Dark Summer, page 4
Three firm pulls and Terje was coming, hot and hard, in my hand. He made a high-pitched, helpless noise. The hard muscles clamped around me and the world vanished in an explosion of heat, fire and hurricane, blinding and deafening me to everything except the tidal wave of ecstasy.
Chapter Three
“You’re tired.”
Terje was brushing his long fingers through the hair on my chest. I forced my eyes open, fighting back the warm oblivion that had threatened to steal me away.
“No, I’m not.”
Terje chuckled softly and extricated himself from my arms. I made a noise of protest, propping myself on my elbows as Terje started to collect his clothing from the floor.
“What are you doing?”
“You should sleep,” Terje said, pulling on his jeans.
“This is the first night we’ve had together in weeks,” I muttered, taking Terje by the wrist and pulling him close. “I’m not going to sleep for any of it.”
Terje brushed a kiss across my forehead. “If you’re sure…”
“Of course I’m sure,” I said, annoyance bleeding into my tone.
Terje, either not noticing or not caring about my reaction, continued to dress, pulling on his T-shirt, shoes and light, black jacket. He always wore muted tones, blacks and grays, sometimes pale blues. It should make someone with his pale complexion look washed-out or even sickly. But against his smooth, pearlescent skin and hair, it just made him look exotic, unearthly, surreal but achingly beautiful.
“Are we going somewhere?” I asked, breaking off from staring to retrieve my underwear.
“I’d like to go for a walk,” Terje said, pulling a band out of his pocket and tying his blue-white hair back into a tail. As I was the only one available to cut it and I wasn’t the best hairdresser, he’d allowed it to grow long again. The shorter strands at the front fell into his eyes, but it left the smooth lines of his neck free.
“Where?”
“In the park,” he replied, fetching a bottle from a bag he’d dropped in the corner. “Below the castle.”
“They have that here,” Alec said, indicating the fridge.
“I prefer my own,” he replied. He opened the bottle, drank deeply and color washed into his cheeks. He dropped the empty bottle in the specialist canister next to the fridge and went toward the window.
“This is a safe place,” I muttered, grabbing a fresh shirt out of my case. “You don’t have to go out of the window.”
“It’s better to be careful,” he said, then was gone.
I sighed, trying to fight the return of my frustration. I finished dressing and hurried out into the busy city night. The air had cooled but the towering stone buildings still retained some of the warmth from the day, giving the air an enclosed feel. The sky arched black overhead, bleached featureless by streetlight.
Terje was nowhere in sight. I crossed the North Bridge, heading for Market Street and the way down into the Princes Street Gardens. The noise of people weaving between the bars, clubs and restaurants fell away as I descended the stairs into the cool, fresh openness of the park. A train heading into Waverley station hissed by on the rails above. As I ventured farther in to where the only light was from the LED lampposts installed to lower light pollution, the stars finally became visible, glittering like diamonds on a sheet of black velvet.
Edinburgh Castle glowered from its clifftop, all ramparts, towers and impossibly large blocks of stone. I had always thought it looked forbidding, but when Terje stepped out of the shadows to stand at my side and gaze up at it in quiet wonder, I tried again to see it how he might see it.
“It’s beautiful, in its own way,” he had said the first time we had visited Edinburgh, almost a year before. “It’s a promise to protect as well as to fight back.”
Looking at his profile in the starlight, my anger faded, and for the moment, I was just grateful he was back.
He laced his long fingers through my own. The memory of Jay touching that same hand earlier that day rose in my mind but I shook it away, along with the ghosting guilt. Terje sent me a sideways look and I was suddenly certain, however impossible it was, that he knew. But then he started to walk down the path, drawing me with him.
“We have a story about a haemophile that lived in the castle in the Middle Ages,” Terje murmured as we walked. “Did I tell you that?”
“No, you didn’t. I’ve heard lots of ghost stories about it,” I said absently. “Never anything about vampires.”
“It’s one of our stories. Like a cautionary folk tale…”
“Cautionary?”
Terje’s forehead creased slightly in the pale light. “Very few of our kind have ever lived outside of a commune. This one did. Her story, well…it doesn’t end well.”
“Is it true?”
“I’m sure parts of it are. But I’ve heard it told in lots of different ways over the years. They all talk of her living in the dungeons, though—some say for a year, some say a century—feeding on prisoners and guards.”
“What happened to her?” I asked, though I was sure I could guess.
“She was killed. Burned at the stake. The humans thought she was a witch. People were very inventive with their cruelty in those days.”
“I’d say they still are.”
Terje gave me an unreadable look.
“So this story,” I asked, cautiously. “It was a warning? About haemophiles trying to live on their own?”
Terje’s silver eyes were dark in the moonlight. I was suddenly desperate with the need to know what lay behind them, but I kept my mouth shut, hoping, praying Terje would volunteer something personal without me having to push. My chest clenched when he opened his mouth to reply, but then his gaze slid over my shoulder and sharpened. I looked around. An older couple with an Aberdeen terrier were ambling along the path, wrapped in coats despite the warm summer night. I turned back and Terje was gone.
