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Gemma laughed spontaneously, then looked into Dani’s eyes as if trying to read her. She shrugged, then headed toward home with Dani at her side.
“Wasn’t that a little cold to walk out on Miko?” Gemma asked.
“It would be colder to sit there and make her think I was interested.”
“You’re not into women,” Gemma stated flatly.
“I am, actually. She’s just not my type.”
“What is your type?” Gemma asked in her cynical voice.
“Somebody a little more quiet. An introspective sort not prone to road rage.”
“Sounds like you summed her up pretty fast.”
“Was I wrong?”
Gemma smiled in that way she did when she was trying not to. “No. She’s the original Road Rage Diva.”
“I also like a girl who’s comfortable sticking her hands in mud and sliding into home plate. Miko doesn’t look like she’d do either.”
Gemma laughed. “She wouldn’t.”
They stopped at another light.
“But you would?” Dani asked.
“I’ve been known to dig up a bait worm now and then.”
When the light turned green, Dani held her arm out toward Gemma, who hesitated, then smiled and took it.
Dani couldn’t help thinking about the day they’d met four years ago. Their meeting was flirtatious with an undercurrent of barely contained euphoria. They both liked one another immediately and both of them hoped they were correctly sensing that it might turn into something real. But this was so different for Dani. It was hard to keep in mind that she and Gemma had no history, at least in Gemma’s mind. Their four years together was completely unknown to her. Dani struggled not to allow her despair to show when she looked into Gemma’s eyes and saw interest, but no love, no deep connection. It’s hard to quantify the subtle ways couples evolve together over time. In many ways, Gemma felt like a stranger to Dani too. The way she looked at her, her body language, even what she said, were all lacking the intimacy that was simply a part of daily life, not something Dani noticed much normally. But she definitely did notice the lack of it.
“You seem to have a knack for sizing up a person,” Gemma noted.
“It’s just training. Sometimes a cop has to decide fast who she can trust and who she needs to shield herself from.”
“You’ll find I need a lot more time than five minutes to know if I can trust someone.”
Dani smiled to herself. That was true! Gemma was cautious and did not trust easily. Dani found it hard to ask her questions because she already knew all the answers. Like what do you do for a living? But she asked anyway.
“I’m a nutritionist,” Gemma replied.
“Really?” Dani said. “What do you do exactly?”
“I work for the FDA. Mainly studies on food safety. It’s okay. Secure. Pays well.”
Dani stopped abruptly and stared. “The FDA?” she asked, incredulous.
Gemma stopped too and observed her with puzzlement. “Yes.”
Dani was stunned. That was the job Gemma had had when they met. That was the job she’d left to start her own business, to rehabilitate institution food in the health care industry. Apparently, in this reality, that had not happened. Dani didn’t know what to say. She finally realized her reaction must look truly strange to Gemma, who laughed nervously and asked, “Is something weird about that?”
Dani shook her head, coming to grips with this bombshell. “No, no, not at all. Sorry. I was actually thinking about something else. It was a very strange day and I’m still trying to leave all that behind.”
Gemma nodded understandingly. “I’m sure you have a lot of strange days.”
“Maybe none so strange as this one,” Dani stated. “How long have you worked for the FDA?”
“Eight, almost nine years.”
Dani adapted quickly and they continued their walk. “So…you’re a nutritionist, huh? I guess you could tell me how to eat better.”
Gemma looked Dani up and down quickly. “You seem to be doing okay.”
She had always wondered if you met someone you loved at a different time in your life, would you still fall in love? Maybe four years wasn’t that much of a difference, especially if Gemma was still single. She lived in the same neighborhood, had the same best friend. She might not have changed much from the day Dani had met her four years ago. She still had the same job, after all. Her face seemed a little fuller than it had this morning. During the last four years, Gemma had gotten fitter, lost a few pounds and muscled up. The two of them kept up a rigorous fitness routine together. Apparently this Gemma, the one who’d never met Dani, wasn’t as keen on exercise. Still, she looked fabulous and beautiful, and Dani wanted nothing more than to take her in her arms and kiss her.
