The Girlfriend Act, page 2
David Song
I promise we’re not serial killers.
Anushka Menon
I can feel her relief all the way from here.
David Song
You’re one comment away from me breaking into your flat and leaving spiders on your pillow.
Anushka Menon
Where would you even get spiders from??
David Song
Is it really breaking in if you have each other’s keys?
Ben Stone
ANYWAY, back to our new member! Any chance we can get your name? Your account doesn’t seem to have one. Only your pronouns, and that you’re a British Pakistani aspiring actress.
Anushka Menon
Unless you are called @ConstantlyVictimizedBySociety. Which is totally valid. I, too, feel victimized by society.
David Song
My fingers hover over the keyboard and my teeth press into my lower lip. The whole point of my secret Twitter account was that I could stay hidden away from prying eyes. I try something else instead.
So, you’ve all been rejected by the LSDCATS?
@ConstantlyVictimizedBySociety
She speaks! No name. I like a mystery.
David Song
Yes, we’ve all been rejected by the LSDCATS. But before I get into my story, let me introduce myself. Hi, I’m Ben . I’m a first-year chemical engineering student, and I was rejected by the LSDCATS when I auditioned for the role of Benvolio. I was told I ‘didn’t fit the “aesthetic” of the play’. Which obviously meant they thought a young Black-British man couldn’t play Benvolio, which is ridiculous.
Ben Stone
My jaw drops while reading Ben’s introduction, and my fingers hover in mid-air, unsure of what to type. I know racism exists – of course I do. But this – this is so blatant. So unapologetically prejudiced that the only rational emotion for me to feel is an immediate and sudden anger.
Seriously, have none of them ever heard of David Oyelowo??
David Song
Exactly, D. EXACTLY. All right, enough about me, though – Anushka?
Ben Stone
I like these little intros we’re giving. Hi, I’m Anushka. I’m a first-year law student (can you hear my parents cheering in the background?), and I was rejected by the LSDCATS when I came forward to volunteer as a director. I was told that I lacked the skill (all lies btw, I have directed three student-led plays this year) and that my ‘background’ means I wouldn’t have the right vision for the play.
Anushka Menon
That burning feeling intensifies – it grows from my stomach, and my hands are shaking so hard, I’m not sure I could type out a reply even if I wanted to.
OK, I’m next. Hi, I’m David. Like spider-girl, I’m also a first-year law student. I came here from Korea to study, and I like to write plays on the side. I asked to join the LSDCATS’ writing team as they adapted Romeo and Juliet this year and was told that my perspective, ‘while fresh, was too nuanced’.
David Song
Which are all basically ways for the LSDCATS to say that your race meant that you couldn’t work on a play written by a white man.
Ben Stone
Exactly.
David Song
David’s also the old man of the group.
Anushka Menon
I’M A YEAR OLDER THAN YOU.
David Song
I feel a laugh bubble past my lips as I start drafting my message about the LSDCATS audition, then another message chimes in, forcing me to pause.
Ignore them, @ConstantlyVictimizedBySociety. This group chat isn’t usually for their bickering.
Ben Stone
He’s not wrong. We usually just complain about our latest racial trauma.
David Song
Yes!! Like how I had to deal with this drunk dude on the bus late last night who was shouting every slur he could come up with.
Anushka Menon
Or like how my classmates for my criminal law module for ‘some’ reason decided to slow down their speech when talking to me. Even though to get into this university you need to be able to speak and write English?? Like, I get it?? No need to dumb yourself down even more, Brian. Not for my sake, please.
David Song
Oof. I had to have a rousing discussion with this girl who kept telling me she had a lot of Black friends, so she understood the Black experience.
Ben Stone
Ahh, the constant struggles.
Anushka Menon
My thumbs hover over the keyboard, unsure and nervous.
