He put my half of the Communion bread in his mouth, teasing me again, and when I came hard under his rough, obsessive hands and relentless cock, he spit the holy bread in my mouth and I swallowed it with a shiver of fear and pleasure, Ronan and the Allfather mixing in my belly until I didn’t know which one was my God anymore.

  7

  The day after the Communion ceremony was overcast and gray, and I felt uneasy as I woke up. It was surely blasphemous what my brother and I had done. It was wicked, wrong, immoral to open my cunt for my brother’s cock.

  “Come, Bee,” my brother said when I walked out to the living room, adjusting my cream-colored headscarf. “Father wants us to come over for breakfast.”

  As I settled into the familiar warmth of my mother’s kitchen, I saw that my Uncle Eleric and Aunt Prudence were both there too. I had always been frightened of both of them, especially Uncle Eleric, with his thick, muscled body and careless strong hands that had once dropped a stone on another man’s head during a long-ago building day. I had always tried to give him a wide berth and I was not surprised to see my two younger siblings hiding behind my mother instead of at the table nibbling on her doughnuts.

  I saw Ronan bend over to give Robin and Humility each a doughnut.

  I hurried to help Mother with the thick, savory slices of bacon, but I realized with a start that my home kitchen was already feeling a bit foreign to me. It wasn’t my kitchen anymore.

  Aunt Prudence was at the window, looking out at the Congregation members that passed by with her sharp, unforgiving eyes.

  “There goes Thorweald,” she said. “I wonder if he’s ever going to regain the use of that leg?”

  “His leg? What happened to his leg?” I cried.

  “It is wrong to talk about what happened at the Eclipse Ritual,” Uncle Eleric said.

  I felt a shiver of fear go through me as I looked up and met Ronan’s eyes. His face was expressionless, but I knew.

  He had done something so vicious to Thorweald during the Ritual that Thorweald might be permanently maimed. I felt breathless with the heat of my brother’s implacable possession of me.

  But why had the kindly Thorweald gotten the worst injury?

  “And there goes the O’Doul family,” Aunt Prudence continued, tutting disapprovingly.

  I looked up and caught a glimpse of them, walking with heads down past the houses, carrying something between them.

  “Oh, where are they going?” I asked. “Is Donal with them?”

  I realized I had been so distracted I hadn’t seen him since the Ritual. I craned my head out the window and realized with surprise that the O’Doul family were getting spit on and hit by dirt clods.

  My brother’s tall body was standing by the window, and he looked over at me. I saw a frown on his face.

  “Donal is dead,” he said.

  I gasped. “Dead? What happened?”

  “He died climbing for Diligence,” Ronan replied.

  I felt a chill flare of fear and horror go through my body. I saw Father follow the O’Doul family out of the settlement, chanting the Ritual words.

  Spit, claw, throw

  Punish the wrongdoers

  Take the unhallowed dead away

  He will not be buried with his fathers

  We will remember him no more.

  I saw more dirt clods thrown at the O’Doul family. Father exhorted the Congregation to spit and kick the O’Douls, and the Congregants obeyed. The O’Douls made no move to defend themselves, Donal’s mother only shielding her younger children as best she could with her body. It was the only way that they would be welcomed back to the settlement after disposing of his body. I saw Cenhelm aim a kick at Donal’s younger sister and I suddenly felt my stomach roil with nausea. I had a sudden urge to run out and make Cenhelm stop.

  Then I realized what they had been carrying was Donal’s body.

  How could this have happened? I screamed to myself. The Eclipse Ritual was supposed to show the Allfather’s will.

  Those who died during the Ritual were supposed to be the wicked, the sinners, the unrepentant, the blasphemers, those destined for hellfire.

  But Donal hadn’t been any of those things.

  He had been thin and weak and gentle and pious.

  My brother, strong and cruel, was the blasphemer, and he hadn’t been punished. He had gotten exactly what he wanted instead. I couldn’t understand it.

