Mantivore Dreams, page 19
part #1 of The Arcadian Chronicles Series
Vrox whimpers. Pleading and desperate.
Bile hit the back of my throat at this abject version of the normally arrogant mantivore lord. What’s happening to you, Vrox?
Vrox continues to whine – cublike…
This isn’t a good idea… But my objection was limp – I didn’t have the heart to refuse him and he knew it. He also knew that the nearest public Nodery was only a five-minute stroll from the Factory gates, in Unity Street. I took a deep breath, deciding that discovering the official version of events back in Cnicus might, after all, be a good use of time. After messaging Seth to tell him where I was going, I followed the directions on my tab. It was still work in progress, but at least I had it debugged and running reasonably fast.
I stopped in the entrance of the Nodery, shocked at the state of the organi-packs. Instead of the glowing greens and blues, bobbing and bubbling in their transparent tanks, over half of them were a sludge-yellow, sagging listlessly in a cloudy murk. I looked around, expecting to find the Brarian staff rushing around, doing something about the shoddy state of these poor things. But they were just wafting around the building, chatting to customers or each other. A couple were at a nodetable, clearly info-mining. As if everything was just fine.
Vrox paces, snarling…
I can’t! I break cover like that, Adurn and The Prime Council will be snacking on my gizzards for brekkie tomorrow.
Before he could argue further, I made for the nearest free booth. A Brarian drifted across to me, all set to show me how to use the nodetable for a reasonable fee. I fumbled for a two-errand piece – the minimum they charged - and all but threw it at him, telling him to leave me alone until I’d finished. He huffed off, not that I cared.
These roachers need shaking by the throat. Hard.
Sitting at the nodetable, I swiped my damp hands down my skirt and took a couple of deep breaths before opening up the Node, all set to dodge through, up and under the layers. But this system was almost slagged to a standstill. It made the small Nodery in Cnicus look like topline oldtech. My stomach knotted at the sheer wicked greed of it.
I mustn’t do something stupid. My fingers stuttered over the keyswitches and pressureholds, constantly repeating movements because the datatech was so worn. And because my hands were shaking so much.
Vrox snarls and paces. Slowly. Painfully.
It took a long lifetime to get through to the provincial Bullits, and then another eon speedscrolling through last fortnight’s Bullitfrags. I tried to keep my eyes away from the pitiful spectacle of the ailing organi-packs, but while I waited for the Node to offer up the info, there was nothing else to focus on. Looking at their ruin, it felt as if I was watching my own life sliding into the slurry pit.
I blinked back tear-blur, grateful for the low light levels. If the organi-packs had been halfway healthy, the place would have been a lot brighter. Our Nodery back home blazed with the luminous organi colours… It’s not my Nodery, though. And it never will be.
I grabbed for my tab, feeling desperate. There was a way I could escape from this dreadful place sooner. I’d slipped a couple of speedup kinks in my tab’s command loop only the previous evening. Spending time fiddling with the tab’s Motherprog soothed Vrox and gave me something to do when Seth was dozing over his music in the evenings before we went to bed.
Wonder if this will work? I couldn’t see why not. I opened up my tab, slotted it into the upload port and powered the speedup option. Sure enough the info-stream rate immediately increased as my tab began to also absorb info-facs faster and faster.
I kept a careful eye on the tab’s Motherprog. It would only be able to generate this amount of power for a short while.
As they flicked past, I caught sight of a couple of Bullitfrags with my name. Well that wasn’t a surprise, given the grisly circumstances of my death. Being eaten by a maw-shark should have guaranteed me a major mention. Once the info-stream was completed, I broke the link and leaned back in the rickety chair, feeling heartsick.
Only to be confronted with Huffy Brarian’s stenched face. “What d’you think you’re doing?”
“Info mining. Though that’s a major task, given the shoddy state of your organi-packs.”
His eyes flicked over my workclothes and headscarf, no doubt looking the worse for wear after a five-hour shift in the kitchens. “Oh yeah? And what would you know about it?” he sneered.
