Another shrug, and then he leveled his eyes at me. “That’s what I meant, what I told you before, why I hated you so much, not really because of…” He thumped the bar top. “But though I’d been angry occasionally since moving to Lavender Shores, it felt normal. But then…” Another thump. “I lost my shit, I was so mad. And it forced me to realize it was all still there. That I was the same fucking mess I had always been. And then…” He swallowed, his voice sounded tight, strained. “After I got your dirty laundry from your ex and presented it to Debbra and the…” He shook his head, his voice trailing away.

  “I know.” I reached out to touch him, but he pulled his arm back.

  His brown eyes flashed at me, fury showing. “Didn’t you hear Leon today? What he threatened to do to you, to this place?”

  “Yeah.” A flicker of my own anger returned, at Leon, at Charley. “What you tried to do to me.” My voice was barely a whisper.

  “Exactly.” Charley sucked in a shaky breath as he nodded once more. “It was the first time in my life I’d ever done anything that reminded me of that fucker. After all the horrible shit I’d done, all the battles I’d fought, whether I’d won or lost or whatever, I’d never, not even for a second, been like him. Until you. And I hated you for that.”

  For a moment, even though my anger continued to rise, I nearly apologized. Barely stopped myself.

  We stared at each other again, and I could see the exhaustion I felt written all over his face. Then a new thought arrived, one that, strangely, hadn’t entered my mind all evening. “So what happened after I left? Did you come to an agreement?”

  “I… ah…” He shifted uncomfortably. “I basically told him to fuck off.”

  An unexpected laugh burst from me, followed by a wave of relief. “Good.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t be too quick to say that. I don’t know if he will or not, but if Leon gets it in his mind to get revenge, he may very well come after you as well.”

  “Share my past? Like you did?”

  He winced but nodded.

  Another wave of relief. “Like I give a shit. Let him.”

  A smile brightened his face, the candlelight illuminating how handsome he was. “I knew you’d say that.” The smile vanished as quickly as it had come. “I’m sorry, Seth. That he showed up, that I did the same—”

  “Stop it.” I grabbed his arm again and held on. “You already apologized. And yeah, I’m a little angry again, but… whatever. We’ll get through it.”

  He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. “I didn’t know if you’d say that.”

  I hadn’t really been sure either. At his hesitation… I wondered. He hadn’t lied to me, not in the way his stepfather had made it seem, but… it did cast everything in a different light. How he’d come after me, used my own family issues against me. So long ago. So, so long ago. But still… it tingled.

  Charley’s shoulders slumped. “You’re already changing your mind, aren’t you?”

  “No.” I answered too quickly, too sharply. It was clear he could hear the lie, so I adjusted. “I don’t think so. I know that I…” No, I couldn’t say that. “I know that I feel…” Nope, not that either. “I want us…” I paused, making sure, and yes… that I could say. “I want us to get through it. I really, really do.”

  “I do too.”

  I flinched in surprise.

  He grinned. “Didn’t expect me to admit that?”

  “No. Not really.”

  “Me neither.” He put his hand over where I was still gripping his arm. “But I do want us to get through it. I don’t know what it looks like, and honestly, I don’t even know if it’s smart, but I do know that I don’t want to stop. I also know I don’t have the right to ask that.”

  “Good.” I’d known he felt that way, in my gut I had. I could see it in his eyes, feel it in this touch… hell, feel it radiating off him anytime we were near, but even with all that heat shared, I hadn’t expected Charley Perez to be that vulnerable. Not with me, not about that. “But”—Shit, why was I saying this?—“I think I need just a little time. To… sort through things… I don’t know. I just… need some time.”

  Though his expression hardened into a mask, he nodded and his voice stayed soft. “It’s understandable. I do understand.”

  “I’m not saying that—”

  “It’s okay.” He cut me off with a shake of his head and released my hand, then stood. “I really do understand, Seth. Take whatever time you need. I’ll be here.” He started to turn and walk away, then looked back at me. “I’ll understand if you want to end things. But… I’ll wait as long as you need to process through it. You’re more than worth it.”

