MA01 Another Fine Myth, page 14
“Um ... actually I’m looking for a friend,” I blurted.
“Well, you’ve found one,” she murmured, moving her body against me.
“Aah ... I ... um.” Suddenly I was having trouble concentrating. “What is it you want?”
“Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “Even though it’s not my normal time, I think I’d like to tell your fortune ... free.”
“Oh?” I said, surprised.
This was the first time since I reached the Bazaar that anyone had offered me anything for free. I didn’t know if I should be happy or suspicious.
“You’re going to have a fight,” she whispered in my ear. “A big one.”
“What?” I exclaimed. “When? With who?”
“Easy, handsome,” she warned, tightening her grip around my neck. “When is in a very few minutes. With who is the rat pack over my shoulder ... don’t look right at them!”
Her final sharp warning checked my reflexive glance. Moving more cautiously, I snuck a peek out of the corner of my eye.
Lounging against a shop wall, watching us closely, were a dozen or so of the ugliest, nastiest-looking characters I have ever seen.
“Them? I mean, all of them?” I asked.
“Uh-huh!” she confirmed, snuggling into my chest.
“Why?” I demanded.
“I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” she smiled, “but because of me.”
Only her firm grip on me kept me from dislodging her with a shove.
“You? What about you?”
“Well, they’re an awfully greedy bunch. One way or another, they’re going to make some money from this encounter. Normally, you’d give the money to me and I’d cut them in for a share. In the unlikely event that doesn’t work, they’ll pretend to be defending my honor and beat it out of you.”
“But you don’t understand! I don’t have any money.”
“I know that. That’s why you’re going to get into a fight, see?”
“If you knew I didn’t have any money, why did you ...”
“Oh, I didn’t know when I first stopped you. 1 found out just now when I searched you.”
“Searched me?”
“Oh, come on, handsome. There’s more ways to search a person than with your hands.” She winked knowingly at me.
“Well, can’t you tell them I don’t have any money?”
“They wouldn’t believe me. The only way they’d be convinced is searching you themselves.”
“I’d be willing to let them if that’s what it takes to convince them.”
“I don’t think you would,” she smiled, stroking my face with her hand. “One of the things they’ll look for is if you swallowed your money.”
“Oh!” I said, “I see what you mean. But I can’t fight them. I don’t have any weapons.”
“You have that little knife under your shirt at the small of your back,” she pointed out.
I had forgotten about my skinning knife. I started to believe in her no-hands frisking technique.
“But I’ve never been in a fight before.”
“Well, I think you’re about to learn.”
“Say, why are you telling me all this, anyway?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I like your act. That’s why I singled you out in the first place. Then again, I feel a little guilty about having gotten you into this.”
“Will you help me?”
“I don’t feel that guilty, handsome,” she smiled. “But there is one more thing I can do for you.”
She started to pull me toward her.
“Wait a minute,” I protested. “Won’t that ...”
“Relax, handsome,” she purred. “You’re about to get pounded for offending my honor. You might as well get a little of the sweet along with the bitter.”
Before I could protest further, she kissed me. Long and warm and sweet, she kissed me.
I had never been kissed by anyone except my mother. This was different! The fight, the dragon, Aahz, everything faded from my mind. I was lost in the wonder of that moment.
“Hey!”
A rough hand fell on my shoulder and pulled us apart. “Is this shrimp bothering you, lady?”
The person on the other end of that hand was no taller than I was, but he was twice as broad and had short, twisted tusks protruding from his mouth. His cronies had fanned out behind him, effectively boxing me in against the dung-heap.
I looked at the girl. She shrugged and backed away.
It looked like I was going to have to fight all of them. Me and the dragon. Terrific.
I remembered my skinning knife. It wasn’t much, but it was all I had. As casually as I could, I reached behind me and tugged at my shirt, trying to pull it up so I could get at the knife.
The knife promptly fell down inside my pants.
The wrecking crew started forward.
“GET ‘EM, GLEEP!” I barked.
The dragon bounded into action, a move which I think surprised me more than it did my assailants.
It leaped between me and the advancing rat-pack and crouched there, hissing menacingly. His tail gave a mighty lash which neatly swept the legs out from under two of the flanking members of the party. Somehow, he seemed much bigger when he was mad.
“Watch out! He’s got a dragon!” the leader called.
“Thanks for the warning,” one of the fallen men growled, struggling to regain his feet.
“I’ve got him!” came a voice from my left.
I turned just in time to see a foot-long dagger flashing through the air at the dragon’s neck. My dragon!
Suddenly I was back at the practice sessions. My mind darted out and grabbed at the knife. It jerked to a halt in mid-air and hovered there.
“Nice move, handsome!” the girl called.
“Hey! The shrimp’s a magician!” The pack fell back a few steps.
“That’s right!” I barked. “Skeeve’s the name, magik’s the game. What kind of clod did you think you were dealing with?”
With that, I brought the dagger down, swooping it back and forth through their formation. I was mad now. One of these louts had tried to kill my dragon!
