Spirit Level, page 12
‘What fades?’ Nudge asked.
Lucy stared at them with a dawning realisation. ‘You boys really don’t have a clue, do you?’
‘No!’ they both said. Danny tried to ignore the fact that this statement could pretty much sum up his life in general and not specifically his knowledge of the supernatural.
‘Bloody hell.’ She paused while she tried to gather her thoughts. ‘It’s not something you can exactly sum up in a sentence, you know?’ she said defensively, seeing their eager faces.
‘Just take your time,’ Danny urged.
‘Okay.’ She took off her woolly hat and ran her hands through her long black hair in a way that resulted in Danny suppressing more guilty thoughts. ‘Most people die and that’s just it. Right? Their spirits or souls or what-have-yous just move straight on to whatever is next.’ She studied them again as if she were making sure they were paying attention before continuing. ‘Sometimes, though, people’s spirits get stuck here, on this plane, instead of moving on. It’s rare and usually only happens when a death is particularly violent, or the deceased has some powerful reason not to cross over.’
‘Unfinished business,’ Nudge said.
Lucy nodded. ‘That’s the line these days, yeah.’
‘So, what happens to them?’ Danny asked. ‘The stuck ones?’ He tried not to make eye contact with Nudge as he did so.
‘Some eventually pass on of their own accord,’ Lucy replied. ‘Others? Well, imagine a lifetime of not being able to speak to or interact with anyone. Several lifetimes.’ Now she was the one trying to avoid Nudge’s gaze. ‘The ones that stick around can become detached from reality over time. Not a person any more really. Just an echo that can’t move on.’
Nudge did not look delighted at this information.
‘But Adella, she mentioned that she could help souls pass on,’ Danny urged.
Lucy nodded, although her expression told them that she didn’t share Danny’s optimism. ‘Yes, she could help them. A lot of the time they were just confused as to what had happened and needed someone to help them make sense of it.’
‘So could she always see them?’ he asked. It was something that had really been bothering him.
‘As long as she could remember, anyway. Some people are born with the ability.’ She pointed at herself. ‘It’s hereditary, obviously.’
‘Then how come I can see them?’ Danny asked. As far as he knew, nobody in his family could talk to the dead. His dad had mentioned occasionally that his grandad had been too fond of the spirits in life, but Danny didn’t think he’d meant it literally.
Lucy lit another cigarette. Danny got the feeling this was more out of nervousness than any desire to smoke it. She looked at him. ‘You died, didn’t you? For a short time at least? In that accident you mentioned.’
He nodded.
She looked thoughtful as she exhaled another stream of smoke. ‘There are stories about people who’ve died and come back. That, with training, they could see the other side again. I once read about a sect of monks. They would slow their hearts to a standstill with a special tea and then, once it had gotten to the point that it stopped completely, they’d be revived. The story goes that they would then spend years meditating, praying and training their minds until they were finally able to reach a state of consciousness that let them see the other side again.’
Danny and Nudge looked at each other.
‘What’s that got to do with me? I couldn’t even get through my first session of the Headspace app,’ Danny said.
‘Well, later research into the area has suggested that the state of mind that they were working to achieve was . . .’ She looked embarrassed.
‘Was what?’ Nudge asked, curiosity overtaking his obvious dread at spending an eternity as an undying echo.
‘Was remarkably similar to how it feels to be a little drunk,’ she finished.
There was a moment of shocked silence as the two men took this in.
‘You’re kidding me?’ Danny said finally.
‘I bet the monks who spent years meditating felt pretty stupid when they heard that,’ Nudge added.
‘That makes no sense,’ Danny complained but, even as he said it, he knew it wasn’t quite true. Alcohol did seem to suppress that part of his brain that couldn’t help obsessing over the past or worrying about the future. Wasn’t that just what meditation was all about? Being completely present?
‘It does explain why you can only see me when you’re pissed, and why you’ve only been able to see ghosts since the accident,’ Nudge said.
