The Wheel of Time, page 1154
If you wanted? Hopper said. It’s not about what you want, Young Bull. It’s about what you need. What you know.
Perrin frowned. Sometimes the wolf’s meanings still confused him.
Suddenly, the other wolves in the group turned—as if one—and looked to the southwest. They vanished.
They went here. Hopper sent an image of a distant wooded hollow. The wolf prepared to follow.
“Hopper!” Perrin said, stepping forward. “How did you know? Where they went? Did they tell you?”
No. But I can follow.
“How?” Perrin said.
It is a thing I’ve always known, Hopper sent. Like walking. Or jumping.
“Yes, but how?”
The wolf smelled confused. It is a scent, he finally replied, though “scent” was much more complex than that. It was a feeling, an impression, and a smell all in one.
“Go somewhere,” Perrin said. “Let me try to follow.”
Hopper vanished. Perrin walked up to where the wolf had been.
Smell it, Hopper sent distantly. He was near enough to give a sending. By reflex, Perrin reached out. He found dozens of wolves. In fact, he was amazed by how many of them were here, on the slopes of Dragonmount. Perrin had never felt so many gathered in one place before. Why were they here? And did the sky look more stormy in this place than it had in other areas of the wolf dream?
He couldn’t sense Hopper; the wolf had closed himself off, somehow, making Perrin unable to place where he was. Perrin settled down. Smell it, Hopper had sent. Smell it how? Perrin closed his eyes and let his nose carry the scents of the area to him. Pine cones and sap, quills and leaves, leatherleaf and hemlock.
And…something else. Yes, he could smell something. A distant, lingering scent that seemed out of place. Many of the scents were the same—the same fecund sense of nature, the same wealth of trees. But those were mixed with the scents of moss and of wet stone. The air was different. Pollen and flowers.
Perrin squeezed his eyes tight, breathing in deeply. Somehow, he built a picture in his mind from those scents. The process was not unlike the way a wolf sending translated into words.
There, he thought. Something shifted.
He opened his eyes. He was sitting on a stone outcropping amid pines; he was on the side of Dragonmount, several hours’ hike up from where he had been. The stone outcropping was covered in lichen, and it jutted out over the trees spreading below. A patch of violet springbreath grew here, where sunlight could reach the blossoms. It was good to see flowers that weren’t wilted or dying, if only in the wolf dream.
Come, Hopper sent. Follow.
And he was gone.
Perrin closed his eyes, breathing in. The process was easier this time. Oak and grass, mud and humidity. It seemed each place had its own specific scent.
Perrin shifted, then opened his eyes. He crouched in a field near the Jehannah Road. This was where Oak Dancer’s pack had gone earlier, and Hopper moved about the meadow, smelling curious. The pack had moved on, but they were still close.
“Can I always do that?” Perrin asked Hopper. “Smell where a wolf went in the dream?”
Anyone can, Hopper said. If they can smell as a wolf does. He grinned.
Perrin nodded thoughtfully.
Hopper loped back across the meadow toward him. We must practice, Young Bull. You are still a cub with short legs and soft fur. We—
Hopper froze suddenly.
“What?” Perrin asked.
A wolf suddenly howled in pain. Perrin spun. It was Morninglight. The howl cut off, and the wolf’s mind winked out, vanishing.
Hopper growled, his scents panicked, angry, and sorrowful.
“What was that?” Perrin demanded.
We are hunted. Go, Young Bull! We must go.
The minds of the other members of the pack leaped away. Perrin growled. When a wolf died in the wolf dream, it was forever. No rebirth, no running with nose to the wind. Only one thing hunted the spirits of the wolves.
Slayer.
Young Bull! Hopper sent. We must go!
Perrin continued to growl. Morninglight had sent one last burst of surprise and pain, her last vision of the world. Perrin formed an image from that jumble. Then closed his eyes.
