It Started with a Kiss, page 2
The few inches separating Cade and Cammie is the most distance I’ve seen between the newlyweds since they got married a few months ago. Then she resettles against his side as if she couldn’t take it, and says, “Hi.”
I get a sympathetic grin from Tealey, but Rad and Cade exchange a guilty glance like they were busted speaking of the devil. The devil being me—the last of the trio to still be single. I ask, “What?”
“Nothing,” they practically all reply in unison, and then start busying themselves by quickly turning back to face the city. They were definitely talking about me. I can’t say I like that kind of limelight, but I can’t stop them from gossiping. It’s what friends do. We don’t say anything hurtful, but we’re all embedded in each other’s business and have been since the six of us became friends at NYU.
It feels a little different tonight, matching my mood. I can’t tell if I’m feeling lonely or left out. I scratch the back of my neck to ease the discomfort before I close the door behind me and step into the line of fire. “Just fucking say it.” I walk to the corner and lean against the railing to face them. The balcony is big for New York City, even for this large apartment on the Upper East Side. But I’m still within glaring distance of them.
Tealey steps around Rad as if she needs to protect him. “We were just talking about how beautiful Marlow looks this evening.”
I narrow my eyes, searching for the lie, but Tealey hates lies more than anything, so I know I can trust her. I lighten up and turn to face the cityscape. “She does,” I say indifferently, though I feel the opposite inside. Marlow looks fucking stunning. Irresistible.
I kept myself from checking to see if the fucker returned to touch or talk to her once I left. We’re not a couple. She’s not mine to claim in any way, so why am I having a change of heart these days?
Tealey leans on the ledge next to me, keeping her eyes on the avenue below. “It’s almost midnight.”
I’m onto her. Grinning, I glance over. “It is.” I can’t make anything happen with Marlow, though, if Marlow doesn’t want it. Since the moment our friends found out we were, let’s just say . . . benefitting each other, they’ve tried their best to give us space. But on the rare occasion, like tonight, the hope in Tealey’s eyes gives her inner thoughts away.
I say, “Let’s cut to the chase. I don’t know if she’s coming, and although we came here together, we’re clearly not together.”
Tealey sighs. “So nothing’s changed with that?”
“No. We’re complicated, to say the least.”
“I know, but I know as well as you do that sometimes Marlow needs a little nudge in the right direction.”
“Me, being that direction?”
She smiles as a giggle escapes. “There could be worse things to wish for than two of my best friends being in a relationship.”
I look over her shoulder at the others again. “I know it’d put a nice bow on the group dynamic, but it might not work out that way. I don’t want to upset you—”
“You won’t upset me if it doesn’t work out. Ultimately, we all want what’s best for both of you. I just think . . .” She pauses and looks out at the city. The reprieve from her gaze gives me a second to take my own deep breath. “Tonight would be a great time to try, if there ever was one.”
I smile and bump into her. She’s like a little sister to me, and her heart is always in the right place, even if she’s off base when it comes to mine and Marlow’s love life. I say, “The invite is out there. All she has to do is meet me on this balcony.”
Tealey looks up at me while the others discuss options for after the party and then bumps right back into me. “Are you going to leave this to chance, Jackson?” Grinning ear to ear, she backs up into Rad’s arms again. “You have four minutes to make it happen.”
I dip my head, laughing. “Way to be subtle.”
Cade chuckles. “Subtlety isn’t your style.”
Shaking my head, I don’t know if I should be offended that they’re all so desperate for me to hook up with Marlow or flattered that they care so much about my happiness. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’m a big boy. I’ll be okay. Promise.” Checking my watch, I look back up to see four sets of eyes still on me. I throw my arms out and join in the fun at my own expense. “Three minutes.”
Cammie turns and wraps her arms around Cade. “Whatever you’re doing at midnight is what you’ll have in abundance the rest of the year.”
He whispers something in her ear that makes her giggle and blush. Rad embraces Tealey like she’ll slip away if he doesn’t hold tight. When her arms go around his neck, I’m privy to the exchanged love they share in their eyes. That’s when I realize I want that.
I want that comfort, that ease, that . . . I can’t believe I’m even saying this.
Predictability.
Accountability.
Responsibility.
I want someone to rely on and someone I can count on.
Maybe that comes with age because the concept of love and dating only one person has always been foreign to me. But I’ve been feeling a pull wrenching me toward a relationship for a while now.
Kissing Marlow sounds like a great way to start the new year. Not kissing her body in foreplay to get laid, but really kissing her with everything in me and the passion she deserves. We’ll find out if there’s more to us than a casual night of sex here and there. That will be different for us and could lead to something . . . new.
I look through the glass door, spying Marlow at the center of the party.
Will breaking down that final barrier, the one we’ve kept in place to protect ourselves from us becoming real, change anything?
Marlow refuses to discuss relationships. I’m not sure if it’s because her life is up in the air at the moment, if she doesn’t want anything serious with me, or if the idea scares her. And I haven’t really pushed because the idea of doing the one thing I’ve never done—been serious about a woman—scares me a little.