I hadn’t meant to say anything. I’d meant to walk straight out the door after finishing. But when he shoved his nemmet-face into my business, my fury boiled over. “It’s a roaching disgrace! You keep these poor things starved and poisoned so they can barely work, then swindle everyone walking through the door by charging them half a rand a minute.” I jabbed him in the chest with my finger. “You call yourself a Brarian! And you stand here with those…” I gestured to the sick organi-ware, “…suffering and dying in front of your eyes!”
Vrox howls, a long wavering note of utter misery…
I found myself standing in front of the organi-packs, pressing against the tanks, pushing my hands against the warm surface, feeling their pain. Tears poured down my face. Regret that I couldn’t help. Rage at their suffering. “I’m so sorry…”
They flared weakly, clustering towards me. Desperate… Silence blanketed the Nodery, which should have sounded like a big pan of soup bubbling on a mealmaker.
“C’mon. It’s time to go home,” a wonderfully familiar voice said behind me.
“Oh, Se— Crace… Look – look what they’ve done! It’s so cruel.” I flung myself at him and he held me to him as I wept for the dying organi-packs who’d done nothing wrong. Nothing except end up in a public Node in Pistacia.
“Take her out. Now. She’s banned. Permanently. We don’t want this brain-slagged slogger back here.” The Brarian finally found his voice.
“Don’t know so much about the brain-slagged bit. Lookey here at what these little critters have done!” someone called.
There was a sudden babble of voices. While Seth steered me through the press of people towards the door, I caught sight of the wall of organi-packs. In the middle of the drab misery of suffering, a brighter blue outline flared, where I’d only recently been standing. And the ones that had crowded under my hands were glowing.
*
I expected Seth to be furious. But he wasn’t.
I was, though. Pacing up and down our living room, I wailed, “How could I have been such a wet head? I’ve thrown it all away!” I covered my face with my hands as I relived the whole wretched incident. “Don’t know why you’re not mouthwhacking me flat.”
“You’re doing it for both of us,” Seth sprawled on the sofa, arms crossed behind his head. Looking…
I stared at him. “You seem a whole lot better. Were they able to fix you up at the medicentre, then?”
That micro grin flashed across his face. “Oh yeah. Eased away the bruising – that was giving me the headaches, apparently. And removed the glass from the back of my head.”
“Did it used to hurt much? You look a lot less tense.” And a lot more attractive. A distraction I didn’t need right now.
“Yeah. Every so often, I’d get a jagged pain when I moved my head. Thing is, I never knew exactly when.” He grinned. Again.
“Why didn’t you see Beneth about it?”
Seth shrugged. “Most folks in Cnicus only wanted to see me face-down in a ditch. Other than you, Ajene and Felina, that is.” He sat up straighter and changed the subject. “So, what did you find out at the Nodery? Because I reckon we need to leave Pistacia in the next couple of days.”
I swallowed. “You’re not angry?”
“Nah. I always thought this was a bad place to come. You were never going to merge into the background somewhere like this, looking like you do…”
What’s wrong with the way I look?
Seth was still speaking, “There’s an organisation that helps ex-Priests disappear. Last I heard it was based in Grindelia. I reckon that’s where we head next.”
I bit my lip. “Will they help me, too?”
“Course. We’re married, remember? Priests – even ex-Priests – are keen on marriage.”
I stared at my hands, feeling slightly sick. Wish you cared for me the way I like you… “I bounced you into that one. You want to back out, I don’t blame you.”
Seth waved a hand. “I’d had a bang on the head. It was a bit difficult to find I was suddenly sharing a room with the girl of my dreams.”
What? “You don’t like me!”
Seth’s eyes widened. “Wherever did you pick up that notion?”
“It seemed once we got here and you had to stay in the same room as me, you found out what I was really like…” I gazed at the plasform partition, seeing Mother’s face…
I hate you!
The words fell out of my mouth in a gabble, “Once people get close to me, they generally find I’m trouble. They want to leave. Like Dael.” I took a breath. “And Mother. And you’ve been constantly riled with me.”
