Then, my eyes glance to the groom’s right and my jaw almost drops. These are Herbie’s groomsmen? Because I’ve just set eyes on three of the hottest men I’ve ever seen in my life. They’re tall, dark, and outrageously gorgeous with dark hair and tanned skin. All three of them are breathtakingly handsome in their suits and my heart begins to pound heavily. Oh my gosh, what if this wedding fulfills its promise, and I get to meet not one Prince Charming, but three?

  2

  Trace

  It’s hot in this church. Sweltering, actually, and the monkey suit I’m wearing doesn’t help. Herbie’s bride picked the venue because it’s solemn and majestic, but clearly, there’s something wrong with the A/C. Goddammit.

  I’m tempted to loosen my tie but that would look bad in the photos and instead, I manage to keep my hands to my sides. It feels like the ceremony is never going to begin, and I’m not the only one overheating. To my right, I can literally see a drop of sweat run down Herbie’s temple.

  “You good, buddy?” I whisper.

  Herbie chuckles.

  “I’m good, Trace. I couldn’t be happier. I just want to get going before I pass out.”

  “Alright. Though if you get cold feet just say, “Get me the fuck out of here,” and we’ll do the honors.”

  He looks at me askance.

  “Seriously?”

  I shrug.

  “Hey, whatever you want, my man. You want us to laugh and smile, that’s fine. You want us to cry, even better. But if you want to leave, you know we have your back.”

  Herbie’s shoulders slump, and he just shakes his head.

  “No, Trudy is good for me. You know how lonely I was before I met her. Sure, she’s bossy but she also lifts me up and helps me feel better about myself.”

  I clap his shoulder and smile wanly. I hope Herbie knows what he’s getting into with Trudy because the woman seems batshit crazy to me. Of course, I’ve only met her a few times, but those few times were more than enough.

  For example, last year Herbie brought her up to visit NYC. Herbie’s other groomsmen and I tried to show her around our favorite places, but all Trudy did was complain about how touristy it was, and how she wanted to go to the most expensive restaurants. She threw little tantrums every time she didn’t get her way, and it was utterly ridiculous. Tanner, Tag, and I confronted Herbie over video chat a week later and begged him to break it off with Trudy.

  But instead of breaking up with her, Herbie announced that they were engaged. It took us all by surprise, to say the least. We’re happy for the guy, but I’m worried that he has a difficult road ahead. I don’t want to see one of my best friends eaten alive by a crazy woman.

  Herbie wipes his hands on his trousers. Subtly, I hand him a tissue to wipe his damp, pink face. My buddy is a portly man, short and pudgy, and when he gets worked up, he looks like a tiny, nervous Santa. He may be the mayor of Boone, but it’s not like being mayor of a small town has a lot of clout or a large salary. I have to hand it to Trudy on that, at least. She isn’t marrying the guy for his money or status. No offense to Herbie, but I highly doubt Trudy is marrying him for his looks either, which means she must actually love him.

  Then I force that thought away. I need to be less judgmental. If they’re happy, I can be happy for them.

  “What’s taking so long?” my friend whispers in the heat.

  I glance towards the still-closed doors. A sick part of me hopes Trudy is getting cold feet out there. At least if she bails, Herbie won’t be locked down for life.

  “No clue. Want me to go check it out?”

  He shakes his head.

  “I’m sure it’s fine. Probably a wardrobe malfunction or something. I know Trudy – she’ll want her entrance to be perfect. She won’t walk out until she’s ready.”

  I roll my eyes, grateful that Herbie’s turned away. I love the guy, don’t get me wrong. We’ve been best friends since childhood, and I only want what’s best for him, but still. His fiancee is absolutely ridiculous.

  Finally, the wedding planner enters and whispers to the organ player, and immediately, the man turns forward and begins to play. Swells of music waft up in the air and I manage a half-smile. It sounds terrible, to be honest, but at this point, it doesn’t matter.