  My Father and a few other Elders followed the O’Douls out of the settlement, and I could see dirt clods and even an occasional rock still being thrown after the family.

  My brother suddenly turned and stalked out of the room, and I heard his loud, harsh voice clearly.

  “Enough idleness,” he said sharply. “Go about your normal chores and do not let the devil tempt you to sloth.”

  I looked down, suddenly not hungry. I felt tears fill my eyes and drop down my cheeks.

  Donal.

  “What are you crying about, Obedience?” Uncle Eleric said. “It is a sin to cry for someone the Allfather struck down during the Ritual. He will be dumped in a hole with the others outside the Allfather’s grace and forgotten about.”

  I knew it was foolish to argue with my stupid uncle, but I cried out, “I won’t forget about him!”

  Aunt Prudence gasped and Uncle Eleric’s bushy eyebrows came together in surprise.

  “You dare to raise your voice to an Elder, Helpmeet?” he said angrily, his face getting red with his rage. “If your husband doesn’t discipline you for your disrespect, maybe I will.”

  I was frozen in place as he moved his chair as if to stand up, but then my brother was there, his big hand wrapped around Uncle Eleric’s neck.

  “My wife is mine to chastise,” he said coldly, and I could feel that he was very angry.

  Uncle Eleric gasped for breath but Ronan only tightened his fingers around his neck.

  “Mine to chastise, mine to discipline.”

  “Oh Allfather, forgive him,” Aunt Prudence gasped, falling to her knees.

  “Did you think I wasn’t watching?” Ronan growled harshly. “I am always watching my Helpmeet.”

  He shook our uncle then, slamming his head back against the hard door of the freezer, and I heard the teeth rattle in Eleric’s jaw, my uncle’s face turning purple as he fought for the breath my brother was unwilling to allow him.

  I realized with a start that my brother was going to kill him.

  “Ronan,” I gasped, barely getting the words out.

  My brother flicked his eyes over to me, and after a few terrifying moments he slowly released his hands from my uncle’s throat. As Uncle Eleric took huge, gasping breaths, Ronan slapped him across the face, the blow so powerful that my uncle’s head rocked and snapped back, the bigger man falling to his knees.

  Ronan stood there, the muscles in his arms clenched, a muscle in his jaw throbbing, and I knew he would have killed Eleric if I hadn’t been there, and no one besides me would have even tried to stop him.

  But our uncle was immediately on the ground in front of my brother, reaching for his hand eagerly to kiss it.

  "Reconciliation," he begged.

  Ronan raised his hand again and slapped Eleric across the other cheek. I saw my uncle’s lip split, the teeth shattering in his mouth.

  “Never again,” my brother said, and he moved to the breakfast table.

  The rest of the meal was a blur, but I knew there was one thing I had to do.

  When were back outside, I turned to Ronan.

  “I want to go to Donal’s grave,” I said.

  My brother’s eyes examined me carefully. I thought he’d refuse, tell me it was forbidden, be angry.

  But he searched my face, his eyes looking gentle after how he had brutally treated my uncle, and he asked, “Are you sure you want to?”

  I nodded. I felt something inside me, driving me up to where the bodies of the Unsaved were dumped.

  And my brother said, “Then let’s go, Honeybee.”

  He turned and I followed, as I always did, and together we walked past the homes of our settlement, past the storehouses, past the gardens, then onto the path that led past rolling hills and dense woods.

  Once we were far away from the settlement, my brother spoke.

  “I told him not to climb this year,” Ronan said, his gaze on the horizon.

  I didn’t say anything. I had never asked Ronan about what had happened during the Eclipse Ritual. But I knew he was talking about Donal.

  “He wouldn’t listen to me,” Ronan went on. “He really wanted to bind Diligence, I think.”

  My brother ran a hand through his dark hair. “I told him at least to stay far away from where we would start to climb for you. I didn’t want him to get accidentally hurt. I had a hell of a time even saving Edmund.”

  Ronan turned to look at me then, his dark eyes like chipped stone in the bright sunshine.