Lucy stood up from the bench and stretched her back. ‘Yeah. It’s like a car radio, you know?’
‘What?’ Nudge asked when she didn’t immediately elaborate.
‘Well, it has pre-set stations and it’s able to go between them automatically. People like me and Adella have both the living and the dead stations pre set. We can switch between them at will.’
‘Okay?’ Danny said in a voice that he hoped gave the impression that he was absolutely following but also to please continue.
‘Whereas you had to manually navigate to the dead station.’
‘By dying,’ Nudge chimed in helpfully.
‘Yes, but now your “radio” has saved it as a pre-set and you can switch back at will.’ She glanced down at his flask. ‘Well. Almost at will.’
Danny nodded. He’d broadly understood the analogy, despite not having a car or having listened to the radio in ten years. ‘Okay, well that clarifies the “how”, I guess, but not the “why”? Why is Nudge still here and how come he’s tethered to me?’
Lucy raised an eyebrow. ‘“Tethered”?’
‘Ever since that night on the canal I’ve felt this pull,’ Nudge explained. ‘Like something’s trying to drag me away. Staying next to Dan is the only thing that stops it. Like he’s an anchor and if I get too far away . . .’ Nudge trailed off.
‘Could this “pull” be whatever comes next trying to get him to move on?’ Danny asked, hoping that it might be that simple.
‘This pulling force. Is it coming from a consistent direction?’ she asked.
Nudge thought about it, then nodded and pointed off to his left, back the way they’d come, towards the canal. It occurred to Danny that this was the same direction that Adella had been pulled in after she’d passed away. He was about to comment on this, but Lucy spoke over him.
‘And your accident. It happened near here?’ she asked. There was a level of concern, of urgency in her voice, that hadn’t been there before.
Nudge nodded again. ‘Yeah, literally five minutes up the road.’
‘What is it?’ Danny asked, forgetting about Adella for a moment.
Lucy shook her head, as if to clear a troublesome thought. ‘I’m not sure. I’ll need to look into it. As for why you’re linked to him, that’s more straightforward.’
‘It is?’ asked Danny. The last few days had really warped the definition of ‘straightforward’.
‘Isn’t it? You both died, only one of you came back. Nudge must have felt this pulling sensation and instinctively reached out and latched onto your spirit as it came back into this world. Like a drowning person grabbing onto someone else in the water. What was the last thing you remember before you blacked out?’
Danny avoided making eye contact with Nudge. ‘I was trying to get us both out of the car. Trying to pull him out.’
‘You were trying to save him. In a way, you may have,’ she said.
‘So, what? We’re just stuck together now for the rest of our, well, his life?’ asked Nudge.
‘Can’t you help?’ Danny added, hoping it didn’t come across too much like begging.
Lucy clawed her hair with her hands in frustration. ‘Look, this was never my thing, Okay? This doesn’t make any sense.’
Once again, Lucy was met with a pair of blank, uncomprehending stares. ‘I mean, it’s not a standard ghost MO. Spirits usually hang around because of particularly violent deaths or unfinished business. As tragic as your accident was, that doesn’t sound like what’s happening here.’
Danny nodded slowly. ‘Okay, so we figure out what’s causing this pulling force and then maybe he’ll be able to pass on.’
‘Maybe.’ She didn’t sound confident. ‘Yes?’
This last comment was addressed to Nudge, who had raised his hand. His oversized jumper made him look like a small child, albeit one with a wild school uniform. ‘Are vampires real?’ he asked.
Lucy looked at him and, realising he wasn’t joking, turned to Danny for support. ‘Did he suffer brain damage in this crash?’ she asked.
‘No, he’s always just been sort of like this.’
‘Well, excuse me!’ Nudge said sulkily.