“A dozen of you isn’t enough!” I shouted. “Go back and get some friends ... if you have any!”
I cast about desperately for something else to throw. My eyes fell on the dung-heap. I smiled to myself despite my anger. Why not?
In a moment I had great gobs of dung hurtling through the air at my assailants. My accuracy wasn’t the best, but it was good enough as the outraged howls testified.
“Levitation!” the leader bawled. “Quanto! Stop him!”
“Right, boss!”
One of the plug-uglies waved in affirmation and started rummaging through his belt pouch.
He had made a mistake identifying himself. I didn’t know what he was about to come up with, but I was sure I didn’t want to wait and find out.
“Stop him, Gleep!” I ordered, pointing to the victim.
The dragon raised his head and fixed his gaze on the fumbling brigand. With a sound that might have been a roar if he were older, he shot a stream of flame and charged.
It wasn’t much of a stream of flame, and it missed to boot, but it was enough to get the brigand’s attention. He looked up to see a mountain of dragon flesh bearing down on him and panicked. Without pausing to call to his comrades, he spun and ran off screaming with the dragon in hot pursuit.
“Okay, shrimp! Let’s see you stop this!”
I jerked my attention back to the leader. He was standing now, confidently holding aloft a stick. Yesterday it wouldn’t have fazed me, but knowing what I did now, I froze. I didn’t know what model it was, but apparently the leader was confident its powers would surpass my own.
He grinned evilly and slowly began to level the stick at me.
I tried desperately to think of a defense, but couldn’t. I didn’t even know what I was supposed to be defending against!
Suddenly, something flashed across my line of vision and the stick was gone.
I blinked and looked again. The stick was lying on the ground, split by a throwing knife. A black-handled throwing knife.
“Any trouble here, Master Skeeve?” a voice boomed.
I spun toward the source of the voice. Aahz was standing there, cocked crossbow leveled at the pack. He was grinning broadly, which I have mentioned before is not that comforting to anyone who doesn’t know him.
“A Pervert!” the leader gasped.
“What?” Aahz swung the crossbow toward him.
“I mean a Pervect!” the leader amended hastily.
“That’s better. How about it, Skeeve? You want ‘em dead or running?”
I looked at the rat pack. Without breaking their frozen tableau, they pleaded with me with their eyes.
“Um ... running, I think,” I said thoughtfully. “They smell bad enough alive. Dead they might give the Bazaar a bad name.”
“You heard him,” Aahz growled. “Move!”
They disappeared like they had melted into the ground.
“Aahz!”
The girl came flying forward to throw her arms around him.
“Tanda!” Aahz exclaimed, lowering the crossbow. “Are you mixed up with that pack?”
“Are you kidding? I’m the bait!” she winked bawdily.
“Little low-class for you, isn’t it?”
“Aah ... it’s a living.”
“Why’d you leave the Assassins?”
“Got tired of paying union dues.”
“Um ... harrumph ...” I interrupted.
“Hmm?” Aahz looked around. “Oh! Sorry, kid. Say, have you two met?”
“Sort of,” the girl acknowledged. “We ... say, is this the friend you were looking for, handsome?”
“Handsome?” Aahz wrinkled his nose.
“Well, yes,” I admitted. “We got separated back by the ...”
“Handsome?” Aahz repeated.
“Oh, hush!” the girl commanded, slapping his stomach playfully. “I like him. He’s got style.”
“Actually, I don’t believe we’ve met formally,” I said, giving my most winning smile. “My name is Skeeve.”
“Well, la-de-dah!” Aahz grumbled.
“Ignore him. I’m Tananda, but call me Tanda.”
“Love to,” I leered.
“If you two are quite through ...” Aahz interrupted. “I have a couple questions ...”
“Gleep!” said the dragon, prancing up to our assemblage.
“What’s that?” Aahz demanded.
“It’s a dragon,” I said helpfully. Tanda giggled rudely.
“I know that,” Aahz barked. “I mean what is he doing here?”
Suddenly I was hesitant to supply the whole story. “There are lots of dragons at the Bazaar, Aahz,” I mumbled, not looking at him. “In fact, there’s a stall just down the way that ...”
“What is that dragon doing here?”
“Gleep!” said the dragon, rubbing his head against my chest.
“Um ... he’s mine,” I admitted.
“Yours?” Aahz bellowed. “I told you to look at the dragons, not buy one!”
“But Aahz ...”
“What are we going to do with a dragon?”
“I got a good deal on him,” I chimed hopefully.
“What did you say, kid?”
“I said I got a good deal ...”
“From a Deveel?”
“Oh. I see what you mean.”
“C’mon. Let’s have it. What were the terms of this fantastic deal?”
“Well ... I ... that is ...”
“Out with it!”
“I traded Quigley’s pendant for him.”
“Quigley’s pendant? The one that sees through spells? You traded a good magical pendant for a half-grown dragon?”
“Oh, give him a break, Aahz,” Tanda interrupted “What do you expect letting him wander off alone that way? You’re lucky he didn’t get stuck with half the tourist crud on Deva! Where were you all this time, anyway?”
