The Hating Game, page 16
The sign for Chippenham came into view. Hmm. Something about this route seemed familiar . . . oh God. A strange pain grinded her stomach – nerves mixed with a flutter of fear – as she figured out their destination. They were going to Castle Combe, a tiny village with a fairy-tale allure even Mattie couldn’t resist. She’d fallen in love with it. And it was where she’d fallen in love with Kyle, too.
Memories flooded back as the limo wended its way down a narrow track towards the village, the light dimming as the dense trees overhead formed a tunnel. It had been a Friday, a few months after Kyle had started working for her. Her business was going full steam ahead: clients loved his easy-going approach, the perfect foil to Mattie’s more direct style.
Out of convenience, they’d started having lunch together. Although they always started out discussing what needed to be done, they usually ended up in fits of laughter at Kyle’s hilarious client impersonations. Despite his successful business-like exterior, Kyle was warm and friendly, with a killer sense of humour that made Mattie laugh despite herself. Sure, their eyes had met a few times and Mattie had felt a frisson of something between them, but she’d dismissed it as too much hot chilli sauce.
They’d been finishing up a pitch presentation one day when Kyle snapped the laptop closed. ‘Enough of this. I’m taking you away for a corporate bonding weekend.’
Mattie’s mouth dropped open. ‘What?’ she sputtered. ‘You didn’t run this by me! Anyway, I’m busy this weekend.’ That was a lie – she’d planned to work – but she didn’t want Kyle thinking she could drop everything at the last second.
Kyle shook his head. ‘You’re coming with me. It’s in our professional interest. You work too hard and you need some time away.’ He started packing up their things. ‘Come on, we’ll go to your flat and get your case, then we’re off.’
Mattie couldn’t help responding to his forcefulness. And she couldn’t deny that it would be good to get out of the office. And with Kyle, a small voice inside piped up. She snuck a quick look at him as he neatly wound the laptop cord. He was gorgeous, with blond hair curling over his collar and five o’clock stubble poking through. She tore her thoughts away. This would be a professional weekend.
At her flat, Mattie had thrown her only pair of jeans and a few jumpers into a case as Kyle commented how he’d never known a woman to get ready so quickly. They jumped in his car and hurtled down the motorway – Mattie admiring Kyle’s propensity to speed just like her – singing along to his surprisingly thorough collection of Bon Jovi tapes. With every mile they drove from London, Mattie felt more and more relaxed. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been out of the city.
Just as dusk was falling, Kyle pulled off the motorway and onto a small country road. Mattie cranked open the window, breathing in the soft air of a June night. Small stone cottages flanked the road and in the distance, across a rolling green field, the peaks of an elegant manor house rose. Normally she wasn’t one for twee countryside villages, but this place – Castle Combe, Kyle told her – wasn’t twee. In the dim light, with the glow of street lanterns and the sound of a brook bubbling through the open car windows . . . it was magical.
Kyle pulled up before a small bridge. ‘I’ve booked us in here.’ He gestured towards a cottage perched on the banks of the brook. ‘Hope this is all right.’
Mattie nodded slowly. She’d been thinking more along the lines of the sterile comfort of a large hotel – something like the manor house she’d seen – where they’d eat in a large open dining room and sleep separated by hotel corridors. She wasn’t good at sharing space and this was a little too close for comfort.
But Kyle made everything easy, ignoring her prickliness and making her laugh. He cooked a simple dinner of spaghetti Bolognese and laughingly forced her to do the washing up by hand (the first time ever – no dishwasher in the archaic cottage!). She’d flicked some dishwater at him and he’d encircled her, trapping her arms by her sides. She’d laughed and struggled, but she had to admit the feel of his body against hers made her tingle.
Finally, she stopped trying to get away. She looked up into his eyes, and he’d leaned down and kissed her. It wasn’t one of those wet, mushy kisses, where Mattie had to direct everything from lip pressure to tongue movement to head tilt. It was a kiss where her head actually went blank, and all she could think about was wanting more.