Young Bull! No! He—
Shift. Perrin snapped his eyes open to find himself in a small glade near where—in the real world—his people made camp. A muscular, tanned man with dark hair and blue eyes squatted in the center of the glade, a wolf’s corpse at his feet. Slayer was a thick-armed man, and his scent was faintly inhuman, like a man mixed with stone. He wore dark clothing; leather and black wool. As Perrin watched, Slayer began to skin the corpse.
Perrin charged forward. Slayer looked up in surprise. He resembled Lan in an almost eerie fashion, his hard face all angles and sharp lines. Perrin roared, hammer suddenly in his hands.
Slayer vanished in a blink of an eye, and Perrin’s hammer passed through empty air. Perrin breathed deeply. The scents were there! Brine, and wood, wet with water. Seagulls and their droppings. Perrin used his newfound skill to hurl himself at that distant location.
Shift.
Perrin appeared on an empty dock in a city he didn’t recognize. Slayer stood nearby, inspecting his bow.
Perrin attacked. Slayer brought his head up, eyes widening, his scent growing amazed. He raised the bow to block, but Perrin’s swing shattered it.
With a roar, Perrin pulled his weapon back and swung again, this time for Slayer’s head. Oddly, Slayer smiled, dark eyes glittering with amusement. He smelled eager, suddenly. Eager to kill. A sword appeared in his raised hand, and he twisted it to block Perrin’s blow.
The hammer bounced off too hard, as if it had hit stone. Perrin stumbled, and Slayer reached out, placing a hand against Perrin’s shoulder. He shoved.
His strength was immense. The shove tossed Perrin backward to the dock, but the wood disappeared as he hit. Perrin passed through empty air and splashed into the water beneath. His bellow became a gurgle; dark liquid surrounded him.
He struggled to swim upward, dropping his hammer, but found that the surface inexplicably became ice. Ropes snaked up from the depths, whipping up around Perrin’s arms, yanking him downward. Through the frozen surface above, he could see a shadow moving. Slayer, raising his reformed bow.
The ice vanished and the water parted. Water streamed off Perrin, and he found himself staring up at an arrow pointed directly at his heart.
Slayer released.
Perrin willed himself away.
Shift. He gasped, hitting the stone outcropping where he had been with Hopper. Perrin fell to his knees, seawater streaming from his body. He sputtered, wiping his face, heart pounding.
Hopper appeared beside him, panting, his scent angry. Foolish cub! Stupid cub! Chase down a lion when you’re barely weaned?
Perrin shivered and sat up. Would Slayer follow? Could he? As minutes stretched and nobody appeared, Perrin began to relax. The exchange with Slayer had happened so quickly that it felt like a blur. That strength…it was more than any man could have. And the ice, the ropes…
“He changed things,” Perrin said. “Made the dock vanish beneath me, created ropes to bind me, pushed the water back so that he could get a clear shot at me.”
He is a lion. He kills. Dangerous.
“I need to learn. I must face him, Hopper.”
You are too young. These things are beyond you.
“Too young?” Perrin said, standing. “Hopper, the Last Hunt is nearly upon us!”
Hopper lay down, head on paws.
“You always tell me that I’m too young,” Perrin said. “Or that I don’t know what I’m doing. Well, what is the point of teaching me, if not to show me how to fight men like Slayer?”
We will see, Hopper sent. For tonight, you will go. We are done.
Perrin sensed a mournful cast to the sending, and also a finality. Tonight, Oak Dancer’s pack and Hopper would grieve for Morninglight.
Sighing, Perrin sat with his legs crossed. He concentrated, and managed to imitate the things that Hopper had done in tossing him from the dream.
It faded around him.
He woke on the pallet in his darkened tent, Faile snuggled up beside him.
Perrin lay for a time, staring up at the canvas. The darkness reminded him of the tempestuous sky in the wolf dream. Sleep seemed as far off as Caemlyn. Eventually he rose—carefully extricating himself from Faile—and pulled on his trousers and shirt.
The camp was dark outside, but there was enough light for his eyes. He nodded to Kenly Maerin and Jaim Dawtry, the Two Rivers men who guarded his tent tonight.
“What’s the time?” he asked one of them.
“After midnight, Lord Perrin,” Jaim said.