I hid my surprise and ensuing frustration with an effort. I stepped off the path as the couple wandered past, pretending to admire the castle. They nodded and smiled a little warily. I returned the smile as best I could, then fidgeted until they were out of sight.
I scanned the shadowy paths and trees, then Terje stepped out of nowhere, his hands in his pockets, like he’d been waiting there the whole time.
“Was that really necessary?”
“I can’t be seen, Alec,” Terje said. “You know this.”
“Things are different now,” I argued. “You don’t have to hide.”
“Others of my kind don’t, no,” Terje replied in that soft, reasonable tone he always used when I was being unreasonable. “I do.”
“Do you really think they would have recognized you?”
“They recognized you.” I scuffed the path with my foot, remembering the look in their eyes. “I’m sorry this is difficult, Alec. But we knew it was never going to be easy.”
“Where were you, Terje?” I hadn’t meant to ask. Asking threatened the delicate bubble that existed around the things we never discussed. That bubble protected what we could share. But it had never stopped chafing that it existed at all.
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because I don’t like not knowing where you are for weeks at a time,” I started, and found, now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop. “That’s something I would never have to explain to anyone else.”
“Anyone human.”
I made an impatient noise. “We’ve been together nearly two years, Terje. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s not a matter of trust, Alec. It’s a matter of protection.”
“Whose? Yours or mine?”
“Both of us.”
I took a moment to gather my patience. “Do you see Novák on these little jaunts of yours?”
“Sometimes.”
“Do you see any other haemophiles?”
“No.” Terje actually looked annoyed. “That would be foolish, even if I wanted to. Why does that matter?”
I let out a shuddering breath. “We agreed to make a life together, away from everything. But I guess I’m worried now that it’s not enough for you.”
Terje gazed into my face. “You’re missing your own kind, so you’re worried I am too.”
“No, that’s not—”
“You are all I need, Alec.”
“Then tell me where you go.”
He began walking again, choosing a path that would take us deeper into the park. I fell into step beside him, resisting the urge to prompt. Eventually, he let out a quiet sigh.
“Most of the time, I’m just out walking.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere. Everywhere. The Highlands, the National Parks, the coast. I just like to see new places…to spend time alone. I thought you understood that.”
My chest clenched. “And the rest of the time?”
“The rest of the time?”
“You said most of the time. What about the rest?”
He drew in a breath, not meeting my eyes. “Recently I’ve been standing watch…for Novák.”
“Standing watch for what?”
He was silent for such a long time that I thought he wasn’t going to answer. But then, finally, “Evgeniya.”
I stopped walking. “Your Magister? She’s back?”
“It appears so.”
“Where?”
“We don’t know…not exactly.”
“Can’t she sense you when you’re near?”
“I’m careful.”
I ran a hand through my hair, skin crawling on my arms and back. “Novák should be working with the police, Interpol…not you.”
“He did try. But they can’t hold her, even if they find her.”
“Things are never going to change if haemophiles keep fighting these battles on their own.”
“That is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Terje said, recommencing walking. “Now you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared.” Terje gave me a look. “Okay, I’m a reasonable amount of scared,” I countered. “Why aren’t you? If she knows you’re alive, the truth coming out will be the least of our worries.”
“You asked me to trust you, Alec, so I’ve told you the truth. I’ve told you I’m careful. That should be enough.”
“I just don’t understand why you want to be involved,” I said defeatedly.
“I owe Novák, Alec. We both do.”
“I know, but this—”
“We may be separate from the world and I’m happy with that, whatever you might think. But I still care about what happens to my people…and yours. Don’t you?”
I stared into the trees. “Not really.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t I?”
“When you thought Megan Carlisle was in danger, you did everything you could to protect her.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets and didn’t meet his eye. “She’s Meg Daile now. She got married, remember?”
Terje frowned. “Stop trying to change the subject. Evgeniya is a threat to everyone, Alec, not just me. I’m just doing my bit.”
“How, exactly?”
“Watching. Listening. I can’t explain all of it.”
“Just promise me you’re not putting yourself at risk.”
“I’m protecting us, Alec—and what we have. That’s worth any amount of risk.”
We turned a corner, and the castle came into view again. The stars were remote, cold pinpricks over its crenelations. I didn’t answer. I knew he was right. But his being right didn’t make it any easier to accept.
“You yearn for your own kind too…sometimes. I know you do.”
I stopped walking. “What do you mean?”
“I can smell him on you.”
Heat flooded my face, even as my hands and feet went cold. “It’s not what you think.”
“It’s okay,” Terje said, laying a hand on my arm. “I understand. I promise.”
I stopped walking. “Understand what?”
“That maybe I can’t give you everything you need,” he continued calmly. “I wouldn’t be angry, you know—if you decided to you wanted…time…with another human.”
