The Blueprint, page 28
“Prize patrol?”
“No.” Less patiently.
“Then fuck off.”
“Kelly,” he growled.
The door opened, and I looked up to find Blue standing in the doorway. He had one hand casually threaded through the strap of his messenger bag, and despite the fact that his arms looked like he bench-pressed cars for a living, he could’ve been one of my students.
I couldn’t help myself. I looked him over, head to boots, and took in my fill. His jeans looked soft and worn. They molded to his body like a second skin, a second sexy skin that I wanted to peel him out of. From the way he inhaled suddenly, he could tell which direction my thoughts had taken as well.
“Really?” he asked with a growl. Then he sat in the chair across from my desk. He knew the chance of fraternizing on campus grounds was exactly zero.
“Sorry.” I cleared my throat. “What’re you doing here? Other than distracting my students, that is.”
“I didn’t know I needed a reason to stop by.”
I looked at him suspiciously. “I have another class in an hour. I can’t have lunch.”
“I already ate. I also brought you food.” He reached in his messenger bag, pulled out a wrapped sub, and sat it on my desk.
My mouth watered. “I don’t suppose you have a—” He retrieved a bag of chips and put them next to the sandwich. I looked at him hopefully. “And a drink?”
With a raised eyebrow, he pulled out a perspiring can of Coke and set it on the desk.
I opened and closed my mouth wordlessly. Then I gave him a suspicious look. “What am I thinking now, oh great Kreskin?”
“That I should be canonized, but you’re not sure if you can have sex with a saint or not.” He smiled. “And that’s the Amazing Kreskin to you, peasant.”
Damn. He was good. I popped the tab on the Coke and took a fortifying sip. “Thank you for this. I rarely make time to eat lunch.”
“I don’t mind doing it. I like knowing that you ate something.”
Like a boyfriend would? I sighed and put the soda on the desk. “You want to stop fucking with my head?”
“Kel—”
“I mean, I’m not pretending like I’m a victim here. But you set the rules, and I’m trying to abide by those rules, and you being sweet—”
“Kelly.”
“—and bringing me lunch and saying things like that? Do you understand how confusing that is?”
His voice was even. “I understand all that. But if I recall correctly, you told me to come to you when I knew what I wanted.” He shrugged. “I know what I want.”
“Oh yeah?” I tried for casual, but I was way too tense to pull it off.
“Yeah.” He half smiled at me. “Turns out it’s the same thing I’ve always wanted.”
And just like that, my stomach seized up like an engine with no oil. I shook my head and pushed back from my desk. “I’m not taking a step backward—”
“Kel—”
“So if you just want some more friends-with-benefits crap, then you can just find another willing hole to warm your dick.”
Those oh-so-blue eyes regarded me with something akin to reluctant amusement. “Will you sit the fuck down so I can have my say? For once?”
I sat and spread my hands. “Floor’s yours.”
“I had to see my physical therapist earlier today. Let’s just say it didn’t go well.”
“Oh God.” That wasn’t what I thought he was going to say at all. I was a little confused, but I gamely shifted gears. “What did he say?”
“He thinks I would be making a huge mistake to play this Sunday, and my doctor agrees. Coach thinks they’re being overly cautious—”
“That motherfucker—”
“But I think I’m going to go with the doctors on this one. Dr. Greene and Kai really seem to be interested in my health as a whole and what’s important to me as a player. I want to extend my career as long as I can, and that’s not going to happen if I throw myself back on the field before my body is ready.” He looked thoughtful. “I’m probably going to miss the rest of the season.”
“Fuck.” I felt guilty. I liked having him off the field and out of harm’s way, but he’d worked hard to recondition his body. He deserved to play. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know that’s not the answer you were hoping for.”
Something in his eyes flared at my endearment, and I silently chastised myself. I couldn’t tell if he was pleased or unhappy about it, just that he felt… something. I bit back an apology—little did he know I might not often say those sappy endearments, but I always thought them. I couldn’t help it.
