“That’s not—”

  “You’ll have to talk to the people in your life. The ones you work with. Your family members. Unfortunately, you’re about to find out who can be bought. The good news is that you’ll also find out who is loyal to a fault. So there’s that.”

  “Fuck.” I stared at him in disbelief. “You suck at motivational speaking.”

  “I’m a brilliant orator,” he insisted despite substantial proof to the contrary. “Check my numbers on that professor rating site.”

  I squinted suspiciously. The man probably had a shill leaving fake reviews. There was no way I was the only person in the world who was tempted to stuff him in a barrel and kick it down a hill.

  “I’m going to bottom-line it for you,” he said bluntly. “You’re going to have to make some sacrifices you never thought you’d have to make. And a lot of your life is going to change. At the end of the day, only you can decide if he’s worth it.”

  Whatever expression I had on my face made Kelly’s eyes soften…which was great, because I was tired of him beating me over the head with the truth. “So. Is he?”

  As if the universe was tired of him pretending he was just an everyday guy, the group of teenagers finally worked up enough courage to make their move. They made a noisy beeline for Kelly, chattering excitedly. “Incoming,” I murmured.

  His phone binged with another text and he glanced at it before he texted something back. “You haven’t seen anything yet,” he said with a wry grin. “Blue just told me that he’s five minutes away.”

  Because he was a horrible little truth speaker, I stepped to the side and let him get dive-bombed by the kids who wanted his autograph. They spoke over one another, tripping in their eagerness to ask him questions and tell him how amazing he was…which was nice. Probably exhausting, I thought as Kelly sent me a desperate look around one of them—yes, around, two small fries generally had trouble meeting eyes over anyone’s head. But nice nonetheless.

  I’d bet there were a lot of public interactions that weren’t so nice. I thought about some nosy reporter rooting around in my past and felt short of breath. Was I really thinking of putting myself out there like that? Voluntarily?

  “Jesse!”

  I looked up to see Andrew coming down the hall, trailed by a couple of people that were trying to be his entourage. That was kind of hard to do with someone who never stood on ceremony. It was also hard to keep up with someone who exercised for a living if he didn’t want you to. They learned that in the next few minutes as he outpaced them easily.

  His hands were full of kitschy Outlaws gear that I knew was for me. I shook my head with a wry grin as I eyed the haul. A sports bottle and a small white bear in an Outlaws shirt and a ball cap seemed to be the star of the show. Sure enough, he plopped the cap on my head backward. Then he frowned.

  “Well?” I asked expectantly as he continued to stare.

  “I don’t think you’re cool enough to pull that off.” He turned it around to the front as I huffed out a laugh. “Better.”

  “I could’ve told you that before you gave me hat hair.”

  “You look cute with hat hair,” he insisted. “Here. I got you some stuff. They were sold out of my jersey, but I got one on backorder.”

  He waggled his eyebrows and I smothered a laugh. I had a feeling I wouldn’t be wearing much else when I finally put that on. It was a little shocking how much my mood had changed, just in the short time since he’d arrived. And it wasn’t just that he was so gorgeous that I wanted to find an empty practice room and lock the door behind us.

  “What?” He looked down at the bear and made him dance a bit. “Too much?”

  No, it was silly and perfect and just the kind of thing I expected this silly, perfect guy to do. “No, it’s just right,” I said, my voice a little hoarse.

  A tiny furrow formed between his brows. He stepped forward instinctively and then stopped himself. He thrust a hand through his hair, looking around furtively. And that just wouldn’t do. He’d gone through a lot to be an out and proud professional athlete. We weren’t about to take a step backward.

  I closed the gap between us and his eyes widened. “What’re you—”

  And then my mouth was on his. He froze for exactly two seconds before his mouth softened against mine. I wanted to grip his hair and deepen the kiss, but I knew I’d better not. He didn’t seem to agree. Those big hands of his made a path down my back, the one that never failed to elicit a full-body shiver.

