Kokoro Connect, Volume 6: Nise Random, page 9
“[Kiriyama Yui’s vision of Aoki Yoshifumi]. Headed out, Yui-san?”
“Yup! What about you? Headed to the clubroom?”
In order for the rest of my plan to work, I cannot screw this up... It’s okay. I can do this.
“Yeah... Oh, right. I guess we’d better be on guard since we’re one-on-one. Okay, what’s the code word?”
“It’s ‘Screw you, «Heartseed»!’ Don’t you think we should change it, though? Like, isn’t it kind of rude?”
“I don’t know... It’s pretty straightforward if you ask me,” [Aoki] replies.
“Hmmm...” Yui frowns.
With this, I’ve convinced her I’m the real Aoki. Now I can really mess with her. Even if she realizes I’m an impostor, it’ll just show her what little use their stupid code word is.
So, time for me to go all-out. Should I force myself on her? Nah, that’s probably crossing a line.
“Yui-san,” [Aoki] calls, and I reach out to her.
She stares at my hand in alarm. As it moves, she watches it like a hawk to see where it goes. What’s got her so freaked out?
She’s so small and petite... with her little round face and clear, soft skin... As my hand closes in, something in the air shifts. For some reason, I feel myself tremble... but I ignore it and press on until my fingers come into contact with her cheek.
A pleasant tingle shoots through my body. Her skin feels cooler than I was expecting... It’s nice.
“...What are you doing?” Yui asks, standing stock-still, looking me dead in the eye.
“Oh, um... I was just thinking about how cute you are...”
“So you touched me... because you felt like it?” She looks neither bashful nor angry. Her expression is perfectly blank.
I hesitate. “Well... yeah.”
Her eyes glint sharply. “The real Aoki would never do that! Get lost, impostor!”
“Bfffgh?!” The next thing I know, something hits me hard in the nuts, and pain rampages through my entire body. My legs give out, and I feel myself hit the ground. Meanwhile, tears spill from my eyes as overwhelming nausea washes over me. “Gah... aaahh... Fuck...! You’re not supposed to... kick that hard...! Not cool...!”
“That’s what you get, impostor. Oh, I know! I should just, like, tie you up while I’ve got you. That’ll solve everything! But where could I get some rope...?”
“What...?”
Tie me up? What? What the hell? Why would you do that? Why would you think that? Fuck, I’m dead. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
I can feel fluid leaking from every inch of my body.
What do I do? Deny it? That won’t work. One phone call to the real Aoki and I’d be screwed. And if anyone else shows up, they’ll see me as Uwa Chihiro, and then...
I’m dead.
Is this really where it ends? Here? Now? This easily? Like I’m some kind of stooge? No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening!
If they find out, there’s no way I can keep attending Yamaboshi with them. I’ll have to drop out... I’ll turn into a shut-in loser... I’ll never be part of society again... or maybe «Heartseed» will erase me entirely—
My sight blurs.
What do I do?
Do I admit I’m an impostor and—
Yes, that’s it! «Heartseed» told me the five of them think of it as omnipotent. I can work with that!
“Go ahead... Tie me up... I’ll just disappear...”
Did she buy it? Or did I just dig my own grave?
“You can do that? Darn... I guess it won’t work, then.”
She bought it. Thank god. I survived... by the skin of my teeth.
“Hmmm... You guys really do look identical to the real deal...” Yui scrutinizes my appearance, staring down at me as I lie on the ground.
How can she be so calm? Almost like she’s merely observing an insect... How dare she look down on me!
“How did you know... I wasn’t real...?” [Aoki] asks through the pain.
“Because the real Aoki would never touch me for his own self-gratification,” she answers easily, and it’s obvious she believes in Aoki without a shadow of a doubt.
Yeah, well, screw your trust. Don’t act like you all know each other perfectly!
“It was actually pretty easy, now that I think about it. Anyway, I gotta go now. Mess with me again, I dare you.” Yui flips her long chestnut hair over her shoulder and smirks. “Oh yeah... I’d better tell them not to bother with the code word thing since you have all your memories.”