“No, it wasn’t the news I was hoping for. But I wasn’t all that devastated either, because I kind of had something on my mind. Something that kind of put it in perspective.”
I furrowed my brow. It was hard to think of something that would take precedence over football in Blue’s life. “Like what?”
“Would you believe that, even as I was hearing news that should’ve decimated me, all I wanted the doctor to do was hurry the fuck up?” He shook his head in something akin to wonder. “I’m going to be on the fucking injury reserve list, and all I could think about was getting out of there so I could come down here and finish our discussion. You know, the one you ran out on?”
I went a little pink. “Which discussion was that?”
“Don’t play with me, Kelly.” He gave me the stink eye.
“I’m sorry,” I burst out. “But I know what you’re going to say, and I just didn’t want to hear it.”
He huffed an impatient breath. “You have no idea what I’m going to say until I say it.”
I threw up my hands. “Fine. Go ahead, Blue. Fucking say it.”
When I looked at his face, I realized he was partially wrong—I may not have always known what he was going to say, but I knew what he wanted to do. From the look on his face, he was torn between strangling me and laughing. I quickly sent up a silent prayer that the laughter won out.
When he finally spoke, his voice was calm. Clearly he had shelved his murdering urges. “I want you to be mine. And I want to be yours.”
It was like I’d been in freefall, and someone parachuted down and grabbed me. Pulled the ripcord. Suddenly I ballooned on an updraft and wondered if he could’ve possibly said what the hell I thought he said.
I answered as eloquently as possible. “Umm… what?”
He sighed as though I were too obtuse to be tolerated. “I want to be your boyfriend.”
“My what?” I blinked.
“Your boyfriend. You’ve heard of the term?”
“Don’t be such a smartass.” That was my fucking job, and I would not be outsourced.
“I know what I want, and I want you. Maybe I haven’t always been clear about that….” His mouth firmed. “You get me, you know? All my good moods and bad moods. You always call me on all my shit. You’re not afraid to tell me what you think. When I’m with you, things make sense. And if I’m perfectly honest, nothing’s changed. It’s still just us. My best friend getting me into trouble since I was in second fucking grade. Plus sex.” He chuckled in disbelief as though even he couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Really good fucking sex.”
“You’re the one who got me into trouble,” I corrected. “And I don’t need platitudes, Blue. I need—”
“These aren’t platitudes. It’s the truth. My truth.” He swallowed. “And I should’ve told you a long time ago.”
The sappy part of me I thought I’d stabbed and killed long ago suddenly resurrected and tentatively sniffed the air. I shook my head. “You seemed okay to just let things float before.”
“That was before I saw you with that guy.”
I stabbed hope in the heart again. Stay dead this time, optimistic bitch. I tried to keep my tone even, but disappointment colored my words. “So this is just another jealousy thing.”
“No. Well, yes. But no.”
“That’s clear as mud.”
“This isn’t about just jealousy. But I won’t deny that it might’ve taken me a bit longer to come to the same realization if I hadn’t seen you with that guy. Tomas. Being perfectly willing to separate someone’s head from his body made me realize I needed to examine my feelings for you. Immediately. So I did.” He frowned as he apparently relived the confusion.
When he didn’t continue, I was hard-pressed to keep my rear in my chair. “And?” I finally growled.
“And I want to be with you.” He glared at me. “Just so I’m clear, I am speaking English, right? Or do you just enjoy hearing me rip my guts out over and over again?”
“Just that simple?”
“It was all at once the most complicated and simple decision I’ve ever had to make in my life.” He shook his head. “You’re the most important thing in the world to me. And no matter how many roadblocks my mind keeps throwing up, I keep coming around to that.”
At my stunned silence, he said, “I love you, Kelly.” He nailed me with his intense gaze, his eyes unwavering and brilliantly blue. “I guess the only thing left to ask is ‘Do you still love me?’”