  I glance at my fellow groomsmen, Tag and Tanner, and can tell that they think the music is awful too. The two of them manage to smile without wincing, and I’m proud. We have to do right by our friend.

  After all, the four of us have been buddies for a long time. I met Herbie in kindergarten, Tag moved to our school in first grade, and Tanner was the last addition, not arriving until fourth grade. Since then, we’ve been inseparable. We survived middle school and high school together, and even went to the same university and lived together all four years.

  But after that, our paths diverged. While Tag, Tanner, and I followed job leads to New York, Herbie stuck around in Georgia. He took a job in Atlanta, working in the governor’s office, which is where he met Trudy. Why he decided to move to small-town Boone with Trudy a few years after that, I’ll never understand. His bride is a pretty girl, but she’s no Angelina Jolie.

  Nonetheless, the four of us have kept in touch as best we can over the years. Tag, Tanner, and I come back to visit Georgia as often as we can. We still have family here, so it makes sense to swing by once or twice a year, but it’s been a long time since we were all here together. As successful professionals, it’s hard for our schedules to line up.

  Suddenly, the church door slips open just slightly and in sneaks a young woman. Her dress is ridiculous because it’s purple, poofy, and huge. There’s no way anyone would wear that thing on purpose, which means she must be one of the bridesmaids.

  She tiptoes towards the organ player, whose energy doesn’t seem quite right for a wedding, and taps him on the shoulder. After a heated exchange, entirely in whispers, the guy trudges out the side exit, and the bridesmaid takes his spot. She starts to pound away at the organ, and honestly, it sounds a hundred times better than what the guy was doing. He was playing like someone died, whereas this girl has talent in her fingertips.

  “What just happened?” Tanner grunts, staring at the new organ player.

  I shrug.

  “Hell if I know. My guess is that Trudy didn’t like the music and sent this woman in to assassinate him.”

  He laughs. “You’re probably right.”

  I lean over to Herbie and whisper, “You ready, my friend? You sure you don’t want out?”

  He grins from the side of his mouth while still trying to look presentable.

  “I’m one-hundred percent sure. Thanks, though. I’m glad you guys have my back. And that you’re all here.”

  “You know we’ll always come when called. We’re like dogs.”

  From beside me, Tag whispers, “Speak for yourself!”

  I want to say that Tag is the most dog-like of the bunch, but the church doors are finally opened completely, and the music swells to a crescendo. It’s time for this stupid ceremony to start. Thank god because the sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get to the open bar.

  Herbie is sweating bullets as the first bridesmaid makes her entrance. Well, I guess she’s actually the second bridesmaid because the first one is still playing the organ.

  I try not to laugh as the woman walks down the aisle. The obnoxious purple fabric of her dress swallows her body whole and she literally stumbles a bit on the excess material. Of course, that dress wouldn’t flatter anyone. No doubt Trudy wanted to make sure her bridesmaids looked ugly next to her, and she definitely succeeded.

  “Those dresses are ridiculous as fuck,” Tanner whispers. Tag laughs quietly. We all get a stern look from Herbie while I swallow another guffaw. The guy is whipped if he thinks Trudy picked those dresses out of the goodness of her heart. Surely he doesn’t think the layers and layers of grape-colored fabric actually look good on either of these girls?

  Two more bridesmaids enter, and they’re frightfully thin, surrounded by poofs of purple fabric. What the hell? Herbie promised us that Trudy’s friends were hot and we’d find plenty of tail at the wedding, but so far, it’s looking like a bust. These girls are so skinny they’d probably break if we tried anything fun. I’m worried they’ll pass out from hunger just walking down the aisle.

  Then another bridesmaid enters the hall. My eyes glance over her at first because I’ve assumed she’s the same as the others, but then I do a double take because this woman is gorgeous. She’s wearing the same dress as the others, but that’s where the similarity ends. It doesn’t look half bad on her sexy curves, to be honest. This woman has huge boobs which are only emphasized by the ruffles, and her ass sways back and forth as she walks down the aisle. To be honest, her cleavage is so generous that it threatens to spill over the top of the neckline, and my mouth waters.