I took a moment to make sure my voice would be steady. “You’re telling me you don’t care if I sleep around?”
“I don’t think I know what that phrase means. But if you mean would I be angry if you had sex with another human? No, I wouldn’t.”
“Does that mean you’re sleeping round?” My voice was harsh in the still night air.
“Why would you assume that?”
“You just told me fucking our own kind isn’t a big deal.”
“You misunderstand.”
“I don’t think I do. McGregor’s men…” I tried to hold my emotion in check, but it burned through my fingers like molten metal. “They heard something in the caves. It can’t be human. Who is it, Terje?”
Terje’s face was like marble. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you?”
“No, I don’t. And you miss the point.”
“What is the point?”
“Just that we’re different, Alec. No amount of time together or desire to understand will change that. I’ve accepted it. I thought you had too.”
“I know we’re different,” I forced out, “from each other, sure—but also from everyone else. And that’s why what we have works so well. I also know that you’re doing all this”—I gestured to the space between us—“to keep yourself apart from me.”
A faint line appeared between his fine eyebrows. “Nothing either of us do can stop there being distance between us.”
“Bullshit. You’re doing it on purpose. You’re scared. That’s what it is. Scared of what this might become if you let it.”
“You’re mistaken.”
“Maybe you’ve never had a relationship like this before. I understand if you’re uncertain sometimes. So am I. But disappearing for weeks? Telling me to fuck other men?”
“That’s not what I—”
“You’re scared of committing to me. Why?” Terje’s face was dangerously still. A very real fear threatened to damp the heat surging in my belly but wasn’t enough to extinguish it.
“I’m sorry you think that,” Terje said with such an air of finality that I had to fight not gather him into my arms and sob apologies into his neck. But I knew if I did that, I’d be doing it forever…and I couldn’t carry on pretending.
“I want to love you, Terje.”
“No, you don’t. You want me to love you. That’s different.”
A spear of ice plunged through my chest. Terje looked up at the castle again, his mouth set in hard lines. “I have to go away again soon, Alec,” he said softly. “Do we really want to spend what little time we have like this?”
I unstuck my tongue. “You’re leaving again?”
Terje nodded. “I’m sorry, particularly after this.” He started walking again, not meeting my eye. “But I have to.”
I hurried to catch him up. “When?”
“Tomorrow night.”
I grabbed his wrist to stop him moving and turned him to face me. “Where are you going?”
“That’s not—”
“Where are you going, Terje?”
“London…to see Novák.”
I sat on a bench and stared at my hands. Terje sat next to me. After a long moment he put a hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, trying to get on top of everything that threatened to spill out. When I finally felt like I wasn’t about to burst, I opened my eyes.
“Let me come with you.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Novák’s been trying to get hold of me.”
“He has?”
“You didn’t know?”
“No.”
I spent a fruitless moment trying to figure out what he was thinking. “I should come.”
“I thought you didn’t want to be involved?”
“If it’s the only way to be with you, I will.”
Terje examined me in silence, then leaned forward and kissed me. I opened my mouth to his searching tongue. He delved it in deep, inhaling, swallowing my taste and smell. I opened to it and didn’t push back, sensing Terje’s need to just feel me. When he eventually broke away, I was already regretting everything I’d said. I had him. Even if it wasn’t always, even if it wasn’t forever, why did I have to push?
“I’m sorry you’re upset…and I’m sorry I don’t understand why.”
I couldn’t think of an answer and wasn’t sure if one were necessary. I squeezed his hand.
“We’ll go together,” he said. “I’d like to know what Novák wants from you.”
I managed a mischievous smile. “Jealous?”
Terje lifted one eyebrow. “Is that a real question or just something else you think I should feel?”
I sighed. “It was a joke…this time.”
Terje looked down at our joined hands. “This business with Evgeniya is serious, Alec. I can’t avoid being drawn in, but you can.”
I thought I should be angry again, but being so close, with the clear, still night around us, I suddenly found I didn’t want to be angry anymore. The knot in my stomach hadn’t loosened, but for the moment at least, I resolved to pretend it wasn’t there.
“There’s only a couple of hours left before dawn,” I said quietly, leaning in and brushing my lips under Terje’s ear, making him shiver. “Let’s not talk about it anymore.”
Terje smiled against my cheek and he ran his free hand up my thigh. “I would like that.”
* * * *
When I woke several hours later, blinking blearily at my phone and seeing that it had yet to reach noon, I cursed himself for slipping back into a daytime cycle. I tossed and turned for another half-hour, aware that I would likely be up most of the following night, but sleep eluded me. I sighed and pushed back the covers.
The room was as dark as midnight with the blackout blinds drawn, but I didn’t turn on the light, instead using my phone torch to dress. Terje was safely behind the locked door of the sleeping cell, but I moved silently out of habit, the memory and scars from the single time I’d woken him in the day both feeling fresh as when they’d been made.