“Blue—”
“Do you love me?”
I sighed. “You idiot. I’ve loved you since you were twelve years old, Blue. It’s only gotten worse since then.”
“Better,” he corrected.
“Semantics.”
My brow scrunched in confusion as I wondered why it sounded like I was getting everything I ever wanted on a silver platter, like Blue was committing himself to me and saying he wanted to be in a relationship. My boyfriend. Mine. Mine. No more Carlys or Hannahs or Karens or Ashleys, just us together.
Me and my Blue.
Whatever he saw on my face made him smile, and it was ridiculously infectious. A delighted little laugh burbled out of my mouth. “So we’re together, then.”
“Yup.”
“And you love me.”
“That I do.”
“You want to be my boyfriend?”
“Aw.” Blue made a piteous face and shook his head. “I think I broke him. And just when things were getting good too.”
I laughed again. “Shut up.”
His smile faded, and he suddenly looked all too serious again. “I hate to talk about unpleasant things, especially when those things might make you dump me before we’ve even really started, but I need to do a full disclosure here.”
I shot out of my chair. That was the shortest fairytale ever. “I fucking knew it.”
“Kelly,” he said exasperatedly, and I sat down again. “As I was going to say, I haven’t exactly told anyone. Ivanovich knows and probably McAdams, but that’s it. We’re going to have to meet with my coach and the GM and do this right.”
I looked at him blankly. “Do what right?”
“Well, let’s see. I’m in the NFL, and I’m in a relationship with a man,” he said carefully, as though I were a little slow. “It kind of pisses me off that, in this day and age, something like that would still a big deal, but it is. We need to get in front of the story and make sure the first narrative the public hears is ours.”
Public? Narrative? Blue was throwing a lot of PR terms at my head, and my stomach clenched with nerves.
“I don’t think—”
“If we can get Ari on board, he can spin the publicity into good publicity. He’s a whiz at these kinds of things.” He bit his lip as he thought. “Although, if you ask him, there is no bad publicity.”
“Publicity?” I felt like I was doing an impromptu impression of a macaw—and not even a very bright one—but I couldn’t stop myself.
“Of course.” He frowned. “We should probably talk to all our family and friends first. So they’ll know what to expect. And your department head, because it’s probably going to get crazy for a little bit around here.”
“My department head?”
Finally Blue seemed to notice that I was unable to form coherent thoughts on my own. He lifted an eyebrow. “Okay. Maybe it’s your turn for words? Preferably words I didn’t just say?”
“I just… I guess I didn’t think beyond you and me… becoming an us.” I ran a hand through my hair and thoroughly mussed my neat style in one careless swipe. I tried to pat it back down, gave up after a few seconds, and dropped my hands to my sides. “I didn’t really think about all that comes with that.”
His brow crinkled. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying this is kind of sudden. And you know I’ve never been good with change.”
“Even positive change? Are you rethinking us?” He tried to make his expression blank, but I saw the hurt flash briefly in his eyes. “I guess I’ve been so busy working through my own shit that I didn’t even consider….”
“The fact that I’ve loved you since forever? Don’t be an idiot.” I sighed. “Of course I want you. I’ve always wanted you. But this is a big decision, and we shouldn’t rush into anything right now. Besides, to be perfectly honest, I kind of want a little time to just enjoy you to myself. To make sure we work. As a team. I don’t know if we need the pressure of a media shitstorm shining a spotlight on us.”
“So… you want to keep everything quiet?” He seemed a little flummoxed. “Kel, this just seems like the opposite of what you’d want. I thought you’d be happy.”
So did I. I certainly didn’t relish the idea of sneaking around. It implied something was wrong with what we were doing. A person snuck around because he was cheating or lying or trying to get away with something horrible, and none of that could be applied to the sexuality I was born with. But all of that hear-me-roar stuff had little place in the real world.