“Well ... I was ... um ...”
“Don’t tell me,” she said, holding up a hand. “If I know you, you were either chasing a girl or stuffing your face, right?”
“She’s got you there, Aahz,” I commented.
“Shut up, kid.”
“ ...So don’t get down on Skeeve here. Compared to what could have happened to him, he didn’t do half bad. How did you find us, anyway?”
“I listened for the sounds of a fight and followed it,” Aahz admitted.
“See! You were expecting him to get into trouble. Might I point out he was doing just fine before you barged in? He and his dragon had those thugs treed all by themselves, He’s pretty handy with that magik, you know.”
“I know,” Aahz responded proudly. “I taught him.”
“Gee, thanks, Aahz.”
“Shut up, kid.”
“Gleep,” said the dragon, craning his neck around to look at Aahz upside down.
“A dragon, huh?” Aahz said, studying the dragon more thoughtfully.
“He might help us against Isstvan,” I suggested hopefully.
“Isstvan?” Tanda asked quizzically.
“Yeah,” Aahz replied. “You remember him, don’t you? Well, he’s up to his old tricks, this time in Klah.”
“So that’s what’s going on, huh? Well, what are we going to do about it?”
“We?” I asked, surprised.
“Sure,” she smiled. “This racket is a bit low-class, like Aahz says. I might as well tag along with you two for a while ... if you don’t mind, that is.”
“Terrific!” I said, and meant it for a change.
“Not so fast, Tanda,” Aahz cautioned. “There are a few details you haven’t been filled in on yet.”
“Such as?”
“Such as I’ve lost my powers.”
“No fooling? Gee, that’s tough.”
“That means we’ll be relying on the kid here to give us cover in the magik department.”
“All the more reason for me to come along. I’ve picked up a few tricks myself.”
“I know,” Aahz leered.
“Not like that,” she said, punching him in the side. “I mean magik tricks.”
“Even so, it’s not going to be easy.”
“C’mon, Aahz,” Tanda chided. “Are you trying to say it wouldn’t be helpful having a trained Assassin on your side?”
“Well ... it could give us a bit of an advantage,” Aahz admitted.
“Good! Then it’s settled. What do we do first?”
“There’re some stalls just around the corner that carry weapons,” I suggested. “We could ...”
“Relax, kid. I’ve already taken cafe of that.”
“You have?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah. I found just what we need over in the practical jokes section. I was just looking for you before we headed back.”
“Then we’re ready to go?” Tanda asked.
“Yep,” Aahz nodded, fishing the D-Hopper out of his shirt.
“What about my dragon?”
“What about him?”
“Are we going to take him with us?”
“Of course we’re going to take him with us! We don’t leave anything of value behind ...”
“Gleep!” said the dragon.
“ ... and he must be valuable to someone!” Aahz finished, glaring at the dragon.
He pressed the button on the D-Hopper. The Bazaar wavered and faded ... and we were back in Frumple’s shop ... sort of.
“Interesting place you’ve got here,” Tanda commented dryly. “Did you do the decor?”
All that was left of Frumple’s shop was a burnt-out shell.
“WHAT HAPPENED?” I demanded of Aahz.
“Hey, kid. I was on Deva, too. Remember?”
“Um ... hey, guys. I hate to interrupt,” Tanda interrupted, “but shouldn’t something be done about disguises?”
She was right. Being on Deva had made me forget the mundane necessities of our existence. I ignored Aahz’s sarcastic reply and set to work.
Aahz returned to his now traditional Garkin disguise. Tanda was fine once I changed her complexion and the color of her hair. After a bit of thought, I disguised Gleep as the war unicorn. It was a bit risky, but it would do as long as he kept his mouth shut. Me, I left as myself. I mean, what the heck. Tanda liked my looks the way they were.
Fortunately, the sun wasn’t up yet, so there weren’t any people about to witness the transformation.
“Say, handsome,” Tanda commented, observing the results of my work, “you’re a pretty handy guy to have around.”
“His name’s Skeeve,” Aahz grumbled.
“Whatever,” Tanda murmured. “He’s got style.”
She snuggled up to me.
“Gleep!” said the dragon, pressing his head against my other side.
I was starting to feel awfully popular.
“If you can spare a few minutes, kid,” Aahz commented dryly, “we do have a mission, remember?”
“That’s right,” I said, forcing my attention away from Tanda’s advances. “What do you think happened to Frumple?”
“Either the citizens of Twixt got wise to him, or he’s off to tell Isstvan we’re coming, would be my two guesses.”
“Who’s Frumple?” Tanda asked.
“Hmm? Oh, he’s the resident Deveel,” Aahz said. “He’s the one who helped us get to the Bazaar.”
“ ...At sword point,” I added sarcastically.
“What’s a Deveel doing here?”
“All we know is that rumor has it he was barred from Deva,” I told her.
“Hmm ... sounds like a bit of a nasty character.”
“Well, he won’t win any popularity contests.”