The Tragedies’ encounters with the LSDCATS are harsh, awful and completely terrible. If I recount what Henry said to me, The Tragedies will probably be horrified. Until they realize who I am. My profile picture for this account is a photo of the back of my head – not my face. The Tragedies don’t know what I look like, but if they find out, they’ll know I don’t look obviously Pakistani. And then they won’t be horrified by Henry’s response; they’ll be baffled.
That’s when they’ll come to the same conclusion that I’m starting to arrive at: the LSDCATS didn’t reject me because of my Pakistani heritage, or because of my appearance. They rejected me because I just wasn’t good enough.
Horror crystallizes in my veins in response to that singular thought. I wish I could unthink it. But I can’t. I also can’t leave this chat in silence. So I type out a reply that says nothing at all, ignoring the growing balloon in my chest.
Now that I’m sure you guys aren’t serial killers, hi! I’m Farah. I’m a first-year history student looking to start my acting career, and I got rejected by LSDCATS today when I auditioned for Balthasar.
Farah Sheikh
Farah!! What a pretty name!!
Anushka Menon
A hint of a blush tinges my cheeks at the compliment, and I’m relieved they don’t question my experience. The panic recedes, even as that thought of being not good enough sediments itself in the back of my mind. I’ll never know the truth. Not without asking Henry, and that’ll never happen.
Thanks!! It means ‘happiness’. Totally not a weighty name.
Farah Sheikh
Wow. I don’t think Ben means anything.
Ben Stone
Ben and Jerry’s.
David Song
I … I don’t think that’s why my parents named me Ben.
Ben Stone
Excuse David’s dry humour. It’s past his bedtime.
Anushka Menon
A YEAR, ANUSHKA. TWELVE MONTHS.
David Song
Another laugh bubbles out of me, and I quiet myself when I hear someone’s door creaking open. It’s probably Amal, stress-baking. I should text Owais – Maha’s cousin and a friend of ours who moved from Karachi to London. He always wants to be kept in the loop if Amal appears particularly anxious or worried.
I shoot him a text before sliding back to The Tragedies’ chat.
Not to be a stalker, but I saw there’s another person in the group …?
Farah Sheikh
Oh, that’s Nur Hadi. You’re not gonna get any messages from her until tomorrow morning.
David Song
I think she’s at some freshers’ party. Living the life, really.
Anushka Menon
To summarize her story, Nur wears a hijab and was pretty much shunned from the LSDCATS casting before she’d even arrived.
David Song
I jolt forward, my body overheating with that sudden rage again. I’m not a naturally angry person – I’m the cool-headed one among my friends. But hearing these blatant experiences of racism is stoking a fire inside me.
That’s so messed up. I’m so angry right now.
Farah Sheikh
My words are inconsequential. I don’t know what metaphors and purple prose I’m supposed to use to explain how I’m feeling.
And that’s 100% valid to feel!! TBH, I’m sure the LSDCATS have been getting away with this kind of casting for ages. No one has ever got angry enough to stop them. But that’s why we have The Tragedies!!
Anushka Menon
Our group is open to anyone who’s trying to survive this industry, any creative who needs a safe space. Doesn’t matter what your skin tone is, or where you’re from, or how new you are to all of this. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on.
Ben Stone
I’m piecing together the puzzle in my mind with new understanding. This isn’t a cult. This is a place to vent. This is what I was looking for. I was screaming into the Twitter void before, not expecting to be heard. Now I have been.
I can’t tell The Tragedies the truth of what happened in my audition. I don’t want them to think I was trying to equate my experience with theirs when I wrote my tweet. But I can be their friend. I can let them rant, scream, vent all they want. I can make them feel less alone. Just like Ben said – I can be a shoulder to lean on.
So, for the next hour, our conversation flows from the LSDCATS to our classes to setting up a meet-up soon.
I’ve got a lecture at ten, so I gotta hit the pillow. Talk to you guys tomorrow?