And with that, Yui strolls off like she’s lost interest entirely. I stare blankly after her.
“Whoa!”
And then another student turns up, staring at me like I’ve grown a second head.
Using a nearby locker for support, I stagger to my feet. “What are you looking at?”
Spooked, the other student dashes off.
I survived... Not only that, I’ve made them think I gain the same memories as my Phantom.
I’ve achieved my goal... and yet...
“God damn it!”
The locker reverberates with a metallic BANG as I slam my fist into it. My knuckles sting as my chest floods with an overwhelming sense of defeat and hopelessness.
I made a total disgrace of myself back there. What’s worse, she made it clear she didn’t see me as a threat—and rubbed it in my face.
She’s so far above me, I’ll never reach her...
This isn’t working.
The next day, on my way to school, I luckily spot Taichi right as he sets foot on campus. My gut tells me to attack.
I didn’t get any sleep last night—my mind was racing too hard—and now the sleep deprivation has me weirdly hyped up. Normally I’d never try this in a crowd, but fuck it.
“[Yaegashi Taichi’s vision of a friend in class who usually arrives late].”
It’s impressive how calm and composed I can manage to be in this state. You see, if the Phantom Projection ever creates a paradox in the target’s mind—for example, if they see two of the same person—the repercussions are allegedly pretty serious, so it’s up to me to ensure that doesn’t happen.
I’m on fire today. This is me at my very best. I’m gonna win this time.
“Oh, hey, Watase. I see you’re here early for a change.”
“Good morning, Taichi-san.”
As I speak, I hear the Phantom voice replay over my own (originally this creeped me out, but now I’m pretty much used to it) and learn that this “Watase” is a guy.
“Listen, I know this is kind of sudden, but could I borrow some money?”
It’s a crude method, but one that’s likely to work. They say money is the very embodiment of human greed, after all.
“Sure... How much?”
“As much as you’ve got. I really, really need it. It’s for something important, I swear.” [Watase] bows humbly.
This is Taichi we’re talking about. He’s a pushover. Hell, he might just give me his whole wallet.
“Alright, sure.”
See? What’d I tell you? The guy’s a moron.
“I don’t know what you need it for, but if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t push it. When can you pay me back, though?”
“Oh, you know. Soon.”
This is so easy. It’s like taking candy from a baby... Wait... He’s glaring at me...?
Intimidated, [Watase] takes a step back. “Wh... What?”
“You’re an impostor, aren’t you?”
“Wha...?! H-How...?!”
“Watase’s obnoxious when it comes to borrowing cash. He’ll make you write an IOU over lunch money! He’ll put that crap in his will!”
“Wh... What?”
How was I supposed to predict that?! Who does that?! I scream internally. I need to escape. I turn and bolt.
I run out behind the school building, attracting the curious stares of students just arriving on campus, as well as some on their way back from morning club practice. My face burns scarlet. I feel sick.
No... This isn’t a defeat. It’s a tactical retreat.
That’s not how they’ll see it, though. They’ll think I’m running away like a coward.
Did I just make it obvious that I actually don’t retain the Phantom’s memories? Will they figure it out? I don’t know. Fuck!
This isn’t working. It really isn’t.
All throughout class, my mind is focused on one thing only: my next strike. I skip club activities to prepare. Then, that evening, I target Aoki on his way home from school.
“[Aoki Yoshifumi’s vision of a family member who might reasonably be here].”
“Oh, hey, sis! Headed home?” Aoki asks. I didn’t even know Aoki had a sister.
Wordlessly, I close in on him. I’m going to take this asshole down a peg.
“Huh? What’s wrong?” he asks.
Posing as [Aoki’s older sister], I smile... ball my right hand into a fist... and swing that fist directly into his stupid, trusting face. Twice.
“AGH!” He reels from the impact.