I’ve always been underestimated, called a rich kid who was given everything. I was given a damn good start, but I worked my way from the mailroom to being a venture capitalist. I continue to work hard because one fuck up and it could all be gone overnight.
The transition through my career stockbroker to a financial advisor with CWM has been very calculated. Being in my position, being an investor, takes more than money. It also takes most of my attention. Am I willing to divide that at a time when the path I’m choosing potentially comes with more risk than reward?
Timing matters, and I’m not sure Marlow and I will ever be on the same page.
Cammie announcing two minutes drags me from my thoughts to see her leading Cade inside where the masses have gathered to celebrate together. Tealey and Rad are right behind them, but Rad stops to ask, “You coming, Jackson?”
“No.” I peer into the crowd, disappointment . . . reality, settling in when I don’t see the one person I was hoping was coming to meet me. “You guys go on.”
Couples move closer, arms around each other, and the music fades under the sound of the countdown.
As my friends disappear into the center of the revelers, I turn around, resting my forearms on the ledge again. It’s not so bad to have the city before you, the lights bright and the sound of horns below adding to the melody of the end of another year.
With the doors left ajar, I hear Morgenstern announce into a microphone, “Ten. . . nine. . .”
“Hope the invitation still stands.”
I turn back, surprised by that voice—the only one I wanted to hear. Marlow—that dress showing off those hourglass curves of hers, long hair freed from the clip holding it up earlier, and high heels that make her legs look a million miles long—with a tentative smile as if she didn’t know I’d be waiting for her.
“With me, the invitation is always open.”
“Thought you might have other plans by now.” She looks around, and I suspect it’s to make sure no other woman is out here before taking a few steps closer. As if she doesn’t know me at all . . . or maybe she knows me too well.
I’m not sure. Our arrangement hasn’t really been defined before.
She’s gone on other dates.
I have.
For some reason, we keep meeting in the middle.
“Eight . . . seven . . .” Morgenstern continues.
My heart starts to beat faster. Being alone with her always does that to me. “No plans.”
Coming even closer, she maintains a few feet between us. “That’s too bad. I was hoping you’d have plans with me.”
“Six . . . five . . .”
“I always have plans for you, but most are not appropriate to discuss in public.”
“Four . . . three . . .”
“Good,” she replies, raising her chin. “I have no interest in discussing it when we could be—”
“Two . . . one . . .”
I take her hand and pull her into my arms, our mouths crashing together under the sound of the city coming alive at midnight. Our lips caress and then open, our tongues eager to reacquaint themselves.
Kissing wasn’t always on the table with us, but tonight, our guard is lowered and our bodies are hungry for the connection. Marlow will blame the champagne. I’ll blame my weakness for the stunning beauty.
Either way, I cup her face and then look into her eyes. As she searches mine and curiosity overtakes her Bahama blues, I ask, “Want to go to my place and ring in the new year?”
She smiles coyly. “I thought we just rang it in.”
“No. We’re just getting started.”
2
Jackson St. James
New Year’s Eve traffic is a mood killer.
Reaching over, I take hold of Marlow’s hand and kiss it. Her body has never been off-limits for the gesture. Only the intimacy of her mouth. I don’t have issues with boundaries, but now that the flood gates have opened, damn, I want to kiss her again. Since we have some time to kill, we might as well dive right in. “We kissed back there.”
A flirtatious grin appears. “We did, and now I’m wondering why we weren’t doing it all along.”
“You’re reading my mind.”
Ironic. I’ve always found her quite difficult to read. She’s the queen of hearts with a million walls surrounding her like a fortress. Untouchable in so many ways, except when we’re alone . . . or maybe it’s only when she’s lonely.
She licks her lips, and I can’t stop staring at them. Remembering the delicate taste of champagne as it lingered, a hint of something sweet when our tongues touched for the first time, I drag my tongue over my lower lip in hopes of tasting her again. Fuck, I’m getting hard from the tease and start to wonder if kissing is even on the table or if New Year’s Eve is just a special occasion. “We’ve kissed before.”
“Not like that.”
“No, not like that.” Another car honks its horn at us. Our driver flips him off while grumbling up front about staying in his own lane.
I look around, making sure the situation won’t escalate, and then sit back when I see the other driver turn to take a different route.
“We have bad timing,” Marlow says, picking up where we left off.
Finding her eyes in the cab's darkness, I ask, “You and me?”
“No, the traffic. We should have left earlier to avoid it.”
I nod, catching on. “Right. Is there ever a good time?”
“For us?” I swear I detect a note of hope in her tone.
As much as I like hearing that, I chuckle because we both seem to be a little confused tonight. Is that what kissing does? It’s rattled me in a good way. Wonder how she feels about it? “There’s never smooth sailing in Manhattan traffic.”
She looks out the window, making it hard to read anything about her, so I hold tighter to the hope I heard and her hand. I rest our bond on my leg, which brings her attention back to me. She says, “Don’t worry, Jackson. We’ll get there eventually.”
Her words have new meaning under the earlier intimacy of kissing. Not sure what to say under the curious gaze she’s laid on me, except, “Happy New Year.”