“I’ve got a weakness for hamburgers,” she admitted. “But my job is pretty active.”
“And dangerous.” The left side of Gemma’s mouth creased slightly, a subtle indicator of her misgivings.
The danger of Dani’s job was always a concern and often a source of tension between them. Gemma was already putting a check mark on the “Con” side of her list, Dani just knew it.
“I should tell you,” Gemma said, stopping at a corner, “I don’t really go for cops.”
She had said something similar four years ago when Dani was a spanking new rookie. At that point, Dani was ready to change professions for her. She would have delivered newspapers to get this woman into bed. She was crazy about Gemma. But she’d won her over then without making that sacrifice. She could win her again, she knew it.
“I’m not just any cop,” Dani said in her sexiest come-on voice.
Gemma was friendly and clearly attracted to her, but she was her public self in all respects. The private woman that was cleaved to Dani’s heart was nowhere to be seen. Gemma asked about her interests and hobbies, and if she was into any sports.
“I love to kayak,” she said. “I don’t get to do it often. But I do run at least once a week, along the Embarcadero most Sundays.” With you, she longed to say. Then, with a painful realization that she knew nothing about Gemma’s life in this reality, she asked, “Do you run?”
Gemma nodded. “Now and then. My friend Miko, the one you just met, you couldn’t get her to run across a room unless she was trying to get away from a spider. It’s actually pretty hard to find a running buddy. To be honest, I don’t run much. In college, I was very consistent with it, but not so much anymore.”
“I love it,” Dani said, thinking about their Sunday runs with Tucker. “I’ve been training for a half marathon later this month.”
Gemma looked impressed. “Wow. I could never do that.”
Dani smiled to herself, deciding there was no point contesting that opinion.
“Do you have family in the city?” Gemma asked as they walked side by side toward their building.
“Yes. My parents have lived here all their lives. And there are quite a few of the extended family. My family actually goes back to the eighteen hundreds in San Francisco. My brother Nick goes to Cal Poly, but my sister still lives here. She’s getting married in less than two weeks.”
“That’s exciting. Younger or older?”
“Younger.”
She thought about her parents. They wouldn’t know her either. She would never have been born to that family. Was there some other family in the future that she had been born to? This was all too complicated for her. She knew nothing about physics or temporal mechanics or whatever science was screwing her over.
“You ever been married?” Gemma asked.
Dani shook her head. “But I’ve got nothing against it. If I met the right woman, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” She winked.
Gemma rolled her eyes.
She had to remember to ask Gemma questions too, she reminded herself. “What about your family?”
She listened distractedly to the answers, thinking about how absurd it was to be on a first date with her wife of four years.
“I was an only child. My parents were in their early fifties when I was born. My father died a few years back and now my mother is in a nursing home. She has Alzheimer’s.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s gotta be rough. Is she nearby?”
“Yes. She’s at River Gardens, here in the city. It’s not far. I see her often.”
River Gardens? Dani pictured the place in her mind. This morning Harriet had been at Palm Terrace. River Gardens was the place she had lived six months ago. Dani realized nothing could be assumed in this timeline.
As they approached the apartment, she braced herself for what she would see—none of her stuff, nothing of herself. The experience of being obliterated from one’s life was devastating. The people she had known, the city she had occupied, were all here as familiar as ever, but she…she had never disturbed a molecule of this timeframe. She realized she was finally starting to believe it. It was the look in Gemma’s eye that convinced her, the lack of tenderness, the lack of love, the lack of knowledge. It was a look she knew she couldn’t dream because it had been so long since she’d seen it, she had forgotten it completely.
At the steps to their front door, Gemma stopped and faced her. “Do you need to be somewhere? Or…” She smiled nervously. “Do you want to come in?”
Do I need to be somewhere? Wow, Dani thought. What a question!
“There’s nowhere I need to be. I can come in. I’d like to.”
Gemma smiled and stepped up to unlock the door. Dani followed her inside, steeling herself for what she would see. The apartment looked almost identical to how it had the first time she’d been inside, sparsely furnished, neat, clean, somewhat subdued on the personality side. Dani was the messy one, the big, loud personality. Gemma was quieter and took up less space in the world.