Perrin grunted. Distant lightning lit the landscape. He walked off, and the men started to follow. “I’ll be fine without guards,” he told them. “Watch over my tent—Lady Faile still sleeps.”
His tent was near the edge of camp. He liked that; it gave him a little more sense of seclusion, nestled near the hillside at the western side of the camp. Though it was late, he passed Gaul sharpening his spear near a fallen log. The tall Stone Dog stood up and began to follow, and Perrin didn’t dismiss him. Gaul felt he hadn’t been fulfilling his self-appointed duty of watching after Perrin lately, and had stepped up his efforts. Perrin thought he really just wanted an excuse to stay away from his own tent and the pair of gai’shain women who had taken up residence there.
Gaul kept his distance, and Perrin was glad. Was this how all leaders felt? No wonder so many nations ended up at war with one another—their leaders never had any time to think by themselves, and probably attacked to get people to stop pestering them!
A short distance away, he entered a stand of trees with a small pile of logs. Denton—his serving man until they got Lamgwin back—had frowned when Perrin had asked for them. Once a minor lord of Cairhien, Denton had refused to return to his station. He thought of himself as a servant now, and would not let anyone convince him otherwise.
There was an axe. Not the deadly half-moon blade he had once carried to battle, but a sturdy woodsman’s axe with a fine steel head and a haft smoothed by the sweaty hands of workers. Perrin rolled up his sleeves, then spat on his hands and picked up the axe. It felt good to hold the worked wood in his hands. He raised it to his shoulder, stood the first log in front of him, then stepped back and swung.
He hit the log straight on, splinters flipping into the dark night air, the log falling into two pieces. He split one of the halves next. Gaul took a seat beside a tree, getting out a spear and continuing to sharpen its head. The rasping of metal against metal accompanied Perrin’s thunk of axe against wood.
It felt good. Why was it that his mind worked so much better when he was doing something? Loial spoke much of sitting and thinking. Perrin didn’t think he himself could figure anything out that way.
He split another log, the axe cutting clear. Was it really true? Could his own nature be to blame for the way he acted, not the wolves? He’d never acted like that back in the Two Rivers.
He split another log. I always was good at concentrating my attention. That was part of what had impressed Master Luhhan. Give Perrin a project, and he’d keep working on it until he was done.
He split the halves of that log.
Maybe the changes in him were a result of encountering the outside world. He’d blamed the wolves for many things, and he had placed unnatural demands on Hopper. Wolves weren’t stupid or simple, but they did not care about things that humans did. It must have been very hard for Hopper to teach in a way that Perrin would understand.
What did the wolf owe him? Hopper had died during that fateful night, so long ago. The night when Perrin had first killed a man, the night Perrin had first lost control of himself in a battle. Hopper didn’t owe Perrin anything, but he had saved Perrin on several occasions—in fact, Perrin realized that Hopper’s intervention had helped to keep him from losing himself as a wolf.
He swung at a log, a glancing blow that knocked it to the side. He repositioned and continued, Gaul’s quiet sharpening soothing him. He split it.
Perrin grew caught up in what he was doing, maybe too much. That was true.
But at the same time, if a man wanted to get anything done, he had to work on one project until it was complete. Perrin had known men who never seemed to finish anything, and their farms were a mess. He couldn’t live like that.
There had to be a balance. Perrin had claimed he had been pulled into a world filled with problems much larger than he was. He had claimed he was a simple man.
What if he was wrong? What if he was a complex man who had once happened to live a simple life? After all, if he was so simple, why had he fallen in love with such a complicated woman?
The split logs were piling up. Perrin bent down, gathering up quarters, their grain rough against his fingers. Callused fingers; he would never be a lord like those milk-fed creatures from Cairhien. But there were other kinds of lords, men like Faile’s own father. Or men like Lan, who seemed more weapon than man.
Perrin stacked the wood. He enjoyed leading the wolves in his dream, but wolves didn’t expect you to protect them, or to provide for them, or to make laws for them. They didn’t cry to you when their loved ones died beneath your command.
It wasn’t the leadership that worried him. It was all the things that came with it.