  Watching him walk away and not going after him, not telling him to stop, not saying that I was being a fool, was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. But I gripped the edge of the bar and held on until he was out of sight.

  TWO DAYS passed, and I’m ashamed to say there was hardly an hour that went by that I didn’t reach for my phone, either to see if he had contacted me, or to type out a text to him. Or both.

  I knew what I should do. Have a boys’ night with Will and Andre, tell them all about it. They might give me their opinion, they might not, but just processing it with someone might clarify things. Or I could talk to Heather, there was absolutely no chance she wouldn’t give me her opinion… though I wasn’t entirely certain what it would be in this situation.

  There was that other nagging voice that said quite insistently that I knew the other thing I should do. Pick up the fucking phone and call the asshole. Take that risk because even if I somehow was shattered by him again, if I ended things, I’d be shattered either way and never have the chance to find out if we could’ve made it work. Whatever the it was.

  Then, as Greg Benz and Violet Pickle sat huddled together at the end of my bar in a way that I figured their spouses most definitely wouldn’t approve of, I caught one of Violet’s quiet whispers, and it wasn’t laden with innuendo like I had expected.

  I halted, a shaker filled with top-shelf vodka and olive juice poised ready in the air, and slowly turned toward them. “What did you just say?”

  Violet’s eyes widened, and she glanced behind her as if I was addressing someone else. When she spoke, she did so questioningly. “Uhm… that Charley’s Tavern is for sale.”

  I stared at her.

  She blinked.

  “That fucking little bitch.” I slammed the shaker down and stormed out of the bar.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  CHARLEY

  TWENTY YEARS had passed since I’d felt so much excitement. Interestingly enough, it made the jangle in my head increase, but that was something they’d talked a lot about at the treatment facility, that the brain chemistry didn’t differentiate between good and bad stress. Stress was simply stress. Looking back, it was a miracle I’d gotten off to such a good start two decades ago, with barely any skills, no meds to help balance out my chemical needs. No wonder it hadn’t lasted long.

  Having my mother and stepfather arrive unannounced at the food-and-wine celebration was the worst thing I could’ve imagined—not that I’d imagined it. Even I wouldn’t have predicted life being so cruel. But as I sat at my dining room table with the plans strewn out in front of me, I had to wonder if life kind of knew what it was doing. I wouldn’t have thought of changing everything in this way before Leon Gonzales showed up out of the blue.

  Almost made me want to send the fucker a thank-you card.

  I scratched off one of the ideas I’d been considering and chuckled. I could send him a thank-you card, one with a big glittery, rainbowed hand flipping the bird on the cover.

  Nah. Better to let sleeping dogs lie. Or keep nasty little fuckers as far away as possible, in his case.

  Leaning back in my chair, I folded my hands behind my head, studying the house I’d lived in for so long, saying goodbye to the kitchen, living room, all of it.

  I knew some part of me should be afraid, at least a little bit apprehensive, but I wasn’t—not at all. This new direction in life wasn’t going to be easy, but I’d done it once before, and this time, I’d do it better.

  A call coming through made my cell vibrate across the table, and I snatched it, hope and fear spiking at the same time. I glowered at the eight hundred number, hit decline, and smacked the phone back down. This was the only downside, the only dark cloud. It was irritating. I was irritating, checking the damn thing every few minutes. Even powering it down and then turning it back on as if fearing the piece of shit was letting everyone’s calls come through except for the one I waited for.

  Maybe that was the stress that was making my head janky. Had I really thought he’d call?

  Obviously I had. Some pathetic part of me had expected to get home after seeing Seth at the Blue Blossom, only to have him ring me up twenty minutes later, or come pound down my door. But he hadn’t. Not a word. Not that I blamed him.

  Maybe that was one of life’s little jabs as well. If Seth had called, come by, my table would be empty of plans. Not only would decisions not have been made, they wouldn’t have even been considered, maybe not even thought of.

