. I wanted you to tell me about your life! Sade, come back!” I kept sobbing, but all I could hear was the heart monitor without a heartbeat, and the sounds of doctors and nurses telling me to step out of the room. I try to resist, but my mind is gone because I have no one left. My heart is no longer with me anymore. It’s gone.
She’s gone. My Sade is gone. She left without me.
9
SEPTEMBER
I DON’T SLEEP or eat anymore. Every time I try to sleep, I think of her. Every time I try to eat, I think of her. It’s impossible to live anymore.
Mom wouldn’t have wanted me to act this way. She would’ve wanted me to be strong and pull through, but her heart wasn’t ripped out and shattered. She didn’t have to watch the love of her life die.
I want to see my Sade again.
This entire month was nothing but a blur.
10
OCTOBER
“WE ALL MISS her, man, but it’s been two months. She isn’t coming back,” Mason told me.
“You think I don’t know that?” I snapped back at him. Sighing, I stood up from my seat in the history room, and walked out. The teacher called after me, but I didn’t care. She’s gone, and now I had nothing left to lose.
I made my way to the bathroom, and looked at my reflection in the mirror. My usual electric blue eyes were dull and lifeless with dark circles. My wavy black hair was sticking up in every direction and I look like I haven’t eaten in years. It feels that way.
“Sit.”
I turn and see Hope standing beside me with a stern expression on her face. I don’t bother asking why she’s in the guy’s bathroom. I sit down on the tile floor, and she does the same.
She sits across from me, taking my hands in hers. “Do you remember the day you first met her?” I nodded, not trusting my voice.
“She freaking told you off, and it was hilarious. Ever since that day, she was my best friend.” Hope sighed. “You’re not alone, Roman. I miss her so much every single day, but I can’t dwell in the past. Sade—” I cringe at her name, but Hope keeps talking, “—will always have a place in my heart. I know she’ll always have a place in your heart, as well. But, Roman, she’s not coming back. She would probably tell you off again if she knew that you were sulking over her. Please, Roman, I know you loved her, but not moving on isn’t healthy. I’m not saying go and fall in love tomorrow, but at least try to go back to how things were.”
“They’ll never be the same,” I said finally.
She sighs again. “I know, but we have to try. Always remember her, Roman. You will always love her, that’s for sure, but she can’t come back. Move on, hang out with friends, eat and sleep regularly. She would’ve wanted that, Ro.” Hope gets up, takes my hand, and helps me up. “We all love you. I know it’s not the same, but we do. We’re here for you, don’t forget that.”
I nod, and Hope leaves.
I don’t know if I can move on, but I know I’ll never forget.
11
NOVEMBER
MY DAD SITS at the head of the dinner table, while his girlfriend sits beside him. It was Thanksgiving, and Tiffany, my dad’s terrible girlfriend, had just made an awful turkey. “Son, you need to eat.”
I glared at him. I’d been living with my dad since my mom died. I’ve hated it since day one.
Dad left Mom and I when I was little. He said he didn’t want a family anymore, so he just packed his stuff and left our lives.
I liked it that way, honestly. I didn’t have to worry about his scrutinizing looks, and the father/son talks he would attempt with me. “Not hungry,” I replied. It was true, I hadn’t been hungry in a long time. The only time I ate was when someone forced me.
Dad sighed, which made me clench my fists. How dare he act like I’m such a burden when everything good in my life had been taken from me! He had no idea how it felt to have everything ripped away.
I shoot up from my chair and knock it over. “You know what? I don’t want this disgusting meal! I don’t want to spend any holidays with you or your horrible girlfriend! I’m tired of this! I’m tired of you pretending to love me when we both know you hated me from the very beginning. I’m going to bed,” I snapped, stomping up the stairs and into my room. I just wanted the hurting to be over. Everyone’s telling me to move on, but it’s so incredibly hard.
Once I’m in my room, I grab the empty picture frame, and throw it against the wall. I heard the glass break, but I don’t care.
I opened the window beside my bed, and maneuvered my way out. I jumped and landed in the bushes. Rocks from my driveway crunched under my feet as I walked. I don’t know where I’m going, but I do know that I don’t care anymore.
12
DECEMBER
I LAID ON my bed, music blaring. There’s nothing I wanted more than to hear her voice and to see those green eyes again.
Sade was gone. She took my heart with her when she left. She took everything I had. I’m angry. I’m angry at her. At life. At fate.
This shouldn’t have happened. I just wanted to be with her forever. I want my mom and Sade here so I can tell them I’m not doing so well. I want to tell them that I missed having them around. I missed seeing them everyday and hearing their voices. I missed hearing that sweet southern voice of my love.
I sat back, thinking about them. About when my mom bought me a puppy, and I named it Biscuit. It had chewed on the broom, and my mom laughed every time she saw bitemarks on the handle.
I remembered when Sade and I went to the beach. She had talked about her childhood and life, and I watched as she fell asleep on the sand. There was so much I wanted to tell her. So much I had to say. She’d always be with me, and it hurt to say that.
Sometimes I wished she wasn’t with me, though. I’m tired of hurting all the time. I’m tired of walking into school and hoping she’s going to bump into me like she did that one day. But she’s never there, and it felt like I was smashed into a million pieces.
I don’t want to hurt. I want to be happy, but it seems like happiness isn’t in my life. Now that my mom’s gone, I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore.
Sade was constantly swarming my thoughts, memories, and emotions. But I couldn’t talk to her and it killed me a little more everyday. I wanted her to be here with me, but I knew she wasn’t coming back. I had to move one. I needed to leave and get away from all the pain and tragedy. I’m tired, just so tired of everything. I’m tired of family, friends, love. Everything needs to go away, and the only way it can, is if I leave it all behind. I’ll start fresh, forget about everything and everyone.
Except for, Sade.
I got up from my bed and went to my desk and pulled out a piece of paper. This was going to hurt me more than anything because saying goodbye was the hardest thing in the world.
Dear Sade,
I only had twelve months with you. It sickens me to know that I won’t be able to share anymore months with you. You were the sunny day that moved all my clouds away. I can’t move on because there will never be someone better.
I don’t want to stay here anymore, so I’m leaving. I won’t be coming back, and I know you can’t read this, but I just think it’s best if I gave you a heads up. I’ll never forget you. You made me happy and showed me how to love again. This is me saying goodbye. I know you’re gone, that you won’t be coming back. I won’t forget you, Sade. I know you’ll be with me every step of the way, just like I was with you.
I love you to the moon and back, around the stars three times, around the sun five more, and back to me, where you’ll be forever more.
Love,