He could smell Elyas approaching. With his loamy, natural earthen scent he smelled like a wolf. Almost.
“You’re up late,” Elyas said, stepping up. Perrin heard Gaul rustling, slipping his spear back into its place on his bowcase, then withdrawing with the silence of a sparrow streaking off into the sky. He would stay close, but would not listen in.
Perrin looked up at the dark sky, resting the axe on his shoulder. “Sometimes I feel more awake at night than during the day.”
Elyas smiled. Perrin didn’t see it, but he could smell the amusement.
“Did you ever try to avoid it, Elyas?” Perrin asked. “Ignore their voices, pretend that nothing about you had changed?”
“I did,” Elyas said. He had a soft low voice, one that somehow suggested the earth in motion. Distant rumbles. “I wanted to, but then the Aes Sedai wanted to gentle me. I had to flee.”
“Do you miss your old life?”
Elyas shrugged—Perrin could hear the motion, the clothing scraping against itself. “No Warder wants to abandon his duty. Sometimes, other things are more important. Or…well, maybe they are just more demanding. I don’t regret my choices.”
“I can’t leave, Elyas. I won’t.”
“I left my life for the wolves. That doesn’t mean you have to.”
“Noam had to,” Perrin said.
“Did he have to?” Elyas said.
“It consumed him. He stopped being human.”
He caught a scent of worry. Elyas had no answers.
“Do you ever visit wolves in your dreams, Elyas?” Perrin asked. “A place where dead wolves run and live again?”
Elyas turned, eyeing him. “That place is dangerous, Perrin. It’s another world, although tied to this one somehow. Legends say the Aes Sedai of old could go there.”
“And other people, too,” Perrin said, thinking of Slayer.
“Be careful in the dream. I stay away from it.” His scent was wary.
“Do you ever have trouble?” Perrin asked. “Separating yourself from the wolf?”
“I used to.”
“But not any longer?”
“I found a balance,” Elyas said.
“How?”
The older man fell still for a moment. “I wish I knew. It was just something I learned, Perrin. Something you’ll have to learn.”
Or end up like Noam. Perrin met Elyas’ golden eyes, then nodded. “Thank you.”
“For the advice?”
“No,” Perrin said. “For coming back. For showing me that one of us, at least, can live with the wolves and not lose himself.”
“It’s nothing,” Elyas said. “I had forgotten that it could be nice to be around people for a change. I don’t know how long I can stay, though. The Last Hunt is almost here.”
Perrin looked up at the sky again. “That it is. Pass the word on to Tam and the others for me. I’ve made my decision. The Whitecloaks have picked a place to fight. I’ve decided to go ahead and meet them tomorrow.”
“All right,” Elyas said. “You don’t smell like you want to do it, though.”
“It needs to be done,” Perrin said. “And that’s that.” Everyone wanted him to be a lord. Well, this was the sort of thing lords did. Made decisions that nobody wanted to make.
It would still sicken him to give the order. He’d seen a vision of those wolves running sheep toward a beast. It seemed to him that maybe that was what he was doing, running the Whitecloaks toward destruction. They certainly wore the color of sheep’s wool.
But what to make of the vision of Faile and the others, approaching a cliff? Elyas moved off, leaving Perrin with the axe still on his shoulder. He felt as if he hadn’t been chopping logs, but bodies.
Chapter 25
Return to Bandar Eban
Rand and Min did not announce themselves as they came to Bandar Eban. They stepped through the gateway into a small alley, guarded by two Maidens—Lerian and Heidia—along with Naeff, the tall, square-chinned Asha’man.
The Maidens scouted to the end of the alleyway, peering suspiciously at the city. Rand stepped forward and laid a hand on Heidia’s shoulder, calming the slender woman, who seemed anxious at Rand’s guard being so few. He wore his brown cloak.
Overhead, the clouds broke, melting away above the city in response to Rand’s arrival. Min looked upward, feeling the warmth shine on her face. The alley smelled terrible—of refuse and waste—but a warm breeze blew through, carrying the stenches away.