Ben Stone
I like that. Knowing they talk every day. Knowing they want to talk to one another again. I take a leap and chime in first.
Sure!
Farah Sheikh
Yeah, I’ll update you guys on how David attempts to kiss up to our seminar leader because he thinks she’s hot.
Anushka Menon
And I’ll let you guys know how Anushka stares at our fifty-year-old professor like he’s Ryan Gosling.
David Song
I WAS STARING INTENTLY AT THE PRESENTATION.
Anushka Menon
EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE DROOLING THEN?
David Song
LIAR.
Anushka Menon
GOODNIGHT. STOP BLOWING UP MY PHONE WITH YOUR JEALOUSY.
Ben Stone
A series of meek goodnight messages follow, along with my own. When I finally close my phone, I find a smile etched on my face. The clock says it’s 1.00 a.m., which means an hour of texting back and forth. I try to hold on to this happy, lightweight feeling as I turn in for bed.
But my mind has snagged on one thing. Anushka’s words.
I’m sure the LSDCATS have been getting away with this kind of casting for ages.
I turn over to lie on my back, staring at the ceiling. Exhaustion tugs at my eyelids, but my thoughts are unrelenting. I can’t sleep. Not when there’s this unresolved feeling running through me like a live wire.
I’m sure the LSDCATS have been getting away with this kind of casting for ages.
It’s not a good idea.
Not under any circumstances.
But I throw off my covers and open my laptop. I choose my old Tumblr account. After three password tries, I’ve logged in.
I stare at the blank page for a moment. I’m not a writer. Amal is the writer in my friend group. She has a way of turning words into stories, capturing the reader’s attention with a poetic line or snappy piece of dialogue. I’ve fallen in love with her fantasy pieces, her epic tales and retellings of long-lost princes and wickedly smart witches.
Good thing I’m not writing a fairy tale.
I’m typing without any thought. With every sentence, that rage from before is expelled on to the screen. With every harsh word, my anger burns coaxingly. Warming me up. Comforting me.
When I finish, I think about sharing the piece with the rest of The Tragedies. My gaze finally slides to the clock on my bedside table. A glowing red 3.00 a.m. light shines back at me.
They’ll be asleep by now.
I consider deleting it. Writing out the LSDCATS’ transgressions was cathartic, and maybe that’s enough.
Deep down, I know it’s not enough.
It’s not fair that The Tragedies must talk in a quiet group about what they’ve faced. We – they – deserve better. Maybe they’re afraid to talk about this, knowing how harsh the backlash can be for them. But I have nothing to lose. Not when no one knows who I am online. No one knows who any of us are if we remain anonymous.
With that final thought, I press ‘post’ and send the piece off into the Tumblr abyss.
And only then, once my anger settles, do I – smug and relieved – let myself fall straight to sleep.
By @ConstantlyVictimizedBySociety
Published: 20 September 2021
THE UNVEILING OF THE LSDCATS
When you’re standing on a stage, auditioning for a role, you are also baring a part of your soul. You stand there, vulnerable, in front of a panel of judges who hold your future in their hands. There’s an assumed respect there – you for them, and them for you. Simple.
Not for the LSDCATS.
The London School of Dramatic and Creative Arts Theatre Society has an interesting auditioning process. They have been harsh, cruel and critical, but not in the way one expects.
They’ve rejected people for:
A) Being too dark-skinned for a traditionally white role.
B) Being too foreign to direct a classically white play.
C) Wearing a hijab.
D) Being of a different race and therefore being presumed unable to understand classic literature.
These are just four reasons why the LSDCATS have turned students away from their plays, but they plainly show how terribly prejudiced they are.
And if you’re wondering how I know this, it’s because I got added into a group yesterday called The Tragedies. All the participants of this group were students rejected by the LSDCATS because of their skin tone and nothing else. It was a group made to look out for one another, but, more than anything, it exposed the LSDCATS for their deep-rooted prejudice.