  If that wasn’t enough, the woman also has the face of an angel. She’s smiling so brightly as she walks down the aisle that I can’t help but smile too. Her brown eyes are big, focusing on the pastor at the front of the church.

  Tanner coughs behind me. Oh shit, he sees her too and is also turned on. I can picture him and Tag just as glued to this bridesmaid as I am, watching her hips sway side to side as she makes her way towards us.

  The beautiful woman takes her spot across from me, but she avoids my eyes. Her cheeks are flushed like she’s nervous, and there are two bright spots marking her excitement. The music changes, and she, along with everyone else in the church, looks towards the doors for the bride’s entrance.

  Sure enough, there’s Trudy. While the sexy bridesmaid is wearing minimal makeup, Trudy looks like she’s emulating a wannabe drag queen. She bats her huge fake eyelashes as she takes slow steps towards us.

  I feel so bad for Herbie because he’s about to trap himself with this woman for the rest of his life. But my friend is actually mesmerized by her, and he’s looking at Trudy like she’s the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.

  Trudy finally makes it to the altar and hands the curvy, gorgeous bridesmaid her bouquet. The pastor starts the ceremony, but I’m too focused on the bridesmaid to focus. Who is this girl? How did she come to be here? Is she really friends with Trudy?

  My eyes finally catch hers, and she smiles just slightly at me before returning her attention to the bride and groom. What is this woman’s name? I need to know. Her chest rises and falls with every heavy, excited breath. My groin stirs. Does she have any idea how tantalizing and tempting she is?

  Because if she doesn’t, I’m going to show her. I’m not leaving this town until she does, and neither are my friends.

  3

  Tanner

  I make good money, but being a banker is boring.

  That said, I’d rather stare at spreadsheets than listen to the pastor drone on and on. Why can’t it be like it is on TV where the bride and groom each give like a one-minute speech, and the pastor says they’re married, and then we break for commercial and beers?

  “Herbie,” Trudy says, finally getting to her vows. “I’ve loved you since the moment we met …”

  I tune her out. I want Herbie to be happy, and to be honest, Trudy feels like the wrong choice. But then I see the goofy grin on my friend’s face as she swears her undying love, and I question that stance. Maybe two people who seem incredibly wrong for each other can actually be right if they get lucky. Who knows?

  My eyes wander across the aisle to the hot bridesmaid who waltzed in right before Trudy. Talk about saving the best for last. Trace is also staring at the curvy girl, and I can tell that Tag has his eyes on her too. We’re virile men dying for an outlet, and the answer just showed itself to us a hundred times over.

  After all, I used to think that Boone, Georgia, had nothing going for it. I mean, Herbie is the mayor out here, but I’m pretty sure they have more livestock than humans. Not that that’s a bad thing because that livestock feeds us, but still. It’s just boring, and I’ve always wanted to go to the city.

  So after college, I migrated to the Big Apple along with my buddies Tag and Trace. We were following jobs, as most young men do, and it’s worked out for us. Tag works in real estate and Trace is a tech guy, whereas I’m in banking. Our city friends would laugh if they saw us now, standing around in a small-town church. We took a picture earlier to send off to a group chat of guys we work with, and I bet we got a lot of hilarious responses. Our co-workers find it especially funny when we have a twinge of a Georgia accent after coming back from a trip. We try to fight it, but it never works well. You can take the man out of Georgia, but you can’t take the Georgia out of the man.

  So yeah, Trace, Tag and I have been living in New York since we graduated from college over ten years ago. I don’t think we’d survive living in Georgia again. At this point, there is nothing for us in a small town, except this sexy bridesmaid. Hello beautiful!

  To be honest, I was a little concerned when the first three girls walked out. Herbie swore that Trudy’s friends would be easy targets, and he’s probably right. Even now, the two in the back are trying to make eyes at us like we’re the only men in this city. I’m avoiding their flirty gazes, and I know my friends are too. We don’t want to give them the wrong idea because honestly, they don’t have a chance with me or the other guys.