  I broke the kiss before he could get to my ass. The man didn’t know how to put his hands on my ass without gripping my cheeks and lifting me to grind on his dick, and that was the kind of shit that got you trending on Twitter for all the wrong reasons.

  When I pulled back, he followed. I quickly grabbed his hand and gave it a hard squeeze. Undeterred, he towed me forward until my sneakers touched his. “I want you,” he growled. “Let me have you.”

  “And I will,” I hissed. “But maybe not as the afternoon entertainment?”

  He didn’t even look around, debunking my theory that he’d forgotten where we were. His gaze was focused on me and me alone, intent on claiming what I’d said was his with that all too public kiss. “Fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.”

  I cast a glance around, only to find that we were the focus of a lot of curious people. Curiosity turned to speculation and a lot of chatter that I couldn’t quite decipher. Kelly gave me a thumbs-up, a grin covering his face so large that it could rival the Joker’s.

  I knew without a mirror that my face was pink. PDA was so not my thing. Never would be. But yeah, he was worth it. And I was tired of pretending that was even a real fucking question.

  A guy in a powder blue tracksuit positioned his phone toward us and I knew he was taking a picture. Maybe he’d caught the whole thing on video. Well. I planned to do what Bonnie Raitt instructed us to do, and give that motherfucker something to talk about.

  Okay, I might’ve added the motherfucker part myself. Other than that, I followed her advice to the letter.

  “Kiss me,” I said.

  A smile curved his mouth as he tilted my chin with a soft touch. I didn’t have to ask again.

  I did not doubt that Ari would do his agent thing and give the go-ahead for that article. I’d been waking up in cold sweats since I’d seen the draft of it. But right about now, that didn’t seem to matter quite as much as the touch of Andrew’s lips against mine. I hoped the feeling would last. And who knows?

  Maybe the fallout wouldn’t be as bad as I imagined.

  29

  JESSE

  It wasn’t as bad as I imagined…mostly because my imagination would have to be Gumby to stretch that far.

  I didn’t even have Andrew with me to “take my mind off things”—and don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean—since he had an away game. He would be in and out of my life for the next few weeks since he had three consecutive away games… something he’d bitched about for ten minutes straight. Only four other teams in the whole league this season, Jess. Fuckin’ ridiculous. If that meant he couldn’t be here with me, then I agreed heartily.

  We talked on the phone, of course, but it wasn’t the same. Like the good boyfriend he was, he extracted a promise from me that I wouldn’t check social media. And like the good boyfriend I strove to be, I swore I wouldn’t. He’d left Moon Pie in my care while he was on the road, and I gave him the promised updates.

  The article went live at midnight.

  I had about an hour of hope that no one would see it. That it would quickly make its way to the who the hell cares part of the Internet. Then someone hit the like button. A mad face reaction joined it a moment later.

  I could only guess that those two people screamed the news out to the world at large. When I came back from getting coffee, the reactions were up in the thousands. They grew steadily as I refreshed the page. It was another half hour before I could drum up enough courage to scan the comments section.

  Tajmahal3: I put up with the fact that he’s bisexual and shit, but why this guy??

  Bringbacktheblueprint: Shut yo dum ass up

  francisco_real: learn how to spell fuckface

  remybbq: Bruh. Should he even be working with kids

  yogawithtammy: How did he pass a background check

  joyfullife365: And you guys are so perfect? Everyone deserves a second chance

  kimmicub: And a third and a fourth, apparently

  adrian_in_the_box: Like the mug shot tho.

  kimmicub: Hot felon part two?

  A text appeared at the top of my screen from unknown. Even as I wondered how any of the internet warriors got my number, I tapped it with a shaky finger. I could only hope it was someone trying to tell me I won an iPad for free and all they needed was my banking information to ship it immediately.

  Unknown: This is Ari. Stop wondering how I got your number.

  I gave an unsteady laugh that sounded loud in the quiet of the room. I was glad to hear from a friend right about now. Well…I don’t know if I’d go that far, but he certainly wasn’t an enemy. I texted back quickly.