  Even so, for the billionth time, I studied my phone. I could call him. That’s how cell phones worked, they went both ways. But… he’d asked for space, and I needed to give it to him. I made it clear how I felt, and I’d put the guy through enough.

  Sighing, I shoved Seth Marino from my mind as much as I could and focused on the things I could control. I nearly barfed at the thought. Things that I could control. When had my life become a fucking serenity prayer? Well, screw it. It was helping.

  Just as I set pencil to paper once more, a vicious pounding on the door cut through the silence of the house, causing me to flinch and make a huge lead mark across the page. I started to curse, but then my heart leaped.

  Seth!

  Stupidly I glanced at my phone; still nothing.

  The pounding began again.

  Maybe he had followed me home, just two days late.

  Although, he didn’t sound happy.

  I hurried to the door, trying to stuff down the hope that it was him, no matter his mood.

  “Open the fucking door, you fucking asshole!” Seth’s voice broke through as I neared, furious.

  And if the surge of happiness that washed over me wasn’t more proof that I was absolutely fucking gone over the guy, even though he sounded ready to shoot me the minute I opened the door, then I didn’t know what was. Although… I hadn’t needed any more proof to figure that out.

  Not caring if he stood on the other side with a shotgun, his fists raised, or was getting ready to reenact the chainsaw massacre, I twisted the deadbolt and flung the door open.

  Seth barged in, not hesitating for a second before shoving me in the chest. “You’re a fucking cowardly little bitch, you know that?” His body trembled with rage.

  I caught myself after stumbling back a few steps. “Seth, I—”

  “No! I don’t want to hear it!” He kept coming, the front door open to the night behind him. “I knew you were a lot of things, Charley Perez, but I hadn’t labeled you as a coward.” Blue eyes flashed, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever seen him so angry. Though… there was something else behind the fury. Hurt?

  The realization threw me off. I couldn’t imagine why—

  “It’s only been two days. Two fucking days, Charley!” He lifted a hand like he was going to shove me again, but he paused midmotion, catching himself. “You couldn’t even wait two days?”

  What the fuck? All I’d been doing was waiting, and compulsively checking my phone like an idiot. “I have no—”

  “I said shut up!” He closed the distance between us, his hands clenched at his sides, his handsome face contorted and hard. “I know we didn’t make promises, but there was an understanding. I wasn’t imagining that. And don’t even think about acting ignorant.”

  Promises? For a second I thought he’d somehow gotten the impression that I’d been with someone else, but I shoved that thought aside instantly. Even if that notion had been an option over the last two days, which it most definitely hadn’t, Seth wouldn’t react this way, not about that.

  “You don’t get to run away like a little bitch, not from me. Not after all this.” His breath was hot on my face, smelling lightly of licorice. He’d been drinking a Syrah. Good God, the man was wearing off on me. “And without even a word. Fucking coward.”

  Run away?

  Then it clicked. Holy shit, that was record time, even for Lavender Shores. What had it been? Three hours?

  “Seth, listen. You don’t—”

  “No!” He grabbed my shoulders, tight, hard, and gave a little shake. “If you’re going to leave, you can tell me to my face.” Another shake. “I thought…” His grip loosened, as if he could tell he was close to losing control.

  I wanted him to. Maybe that did make me an asshole and a little bitch, just like he said, but that wasn’t exactly news, was it?

  I cocked a mocking eyebrow as I looked up at him. “So, you don’t want me to leave?” Yep. Charley Perez. Fucker. Surprise, surprise.

  His grip tightened again, just like I hoped. “Goddammit, Charley. You’re really going to play it like this?”

  I moved in closer, as if I was challenging him, my chest brushing his. “Well… I haven’t heard anything from you.”

  “Two days! Two fucking days.” It was a growl.

  The desire was so clear on his face, mingled with hurt and anger, that I wanted to shout with fucking joy. “It was long enough to make a decision, I figured. Besides, I wouldn’t blame you.”