She couldn’t remember who had led the other up the narrow staircase and into the timber-framed bedroom. Once they stood there, facing each other in the dark, she suddenly felt nervous. She never felt nervous – usually because she was so busy undressing the bloke she didn’t really have a chance to think. As she watched Kyle peel off his shirt and move to undo her buttons, butterflies swarmed in her belly. She’d taken a step back, but Kyle had just smiled and pulled her against him.
Having sex with Kyle had been like his kiss – just easy. She found herself enjoying it, rather than rushing things through to the end like she usually did. This will only happen once, was the last coherent thought she’d had as she leaned into him.
But oddly, her infamous willpower deserted her and she couldn’t stop sleeping with Kyle. Soon, they were together all the time, their lives meshing in a way that took Mattie by surprise.
Things got a bit difficult in the last few months before their break-up. Kyle had nagged at her to go out more, and then there’d been that incident when he’d tried to drag her off to a late-night picnic in Soho Square, complete with strawberries, champagne and the prerequisite drugged-up hookers (it was Soho, after all). She’d pushed him away, angry he couldn’t see how busy she was trying to find just the right producer for their biggest client. She couldn’t drop everything because he said so!
Well, if he wanted a woman who’d jump at his every command, it hadn’t taken him long to find one. The week after their two-year anniversary, Kyle threw himself at Chloe. Mattie still couldn’t get her head around how a man could go from celebrating a two-year landmark one week to shagging another woman the next.
Don’t try to understand, her mum had said. Men go for two things: easy money and easy lays. And while that sentiment hadn’t exactly provided the comfort she’d been looking for, she had to admit Mum was right.
The car stopped next to an old stone market cross in the centre of the village. Nate undid his seatbelt and put his hand on the door.
‘Wait,’ Mattie said. ‘You haven’t asked me any questions about my history with Kyle! Don’t we need to do that first?’ She really wanted to get in her side of the story.
Nate just waved his hand. ‘No, that’s fine. We’re going to get Seamus to do it all by voice-over later.’
‘But Nate–‘ Mattie huffed as Nate slammed the door. How would she show people she wasn’t the idiotic love-sick woman splashed across the Daily News? She drew in a few deep breaths. If she acted all cold and distant, people would think she still cared. If she was a bitch . . . even worse. No, the only thing for it was to be as smiley and bland as possible. That would set Kyle on edge, if nothing else.
Mattie noticed another black limo pull up. She strained to see inside but she couldn’t make out anything through the smoky windows. It’s like we’re Hollywood stars or something, she thought, watching curious villagers milling about, trying to sneak a peek.
Finally the car door opposite opened and jean-clad legs with Converse trainers appeared. She gulped. She recognized those trainers – she’d bought them for Kyle in a desperate bid to rid him of the manky old sneakers he’d had since secondary school.
Kyle followed Baz to a stone pedestal right beside the market cross where three narrow streets converged. Her mind flashed back to that first night when Kyle had pulled her up onto the pedestal, wrapping his arms around her waist to steady her.
Stop it! she screamed inside her head. She needed to forget the past – or at the very least, pretend to have forgotten it. She got out of the car, striding over to where Nate had now joined Kyle and Baz.
‘Hello, Kyle,’ she said, extending her hand with a giant unnatural smile. Her cheeks actually hurt, she was grinning so hard.
Kyle raised his eyebrows at her friendliness. ‘Hi, Mattie.’ For a second he looked like he was going to lean down for a kiss, but he remained standing on the platform above her.
‘Get back in the car!’ Baz said, clambering down. ‘We need Ram to film your first meeting.’
‘No problem,’ Mattie said as Nate ushered her away. She turned back to smile at Kyle again. ‘See you soon.’ His baffled expression made her smirk to herself.
That would show him! She was so over Kyle. Sure, she might have bought a wedding dress. Sure, the whole nation might know about it – bloody, bloody Jess! – but if she acted as if everything was all right, people would believe it. And everything was all right. She didn’t need Kyle. She didn’t need Jess.
She didn’t need anyone.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sixty per cent of people rate trust as the most important thing in a relationship.