Theatre was made to entertain spectators, to paint stories with actions and music, to fill an auditorium with imagination. It was not made to breed hatred, to continue fostering this unequivocal racism.
To put it plainly, this is a warning from us to every aspiring actor or actress out there. Stay away from the LSDCATS. Protect your heart. Your mental health. Don’t subject yourself to their practices, which are rooted in hate and racism.
The LSDCATS are pretending to champion the theatrical arts, only to ultimately narrow it, restrict it and take it away from people of colour.
But I’m here to tell you that we’re not going to let them.
CHAPTER FOUR
Before we graduated, my A-level psychology teacher gave every single one of her students the same piece of advice: never decide something when you’re feeling the extremes of a negative or positive emotion. Never make a choice when you’re drowning in sadness or soaring with happiness or burning with anger.
Why?
Because once you move away from that feeling, everything will seem different, and the choice you once made will feel ill-fitting.
Last night, I not only went against her advice, but I also found a new condition to add.
Don’t make life-changing decisions at 3.00 a.m.
When I jolted awake at lunchtime to the sound of my don’t-forget-to-submit-your-assignment alarm, realizing I’d overslept and missed my 8.00 a.m. and 10.00 a.m. lectures, I didn’t expect to see over a hundred notifications lighting up my phone. More than that, I didn’t expect to see that I had gained over 5,000 followers on Twitter. It turns out my old Tumblr account is still linked to my pseudonymous Twitter account. As soon as I’d submitted that essay-post raging against the LSDCATS, the link to it had been automatically shared on my Twitter account too. And while I was dead to the world, my post was being read again, and again, and again.
Every time I refresh my screen, the numbers go up. With each like, my stomach twists; with each retweet, my pulse jumps.
‘Oh my God.’ I breathe out, my heart hammering in my throat. ‘Oh my God! What did I do?’
Is that a like from Simone Ashley? A retweet from Mindy Kaling? A fire-emoji comment from Laiba Siddiqi?
Laiba Siddiqi. Zayan Amin’s ex-girlfriend. Another favourite celebrity of mine. Right under her comment is a reply from the LSDCATS, the sight of it making my chest tighten.
@TheLSDCATS: We welcome ALL those who wish to audition.
The replies to that are painfully harsh.
@LeenasDreams: @TheLSDCATS Are you guys serious? That’s not what the post is saying in the slightest. The way you’ve been casting actors and actresses is biased, prejudiced and inherently WHITE. Are you going to own up to that?
I probably would’ve remained in bed, staring at my phone screen, shell-shocked, had someone not knocked on my door.
‘Y-yes?’ I croak out, my voice still rough with sleep.
‘It’s me,’ Amal says through the door. ‘You’ve missed your morning classes and I need to know if you’re still alive.’
‘I-I’m fine!’ I reply, quickly and unconvincingly. I can practically see the sceptical look painted on Amal’s face outside my door. So, for good measure, I throw in an excuse. ‘I stayed up late last night and ended up in a YouTube wormhole about penguins. I guess I overslept, but I’ll be out in a minute.’
I pause, waiting to see if she’ll buy it. When Amal laughs, I feel my tense shoulders relax just a little.
‘Of course you did,’ Amal replies, her tone amused now. ‘All right, well, I’ve got online lectures today, so I’m in the living room.’
When the sound of Amal’s retreating footsteps begins to fade, I look at my phone again – it’s still going wild with notifications. So many people are showering the post with support. I scroll through and notice that some of the responses are repeatedly asking, ‘Who are you?’
That’s when it hits me: no one knows I wrote the post. They only know that someone with the social media handle @ConstantlyVictimizedBySociety wrote it. Not me, Farah Sheikh.
But The Tragedies can be found. Internet detectives, who should probably be hired by the FBI, and potential trolls will have no problem working out who The Tragedies are – especially if any of them ever tweeted out about their auditions, like I did, from their personal accounts.