  After all, we’ve never been into skinny girls. You know, the ones who look like they’ll order a salad and only eat one leaf of lettuce. I like a little something to grip while we’re rolling around in bed. I go to the gym six days a week to stay in shape, and with my muscular frame, I’d crush these girls in bed. They’d break in half, come to think of it, with blood and guts everywhere.

  But the maid of honor is exactly what I’m in the market for. She has meat on her bones, and a generous dose of healthy curves. I doubt this bridesmaid skips any meals, and I could definitely handle her on top or on the bottom. I could sink my fingers into her hips as I plow into her …

  I need to stop that train of thought before I end up in an embarrassing situation in the middle of a church. I turn my focus back to the ceremony as Herbie begins his vows.

  “Trudy,” he begins. Trace hands him another tissue to wipe the sweat from his face. I’ve never seen the dude perspire so much, not even when the superintendent chewed us out for putting a cow on the roof of our school. “You changed my life when you walked into my office and told me you wanted a guaranteed parking spot in front of the local diner, because the patrons kept taking up space and you were always late for work.”

  Everyone in the audience laughs good-naturedly. Demanding seems to be Trudy’s default setting, and I’m not surprised they met because she wanted something from Herbie. She’s been asking him for things every day since.

  “Ever since then,” Herbie stammers, “you’ve been the one taking up space in my mind, in my heart, and in my life.”

  I have to hand it to the guy: he’s sincere at least, even if the bride doesn’t deserve it. After all, Trace, Tag and I knew immediately that Trudy was bad news for our friend from the get go. She clung to Herbie like glue and barely let him out of her sight. That first night, Trudy had plans with a friend, so Herbie was allowed to go out with us, but she called him every five minutes until he finally gave up and went home to wait for her.

  Despite that bad behavior, he still decided to marry her. It was crazy. What does he see in her? Even today, with Trudy dolled up like a mannequin, I still can’t fathom what he sees. I bet his bride was behind that crazy music change with the organist slinking out, embarrassed.

  The ceremony continues.

  “Do you have the rings?” the pastor asks Trace.

  “The rings?”

  The pastor stares at him.

  “Yes. The rings.”

  My friend feigns surprise.

  “Oh yeah, those rings!” Everyone laughs. Trace keeps up the charade by patting all of his pockets, pretending like he can’t find them. “I have them somewhere. Yeah, here they are.”

  Trace takes the rings out of his pocket and hands them over. Thank God we’re on the ring portion of the ceremony. I think I would die if I had to stand up here much longer, especially with the sexy bridesmaid standing across from us looking like she does. That dress doesn’t look good on anyone, but it looks decent on her, highlighting her wide hips and generous breasts. I bet it’d look even better lying on the floor.

  I really shouldn’t be having those thoughts in a church, but you can’t kill a man for what he’s thinking. To be frank, I’m pretty sure Tag and Trace are having the same thoughts, so it’s a miracle the church hasn’t burned down.

  Then, the pastor hands Trudy and Herbie their rings and instructs Trudy to do the whole “with this ring I thee wed” thing. Honestly, why anyone wants to go through this is beyond me. What happened to short, fast, and snappy?

  My mind wanders again, this time to work. It’ll be a miracle if I get back to the office and find everything still standing. They need me to hold their hands, or they’ll lose millions of dollars. I didn’t realize how easy it was for people to misplace money until I started working in finance.

  Shit, I’m supposed to be on vacation, not thinking about my job. I force myself not to check my phone. That would definitely get me some looks from the bride’s family. I’ll be able to check it as soon as we’re out of the church. I’m pretty sure we have another two hours of standing around and posing for pictures before the reception starts. Which means we still have a few hours before we get to the open bar. I should’ve slipped a flask in my jacket pocket. That would’ve made the ceremony easier to get through.

  Herbie finally slips a ring on Trudy’s finger. I think that means the ceremony is finally over, right? The pastor nods with a proud smile.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

 

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