Seventy-three per cent think white lies are necessary to maintain a healthy relationship.
AN HOUR OR SO LATER, Mattie and Kyle strolled down the main track through the village, followed by Ram, his camera and the curious villagers. A soft filmy drizzle hung in the air, and Mattie could already feel her make-up melting. Although the manic smile was still glued to her face, she just couldn’t form words and the silence lay heavily between them.
‘Talk! Talk!’ Baz hissed at them as he trailed behind Ram. ‘For God’s sake! Do something!’
Kyle cleared his throat. ‘So I thought I’d bring you back to where we first got together.’
Duh, Mattie thought as she nodded and smiled. He certainly hadn’t got any smarter since they’d broken up.
‘We’ll take a walk through the woods,’ he continued. ‘Then we’ll have dinner up at Manor House Hotel.’
Mattie sighed and some of the tension drained out of her body. Thank God they weren’t going back to the cottage where they’d first made love – slept – together. It would be too awkward for words. As practised as she was at hiding her feelings, she didn’t think even she could keep up the facade inside the tiny space.
They crossed the bridge over the brook below. At least Kyle wasn’t going to torture her by trying to get her to take a small row boat on the water, as he had that first weekend. She’d made plenty of excuses before finally admitting she’d never learned to swim. Kyle was one of the few people she’d actually told. It seemed like something from Victorian times, not being able to swim, but her mother just hadn’t had time. She did manage to find the time, though, to show Mattie how to file a tax return at the age of ten.
Financial independence is the key to happiness, her mum had said as Mattie struggled with the form, not even understanding what ‘financial independence’ meant. But if it made her mother happy, it must be a good thing. Mattie had heard her mum crying late at night and the sound always terrified her.
Inside the wood, the air was even denser and the forest’s cloying scent invaded her nostrils. Mattie wrinkled her nose at the mouldy smell of damp earth. This was the reason she never came to the country in the winter: the whole thing was just foul. When she and Kyle were last here, blossoms and green had perfumed the air and wild flowers lined the path. Now – Mattie raised a squelching foot – it was like walking through the mudwrestling pit again.
Kyle grabbed her hand. ‘Come on!’ He tugged her off the path and dragged her through the low undergrowth of the forest, wet leaves slapping her in the face.
‘What are you doing?’ Mattie yelled as she tried to break free. But Kyle had an iron grip on her wrist. ‘Let go of me!’ She swivelled her head and tried to make out where Nate and Baz were but she couldn’t see them through the dense foliage.
Kyle pulled up next to a swollen stream and wiped his face. A bit of leaf still clung to his eyebrow but Mattie wasn’t about to tell him.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ she managed to get out between breaths. It had been awhile since she’d run like that. Kyle didn’t even seem winded.
‘Look, Mattie.’ Kyle paused. In the silence, they could hear the crash of Ram, Nate and Baz approaching through the trees.
‘What?’ Mattie said impatiently. The drizzle was turning into rain now, with fat drops splattering off leaves onto her cheeks.
‘Look,’ Kyle said again. ‘I didn’t know you had a dress.’
‘Oh, Jesus,’ Mattie muttered. She looked him straight in the eye. ‘Don’t flatter yourself, Kyle. I was drunk, I liked the dress. That’s it. End of story.’
Kyle glanced over his shoulder. The crashing was getting closer. He tried to touch her arm, but Mattie jumped back. No way was he getting his mitts on her again.
‘After last night, well, I was about to give up. But when I read about the wedding dress – Mattie.’ He reached out to take her hand and she stared down, numbly watching as his fingers closed around hers. How she’d loved his hands – his fingers were the perfect width and his knuckles had just the right sprinkling of hair.
‘It made me realise that you really did care. And now more than ever we need to clear things up,’ he said.
Mattie forced her hand out of his grip and looked up into his eyes. ‘Kyle, there’s nothing to clear up. I told you, I heard it all from Chloe.’ Suddenly she felt so tired.
‘Mattie! Kyle!’ Nate’s voice ricocheted off the tree trunks around them.