Lucy stood up from the bench. ‘Look, I have to go. Give me your number and I’ll ring if I figure anything out.’ She pulled a mobile from the pocket of her overcoat. At least, Danny assumed it was a mobile. It was enormous: like she’d accidentally brought her TV’s remote control with her. It still had buttons; Danny couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen a phone without a touchscreen.
‘I dropped my smartphone last week,’ she explained, seeing their reaction to the artefact. This is all I have while I get it replaced.’ She seemed not to be used to it yet, as it took her almost two minutes of muttered swearing to get the contacts section open before she handed it over to Danny to type his number in.
He did so and then hit ‘call’ immediately afterwards so that her number popped up on his own. She was currently their only hope at figuring this out, so he wasn’t comfortable with a ‘we’ll call you’ deal in this instance.
‘I’d better go,’ she said, trying to disappear further into her coat so that there was as little face exposed to the cold air between her collar and hat as possible. ‘I have family to call.’
Danny and Nudge were loath to let her walk away after providing so few answers but said nothing and just trudged alongside her back to where she’d parked her car.
Between the mobile and the car, they were beginning to identify a pattern. The off-white 1996 Ford Fiesta made Nudge’s late Vitara look elegant. As Danny stepped aside to allow Lucy to open the door he could see where rust was beginning to eat into the door panel and wheel arch.
‘It’s an old family heirloom, okay?’ Lucy replied tersely to their unasked question.
Danny and Nudge kept their opinions to themselves, not wanting to alienate the only person they’d met so far who could possibly help them.
Lucy paused as she sat into the driver’s seat before closing the door. Danny was willing to bet it was because the window didn’t wind down any more.
‘I’m sorry about this,’ she said, looking at Nudge.
This seemed strange coming from the granddaughter of someone who, less than two hours ago, they’d literally scared to death.
‘Sorry for killing your granny,’ Nudge replied, as circumspect as ever.
‘I’ll figure this out,’ was all she said in reply. She closed the door and started the engine. After only two false starts, it puttered away into the evening.
‘Well,’ Danny said, grasping for a sentence that could possibly sum up their afternoon.
‘Yeah,’ Nudge replied, watching the car disappear around the corner. ‘She’s a fucking ride.’
‘Jesus, Nudge!’ Danny exclaimed in exasperation. ‘She’s our only hope of sorting this out. Could you not?’
‘I was just saying,’ Nudge retorted defensively.
‘Anyway, I don’t think the best way to introduce yourself to a woman is by killing her granny,’ Danny added.
‘I suppose,’ Nudge agreed as they started in the direction of the bus stop. He stopped. ‘We didn’t tell her about Adella getting yanked through the wall.’
Danny realised he was right. ‘I was going to,’ he protested. ‘But then she started talking about meditation and monks and I got distracted. Hopefully she’ll be in contact soon and we can tell her then.’
‘Yeah, can’t wait,’ Nudge said, suddenly gloomy.
‘What’s up with you?’
‘I thought once we found someone else who could see me that we’d have some answers. But all I have is more questions.’
‘Look, at the very least, we know that there are other people out there who can see you.’ Danny didn’t add that it had taken a considerable weight off his mind. ‘If Lucy can’t help us then she might know someone else who can. Or we’ll find them ourselves.’
Danny was acting more confident than he actually felt and Nudge knew it, but he seemed to at least appreciate the effort. ‘Yeah, we just need to get the contact details of some of those drunk monks,’ he said with false cheer.
Danny leaned against the bus stop and tried his best to retreat inside his coat as much as possible.
‘Danny?’ Nudge said after a moment of silence. He sounded like he’d been deep in thought.
‘Yeah?’
‘Do you think those monks needing to get shitfaced is why they ended up inventing Buckfast?’
Chapter 17
The oddest thing about discovering that everything you know about the concept of life and death is totally wrong is how quickly normal life bleeds back in.
Danny was considering this with some self-pity as he waited for his second session with Dr Choi. He might have just learned that there was a hitherto unknown plane of existence where the unquiet dead roamed, but if he didn’t show up to today’s session, he’d have to pay a cancellation fee.