  Me: You read minds now?

  Unknown: One of my many talents.

  Unknown: Stop checking the internet

  Unknown: Get some rest, Fox. Tomorrow is going to be a long one.

  I let out a breath and texted him a smiley face I didn’t feel. After a moment of biting my lip, I added thanks. Then I saved his number because it was driving me crazy to have a conversation with “unknown.”

  Ari: Don’t mention it.

  Ari: No, seriously. Don’t mention it. You’ll ruin my rep.

  Amused, I just shook my head and wished him good night. I closed the page and stared at the darkened screen of the phone. I’d be back. Even my browser knew that.

  By nine in the morning, we were trending on Twitter. I headed for the shower grimly. I didn’t bother to read the comments. Or look at the memes. Had I really done this to myself willingly? Fuck, what the hell had I been smoking?

  My phone was ringing off the hook. Reporters. People I’d forgotten. People I meant to call back. Toxic people I’d phased out of my life and hoped they hadn’t noticed. Everyone was back in play and ready to leave a supportive wink-wink kind of message. Eventually, I put my phone on do not disturb and took a long, hot shower.

  After, I stood in front of my closet, a towel around my waist.

  I stared into space, trying to come up with an excuse for skipping work. I was drawing a blank. I thought about writing my boss a letter and got as far as, Dearest Joshua, I’ve decided to become a hermit. Don’t bother to try and find me, I’ve bricked-in my windows and the door. Quite frankly, other than the lack of sun, I’m not sure why I didn’t do this sooner.

  Then I thought about my responsibilities to the kids and the community. It only took me a few seconds to decide no one was about to get in the way of that. I couldn’t stop the chatter, but they weren’t about to dictate my life. I’d worked too hard for it.

  I closed out the order page for quick-drying concrete and got dressed.

  I eschewed my usual jeans and t-shirt for a pair of nice slacks and my favorite forest green, button-down shirt. It was my “meeting with a donor” look, and I took some time to fix my hair, too. I had a feeling my look was about to be memorialized all across the Internet, so it might as well be something I like.

  I opened the door ready to curse someone out for creeping in my bushes, but there wasn’t a soul to be found. Thank fuck. Guess they hadn’t sussed out my address yet. Ari had already warned me that they would.

  We already had a tentative plan in place that I could stay at Andrew’s place because at least he had security gates. Besides, I love the idea of you being in my house, he’d said, his eyes full of something I was afraid to define. I had a feeling the same thing was shining in my eyes and my cheeks went pink. A glance at Ari’s face had proved it.

  Disgusting, he’d muttered, but a smile tugged at his mouth as he scrolled through his phone.

  They might have trouble finding my place, but Rainbow Harbor was another matter entirely. Several news vans were lined up against the gate. Clearly they were respecting the property because our gate wouldn’t hold out a pushy squirrel. I drove through slowly, cameras flashing as I did so. Holy fuck. I kept my head down and ignored any questions. I had too much dignity to let them chase me into my own fucking building…but I did set a new world record for speed-walking.

  No one was in the front and I sighed with relief.

  I walked through the office quietly, debating on whether I should brave the breakroom for coffee. I reviewed how my day was going. Then I shivered at the thought of confronting the rest of it caffeine-less. Even the haters out for my blood wouldn’t want such a tragic end for me, would they?

  Ok, maybe they would, but fuck that noise.

  Joshua’s office was dark when I passed. Yet another bright spot. I wasn’t ready to deal with what he had to say just yet. Not that I thought he wouldn’t be supportive. But if supporting me got in the way of his baby, his creation that the community so desperately needed, I knew what he’d choose. I wouldn’t respect him if he chose differently. But it would crush me. Plain and simple.

  I could hear Teddy and Van talking in the supply closet. They both sounded more agitated than usual. I stood in the hall, straightening a poster at the speed of slow as Teddy fumed about some guy he’d had to oust from the building. Teddy was about as big and burly as his name implied, but his attitude was more of the stuffed bear variety. Usually.