Her grasp tightens, and her head tilts. “Happy New Year.” She slides across the back seat until she’s close, close like Cammie and Cade get, and Rad and Tealey.
For a small moment in time, it feels like we’re that couple. Or could be.
When I release her hand and lift my arm, she snuggles against me, and says, “New Year’s Eve should only be allowed on weekends.” She laughs to herself. Sitting up suddenly, she angles toward me. “I sound so old. When did we get old?”
“Somewhere between graduating and being able to stay out all night partying to bumping up against thirty and being tired before one o’clock on New Year’s Eve, I suppose.”
“Changes in jobs.” She rests back again, her head on my shoulder.
“Living on our own.”
She nods. “So true.” Adjusting her head, she’s closer, if that’s possible. She looks up at me. “Do you ever get lonely?”
I realize that’s what tonight was about—my wandering thoughts, questioning what I should be doing with my life relationship-wise, and feeling like a fifth wheel with my best friends for the first time. It’s a lot to digest. I tighten my arm around her and admit the truth. “Sometimes, I guess. I thought you liked living in that big apartment? Isn’t that why you’re trying to stay there?”
Discomfort slumps her shoulders momentarily, and a shaky breath is released. “I’m trying to stay because I have nowhere to go.”
My heart hurts to see this usually strong woman fighting an embarrassment she should never bear. I want to protect her, to help her, to do something to make this better. Wrapping my arm around her, I hold her close and kiss her head. “Sure, you do. Whatever happens, you have me. You don’t have to fight this alone. We’re all here for you.”
She leans up enough to look at me with a soft smile playing on her lips. Her eyes are wide with the same hope tingeing her tone when she says, “I’ve been sheltered and taken care of for my whole life. Where did that get me?”
She’s always been daddy’s little princess. He even called her as much when he was paying for her every whim, but to hear her say it is new. She still deserves some credit where it’s due. I tuck some loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You’re following your dream. You work in a gallery, just like you always talked about, and you work hard.”
“I work in a gallery but can’t afford my bills.” She looks down as she rests the palm of her hand on her leg. “My dreams won’t pay for my lifestyle, and I willingly let that happen.”
I’ve never seen this side of her, her vulnerability palpable in the back of this cab. I didn’t know it was this bad. She’s not one to show weakness, so I’m not sure what to think other than Marlow deserves better than how her family has left her. “Your dad fucked up.”
“Yes, he did. He lied to me and everyone else, including the bank. But I picked an apartment that most people in the city can’t afford, choosing to feed an ego instead of dealing with reality. I had no idea he was headed for bankruptcy. That he lied to me when he was responsible for paying my bills was wrong on every level. But at the end of the day, I got myself into this mess by thinking my dad would always be there for me.” She sits back. “It doesn’t matter how I got here. I’m never going to let something like this happen to me again. Never.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Enjoy New Year’s Eve with you.” She pushes up on her hand and kisses under my jaw, my body coming back to life.
The familiar surroundings have me ready to pay so I can get her upstairs. Hanging out in cabs for longer than necessary isn’t what I call entertainment, not when I’m with a beautiful woman. Especially when I’m with Marlow. I lift her chin so her eyes stay fixed on me. “You’re never alone. Got that?”
A grin grows, but she restrains it before it gives too much away. “Got it,” she says like the sly devil himself replied.
The cab pulls to the curb, giving me a reprieve from this heavy conversation. We head inside like we’ve done many times. It’s not been hundreds, but it’s been enough for the doorman to remember her. How could he not? She’s unforgettable. He tips his hat. “Evening, Ms. Marché. Mr. St. James.”
“Happy New Year, Paul,” Marlow and I say in unison. The sound of her heels against the marble floors trails along with us. I reach my hand out, and she takes hold, clasping mine without a glance ever exchanged. We work on instinct and the gravitational pull that keeps bringing us together.
It’s a pull I don’t want to fight anymore.
I wonder how she feels?
We ride the elevator in silence, but a tension builds while our eyes are fixed on each other’s in the reflection of the mirrored door. She drags the tips of her fingers across her collarbone and then bites her lip. Her chest rises and falls with each breath.
Fuck.
She’s so fucking gorgeous I’m tempted to take her right here. Too bad our every move is being filmed in this elevator. I appreciate the security all other times.
Gripping the railing behind me with my other hand to keep myself from pulling her in for another kiss to that lip she’s currently biting, I will the elevator to move faster.
It’s the first time her eyes leave mine. She whispers, “I’ve been thinking,” and looks at her shoes.
“What have you been thinking?” It’s then that I notice she’s holding the railing behind her like I am. I loosen my grip, stretching my fingers.
Just when her gaze rises, the elevator stops, and the door slides open.
I glance at her at the same moment as she looks at me. She leaves me trying to read her mind when all I want to do is kiss her again. I hold my hand out, and as soon as she takes it, we bolt down the hall together as if we’ll find any answer we need down here.
I have my keys out and am unlocking my door as soon as we reach it.
We both take a breath, but doors and keys, hallways, or even privacy don’t matter at this point. The buildup consumes us quicker than a breath can be exhaled. She’s against me, her lips on mine, causing my back to hit the wood door with a thud.