Out of habit, she glanced around the floor, expecting Tucker to appear at her feet, tail wagging, looking up at her with his loving soft brown eyes. He didn’t appear.
“What are you looking for?” Gemma asked.
“Oh…I…I thought you might have a dog.” She laughed uneasily. “I sort of figured you as the Boston terrier type.”
Gemma looked at her quizzically. “I’m actually more of a cat person. I have two cats, Smokey and Bear.”
“Smokey and Bear,” Dani repeated. “That’s cute.”
“Do you like cats?” Gemma tossed her keys in the yellow glazed bowl on the kitchen counter.
“Sure.”
“Funny you should mention Boston terriers, though. Miko has one. A rescue that we came across two years ago. She really loves that dog. He’s a sweetheart too.”
Dani swallowed hard, trying to push back her disappointment. So Miko had Tucker. What did it matter? she asked herself. Miko was a good dog parent. Even if Gemma had taken Tucker in this timeline, what would it have to do with Dani? They’d taken Tucker at her insistence, so it should be no surprise that Gemma had passed on him. Too bad for her. She adored that dog.
“What did she name him?” Dani asked.
“Oreo.”
Dani shook her head, managing to suppress a disapproving grunt. “Does she walk him?”
Gemma looked puzzled. “Yes, she walks him. She takes very good care of him. Would you like to see the apartment?”
“Sure.”
The master bedroom, their bedroom, was first on the tour. Dani entered it tentatively, noting with dismay how much it had changed since morning. It looked remarkably like it had the first time she’d seen it. The same country quilt covered the bed, and the same pictures were on the walls, landscapes chosen by Gemma’s mother. Harriet’s rocker, still white like before she had painted it, sat in the corner with a shawl neatly folded over the arm and a gray cat curled up on the cushion. The room was much neater than the last time she’d seen it. The whole apartment was neater. I’m a slob, she realized. She ran her hand over the soft fur of the cat’s head and he stretched one foreleg out in front of him, then pulled it back and settled back into his resting posture.
At the back of the apartment was the kitchen with its cheerful yellow wallpaper and red accents. She’d never made much of an impact on the kitchen, considering it Gemma’s domain, so it looked much the same as it always had.
“It’s a nice place,” Dani said.
“Thanks. Do you live in the City?”
“Yes.” She stopped, not knowing what else to say. I live here.
“Whereabouts?”
“Potrero Hill.” It was where her parents lived, so as close as she could come to another home in the City. “I grew up there.”
“Oh. With a name like Barsetti, I thought maybe North Beach.” She smiled flirtatiously. “I grew up in the Central Valley.”
Dani nodded, feeling uncomfortable. This is bizarre.
She stepped toward the kitchen window just as Gemma turned around, putting them face to face and close together in the narrow room.
“Sorry,” Dani said. “I just wanted to get a look at your view.”
“Not much of a view. Just the fence and the house behind.”
They stood silently gazing at one another. Dani looked deep into Gemma’s eyes, trying to persuade her to remember. She had that look on her face, the soft hazy look that meant she felt vulnerable. Dani reached out and caressed her cheek. Gemma put her hand up, clasping Dani’s fingers, as if afraid to let them roam freely. Overwhelmed with her closeness, Dani slipped her other arm around her waist and drew her body tenderly nearer. She kissed her, tasting her familiar lips, imbuing the kiss with as much love as she could, hoping that the perfection of their mouths together would stir something in her. Dani had the idea it would be like magic, like the prince kissing Sleeping Beauty, that with this kiss of true love, Gemma’s memory would awaken and she would remember everything.
When Dani released her mouth and looked into her eyes, she saw that she had stirred something in her—desire, but there was still no recognition.
“Wow,” breathed Gemma. “You’re an excellent kisser.”