Seth’s face darkened. “Well, we know what Dael’s looking for. As for your Mother, she’s far too twisted and angry to count.” He stood up, put his arms around me and held me close. “But I think you’re amazing. So brave.” He looked down at me, his eyes sparkling and his voice tender. “I couldn’t be angry with you in the Nodery. I just kept thinking – ‘She’s right.’ All those people accepted what was going on, until you with your compassion and anger showed them the truth.” He held my face in his hands. “I was so very proud of you.”
And he kissed me. A soft, gentle kiss that melted the tension and fear roiling inside me. A lover’s kiss.
I looked up at him, amazed. “You do like me,” I breathed.
“More than just like you – I love you. Always have.”
Is this another of my dreams? Am I going to wake up and find him staring at me with that cold shuttered look on his face? I swallowed hard and traced my finger down his hollowed cheek. His skin felt warm and real. “I… thought you hated me. After you got hit on the head. For – you know – looking after you. And stuff.”
Seth sighed. “I was angry. You were just a child when Mai had you nursing your Uncle. It was a wicked thing to do when she could easily have afforded trained help. And those who should’ve stepped in to stop it, they did nothing. Yet, the minute we get free of Cnicus you’re up to your neck nursing another helpless person. Me.” He shook his head, staring past me. “I’d wanted to help you find a better life. And yet there I was, hobbling you in the same dreary way you’d always been trapped.”
“Well that’s a load of old roachdirt! You’re nothing like Uncle Osmar. You certainly haven’t trapped me.” And if you hadn’t been helping me escape, you wouldn’t have been brained by Grote.
He looked down at me, his voice low. “I keep meaning to ask. And keep putting it off… You sure you still want to be with me? Now that we’re free of Cnicus. Now you’ve got a new identity.”
I blinked, feeling like I’d just been buried in quicksand. “But… you said you loved me… Don’t you want to be with me?” My voice quavered, despite my best efforts.
“Of course! Always! But… you’re so bright and beautiful. So capable. I don’t want to be a drag on you. Sometimes…” his voice faltered, “sometimes being in love is letting go.”
I stared up at him, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. “You Priests have a really different way of looking at things. Thing is – do you want to be with me? If we weren’t being chased by Adurn, would you still want to be with me?”
“Yes. A thousand times – yes. I’ve loved you since forever,” Mr Cool and Distant was long gone. I could feel Seth’s body trembling.
He’s never said this stuff before, either… “You have?”
“You knew, though. Surely.”
“How could I? You never said.”
His smile slipped into something sadder, as his finger gently traced my eyebrow. “And it has to be said – for you – doesn’t it? Because you think you are a monster.”
“Because part of me is,” I whispered, standing on tiptoe and kissing him. A warm passionate kiss. This is how it would feel to float in a tank of bubbling organi-packs…
When we finally surfaced, we broke apart.
Vrox urges Cub on, eager and insistent…
No! This isn’t right! You shouldn’t be here – this stuff’s private…
Seth took a breath. “I know we’re pretending to be married, but we’re not and I don’t want to use that—ˮ
At the same time, I launched into, “I… want to. More than anything. But there’s Vrox and—ˮ
We both laughed and I fizzed with happiness. He loves me. Wants to stay with me. And I knew that whatever happened, we’d be all right.
Vrox paces, neck crest ruffled. Pleased and excited for his Cub. Willing her on to become a full Queen…
No. Not now. That stuff isn’t going to happen yet. We’re going to wait.
Curling up on the sofa together, we scrolled through my tab, reading the Bullitfrags. It was stimming to be with someone who could read as well – better, in fact – as it was Seth who found the first mention of our names.
‘FORBIDDEN LOVE ENDS IN MAW SHARK HORROR. An illicit midnight meeting for young Cnicus lovers, Kyrillia Brarian, 17, and Seth UnName, 18, ended in tragedy. The lovers had evidently arranged to meet at a favourite tryst by the River Salamander on Reedbed Way – and were attacked by a fleet of maw shark. In the feeding frenzy that followed, only Kyrillia’s dress has been recovered. Her mother, Mai Brarian, said, ‘We are all devastated. She was a wonderful daughter, but I knew she was carrying on a secret relationship with this young man. I will grieve for her till my dying day.’