A shiver of pleasure shoots down my spine as I imagine myself destroying him. The violent impulses send dopamine to my brain. I could give in to my animal instincts and tear him limb from limb, right here, right now... but I won’t. I have self-restraint. Besides, it’s not his body I want to annihilate, anyway.
“Wh... What the hell, sis?!” Aoki shouts.
In response, I tilt my head slightly.
“Oh, I geddit... You’re an impostor...”
At this, I sneer at him.
“Damn you... How dare you try to wear my sister’s face...!”
That’s it. Get angry. Yell at me. Lose your composure. Go ahead, bring it on... Just know that whatever you do to me, I’ll do right back. Tenfold. And that’s the moment you’ll realize you’re in hell.
“Wait a minute... So you’re telling me you can be anyone? Nowhere is safe?”
Glad to see you’re up to speed, nimrod. I can use the Phantom Projection to be anyone I want. Sure, maybe you’ll see through the act once we start talking, but until then, you have no way of knowing. Anyone in the world could potentially be a threat. Who could possibly survive that? You’ll go nuts. And that’s precisely what I’m angling for.
You want entertaining, I’ll give you entertaining. God, I can’t wait to see that look of despair on your face—
“That’s it? Meh, no biggie.” Aoki’s face lights up with relief as he smiles.
He’s grinning at me.
“Wh... What...?”
“Well, I mean, if all you can do is resort to physical violence, isn’t that kinda admitting you’re out of cards?”
“What?”
“When it comes to «Heartseed»... and «The Second», now that I think about it... For as much as they screw with us, they never attack us physically. Well, okay... To be fair, there was this one time during the body-swap, but we kinda started that one,” Aoki explains casually, as if discussing the weather with a friend. “I can’t say I get it myself, but Inabacchan says they’re interested in our ‘emotional turbulence’ and our ‘connections as a group’ and stuff. So basically, it’s a competition. If their phenomenon crap gets in our heads and screws with our friendships, then they win. But if we can endure it, then we win.” He nods to himself. “So when you resort to violence, it’s like... against the rules, sorta? You’re giving up your victory.”
“I’m not competing with you,” I reply. Call me a loser all you like;. I want no part of your stupid little game.
“Sure you are. And you’re losing, too. Wait... Real talk, you aren’t «Heartseed»? Are the rules different for you or something?” He muses on this for a moment, then shrugs. “I’ll just talk to the others about it, I guess. Anyway, my point is, you can punch me black and blue, but you’re not gonna beat us by throwing a little tantrum. And if you ever hurt one of the girls, I will personally make you pay.”
“Wh... What do you mean by that?”
“Doesn’t matter! You’re just gonna pay! End of story!”
He has no bite to back up that bark. He’s just bluffing...
So why do I feel so threatened? Why do I feel like I’m losing? I’m not losing. I’m winning. He’s the loser. In what world could he gain the upper hand?
“Against the rules”? “Giving up my victory”? Give me a fucking break.
I’m not losing. I’m winning. I’m not losing. I’m winning. I’m not losing. I’m winning. I’m not losing. I’m winning.
No matter how you look at it, I have the upper hand. Anyone could tell you that. Right? Someone look at this shit and tell me I’m right... Someone... Anyone...!
And yet, the only one of us she cares about is—
This isn’t working. None of this is working. Everything I do just backfires.
The whole world is working against me.
□■□■□
It rained all throughout the next day.
During karate practice, Yui asked me “Are you doing okay? You haven’t been to the clubroom in a while,” to which I replied that I was fine, though I couldn’t bear to look her in the eye. I was her enemy, after all.
Thinking back, it’s a wonder I managed to act so normal around them in the early days. I can’t remember for the life of me how I pulled it off... Maybe it was easier back when my tactics weren’t quite so... direct.
After practice ended, for some reason, I was gripped with this strange desire to talk to Yui. I was tired of the constant hostility... I wanted someone to lend a sympathetic ear for a change.
On the way home from the dojo, I follow Yui down the street as she twirls her pink umbrella. Then, loud enough to be heard over the rain, I announce:
“[Kiriyama Yui’s vision of the friend she wants to talk to the most].”