I should be, Dani thought. I’ve kissed you a million times. I know your mouth like my own name. But she said nothing. Instead, she put both arms around Gemma and held her tightly against her chest, then kissed her again, deeply and sensuously, the kind of kiss she knew would light a fire in her. She could tell by the way her mouth and body came alive that Gemma wanted her. She pressed into the small of her back, closing the gap between their hips, eliciting a sigh from Gemma, who tilted her head back, exposing her neck. Dani knew how sensitive Gemma’s neck was, how quickly she responded to being kissed there. But as soon as her lips touched the magic spot, Gemma pulled abruptly away.
She caught her breath and looked startled, backed up against the counter, unable to move more than a couple inches from Dani. She seemed to shake herself, then put her hand to her forehead, as if she felt dizzy. “I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “This is too fast. We met less than an hour ago.”
“I know,” Dani said gently. “But I feel very connected to you already. I think there’s something powerful between us. Do you believe in love at first sight?”
Gemma laughed. “No.”
“Are you sure? Because that would explain how I’m feeling.”
She wished she could tell her the truth, but she couldn’t think of any way to prove it, and she knew Gemma well enough to know that if she made the attempt, she’d be immediately thrown out as a lunatic. The first time around, it had taken three weeks to win her over. She might not have time…
“Besides,” Gemma said, turning away, “I have a thing about cops. I told you. I don’t date…”
“I know,” Dani said.
“What do you mean, you know?”
Dani knew about Gemma’s Uncle Pete. He used to be a cop. Now he was a paraplegic, taken down by a convenience store robber with a handgun. Gemma had every right to want to avoid the life dealt to her Aunt Trudy.
“I mean, I know how some people feel about cops. It’s tough for the spouses and kids.”
“Spouses and kids?” Gemma frowned. “Whoa. Hold up, there, Fatal Attraction.” She moved to the other side of the room, putting the dining table between them.
“No, I didn’t mean…I’m just saying, I understand there are drawbacks to getting involved with a cop. But there are advantages too.” Didn’t I say these same words four years ago? she said to herself. “I’m going to make it my personal quest to prove to you that a cop could be the love of your life.”
“You’re not only fast, but you’re cocky too.”
Dani chuckled. “Okay, okay. But I really like you, Gemma, and I know there’s something special happening between us already. I deserve a chance.”
Gemma smiled. “I let you walk me home, didn’t I?” She turned her head sideways in that adorable way she had. So sweet and so Gemma. It made Dani’s heart ache. “But I think you should go now, Officer Barsetti.”
Dani sighed. She knew Gemma was serious. She didn’t play games, and trying to take this seduction farther tonight might alienate her altogether.
“Can I see you again?” she asked.
“I’ll think about it. Give me your number.”
She was about to rattle off her cell number when she remembered she had no service. “I know this is going to sound strange, but I don’t have any mobile service right now. Maybe I can call you. Or maybe we can get together tomorrow if you’re free. Dinner?” She gave Gemma her most adorable smile, hoping to coax her into falling in love again.
“Okay,” Gemma relented, trying to suppress her smile.
She likes me in spite of herself. Of course!
Gemma gave Dani her phone numbers on a piece of note paper. They were the same numbers they had always been.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night,” Dani said, putting on her cap. “Six o’clock.”
Gemma held the door open. Dani kissed her cheek on the way out, then skipped down the steps, hearing the click of the dead bolt behind her. She was encouraged that she could woo Gemma all over again. It wasn’t a fluke that they had fallen in love the first time. They really were soul mates.
But where am I going with this? she asked herself. If she had to leave soon, never to see Gemma again, what was the point of winning her heart just to break it? Maybe she shouldn’t have come here. Maybe she should never have spoken to Gemma. But there were things she had been told by the curious crew in the future that she wasn’t ready to believe. Like she couldn’t stay here. Maybe they just said that. Maybe it was their way of insuring that she’d do the job. Maybe she really could stay here where she belonged and start all over. Maybe nothing would happen to her at all if she stayed. Then she and Gemma could be together just like before. The only difference would be that they had lost four years, that Gemma had lost four years. Dani would remember it all. How could she keep such a thing from Gemma? That would be hard. But if it was the only way they could be together, she had to do it.