I stared at the article, not sure what to think, until Seth threw back his head and roared with laughter. “The notion of Mai Brarian grieving for anyone else longer than a nanosec is ludicrous!”
I joined in, dazed with warm happiness. I don’t know anyone else who’d use the word ‘ludicrous’. Not even Mother’s lies could hurt me now, I realised, as I continued scrolling down my tab, to the next ʼfrag. Seth’s arm tightened around my shoulder, as we read together, muting the audio version.
‘MEMORIAL FOR TRAGIC YOUNG COUPLE DRAWS BIG CROWDS. A memorial service for Kyrillia Brarian and Seth UnName, who were killed in an horrific maw shark attack last week, drew record crowds to the remote village of Cnicus, including Brarian Major Adurn. Led by Kyrillia’s heartbroken mother, Mai Brarian, the moving ceremony included a poem and song written and performed by Mai and dedicated to Kyrillia.
Brarian Major Adurn made a short speech, in which he hoped that the young people present would realise that curfews were in place to keep them safe, so that no more tragic accidents of this nature would occur. He also announced that his son, Kestor Brarian, would be replacing Kyrillia as Mai Brarian’s apprentice in Cnicus. Kestor, clearly distraught, said that as a close friend of Kyrillia’s he deeply mourned her loss. He added that he realised she would be difficult to replace but that he would do his very best to serve Cnicus.
“Mother recited one of her poems and sang at our memorial! Urg! I’m glad we missed that. Poor Kestor…”
Seth shot me a look. “Were you close?”
“We had a couple of chats, is all. But he’s a towner to his core. He’ll hate Cnicus. I wonder if Adurn dumped him there because he suspects that Kestor warned us about The Prime Council?”
“Or has made him Mai’s Apprentice to both train her, and keep an eye on Cnicus? If that’s the case, I reckon Adurn isn’t convinced that we ended up a maw shark snack.” Seth slid his arm around my shoulder.
“So… when do we leave Pistacia?” I flipped my tab off. Though the Bullitfrags were interesting, if we were setting off for Grindelia soon we needed to make plans.
“What about tomorrow, after your shift?”
I swallowed. All the struggle to make a new life here – and we’re leaving. Just like that. Is this going to be how it is for us, from now on?
Seth stroked my cheek. “Libby? Are you okay with that? I’d love to give you more time – but I don’t think—ˮ
“No, no… You’re right. After my scene in the Nodery, we got to go sooner rather than later.” I rested my head on his shoulder, willing this sense of safety to be more than a beautiful illusion. “Libby – where does that come from?”
His voice softened. “It’s my own name for you – being a Brarian, or what used to be known as a Librarian – I called you Libby. I hope you don’t mind.”
I put an arm around him, feeling warm. He has his own nickname for me. “I think it’s lovely.”
He shifted, suddenly more businesslike, “I’ll swing by, telling anyone who cares to ask that I’m going to take you out for a celebration—ˮ
I looked up into his face. “We could say it was our wedding anniversary!”
“Or a dinner from me to you to say thank you for looking after me while I was injured and to celebrate my recovery,” Seth said firmly. “I’ll book an air taxi to fly us to Grindelia and while you’re at work I’ll pack all our things, ready to go. So once I’ve picked you up and we’ve had our dinner, we just head off to the taxi depot. And leave.”
“It’ll cost a lot.”
“Which we have. And the swaps won’t be much good if we’re caught. Once in Grindelia, I’ll be able to get scribing work fairly easily, which pays well. As for you – I reckon you’ll be able to do pretty much whatever you want.”
My head was spinning. Seth was certainly feeling a whole lot better. Since we’d arrived in Pistacia, I’d almost forgotten this dynamic, resourceful version. It brought home to me just how ill he must have been feeling. And how little he’d complained.
We went to bed. I’d like to be able to say that I didn’t wake Seth up in the night, wandering around the room and calling for Grote to stop staring at me with his mantivore eyes. But I can’t, because I did.