Meanwhile, I close the gap between us.
“Hmm...? Wait, what? Chinatsu?! Is that you?!” Almost in disbelief, Yui dashes over to me, splashing through the puddles in her polka-dot rain boots. “Did you just get back? Like, how are things going over there? Are you keeping up with karate practice?”
From this, I intuit that my Phantom was a fellow karate student who had once lived here, but has since moved away. Something about the name rang a bell, too... Then I remember: Mihashi Chinatsu, the girl who used to be Yui’s biggest rival during competitions. She was a prideful girl, even more so than Yui, and always wore her hair in a ponytail.
Being [Mihashi] suited me fine, incidentally. Better her than some rando I knew nothing about.
“Tell me all about what’s been going on with you,” I say, mostly so she’ll stop asking me questions. When I cast the Projection, I made sure to specify a friend she wanted to talk to, so hopefully I won’t need to contribute much. That way we can spend a long time—
Wait... What am I doing?
“Yesss, I am sooo ready to vent! Let’s go to a cafe or something!”
“N-No, I can’t.”
Seriously, what am I doing?
“Huh? How come?”
I’m... Yes, that’s it! I’m researching how to screw with her next. That’s why I’m Projecting as her best friend: for research.
With an objective now established, I regain my composure.
“Oh, um, I’m waiting on a phone call right now. I’ve got plans with family after this, so I can’t really stick around.” I need to ensure I can escape at any time.
“But it’s raining!”
“So what? I like your umbrella, though. Cute boots, too.” They were the first compliments I could think of.
“I know, right? You can tell a girl’s worth based on how much style she has in any weather!”
“Even in a thunderstorm?”
“Especially in a thunderstorm! ...Actually, now that I think about it, you don’t usually compliment me on my clothes... Oh god, you’re not an impostor, are you...?”
Quick, before she figures it out!
“Impostor?” I ask.
“Oh, uh, nothing! Jeez, I really need to stop suspecting everyone...”
Apparently she bought it.
From there, Yui tells me about all sorts of things. She must’ve been excited to catch up with an old friend. As a result, I obtained a variety of information, but none of it was immediately useful.
Then, at some point we start talking about the guys in the CRC, and Yui mentions me and Taichi, but for the most part, her comments are all centered on Aoki Yoshifumi.
“Seriously, Aoki is driving me crazy. He’s like...”
Aoki this, Aoki that.
“...because Aoki...”
Blah blah blah.
“...and then Aoki was like...”
Aoki, Aoki, Aoki.
I can’t stand it anymore. I’m sick of hearing his name on her lips. It feels like she’s intentionally rubbing it in my face. So instead, I cut in.
“So.”
Yui falls still, her pink lips pressed together like a flower bud before spring. I had forgotten, of course, that interjecting meant I would have to come up with a statement of my own. What do I say? The sound of the rain seems to grow louder with each passing moment.
“Be straight with me: how do you actually feel about Aoki-san?”
It was the first question that sprang to mind.
Yui freezes for a moment. A gust of wind blows past, sending fat drops of rain splattering against my umbrella, though the rain itself doesn’t seem to have gotten any heavier.
“Well...”
Normally this topic would send Yui into a blushing frenzy, but today she’s calm and level-headed... possibly only because she believes she’s talking to Mihashi Chinatsu. Whatever she’s about to tell me, it’s likely the honest truth.
I find myself wishing the rain would pour down harder.
“I’ve always told myself it would be stupid to fall for someone just because they say they’ve fallen for me. It doesn’t feel right to ‘give in’ to them just because they’re nice, you know?” She pauses for a moment. “But I’m ready to make my decision.” Her voice is firm, cutting through the drone of the drops hitting the concrete.
“Yeah?”
“I mean... Maybe not right away, but, you know, soon!” She spins her umbrella bashfully. Now this is more like the Yui I know. “No matter how it goes, I’ll be sure to call you and tell you about it.”