  “I could have killed Thorweald at the start and then Donal might still be alive. But I didn’t want to risk taking too long to get to the top.”

  I felt my breath catch in my throat. “You were worried Cenhelm or Edmund might have bound me first?” I asked.

  He stopped walking, his eyes roaming up and down my face.

  “Oh sister,” he said. “I would have killed them both long before they were able to bind you. I just didn’t want any of their clumsy hands to cut you. So I only wounded Thorweald and didn’t kill him.”

  I walked on behind him. I felt his power like a low, dark thrill, like a shiver of fear and pleasure so strong I didn’t know which feeling was stronger.

  Donal had been dumped far away from the settlement, beside a gnarled and dense part of the wood and behind a rolling hill. I collected ripe persimmons in my skirt as we moved closer.

  The Congregation had built a fence around the area, and those who had been punished by the Allfather were dumped here in a shallow hole, their bodies left to rot or be drug away by wild dogs.

  “Who besides Donal is here?” I asked. My fingers gripped the rough wood of the fence, my eyes filling with tears.

  My brother stood beside me. A tall, hard man who had taken me to Donal’s grave, even though it was forbidden.

  “A lot of people are here,” he said.

  “The only other person I know who must be here is Mildness. She was the whore,” I said, taking a bite of one of the wrinkly, ripe persimmons, moaning slightly at the taste of the sweet flesh.

  “Why do you say that?” Ronan asked, and his voice was expressionless.

  I looked up at him in surprise, the persimmons all falling from my apron where I had collected dozens of them.

  “W-wasn’t she the whore we stoned at the last Eclipse Ritual?” I repeated. “The one whose white sheet didn’t show the marks of her Purity?”

  My brother moved even closer to me, his eyes locked on my face, as if he was measuring what to say next.

  “She didn’t bleed when she was taken!” I protested. “Or she wouldn’t have received the Allfather’s judgment.”

  “I don’t know if she was a virgin or not,” Ronan said. “But that is not a foolproof test. A woman might not bleed and still be Untouched.”

  I felt a growing horror creep over my skin.

  “But that’s the sign,” I said stubbornly. “That’s how the Allfather shows us who is pure and deserving of being a Helpmeet.”

  “You didn’t bleed,” my brother said.

  I gasped, the heat all rushing to my chest and cheeks.

  “You know I did!” I cried hotly, stung with the injustice of my brother’s words. “You held up the sheet. The proof of my purity is still hanging off our roof!”

  “Oh, sweet Bee,” Ronan said. He closed the distance between us and he took my chin in his hand. “I did that.”

  “What do you mean?” I wailed, a sick feeling beginning to grow in the pit of my stomach.

  My brother stroked across my jawline, the thrill of his dark possession of me alight in his eyes.

  “Sister, no one was going to stop me from making you my wife. Not even the Allfather. I brought a little bag of goat’s blood and squeezed it when I entered you, to make sure there was enough blood on the sheet that you would be declared Untouched. You passed the test because I made godsdamn sure you did.”

  8

  There was a ringing in my ears, so loud and intense that I couldn’t hear any of the meadow noises. My mind moved wildly back to the day of the Eclipse Ritual, searching my memory to see if there was anything that could prove that my brother was just making a sick joke.

  And I remembered something I had almost forgotten.

  That strange popping sound I heard before he entered me.

  That drop of blood on my foot that shouldn’t have been there.

  And I knew he was telling the truth.

  Ronan had ensured I passed the Prophet’s tests. Ronan had ensured that I would be declared Untouched. It had nothing to do with my own purity and goodness.

  It was my brother’s dark, all-consuming need to possess me for his own that had made me pass the Ritual’s tests.

  I turned away blindly from him, my fingers scrabbling for the fence that separated the members of the Congregation from the Unsaved. I twisted my hands around the wood and wires, my head spinning and my stomach roiling.

  The thought of what would have happened to me if my brother hadn’t brought the goat’s blood made my knees weak. What if Cenhelm had bound me? Or Edmund? What would they have done when they saw that I hadn’t bled very much?