Kyle’s browed furrowed. ‘What do you mean, you heard it from Chloe? I haven’t seen her since that day in the office!’ Anger shot across his face. ‘Nothing happened there, Mattie. You must know I would never do that do you. If you’d just given me a chance to explain–’
‘There you are!’ Nate’s hair was plastered to his face and his clothes were so sodden it looked like he’d taken a bath in them. But Mattie couldn’t care less about Nate. Kyle’s words were hammering her head. What did he mean, he hadn’t seen Chloe since the office? According to Chloe, they’d still been hot and heavy a month later.
Kyle cursed and turned to face him. ‘Yeah, sorry, mate. Just wanted to talk to Mattie about something.’
Baz poked his head out from behind a bush. ‘You’re supposed to talk on camera. That’s the whole point of a reality show.’
Mattie itched to slap him.
‘Um, guys?’ Nate stepped forward. ‘Do you think you could repeat the conversation for us?’ He looked around. ‘Where’s Ram?’ Nate backed off into the woods and bellowed for the cameraman.
Mattie darted a quick look at Kyle, jerking away as she met his still-puzzled gaze. Was he telling the truth? Sure, Chloe was a big enough bitch to make it all up, but why would she bother?
Mattie shook her head. It doesn’t matter, she told herself. Remember, you’re about to go bankrupt because of him. Bankrupt. Bankrupt. Bankrupt.
‘Here he is!’ Nate reappeared with a mud-splattered Ram.
‘I lost a wellie,’ Ram grumbled, lumbering over to them with a face like a giant toddler’s.
‘Nice sock,’ Baz smirked as the group took in the fluffy white sheep printed on Ram’s foot.
‘Bugger off.’ Ram swung the camera back over his shoulder. ‘Let’s get this over with before I kill someone.’ If the look on his face was anything to go by, Mattie didn’t doubt he was about to commit murder. She hoped Baz would be the first to go.
Nate nodded. ‘Ready, guys?’
Please don’t bring up Chloe, Mattie pleaded with her eyes as she stared at Kyle. After the whole wedding dress fiasco, the last thing she needed was any further humiliations. She hoped the message in her eyes would bore into his brain.
‘Can you trust me, Mattie?’ Kyle asked. His question took her by surprise and she stepped back, almost falling over a branch. Kyle reached out to steady her. ‘I want to start again.’
‘Before or after I go bankrupt?’ The words slipped out of Mattie’s mouth and she cringed as she saw Baz’s face light up. Shit. She hadn’t meant to let Kyle know business was so dire. She’d just wanted to harden herself against him, not tell the whole nation.
Kyle’s brow furrowed. ‘Bankrupt? What do you mean?’
Mattie tossed her head and stayed silent. She could tell everyone he’d destroyed her business but she already looked like a sad loser. She wasn’t about to fill him in on all the gory details.
Kyle reached out to touch her shoulder but she moved away. ‘Mattie?’
She focused on a tree behind him, refusing to meet his gaze.
‘Mattie, you going to answer that?’ Nate asked as the silence stretched. Mattie shook her head.
‘Jesus Christ. We’re not going to win any awards with this dialogue. Silver’s going to kill us,’ Baz muttered when the silence had gone on too long. ‘Cut!’
Mattie darted away from Kyle and over to where Ram was wringing out his sheep sock. She forced a calm look onto her face but inside her head was whirling. How could he not know her business was on the rocks? He’d taken half her clients! And what if she had been wrong about Chloe?
Mattie tilted her face up to the grey sky and let the rain pound her cheeks, hoping it would make her head clearer. Kyle wanted her to trust him. He wanted to start again. He made it all sound so clear, so easy. He hadn’t been with Chloe. He hadn’t destroyed her business. He hadn’t even known she was going bankrupt.
Or so he said. Mattie wiped the rain from her face. Could she even entertain the thought of believing him? For a second, images of them together flashed through her mind: the softness on his face when he looked at her in the morning after waking up; the two of them celebrating after scoring a major account . . . He’d been such a big part of her life.
