Jaked, page 24
"With Debbie?" I asked.
"Shit, with everything," Jake said. "So I’m thinking, 'What's the best way to get rid of this skank?' And I think, 'I know. I'll fuckin' sleep with her. Make sure my dad catches us too.'"
"Wow," I breathed, "that is so messed up."
He made a scoffing sound. "You think?"
"So what happened?" I asked.
"So, I talk Debbie into paying me a visit. Not that it took a whole lot of convincing."
That, I could definitely believe.
"So anyway," Jake said, "Long story short, my dad walks in, and Debbie's laying there on the bed. She's drunk off her ass and naked as hell. And my dad's going nuts. And Debbie starts blubbering that nothing happened. She says she just fell into the wrong bed, all kinds of bullshit. And my dad, he doesn't believe her, especially when I say, 'Yeah. I fucked her. And it was like screwing sandpaper."
As awful as it was, I stifled a laugh. "You didn't."
"I did."
"So what happened then?" I asked.
"So my dad? He does the usual thing, tries to kick my ass. And Debbie? She's clawing the shit out of my back. A couple of my brothers jump into the mix. Remember Joel? He ends up with twenty stitches and a broken arm."
"Oh jeez," I said. "I always wondered how that happened."
"Now you know," Jake said. "I did him some favor, huh?"
"Hey, your intentions were good." I pushed myself off the sofa and reached for his hand. "Jake, you are not the villain of this story."
"In this story?" he said. "There's nothing but villains."
"Oh come on, you're no villain," I said. "You did it for love. For your family, I mean. And honestly, it wasn't that bad. I mean, you didn't actually sleep with her, right?"
"Hell no," Jake said. "She was trash. Probably had a dozen social diseases."
"But they all think you did? Still?"
"Sure," Jake said. "I never denied it. Probably never will."
"Why not?" I asked.
Jake gave a humorless smile. "My dad? Like I said, he liked to beat on us. I was the oldest, so no problem for me. I could take it just fine. But after I 'fucked' his girlfriend?" At this, Jake actually grinned. "It kept him good and pissed at me for a year. Left him no time for my brothers."
"Oh my God," I breathed. "That's so awful."
"Yeah, a giant clusterfuck, huh?"
"No. Not you," I said. "The situation."
"Right."
He met my gaze, and his voice grew ragged. "So when I tell you I love you, that doesn't mean it's a good thing. Don't you get it? Even when I try to do the right thing, it turns out wrong." He gave a hollow laugh. "And most of the time, I don't even try."
"That's not true," I said.
"Yes. It is. And that's why, when all this is over, you need to move on."
I studied his face. His words said one thing, but his face said another. I couldn't let it go. And not only for my sake. "Oh come on," I said. "The Debbie thing was years ago. Ancient history."
"It's not about Debbie," he said. "For every story like that, I've got a million more." He leaned over me, and I felt the promise of a kiss. "I meant what I said. I do love you. I've loved you for years. But I hope to God that you never love me back."
"But why?"
"Because I ruin everything I touch. And I don't wanna ruin you."
"Jake," I said, "look at this place. You're successful. You're famous. Girls literally throw themselves at you. I don't think you're seeing yourself clearly. You haven't ruined anything. You've built something to be proud of. Why can't you see that?"
"I see it." He looked around. "This stuff, the money, yeah, it's sweet as shit. I'm not gonna deny it. But you know what you don't see?"
"What?"
"Behind all this, there's a long string of people who hate my fucking guts. And you what?"
"What?"
"I don't care."
"You don't?"
"Hell no," he said. "I piss off people every day, and have a shitload of fun doing it."
"But what does that have to do with anything?" I asked.
He shoved a hand through his hair. "Nothing. Everything. I don't know."
My head was reeling from the whiplash of emotions swirling around the room. He claimed to love me, but he wanted me to leave. He had to be lying, whether to himself, or to me, because both things couldn’t be true at the same time.
Could they?
As if reading my confusion, he moved forward and reached out for me. There was something so lost about him that I couldn’t stop myself from falling into his arms. To comfort him? Or to comfort me? Probably both.
Melted against him, I spoke against his chest. "Jake?"
"Yeah."
"That thing you said, that you, uh, love me?"
"Yeah?"
"Just how many girls have you said that to?"
"Including you?" he asked.
Against him, I nodded.
His answer was a long time in coming. But when it did, it took my breath away. "One."
I pulled away to meet his gaze.
The script called for me to say I loved him too. Did I? I had idolized him forever. I had spent countless nights lusting after him. And now, I wanted to wash away his torments and somehow make him whole and happy.
Was that love? It sure as hell felt like it. But I refused to say it – not for fear of embarrassment, and not because he didn't want me to love him. It was because if I admitted to such a thing, even to myself, I'd never be able to leave, whether he wanted me to or not.
It was because regardless of those pretty words, I still couldn't believe him. If he truly loved me, he'd never ask me to leave. And if I truly loved him, I wouldn’t be able to leave, whether it was supposedly for my own good or not.
Still unsure of what I might say, I opened my mouth, but before any words came out, Jake lowered his head to seal my lips with a kiss so desperate that it made me forget almost everything else.
I shouldn't have done it. But when he carried me away to his bedroom, I didn't utter a single word of protest. I couldn't have, even if I tried.
Tenderly, we made love that whole afternoon. I knew I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help that either. And I didn't want to help it.
As we lay naked together, I kept expecting him to take everything back, to tell me he never wanted me to leave – or as much as I would have hated to hear it – to tell me he didn't love me at all.
None of that happened.
So I knew what I had to do. The only question was, did I have the will to do it?
The End
Coming in Spring 2015
Jake Me
Jake Bishop can take a punch, but can he take the chance of losing Luna, the one girl who melts his heart? She's still in danger. He's still afraid of ruining her. Together, they're one hot mess looking for a place called home. Will they find it with each other? Or go down in flames, trying?
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Other Books by Sabrina Stark
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Sometimes, the Place You Belong Isn't Where You Began... With an accounting degree that's getting her nowhere, Chloe Malinski spends her nights waitressing and her days housesitting in a neighborhood that's infinitely beyond her reach or comfort zone. But she knows all too well that no one wants a pauper in their mansion, so she's gotten good - maybe a little too good - at faking it 'til she makes it.
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The Only Thing More Dangerous than the Bad Boy You Left Behind is the Man He's Become… If she was such a good fortune-teller, she should've seen it coming. But part-time Tarot-reader Selena Moon is as surprised as anyone when Jim Bishop, the bad boy she left behind, returns from who-knows-where to reclaim the one girl he could never forget.
She's fearful of repeating the past. He's never been afraid of anything – until now. Because with murder and mayhem surrounding Selena, fate, along with an unwelcome rival, might steal her away before he finally has the chance to win her back for now and always.
Author Web Site
www.SabrinaStark.com
From the Author
Thanks so much for reading. Also, thanks in advance to those special readers who take the time to leave a review. I read and appreciate every one. Romance readers truly are the best!
© Copyright 2014 by Sabrina Stark.
All rights reserved. This book and any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author or publisher except for the use of brief quotations in critical articles or reviews.
Sabrina Stark, Jaked