  I curled my fingers around the wire of the fence to hold myself up.

  Then I remembered what had happened to Mildness and my knees gave way. I sunk into the grass, the tears starting to flow down my face, blinding me.

  I had thrown a stone at her, of course. I had always been zealous in the service of the Allfather. I had thrown more than one stone. I had thrown dozens of stones. As many as I could, until her slim body had disappeared under them.

  I had called her a whore. My voice had been loud and clear, strong in my confidence in the Allfather’s judgment.

  I had thrown those stones as hard as I could. I would have killed her myself if Father had told me to. I had been so sure that failing the test meant she had sinned against the Allfather, against the man who would have been her husband, against the Congregation. And we had to act fast and cut off the sinner, destroy the sin, before it could spread. Before she risked turning the Allfather’s face away from us.

  And it could have been me on the other side of this fence.

  If I had been bound by any other man, it would have been me. The only reason the Congregation hadn’t stoned me too was because of my brother’s dark obsession, his unquenchable need for me.

  “What made you so sure that the sheets don’t work as a proof of Purity?” I asked Ronan. “How did you know?”

  “I didn’t,” my brother said. “I wasn’t sure until you didn’t bleed.”

  “What if I hadn’t been Untouched?” I cried.

  “Honeybee, I would have taken you any way I could get you,” he said, his voice harsh and low. “But I breached your maidenhead. I know you were Untouched. But the test doesn’t work.”

  My fingers caught on the barbs of the wire, and I suddenly clutched the spikes tighter, wanting the pain, wanting something real to hold onto.

  I felt my brother behind me then, his hands gentle but firm on me. He removed my hands from the barbed wire and pulled me away.

  “Stop, Bee,” he said sternly. “That won’t help anything.”

  “I threw the stones,” I sobbed. “I helped kill her. She must have been so terrified and confused. Knowing she did nothing wrong, but we were killing her anyway.”

  Ronan gathered me in his arms, pulling me back tight against him, moving so that he was sitting on a tree stump, my back against his broad chest.

  “It’s not your fault,” he said.

  “Oh, how can you look at me!” I cried.

  He wrapped his arms around me tightly, trying to calm my shivering.

  My headscarf had been knocked askew, the wind whistling through my hair, but I couldn’t move my hands to fix it.

  “There’s nothing you could ever do to stop me wanting you,” he said. “And you didn’t know. You were only 18.”

  “I should have known,” I argued, dragging my bloody hands across my face, trying to wipe the tears out of my eyes. “This whole time it could have been me too, and I had no idea.”

  “It would never have been you, Honeybee,” Ronan said, and he leaned his head against the back of my neck. I felt his steady heartbeat against my back. “I would never have allowed that to happen to you. Don’t you know yet that you’re the most important person in the world to me, the woman I love more than anything else?”

  The sob caught in my throat.

  I began to cry. “We have to confess, Ronan,” I said. “We have to tell Father what you did. He will understand why you did it! He will understand that I was Untouched. I just didn’t bleed. We must tell him. It’s a sin not to.”

  I wriggled out of his arms and started crawling away from him to head back to the settlement, but I felt my brother pounce forward and grab me by the waist.

  “I don’t know if the Allfather is real or not,” Ronan said angrily in my ear. “But I am here right now. And if I get even a single hint that you’re planning do anything as foolish as that I will put you over my knee.”

  I tried to wrench my dress from his grasp.

  “I am going to confess my sins, even if you don’t!” I cried, turning around to look at him.

  I saw the fury flash into my brother’s eyes and he picked me up and flipped me over harshly, dropping me across his thighs and pinning me down with his arm.

  “Do not repeat to anyone what you know about the Ritual,” he ordered. “Do you understand me, Obedience?”

  I jerked around nervously to hear my full name, which Ronan never used unless he was very angry. But I was filled with an almost hysterical fear of what the Allfather would do to us for sinning against him.

  “Father will understand,” I wailed.

 

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