  He stared at me for a few seconds, then his grip loosened once again, just a touch. “I can’t believe you can walk away so easily. I thought…” His fingers loosened further.

  I’d pushed it too far.

  I tilted my hips slightly so I brushed against him.

  He stiffened at the feel of my hardness on his thigh, his eyes widening.

  “What did you think, Seth?” I brushed against him again, a long, slow thrust, bumping against his own arousal. “What do you think now? Do you need more time?” Even I had to admit I was being a bastard.

  His nostrils flared, and his grip tightened again, harder than before. “Fuck you.”

  “Please do.”

  Seth’s eyes went impossibly wider, a dark fire igniting behind them.

  I ran my length over his once more, and before I could offer a new taunt, he banged my body against his as he crushed his lips to mine.

  Yes! I would’ve shouted if his tongue hadn’t filled my mouth. The anger, the fire, the hurt, all of it poured into the kiss and answered every question I had.

  In his frenzy, he drove us backward, and I would’ve stumbled if his grip hadn’t still been like stone digging into my shoulders. He bulldozed me until we crashed into the living room wall. The back of my head banged hard, but I barely felt it. And then he was tearing the clothes off my body, his mouth never leaving mine except to rip my T-shirt over my head and then claim it once more as he started in on my jeans.

  I made short work of his clothes as well, the night air from the open doorway causing gooseflesh, and within seconds, the hair and muscles of his naked chest scratched against mine, and my fingers circled around his thick cock and he began to pump into my fist.

  Within seconds, Seth started to pant, and groaned in a way that I already recognized as him being close to orgasm. He reached between us, grabbed my hand off his cock, snatched my other wrist, and slammed them both above my head on the wall, holding them in place. “No. Not like that. I’m fucking you. I’m taking your ass.”

  Seth cut off my whimper by slamming his mouth over mine again, filling me with his tongue and the taste and scent of man and wine. I arched into him, pressing my body against his, our cocks sliding together.

  He secured my arms above my head with one hand, and his other arm slid around my back, locking me to him. I lost myself in the kiss, and the rhythm of our bodies writhing against the wall. One part of me was following every sensation that trailed over my skin like flames of fire, pleasure mixing with pain at his forcefulness. The other part both soared to the heavens and rooted to the earth at the relief of having his touch again, of there not being a single shadow of doubt about what he wanted, of what I wanted.

  His arm slid down my back so his hand gripped my hip, partially supporting my weight, and I lifted my legs, locking them around him so the length of his cock thrust over the crease of my ass, bumping against my entrance over and over again.

  We were both keening, both covered in sweat, and making sounds that were about as far from being human as possible.

  Abruptly, he pulled his hips back slightly, released my hands, and steadied me at the waist. “Condom.”

  Shit! I didn’t want there to be a break, didn’t want to pause, not for anything. Least of all for a fucking condom. Not where Seth was concerned. Then the realization washed over me—there’d be time for that, there’d be plenty, plenty of time for that. And what a revelation that was. I slid my legs down his until I was standing on my own again. “Fine. Get it.” I gestured toward the floor where his pants lay on a crumpled mass with the rest of our clothes.

  He looked at me like I was an idiot. “I don’t have one.”

  I gave him the same expression. “What are you talking about? You always have one. I thought you kept one of those coin-operated condom dispensers in your back pocket?”

  He snorted out a laugh. “Always a bitch.”

  “Hold on.” I practically tore from the room, and retrieved condoms and lube from my dresser drawer in record speed.

  Seth was headed toward me as I came back into the living room. “Bed, we can go to the bed.”

  “I just came from there. Fuck that.” I wasn’t waiting another second. I ripped open the condom packet and shoved it at him. “Hurry it up.”

  Laughing again, he shoved the condom over his cock, and as I headed back toward the wall, he grabbed me, kissing me again.

  I allowed myself to sink into that kiss for a few seconds. He’d spoken of promises moments before, and I felt them in that kiss. Every single one.

 

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