The only change to the waiting room between now and his last visit was the addition of Nudge, who was pacing in front of the couch. ‘I still don’t see why you’re bothering with this,’ he said.
Danny didn’t reply. They had been over it enough times at this stage. Also, he was trying to convince the therapist that he was doing better and talking to himself in the waiting room felt like falling at the first hurdle.
He hadn’t originally intended on bringing Nudge with him. While he knew he didn’t actually have a choice about him tagging along, Danny had been fully intent on not performing the necessary ‘meditations’ to make him visible. The incident with Adella had shaken his friend considerably though and he had become more and more agitated during the periods where they weren’t able to talk to one another. It had led to a big argument the night before. Nudge didn’t see why Danny still had to go to therapy, if they knew what he was seeing was real. Danny figured that Nudge was worried that Dr Choi would somehow convince him that he was still hallucinating.
If he did have to go, then Nudge had begged him to still drink enough so that they could see and hear one another. He had fully convinced himself that, if they didn’t check in properly each day, their tether would weaken and he would be abducted, like Adella had been.
Danny had wanted to refuse: the sane choice would have been to refuse.
But Nudge had been so afraid.
So, he’d gone as close to the margin as he dared, stopping immediately after Nudge had faded into the foreground.
It had seemed like the right thing to do at the time but now, sitting in the psychiatrist’s waiting room, he was more than a little concerned that the doctor would be able to tell he’d been drinking. Turning up to your therapy appointment drunk didn’t really sell the fragile-but-trying image he was trying to put across.
Dr Choi’s receptionist informed him that he could go up. Danny used the loud tramping of his Converse on the wooden staircase as an opportunity to give Nudge one last warning. ‘I swear. If you take one step inside that door, I’ll go teetotal.’
‘Don’t worry. I’ll wait out here and stare at the wall. It’s more interesting than you are anyway.’
They reached the top of the stairs and with a final glare at Nudge, Danny knocked on the door to the office. It was answered mid-knock and both Danny and Dr Choi looked slightly surprised to see the other there so soon.
‘Danny. Sorry, I didn’t mean to jump out on you there,’ the therapist said, stepping past him out into the hall. ‘Go on in and sit down. I just need to use the toilet and I’ll be back to you.’
Danny nodded and walked into the office as the doctor made his way down the stairs. He had only taken two steps into the room when he was forced to stop short in surprise. He was not alone. A young blonde woman was sitting, cross-legged, on one of the small wooden chairs that lined the wall beside where the doctor normally sat.
Danny’s first thought was that Dr Choi had an intern working with him today. However, by her wan expression and the threadbare blue dress she wore under a white apron, she looked like someone more familiar with receiving psychiatric help than giving it. Perhaps Dr Choi thought that Danny would benefit from a group session? Or maybe he’d just double-booked? Either way, Danny mused, it was a bit unprofessional for him not to mention it before letting him walk in here. He must have been really bursting to use the bathroom.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Danny said, trying not to spook the young woman. ‘I didn’t know anybody else was in here.’
She didn’t respond immediately. In fact, she looked about the room as if trying to find who he could be talking to.
‘Are you seeing Dr Choi as well?’
Whatever he was prescribing her, it clearly wasn’t working. She seemed very alarmed at being addressed. ‘You can see me?’ she whispered, as realisation dawned for both of them.
‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Danny said as he recognised the signs.
Like Nudge and Adella, the blonde girl was only barely avoiding fading into the background completely. A dim part of his brain chimed in that at least he no longer had to wonder what a person from the Georgian era looked like. What he’d taken as some sort of eccentric period costume was probably what the poor girl had died in.
She shot up from the chair. ‘You can really see me, can’t you?’ She looked both terrified and excited at the prospect.
‘Yes. I can,’ Danny said, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. ‘What’s your name?’