  My eyes widened when he got to the part about tossing the intruder in the bushes. Apparently, one of the parents had stormed in and caused a ruckus. I had a feeling what the topic of choice had been.

  I grimaced and booked it for the break room.

  Wonder of wonders, the coffee pot was full. Probably because the staff had been too busy getting mobbed and acting as bouncers to bother with something as mundane as coffee. I got lost in the routine of making a cup, pretending it was a normal day. Cream. Sugar. Sip.

  Normal.

  I polished off the entire cup before my shoulders started to drop from my ears, and I headed for my office. I almost made it unnoticed. Around the halfway point, someone barreled out of the art room and tackled me like a linebacker. It took me a moment to realize my attacker was Molly, her arms tight around my middle. I stood there, stunned, wrapped in a perfume-scented embrace.

  Damn. Andrew had been going on and on about this very thing last week. He’d been sprawled on my living room floor watching game film on his laptop, complaining about a dirty hit. Around the fifth time he’d replayed the tackle, I tuned him out. To be fair, I was occupied sorting bills into piles of pay in full, pay in part, and try to convince them you’re dead but your ghost still needs utilities.

  Maybe I should’ve listened to his rambling about watching your blindside. I’d gotten taken down by a grandma who barely came up to my neck.

  “There, there,” Molly said.

  “Er,” I tried.

  Fed up with me standing there like a mannequin, Molly pressed my face into her breasts. “Isn’t that so much better?”

  No, breathing was better. Breathing was awesome. I managed to get free after a bit of snuffling in her sweater and spat out bits of lint like an offended cat. “Uh, Molly?”

  “You dear boy,” she said as she pressed my head back down. “It must’ve been terrible to carry such heavy secrets.”

  “It’s okay,” I mumbled awkwardly trying to find room for my nose without molesting her person.

  “It’s not okay,” she cried. “You should’ve told me.”

  “That I’m a criminal?” I asked dryly.

  That only reminded me of the people still digging through my checkered past and I stopped trying to find air holes to breathe. Death by cardigan would be an upgrade.

  “Your childhood was terrible,” she said. “The things I read—”

  “I had a shitty childhood but so did a lot of people,” I said, muffled. “I made some crap decisions and now the whole world knows it. End of story.”

  “Don’t talk about yourself that way,” she said sharply. “You’re still my Jesse just like you’ve always been. That’s the end of the story.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a gasp as she finally let me free. Air. Precious air. “I wish everyone was as open-minded.”

  “Well, if anyone has a problem with that, you make sure and send them my way,” she said sweetly with a smile that wasn’t the least bit nice.

  I shivered. They would rue the day. “Love you, Molls. Even though you tried to murder me with a sweater.”

  “If you really loved me, you’d help me out.”

  “Anything,” I said promptly.

  I spotted Teddy down the hall, carrying a box of art supplies, and gave him a wave. Molly edged closer, sending me a crafty look. “Do you love someone else by any chance?”

  It was a few seconds before I caught on. I narrowed my eyes. “Molly.”

  “You said you loved me.”

  I sighed even as I gave her a begrudging nod. “Yes. There is someone else who shall not be named that I love.”

  “Just to be sure, does this person play football?”

  “He does,” I said grimly.

  “Good for you. So happy for you,” she said, beaming, right before she yelled, “gimme my money, bitches. I won the pool.”

  I glared. I should’ve held out at least another two days.

  Camilla stuck her head out of her office door. “No fair, I had tomorrow.”

  Teddy slapped me on the back when he got close enough. “I had last month, so all I can say is congrats.”

  They headed for the rec room, continuing to bicker. My hands tightened on my coffee mug. They didn’t care. I huffed out a little relieved laugh. They knew who I was and what I’d done and I was still dependable Jesse. Time to act like dependable Jesse, not someone standing here with his thumb up his ass, paralyzed by the opinions of people who didn’t even matter.

 

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