Some people were still judgmental pricks who could make Blue’s life very difficult on the field. He could do without endorsements and had plenty of money. Hell, even getting his father out of his life would be a bonus—even if Blue didn’t see it that way. But what about the guys who were supposed to block for him? What if they decided a couple not-so-straight guys in the league was one too many?
It wasn’t a risk I was willing to take. If they figured it out on their own, fine. We couldn’t help that. But he didn’t have to wear a rainbow jersey to be my guy. He’d already been mine for as long as I could remember.
I tried to explain all that to Blue, and he listened and looked at me quietly with his blue eyes steady and patient on mine. I could tell he didn’t agree with me, but he didn’t interrupt, and he didn’t rush to deny what I was saying. He seemed instinctively to know it wasn’t the time for bullshit platitudes.
When I finished, he sat and stared at the floor for a minute. When he looked up at me, his eyes were dark with some emotion I couldn’t put my finger on. “Let’s get one thing real clear, Kel. We work. I don’t need a trial period to know that. And I’m not afraid to tell the world how I feel about you.” His voice was clear and resolute. Defiant. But because I knew him so well, I could pick out the threads of apprehension that almost thrummed underneath the surface.
And I knew I’d called it right. “I know,” was all I said. “But I stand by what I said.”
He looked like he wanted to protest, but then he shook his head. “I’m not going to bother to try to convince you that I’m eager to do it. You know me too fucking well. I just want you to know that I’m willing. I’m here, and I’m willing to do whatever you want me to do.”
It can’t be for me, Blue. It has to be for you. “I know you are, and you’ll know when the right time is.”
He smiled faintly. “I love you.”
I was done with hard conversations. “You only love me ’cuz I’m easy,” I teased.
“That too.” I reached over to belt him in the stomach, and he grabbed my hand and used it to pull me out of my chair and around the desk, close enough so his body bumped against mine. “But tonight I plan to take you out. Squire you around a little.”
I bit my lip so I didn’t smile. “Squire me?”
“You heard.”
“Like on our first date? You want to go to the malt shop?” I teased. “I think my poodle skirt is at the cleaners.”
“First date?” His eyes crinkled in amusement. “I hate to tell you this, Cannon, but we’ve been dating since we were kids.”
Huh. I guess we had. I was flummoxed for a second and closed my smart mouth with a snap. It’s just that everything with Blue seemed so comfortable. So easy. It had from the beginning. I guess that’s what happened when someone had already seen you at your worst.
I tilted my head so I could look up into his eyes. “So, are you going to try and kiss me or something?”
His hand had been resting lightly on the back of my neck, lazily disturbing the hairs there with his thumb. He suddenly tightened that hand and pulled me in even closer. “Do or do not. There is no try.” He dipped his head down, and his soft lips landed on mine. The kiss was warm and gentle and indescribably tender.
I blinked blissfully as he pulled away, and my eyes felt slow and heavy. “Did you just quote Yoda before kissing me?”
He shrugged. His hand was still warm on my neck. “He’s a wise dude.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s not a dude.”
“Then what is he?”
“I dunno.” I furrowed my brow. “Maybe we should discuss that after you kiss me again.”
He laughed and kissed me again. When he pulled back, I sighed with pleasure. “He’s a mystery species.”
“I want to spend my bye week with you. Six days. Just you and me.”
I blinked in surprise. Players in the NFL all got one official week of vacation per season, a carefully finagled week they called a “bye week.” When players got their schedules, that was the first thing they looked for. Blue usually spent that time in the facility, working out. Someone else was always waiting to take his place. At least that’s what he always said. So it was a very, very big deal for him to offer up that time.
I bit my lip. It also sounded a little too good to be true. “No practice.”
“No practice.”
“No working out.”
“Minimal working out,” he said as he dropped another kiss on me. “Unconventional working out,” he said against my mouth.
I could absolutely get on board with that. “No nasty smoothies?”
